Acceptance
by HillyHuddy
Summary: More than 2 years,one serious fight and a pregnancy later, House and Cuddy bump into each other.Is there ever such thing as too complicated?
1. Prologue

_Hey there :) This is my first attempt of writing a House/Cuddy fic that is not a one shot :) Hope you all enjoy it! It's something I've been thinking about given the latest spoilers :)_

_Nothing too spoilerly though! Oh, and Congrats to all of us for making House,Lisa,Hugh and win at the PCAs! We're just a force, aren't we :')_

_Anyway, hope you like the story! Reviews and feedback is more than lovely :)_

_(btw. I'm HillyHuddy on twitter ;) maybe that will explain things XD )_

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ACCEPTANCE

Prologue

"What did I screw up now?" House passed a hand down his face, being in Cuddy's office for the fifth time that day. Each time she wanted to talk about something else considering his case, not that he wasn't used to it.

However, being around her for the previous month had been very hard for him. He'd always thought that she'd see how much he was actually hurting if she were to hold his gaze for more than almost suspicious five seconds he would allow her to. He'd promised himself this wouldn't be eating at him at all, that he wouldn't let that happen. But yet, there he was, avoiding his girlfriend's gaze, hoping she wouldn't see past his mask.

A minute past before he realized he wasn't really getting his answer. Something was obviously up. And a shiver went down his spine as he witnessed two blood red eyes shoot at him.

"When?" he could hear almost barely, her voice never losing the determination it always possessed.

He shook his head, not really wanting to face what was surely about to come. He raised his voice to speak, but somehow, he ended up lowering his head, his eyes not leaving a certain spot on the floor.

"House..."she breathed heavily, almost as if she was withholding anger that had been building up for quite some time "When?" she repeated, this time more audibly.

He couldn't find strength to speak.

In the history of remarks, snarky comments and inappropriate quips, for the first time in his life, Gregory House was out of words.

It was almost ironic, he thought, that he always asked himself to which length he could go. He had so many scenarios in his head, almost every involving one Lisa Cuddy in it, but never had he pictured or thought something like this was even dared called possible.

"When were you planning on telling me?" She raised from her chair, hands set firmly on the top of her cherry-wood desk, desk that held so many memories and was about to hold another one. Though, she was sure this one would be as unpleasant as the other combined together never could be.

He still couldn't say a word. In stead, he felt like the walls surrounding him were slowly drawing in closer, and closer, and closer.

Which was really funny given that he once hallucinated a lot of things. Even funnier that he was hoping this was just one big fat hallucination.

But he was off Vicodin, so that wasn't it. Unless he had brain cancer. It even more scared him that he was , in fact, hoping for brain cancer. It just showed him how deep this actually affected him.

Hadn't he, again, promised himself that this would never affect him on any level? Let alone on such as it was?

"I come across some... odd files in the old nurse station" her fingers played with her hair, pushing it to the side of her face, her signature move, "the files of a pregnant woman, who ended up in an accident" she swallowed hard "only to realize that woman is me?"

Her eyes slowly filled with tears, his brain working in slow motion allowing him to witness every prickle of salty crystal form in them.

"House, ANWER ME!" She yelled, finally getting some reaction from him, that being him shaking his head. When she didn't get one she was hoping for, she moved around her desk and in front of him, he didn't move far from her office door.

"Were you ever planning to tell me?" her voice broke "Were you ever planning to tell me I could have been a mom? That I could have had something I wished for and longed for.. how many years, months, DAYS."

He still couldn't say a thing. If only she knew... he had no choice. But how did he tell her that? How could he possibly tell her anything that could serve some respect and validation in her eyes. How?

He was the villain in her story. A villain she was in love with, but villain none the least.

It was like some horrid Disney story, in which the heroine loses her gift, without even knowing she had one. The horror being, her loved one had taken it away from her.

How did he reassure her that he had no choice, or rather, how did he tell her that he had two choices, but settled on one that didn't have her being taken away from him.

How did he confess that he actually hadn't moved far past his old self- the selfish one.

He couldn't. He'd rather stand there, still, half listening to her break down, hate him... than her knowing that he failed them both.

Failing himself, that one he was used to, but failing her... being as little as he never was in her eyes, in the eyes that he, even though it intimidated him, loved beyond anything, that ..he could never face.

No, he'd rather stand there and be a coward. He'd face his fears later... alone.

She started laughing uncontrollably. And she couldn't stop, she laughed. She walked around her office, laughing, hysterically. She didn't know what to think, what to do. All of sudden, she stopped.

She turned to look at the still figure in front of her, and her eyes yet again moistened.

"Get out" she voiced, not as firmly as she was intending to, so she tried again. "!"

She never saw him raise his gaze. "GET OUT OF MY LIFE" she broke.

As he walked away, his head held low, his ears filled with the faint sobs coming from behind him.

It was the saddest song he ever heard.

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_Disclaimer: I don't own the show, not the characters. For entertainment purposes,only. :)_


	2. Baby there's a shark in the water

_I thought I might as well give you the first chapter right ahead! Just so you could see where I am going with the story, and, don't worry, this is not one of those OOC 'Let's get married and have kids' kind of fic. If you love those, you might as well skip this one, cause I'm high on drama and angst ;)_

_If you are a masochist as myself, feel free to enjoy :)_

_(the name of the chapter is inspired with the Song: Shark by VV Brown, has no real connection to the chapter itself )_

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Chapter one

'Baby there's a shark in the water'

Arlene Cuddy laughed as she watched her granddaughter blow on the candles of her cake. Big FIVE Rachel would say. She was really glad her oldest daughter took a day off to be with her family and actually come for a visit in New York, something she hardly ever did.

The sixty eight year old couldn't help but have her heart full to seeing her daughter at least somewhat happy. She was smiling, that had to count for something. She didn't see her daughter smiling for a long time. And she didn't want to connect that to one certain misanthropic ex-boyfriend of hers, but she had no choice but to do so.

He had left her, after ripping her heart out and dancing Cha-Cha on the pieces of it. She was being over-dramatical, of course, but she couldn't help it, could she?

If the poor thing ever moved on, it would be a good sign! However, given the evidence and circumstances, she hardly doubted she was capable of it. And it saddened her to death.

No matter how the relationship with her daughter was messed up, she loved her little girl to death.

And for that matter, Arlene Cuddy put the biggest smile on her face as she clapped and sang Happy Birthday to you.

* * *

"What time is it?" a barely thirty-year-old giggled as she fought to get under the umbrella. It was a crisp November day, and typically for each time she had been in the Big Apple, it poured like there was no tomorrow.

She instantly regretted choosing three inch heels in stead of going for the lovely boots, but decided not to say anything as she would surely have it rubbed into her face for one person had strictly told her not to wear the heels. She wouldn't risk it.

"It's little past six" she heard her favorite man say as she clung onto him for support. "We have about hour and a half since we can possible consider going to the Carnegie Hall."

She shivered trying to push herself against him, as she tried to avoid being splashed by a poodle of water coming from a passing so well-known yellow cab.

"Are you cold?" He quickly said suspiciously, eying her. "Or do you regret wearing the heels?" his eyebrows wiggled at his words.

"I think we should definitely sit somewhere and eat" she ignored his little comment and smirked confident he couldn't see her as her face was covered with a grass green scarf.

"Oh my God!" he faked surprised, she just laughed at him softly

"What?" she asked scooting closer to him.

"It's both!" He smirked at her as she decided it was a good time to elbow his side. At least she knew pain worked when it came to shushing him.

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"Do you need me to get anything else?" the muffled sound of the waiter's voice hit her ears. "Ma'am?" It took her a while to respond. Something that wasn't exactly new.

"Um..yes, more water would be nice" She offered him a by-the-book smile and watched him go away. A second later, she was being pulled by the sleeve.

"Mommy, do you want moar cake?" Rachel's big eyes stared at her with excitement. She was really enjoying her fifth birthday.

"Yes, mommy would like more cake" she passed her hand through the child's hair and watched her try get the knife from the table, her grandma stopping her from reaching for it.

"Now, Rachel, you might be five, but you can't use a knife this big yet" Arlene laughed as she proceeded to cut a piece of cake for her. She couldn't help but realize, it was actually a very good day. Full of excitement, laughs and colorful wrappings. It hardly ever get better than that. If ever... Well, ever since, he... left. No, since she.. pushed him out of her life.

Or, which ever way it had been.

But she promised herself she wouldn't think about him, not today. Not two and half years later, she wouldn't.

Not when this day was all about her five year old and the people that mattered the most in her life. Her mom, sister, her two friends who she finally gotten in touch with after so many years, now that she had time on her hands.

After all, she was Lisa Cuddy. An independent and strong woman. Always had been.

This day wasn't about him. She wouldn't let it be.

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"Just get in here" she shoved him playfully towards the door of a somewhat cozy,but fancy restaurant on the corner. Hey! It was near, and it wasn't a crack place (well, at least not for the normal people, whatever happened in the kitchen, wasn't actually her domain)

"Ok, woman, but you have to stop pushing me. Where do you even get the strength" he muttered as he opened the door and went through it, not bothering to hold them out for her.

"Sure, leave the pregnant girl to cope for herself" she yelled fake hurt going in behind him.

"Well, you always manage, why should I be of any help?" he shrugged, as the hostess asked him for his reservation.

She stepped in, saying something to her and in a flash, the hostess said "Follow me, we have just about right table for you two" and then smiled the usual 'welcome' smile, the one you sometimes had to beat a hostess into giving it.

"What did you do?" he eyed her again, getting a "I thought you'd be used to it by now" and a genuine laugh.

"Too bad they don't have 'Big in Japan' shirts for pregnant women" they followed the hostess to the table in the back of the restaurant.

"Don't you mean Canada?"

The place was packed, couples and groups of friends occupying almost every table.

"Japan..Canada.. is there really a difference?"

He loved teasing her like that. Not that he thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was a nice distraction.

"One day, you'll be glad you met me" he heard her mumble, trying to overlook the actual depth of her words.

"Your table" the hostess finally stopped in tracks and turned to both of them, they could barely hear her due to a really big fuss being made around something three tables away.

"You can manage" he let her cope on her own, instantly going for the menu on the table.

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"Mommy, mommy look at me!" Rachel exclaimed as she put a tiny tiara on her head, spinning around and reaching for her dress, pretending she was princess.

"Mom, I thought we agreed we wouldn't get her anything too expensive." Lisa looked at her mom, hoping not to see an expected eye-roll coming from her, but she got it anyway.

"It's my granddaughter, I can give her what I want. And besides, the girl has no father, someone has to spoil her" Arlene turned to Rachel as soon as those words passed her lips, trying to hide that she was regretting it from Lisa.

Lisa just pushed that comment out of her mind and watched as her daughter jumped around, taking her little friend Laura in tow and marching with her around the table.

Laura was Lisa's friend's 4 year old, that thankfully got along with Rachel.

Hardly any kids did as she was too stubborn and too much of a character for her age. One thing she picked up from the man she was around hardly a year.

Lisa watched the two perform their routine and suddenly, she froze.

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"What do you want to order?" the woman asked as she was going through the menu herself. "They seem to have a lot of nice dishes...I might go for fish though"

"I'll have... a stake... the usual" he dropped the menu back on the table and reached for the wine card.

But before his eyes could even set upon the list, he heard an all too familiar voice reach his ears.

"House?"

He swiftly turned around.

"Cuddy?"

What on Earth was she doing there?

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_Surprise, surprise? _

_What have I done? You'll get your answer.. soon enough ;)_

_Thanks for reading! _

_Review option seems to be inviting you ;)_


	3. Never let go such a wonderful life

_Hey there! I wanna talk all of you for your kind reviews :) They mean so much to me! Oh, and I really hope you will understand where I'm going with the whole story, cause, I can sense some hard core Huddies brining tomatoes with them and waiting for me to do something horrible so they could throw them at me ;) _

_Anyway... I had much free time and I really wrote a lot XD 6 new chapters... actually... and don't worry, they are long :P Well, not 'it takes the whole night to read them' long, but longer then usual x)_

_Oh, one more thing! All the chapters are inspired by one song, and this one was inspired by 'Wonderful life' by Hurts. :)_

_Enjoy! :)_

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Chapter two

'Never let go such a wonderful life'

_Earlier that day_

"Would you hurry up? You always take forever" House yelled at the closed bathroom door, sitting on the couch, finding a bit of entertainment flicking through the TV channels.

He sighed as he got no response, but didn't care anyway. He looked around for a moment, taking in the changes that had been done to the apartment since the last time he'd been there, something that he hadn't really had the time to do so, ever since they'd come. There was a new dining room table, some new lamps and a new, king sized bed in the bedroom, he knew she'd gotten only because of him.

He liked her for that- for giving him space. She wasn't one of those women that pushed a guy into commitment or wanted to chain them to themselves and live a happily ever after. No, she was realistic and that suited him a bit too much.

He'd never thought that he'd be where he was at that moment, not ever. He'd imagined himself alone and miserable, endlessly drinking scotch in a dark secluded apartment. But he wasn't alone... and by the look of things, he wasn't drinking either, but rather carelessly lounging, seemingly not having a care in the world.

Oh, but that was far from the truth.

"I'm done.. I think so" the woman that had so kindly managed to be a part of his life opened the bathroom door, to close it a second later remembering that she "haven't put my lipstick on. Silly me. Be right back!"

He smiled faintly. He always wondered what a girl like her was doing with a man like him.

She was roughly twenty years younger than him, accomplished musician. They'd met by chance, one warm summer evening in a jazz club, where she had been performing with an all familiar band as an extra. She was usually a soloist, but on some occasion, she hopped in an ensemble and played for her own enjoyment. She always told him how being alone on the stage always gave her chills, she'd always have to be careful not to make a single mistake, and of course, there were numerous people she had to please with the music she was making and, in the jazz band, she didn't have to worry about any of it.

They were all there for themselves, and, if someone was willing to listen, they were more than happy about it. Variations, making music on the spot, being a part of the group. That was what she loved more than anything.

He smiled as his eyes fell on the grand piano located in the very corner of the living room. He took time to remember all the new tricks and techniques she had thought him which he couldn't learn on his own. They would sit on the bench for hours, her playing alone, then him and then, together. It was so freeing to be able to do so.

To share emotions he couldn't possibly ever share through nothing but music. It scared him, that thought, that she could hear how he felt. However, he... somehow didn't care that much.

After all, she meant almost nothing to him, and for that, he hated himself.

He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror as he was passing by it, going for the piano, giving himself a few moments to take in what he was looking at.

A half smirk on his lips, a bit more wrinkles than a few years ago, more than a few gray hairs.

He was far from a great catch,but she was still with him. Something that was more than strange, but he didn't question it. He was selfish like that.

She selflessly offered herself to him, being there when he hardly wanted anyone around. But she was just what he needed, not what he wanted, but a fix none the less.

A companion in bed, friend in every day life and a colleague on the piano bench. And she didn't ask for almost anything in return. Almost.

"Finally done" she beamed as she got out of the bathroom, wearing a simple scarlet long sleeved tunic and a pair of skinny jeans. Her dirty blonde hair falling little past her shoulders, her warm brown eyes glistening as she looked at him.

"What took you so long?" he didn't bother to raise his gaze, going through some sheet music while he sat on the piano bench. He knew she looked good, she always did.

"Well, I have a bit of a trouble getting in my stuff, especially jeans... I think I should go shopping these days, use the opportunity the city has to offer, it has so many stores and just how many!" she started towards him, as well taking a look in the mirror, trying to see if she'd missed a detail or two... such as smudged lipstick at the corner of the mouth she just spotted. She instantly took a tissue from the package that stood by the mirror and wiped the smudge away.

"I've been telling you what a fat cow you are for the past two weeks already" he chuckled as she stood by the piano, seeking for his attention.

"That was your way of telling me 'go shopping' ? Wow, I didn't really make off that." he looked at her, rolling his eyes, knowing that she was well aware of his 'jokes'. But she was, for that matter, getting big. Almost alarmingly.

It reminded him each day that very soon, his life would be changed. Or, his life 'would suppose' to change.

"I got you a little something" she reached for the sheet music he was going through and found a brand new notebook she was storing there for some time, ever since she'd bought it the last time she had been in New York, alone, Greg being away on 'business', as he loved calling his monthly visit to Atlantic city.

He just stared at the notebook,not sure where she was going with it.

"You said you wanted to learn more of the theory of music, I thought you might as well start with writing down some things... and besides... if not that, then, you could write down all the pieces you composed...It would be a shame to see them go away not even written down." she offered him another smile, one of many he didn't reciprocate.

"I guess I could use this" he said somewhat dismissively, taking the notebook and standing up.

"Didn't you forget something?" the blonde smirked a bit, going after him as he started for the hallway.

He just turned to look at her, bluntly.

" A 'Thank you, Emily' "

He responded with just a mocking eye-roll in return.

"It was worth a try" she laughed as she debated whether to wear heels or boots.

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"What are you doing here?" Cuddy just stared at him, she would only realize later that that would be the first thing she'd told him after two and a half years. But at at moment, she questioned whether she would regret even spotting him, let alone saying anything to him.

He just stared at her quizzically for what seemed an eternity for him, but what was only few seconds in reality. She was in New York, in the same room, at the same time and talking to him. He could barely remember the last thing he'd told her before he'd took off from their..her life, or when she'd pushed him out of the same, he couldn't really settle on either.

"There's a concert in Carnegie Hall tonight" he said matter-of-factly, not bothering to fill in the details.

Emily, the usual as she was, didn't ask a thing, or bother to step in the conversation. That just wasn't her thing. However, the moment Cuddy set eyes on her, or rather, scanned the girl from head to the toe, he felt obeyed to say something, not really knowing why since he wasn't committed to her anymore, in any justified way, at least.

"Emily!" House exclaimed in his so familiar way "This is Lisa" the young blonde smiled politely as she extended her hand to greet this new person.

Cuddy felt a bit... a lot shocked and confused to what was going on. But was she even to think anything through? She promised herself she would never ever be thinking about anything related to him,again, or more than she was every day, anyway. And being there, 3 feet away from him and shaking hands with whoever the person accompanying him was, was making it impossible to keep that promise.

House looked at Emily, trying to avoid taking in Cuddy's appearance. He chose to introduce her as 'Lisa' to Emily, cause Lisa, in his estranged universe, wasn't as personal as 'Cuddy'. Same as he wasn't 'House' anymore, but 'Greg', as he introduced himself to anyone he'd meet.

'Lisa' wasn't the one who'd shoved him out of her life, 'Lisa' hadn't been the one that he had let down. 'Lisa'... that woman never existed for him.

Cuddy... on the other hand...

If Emily's expression to hearing Cuddy's name was a bit of a surprise for Cuddy, her not really realizing if it was because the girl seemed as she never heard her name, or cause maybe she did and she was acting so... neutral, was confusing. It made Cuddy think whether House ever even talked about her since he'd left. By the look of the things, he seemed to had not. And that put a mild stir in her stomach.

For what reasons, she didn't know.

Emily looked from House to Lisa not really being able to think anything. Her stomach was growling and all she cared about was getting her food. Though, maybe she wanted to have a few words with the attractive woman in front of her, just to be able to talk to an old friend of Greg's, or so she seemed like that. She was somewhat intrigued as she'd never met any of his friends, but she, as it was her nature, was very reserved and didn't think jumping in the two of them was something she was supposed to do.

But she was intrigued nevertheless...a feeling she just began to experience an odd two months before.

Lisa raised her voice to speak, but a sight of Emily's expanding stomach stopped her from saying what she was intending to say and instead she settled on "Oh, you're expecting" and a huge grin appeared on her face. She was just a sucker for pregnant ladies. And a masochist... considering her past and circumstances.

Emily's eyes diverted from House to Lisa as she replied with " Yes, five months and counting" although she was still able to catch a glimpse of House's reaction to Lisa's question. She knew him well, and, even though he acted still cold, there was a certain glimmer in his eyes, and a slight furrow of a brow that she couldn't overlook and that screamed he was uncomfortable. It took her a bit to detect which emotion was coming from him, since he hardly ever showed her any, apart from letting it all out when he was playing. Not that she wasn't used to it. She was more than used to it, she never expected any emotions from him, and for some reasons known only to the two of them, she was more than ok with that...Well, she had been ok with that, anyway.

Cuddy smiled as she turned to look at House, noticing something she hadn't been able to witness in a long time. Discomfort. She instantly brushed it off, thinking that it was after all, the last time she was seeing him, the thought instantly making her sad. She mentally kicked herself. She was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, and she really hadn't imagined anything like this whenever she'd thought about how her first encounter with House would be.

"Good luck to you" she added softly, as she started turning away, being really uncomfortable and trying to escape the whole thing, even though she had been the one who jumped into it all.

Emily tilted her head as she observed her unlucky date for the night, sitting across from her, his eyes longingly going after the woman's figure as she started moving away. At that moment, she reminded herself, being reserved was never going to help HER move on from what she was coping with, and, if she wanted a change, like she'd been saying she was, if not for herself, then for the child she was more than soon enough going to have, she had to act on it.

And what better way of doing so, if not wanting to be involved with one significant other's life, present and past. Past was staring her right in her face, and she wasn't going to let it escape. Not when she could milk it of so many things.

"Lisa!" Emily jumped from her seat (or rather stood up as fast as she could trying not to flip the table with her growing abdomen), and the dark haired beauty stood in her tracks and turned around, House finally snapping from his trans and impatiently waiting to see where Emily was going with it all.

"What about we arrange going for a coffee this week? We're in New York for the next year, because of our schedules and all...And I'm away most of the day, I think Greg here, could use some company and we could use a friend in this big city" she smiled, being completely oblivious to the chaos she was starting in House's and Cuddy's heads.

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Review! Review! Review! :)


	4. I close my eyes for a moment

_Thank you for your reviews! Once again :) I am glad many of you said that you like Emily, cause, to be truthful, right now, I'm more about exploring her and House's relationship...you'll see why :) Cuddy, is, Cuddy of course... And House and Cuddy are just a force... But shaking that source is just too much fun for me :D There's something about seeing them suffer that I just get off of. I'm horrible, I know... But then again, the more they suffer, the more miserable and desperate they are. And,I love to say this, if idiots and such desperate people can find love after everything they've been through, so can everyone :)_

_Enjoy!_

_Oh, and the song is 'Dust in the wind' by Kansas... Lyrics at the bottom of the chapter :)_

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Chapter three (dust in the wind)

"I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment is gone"

Cuddy laid in her bed, well, the bed that was once hers, but now resided in the guest bedroom of her mother's house, tossing around, not being able to sleep even after taking a Mydol.

What she had witnessed earlier that day could never escape her mind. What on Earth had happened? That wasn't how it was supposed to go. She had a scenario in her head, lines worth two and a half years of thinking through, with the appropriate depth, bitterness and just about right amount of curse words.

And she hadn't used any. She hadn't been able to act as she had promised herself to.

Him? What about him? He... had seemed, put together, at least. They'd barely had any eye contact. Not to mention how civilized he seemed to had become.

Was that them? Avoiding and... playing nice?

Avoiding, maybe, but playing nice? Never.

Yelling, scratching and mind blowing sex later, that was them. That _had been _them. Not that she'd been thinking they'd had sex... 'Lisa, shut up!' she yelled at herself silently, trying to keep a little of sanity she had left.

But..she couldn't leave it alone. She'd proved that right there, at the restaurant, when she'd agreed to have coffee with House and Emily... She knew she would regret that. She already did. What on Earth she'd been thinking? She hadn't been thinking, that was what. She had been just... so taken in by the fact that the man, she … had loved and, however pathetic it was, still did, even though she was furious with him, was in front of her, and by some odd chance, back in her life. Not that she wasn't aware of the fact that one go for a coffee was being 'back in her life', but she oddly let herself think that.

And what the fuck happened with her mind? She had jumped from not letting a day be about him to 'back in her life' in a matter of minutes. Moments, even.

All it took was his presence... to make her think of everything that had happened between them.

Everything from the time they'd first met in Michigan, to the awful fall out they'd had the last time she'd seen him.

The same man she'd pushed out of her life, the same man that she'd been angry with, still was, for such a long time, had managed to play with her mind yet again.

She wasn't even sure he wanted to do it. She was, in fact, sure he wanted _not _to do it.

Damn her for being so screwed up... Damn her for letting him play with her like that... Damn her for thinking about him at such late hour... Damn her for agreeing to meet him and that girl next week...Damn her for lying she had a day off.

And what about that girl? That was were all the problems arose. She'd never had in mind that he'd have someone in his life once she got to see him again. She wasn't even sure if that girl was...his girlfriend. She was too...young. And she was pregnant, for God's sakes. House had _really_ proved himself that he didn't want any children.

With that thought, Cuddy got back to being angry with him, remembering what brought them to this situation in the first place.

He and his … shenanigans, lying, distrust... More lying.

She grunted as loud as she let herself to.

She was so screwed up. She couldn't even figure out what she felt, let alone what she'd do.

Her emotions...It was like, a spinning wheel with numerous plates on it, like those in Vegas, where you spin the wheel to get a prize, and in her case, the possible prizes diverted from angry, hurt, moved, confused, pathetic, glad, surprised. All of those with a dash of frustration, just as a bonus for playing.

A tear slipped down her cheek.

* * *

House reached for Emily's feet as he sat on the bed next to her lying, intent to take off her heels. Emily smiled at his action, it being the rare times she could actually see the gentle side of him emerge.

He had been noticeably quiet from the very moment they'd gotten out of the restaurant. He'd hardly even said something to her after the concert. She began to think inviting Lisa to spend time with the two of them, well, more with Greg, had been a bad idea. But why did this bother him so much? She was never curious to any part of his life before they met, one because, he never really brought it up, and two because, she wasn't really the type to try and pull information out of people, information that would hardly be of any interest to her and could only raise problems. She'd learned, ever since she was little, the less questions you ask, the better. So, she kind of grew up being secluded from whatever had been happening around her, but with no problems or whatsoever. She'd made a silent agreement with herself when she'd watched her parents' shiny cedar wooden coffins be laid in their eternal place, that having them die, would be her only problem in life. That brought a lot of unwanted baggage and sleepless nights itself, she didn't need anything else to disturb her overclouded mind.

And of course, then, there was Greg. A silent man. Bothered man by the look of things. And his silence pleased her. When no inappropriate questions were asked, there needn't be any answers.

However, for the first time in her life, she had a chance to break that silence. She still wasn't sure if it was only for her 'improving process', the one of her trying to fight her demons before she had someone who those demons could affect present, or because she had, even though it was hard to admit, started to feel something more than pleasure of silence for the man currently taking off her shoes.

Who knew where she could go with it all...maybe it was worth trying, or maybe it wasn't... But something two months before made her want a scratch on her silent LP of life, a bit of diversity, a pain to ears.

"I was wondering..." she started, her head never leaving the soft pillow, House's head spinning around at her words, not being used to hearing a sentence of hers start like that "...who are we having coffee with next Wednesday?"

House stared at her, never expecting her to want details. She just wasn't a curious person... What made her ask that? Sure, there had been some change in her behavior for some time now, but still he wondered if he had been too obvious. He wished he'd had a mirror, just so he could have followed his actions closely, trying not to look too distracted, too surprised, too uncomfortable.

But, unfortunately, he must had, because, the most incurious person he knew was intrigued by whatever she thought she had seen earlier that night.

"Since when do we talk about anything that is related to just one of the two of us? Or, let me rephrase that, since when do we talk about anything?" he tossed her heels somewhere under the bed, she'd have to remember to get them, an instant revenge for stepping into the personal space he wasn't willing to share.

"I think she's pretty" Emily said, distracting him with her words, yet again.

The upper left end of House's lip raised, a frown setting in milliseconds later. He was utterly confused and disturbed by whatever path she was going. He got up from the bed, not bothering to be a part of the conversation anymore.

The moment he went through the door, Emily raised herself on her elbows, watching as he went.

"Where are you going?" she bit her lower lip, not really sure if her curiosity was worth stirring up their relationship. And stirring up, their relationship, was never a good thing. At least she thought, as it never really happened.

"I'm not going to tell you, am I?" he shouted from the hallway as he put his jacket on and got out of the apartment, his keys, a stash of money and no cell phone in his pockets.

* * *

The Ritz lobby was not too crowded, considering it was Friday night and a shout out that read there was some convention ...cooking or something like that. Catering maybe. He didn't care.

He just wanted a room, a bottle of his old friend Johnie, and some peace and quiet.

As he was being handed the key to the room, he scoffed as he realized how his life had actually changed in two and a half years. He'd never really wanted to acknowledge it, but considering the last events of the day, he had no other choice.

As the elevator went up, he thought about, how two and a half years ago, he had been only managing to help out with bills and costs around the house he, Cuddy and Rachel had shared, and now, was more than well off. Who could possibly thought jazz industry would ever be more financially friendly than medicine? He was only starting and already he earned a lot. He couldn't deny Emily didn't have anything to do with that, considering she was the one who'd pushed him into the whole thing and made him a few great deals. But hey, everyone knew there was no such thing as fair play when it came to music business.

As the door opened, and as he reached his room, he thought about, how, hotels had housed him (and more than on a few occasions) Emily, throughout the last two years. He was always on the go.

When he'd left Princeton, he'd wanted nothing less but escape everything that he had had. So, he'd started traveling. Mexico, Brazil, because he wanted to escape everything American, Alaska, cause he just bought a plane ticket one day, Canada, where he met Emily, then, at last, US again. And solely because Emily had toured. New York was the closest he allowed himself to get to Princeton, and that was dangerously close. Deadly close, proven that day.

He'd never wanted to stay that long in NYC, but he couldn't argue that wasn't the best considering the circumstances. Emily had a giant apartment on Manhattan, something that was more a gift from her parents than her own effort. Her parents... he pushed the metal plate into its socket above the door handle and as soon as there was a beep, let himself in the room... the only thing he knew about them and the whole thing, was that they had been incredibly rich, at least that was what he was able to deduce given that they'd left her with a more than promising trust fund. The one thing Emily told him about them was that they'd died when she was 9, or 8, he couldn't remember.

He tossed his jacket on the sofa and took his shoes off, grunting as he did. New York was good for life, for the life the two of them led, it was perfect. They could perform in many different jazz clubs, he could get lost in the mass of people, not having to think about anything, as he tried not to do, very hard tried not to do, and she could be confident knowing there was always a place she had to come after the long day and not have it be a hotel room she surely had already gotten sick of.

And, of course, there was the whole pregnancy thing, but he didn't give it too much thought. He couldn't let himself to.

He laid on the bed, his feet where his head should have been, propped on the soft royal blue pillows, his head hanging down the bed, his neck cracking as he stretched himself.

He tossed a bit, the chocolate that had been placed on the pillows falling to the floor. He let out a sigh. How did he forget about the chocolate? It was his favorite part of staying in a hotel. That and free porn... (if you knew a few tricks about hotel Tvs)...which he really hadn't needed ever since Emily creeped in his life.

He wasn't like he usually was, that was true. And no matter how hard he tried not to admit it was because of a certain person making herself space in his head, more than the usual amount he gave her a day, he couldn't lie to himself.

It was the burden he had to bare.

And it seemed like that burden was only about to become bigger.

* * *

Cuddy rolled in her bed as she tried to ponder what was being made out of her life again. She could practically feel herself get on that train she jumped off of two and a half years ago. And it seemed to be a one way ticket.

Another tear slipped down her cheek.

Another one in a row.

* * *

_I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone _  
_All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity _  
_Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind _  
_Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea _  
_All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see _

_Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind _

_Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky _  
_It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy _

_Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind _

* * *

_I just had to feature those lyrics...sorry for distracting you :)_

_That's it for now :)_

_I'm sure I can update really soon... but the parties and the winter break just won't stop me 3:) So, you'll have to forgive me ;)_

_Looking forward to reviews (especially the ones regarding Emily, I want to hear what you think about her, and where I'm going with her character )_


	5. Wouldn't you like if I fell

Hey there! I have to thank all of you, yet again, for the reviews :) I'm glad many of you like where I'm going with the story so far. I hope this chapter enlightens you a bit, at least when it comes to House's and Cuddy's thoughts and emotions they're going through... I'm trying to be as little easy on them as I can... Confrontations, if done right, can be a great thing.

The song to this chapter is Mosquito by Ingrid Michaelson. You can check the lyrics here .com/lyrics/view/ingrid_michaelson/mosquito/

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter four

"Wouldn't you love if I fell like Snow white, slumbered in your bed"

"...Dr. Cuddy"

"Dr. Cuddy?"

"Dr. Cuddy!"

She finally snapped to reality as she heard her name being called, she shook her head and reminded herself where she was and what time it was. Board meeting. Monday. 9.35 am given to her watch.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?" she offered a small smile, completely aware of her absence.

"Do we, or do we not cancel the Diagnostics department. We've had this in consideration every six months since Dr. House abruptly left" Dr. Wood's voice filled with a bit of resentment and bitterness as the word abruptly passed his lips "and since we have a decline in that department, donation and patient wise, it is in hospital's best interest to shut that department down" the head of the board continued.

Cuddy pressed her lips together. Out of all days and meetings, this had to be the one to discuss the Diagnostics department. If it wasn't so depressing, she would laugh at the irony.

Each time, in the past four times this exact same matter was discussed, Cuddy had the same answer in store, the same explanation. Something that had 'we should wait' and 'the department is what makes us different from other hospitals' in it. But that day... she wasn't sure she could even let the words 'Diagnostics department' escape her.

She knew she was pushing the cancellation of the department due to her hope that House might, one day, be back. She wouldn't lie to herself about that. But now... she knew he was around... and that made it impossible to think about anything...let alone his department and what to do about it.

"Dr. Cuddy!" Dr. Woods yelled once again, shaking her out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry Robert... I don't think I can continue this meeting..." she parted her lips as her chin moved to one side. "I'm sorry" she said as she got up from the comfortable leather chair. She picked the files and papers that laid in front of her up and left the room, her head dropping in resignation.

The past two days and three nights had been horrible. She hardly had gotten any sleep, and if she did, it had only resulted in having bad dreams, almost nightmares. She not only started thinking about and over-thinking everything that had happened that evening when they'd met after two and a half years , but she'd even started digging through the past, her mind taking her where she'd swore never to go, ever. And two days and three nights later, she wasn't even by little more familiar with her feelings. All she knew was that she had to do something, and something quick, or she'd be falling into an abyss from which she couldn't possibly get out.

She had two more days to recollect herself, at least a bit, so she wouldn't fall apart the moment they meet again. But somehow, she was sure she would, no matter how hard she tried not to.

* * *

He tossed the keys on the table as he entered the apartment four days after the last time he had been there. It was Tuesday, and he thought four days alone had served him well. He thought so. He looked around the place, trying to find any trace of Emily, but the apartment seemed empty. He barely smiled. At least that gave him more time to himself.

He went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, his eyes falling on the maternity magazines and IKEA catalogs splayed out on the isle counter. He flicked through one of them, not a single emotion coming to him. He sighed at the realization. He knew he was horrible, he knew he was awful, but... he couldn't help it.

A woman that did everything by his book (and that book was really hard to go by), the kid she was carrying, his kid, he just couldn't feel anything towards them.

Or at least her, cause he didn't even consider the kid a person before it was born... It was person in the making. This life.. this life he was living, it was everything he wished for. Someone young and cheerful that didn't ask too many questions, someone who could give him space, someone who could put up with his usual self, someone just as good in bed to distract him, that much money he could do whatever he wanted to do and more, doing whatever he wanted to do without having to answer anyone.

A free escape in music every chance he got, not having to think of losing a life or screwing one up.

It had been everything he wished for. Everything he wished for back in the day, back when he hadn't known what he could have.

House almost chocked at the next gulp of the water. He let himself think about what he had had.

He hung his head as he couldn't fight what strange current of thoughts was about to come.

Someone as wise and mature as he was that hadn't had to ask questions cause she'd known what had been going on just by hearing him breathe, someone who he hadn't wanted to give him space, someone he'd longed for to break the invisible walls he built and had taken each day to hammer one brick at a time, someone who'd made him go beyond himself and start thinking about her, someone that was so great in bed he could almost feel no pain in those brief moments she stared at him as they battled for air, enough money to do whatever little things he'd wanted to alone, doing a lot of things he'd pretended he hadn't liked and had to been made to,but had been glad and even fulfilled doing. As many puzzles as he'd craved, pushing boundaries and going beyond law to fight for a person's life.

But, that wasn't the life he was living now. She'd shoved him out of her life, he'd chose not to fight for what they'd had. She'd attacked him , he couldn't fight back. But he could have stayed. He could have known she would have found out the horrid secret he was hiding from her too soon, he could have known he hadn't been supposed to keep secrets from her. He scoffed. He had known she would have found out the secret, he had know that he had supposed to tell her the truth. But he hadn't. He'd screwed up. He... even had wanted to screw up. As many times before, and hadn't even been a man enough to try to right the wrong he'd done. He just... couldn't be happy.

In his book, he was the bad guy, he always had been a bad guy.

He glanced at the catalogs on the counter. Did he really want to be that bad guy, though? Did he want to be responsible for another life being screwed? Did that young and cheerful someone deserve to have someone like him around, someone that couldn't ever possibly say 'I love you'? Wasn't he better off himself? Wasn't he tired of being selfish? Wasn't it why he'd made this whole mess after all?

He opened the first page and started looking for a certain department of furniture.

* * *

Emily sighed as she closed the sheet music and got up from the bench.

"That was beautiful as always" Diana beamed as she walked down the isle in the hall. She moved towards the stage where Emily had been playing a moment before.

"Thank you" Emily forced a smile as she went down the stage, to meet Diana half way.

The tall brunette eyed her, raising eyebrows as they collided a few seconds later.

"What did he do?" Diana put her hands on the hips and added "And don't give me that crap about how you can't talk, cause, I am your best friend... even though you hate to admit it, and you were told that talking is good" she smirked a bit "come on, cheer up, how bad can it be?"

Emily looked at her friend, her.. best friend, and all of sudden, something she never thought was able to happen, happened on the spot.

Her eyes started filling with tears, and in a flash, she was crying like a baby, Diana instantly leaping in for a hug.

"Oh, honey... goodness... tell me what he did, I'll beat him with a stick, with that leg of his, he won't be able to run" Diana rubbed Emily's back, her words bringing a small chuckle to her.

"It's not him..." Emily sniffed as she parted from Diana. She took a few moments to recollect herself and make sure this was actually what she wanted in the first place. Opening up, and fighting whatever there was to fight.

Diana gave her a sympathetic look "tell me, you.. know I don't know how to ask you these things, cause this is the first time this has ever happened" she made a goofy face, the one that screamed 'oops'.

Emily wiped the tears with her right sleeve and scolded herself mentally for messing up her make up.

"I started caring,Di" she dropped her gaze as she realized how confused she was at the realization.

"Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what you wanted?" Di remembered what Emily said about her getting better process.

"Yeah...but I just.. didn't thing it would be this hard"

* * *

Half an hour after House had come back home there was a sound coming from a key being pushed into the door, and in a familiar way. He knew on the spot Emily was back and felt a little uncomfortable immediately. Two minutes later, she was standing before him. He couldn't help but stare at how puffed her eyes were. She couldn't have been crying, could she? She never cried, but she never did pot either, so it had to be that she had been crying. He'd never seen or heard her cry, though. He bit his lip. But she'd never been curious and that changed all of sudden. This could have been a change as well.

She dropped her over sized black bag on the counter and sat on the bar stool. He just stared at her, waiting for her to say something. This was all new to him.

"Everything ok?" he dared to ask ten minutes of silence later.

"No..." she answered sincerely, not really knowing whether or not to fill in the details.

He looked at her with confusion in his eyes, seeking an answer he didn't know he was looking for in hers.

"What are you doing?" she asked him another ten minutes of stare down later.

He pushed the magazine towards her and pointed at a picture in the corner of the page.

"I like that crib"

Somehow, his words managed to put a sparkle in her eyes.

* * *

Reviews, you know I like them x)

And where is House going with all of this, really? ;)


	6. I cheated myself like I knew I would

And here were are with chapter 5! This time inspired by Amy Winehouse's 'You know I'm no good' (amazing song, what can I say).

Oh, and since it's our favorite Dean's bday today, let this be a birthday gift :D

Happy big 43! Or do you say that only for the big 45?

Whatever, her ass is humongous! ;) (I'm pretty much aware that it has nothing to do with her birthday, but come on, I just had to say something about it! :D )

Enjoy! I'm sure you'll find this chapter _very_ interesting! (consider that a warning xD)

* * *

Chapter 5

"I cheated myself like I knew I would, you know that I'm no good"

Emily woke up with a frown that chilly Wednesday. She snuggled in the sheets some more, not really wanting to get up. She looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand just to see that it was a bit past ten am. Not even bothering to check Greg's side of the bed, cause she knew he wasn't there, given that he had woken her up around six to tell her he was going out, she stared at the ceiling, her hands wandering to the round stomach of hers. She pouted.

She couldn't remember the last time Greg actually told her he was going somewhere, this was something new, and, it scared her a bit, the thought of something changing between them, but she was, somehow more thrilled than scared. Excited to see where this would be going.

Maybe, just maybe, her whole opening up and exposing to the world, letting emotions in, maybe that wasn't so bad. However, it was unfamiliar to her. She forgot the last time she let any emotion escape her. And in the past few days, she had more them pouring one after another.

One thing was for sure, people were right, pregnancy did change a person. At least, it changed the way she was thinking of life. And had made her act on it.

Suddenly, she wanted some color, she wanted some diversity, she wanted something other than familiar, other than being well kept. She had it all. She had a career, she had money, she had a husband.

She had all of that, sans the emotion. And what pleasure did she have from running a life that was as blank as a first page of a book?

None. For a while, cutting herself off any emotion was her way of dealing with things. But not anymore. She knew it was going to be hard,she had been warned, but she would face everything. She would face her fears, the ones she surely had, but was only beginning to discover, she would face her past- the whole weight that the death of her parents and being deprived of having a family had brought to her.

But what about him? What if her fighting her own demons didn't suit him? She scoffed. Of course it didn't suit him, the only thing he liked about her was how reserved she was, she knew that.

But, the night before, he...had showed some emotion. It had been like.. he cared.

It had been like, she was something other than ...whatever she was to him anyway.

He never took any interest in the baby. The night before, had been the first time he had. She felt a strange feeling of...being glad run through her . At least she thought it was being glad. But she quickly ended up reminding herself she couldn't really give it that much thought.

Although, he had, he had picked the crib for their kid. She couldn't overlook that, no matter how hard she tried.

Her life was changing, it was, and only because she had decided it was time to do something else other than breathe and eat. Because, she could now see how sad that was, because, she could see that there was so many things she was missing out on because she didn't let go before. She let a handicap like death take over her life, when she actually thought she was the one who was taking control of everything.

She took time to remember her childhood. She had been.. a happy kid. At least that was what she thought happiness was like. Endless laughter, teddy bears and numerous hugs and kisses.

Emily breathed out heavily. She wanted to be able to give her kid a childhood like that. She wanted to be that parent her parents had been- all smiley, supportive and kind.

She was smiley... for no other reasons than that that people who smiled had better chances getting promotions, people liking them better. She sighed. Those were her reasons for smiling. Statistics. How tragic was that?

She didn't want to be about statistics anymore. She wanted to smile, because, she had reasons to. Reasons such as... having no reason at all. Smiling was good. Smiling... was freeing when it wasn't forced. Being able to smile at stranger for no reason, she wanted that.

She smirked a bit. Lisa had been a stranger, a stranger Greg knew, after all, but she was a stranger. And she gave her a smile that day. She knew she should have given her a whole lot more.

After all... Lisa had, in a way, helped her hit gas on the paddle of her improving process. If it hadn't been for her, she would have still continued with opening up, but this was... something that she just had to get. A slap in reality, something that could give her process a new path.

And this path... she wanted to know something about her husband. She desperately needed to. She wanted to know what he had been like before they'd met, she wanted to know why he was silent, why he was as he was. She wanted to know what severed him so much. She became curious to what horrible thing must have happened to make him the way he was. She knew why she was as she was, but him?

She wanted and needed to know what happened to him in order to help him get better, the way she was getting better.

She nibbled on her lips. What if he didn't want to get better? What if he didn't need to get better cause, this was actually the way he always had been? What if there was nothing to change?

She shook her head.

But he... he'd shown interest. Even a big one, if you judged by the fact that he'd never showed any at all.

There had to be something to it all.

A smirk appeared on her face. Of course there had to be something... It wasn't like he had no emotion. She chuckled... She witnessed so many of them... Sitting next to him on the piano bench, not really wanting to, but having no option but to take in the amount of emotions being poured from him as he continued hitting the keys.

And the way he did it... taking time and gentleness to pass his fingers over each key. Almost like making love to the piano.

No, she refused to believe he couldn't be fixed cause there was nothing to fix.

There was a man, a broken man hidden behind his everyday coldness, and she was intent to get him out and put the pieces back together.

She reached for her phone and dialed a number she had written on a restaurant napkin.

* * *

House sat in a cafe, drinking the second round of beer. It was little past one o'clock, the earliest hour he allowed himself to drink in day. He had just come back from a meeting with one jazz musician he'd met in Boston an odd month before. They'd discussed getting together to hold a mini concert and it had gone pretty good. House was really interested in working with the man, so there hadn't been any problems at all. So, why was he in a bar drinking if everything had gone according to the plan?

Oh, the starting to care and be a better man process. That was it. He reminded himself as he took another sip of the offending liquid.

He just needed a bit of a boost, a bit of confirmation that everything was going to be ok. But he couldn't really get that from himself, so he thought trying to get that from a drunken self would maybe work, but by the look of things, it just complicated the situation even more.

He didn't really drink that much... Not compared to what and how he had been drinking in the past. And that was good, he wouldn't let himself start drinking more either.

He looked around the place, trying to remember what exactly he was missing out... what exactly he was forgetting, cause he was sure there had been something he was missing.

The phone vibrated in his left pocket. He reached for it and there was a text displayed on the screen.

"4pm, Starbucks, the 1 the corner, if u come home be4 that, meat roast is in the oven w8in"

He laughed at himself for forgetting the most obvious thing in the world. Coffee with Cuddy.

Boy, why on earth had he ever and how could have he ever agree to that?

And more importantly, did he even want Emily knowing Cuddy? As it seemed, for some time she was all about asking questions, sure she would have some when she actually met Cuddy. That, he couldn't allow.

Yes, he wanted to let her in, he wanted to give her a little of himself, but meeting Cuddy, that- he couldn't give her. Not yet, anyway. Not when he wasn't ready to meet Cuddy, not when he wasn't ready to deal with that part of his past.

Cuddy... House took a sip of his beer. The time they'd met at the restaurant and the memories... and the emotions surrounding it hit him. She looked ...beautiful as always. Her hair a bit shorter than it had been the last time he had seen her, she lost some weight, he couldn't think that was even possible. Although...there had been something in her eyes.. For the brief moments he actually allowed himself to get lost in them...told him she'd changed. It had been like... a part of her had been missing, almost if it had been ripped out.

He hung his head. He bet he looked just about the same to the rest of the world.

He still loved her, never stopped loving her. But he could never stand in front of her, not after what he'd done to her. It would be selfish to insert himself in her life again, especially now. He couldn't let her find out that he was married and soon to have a kid. He couldn't let her know that everything she wished for, everything she'd confessed she wished for with him, he now had with another person.

She couldn't understand and would be hurt. Crushed for sure. He couldn't do that to her. He couldn't cause her any more pain. Not when he'd taken what had been the most valuable thing to her, something she couldn't even have a say in, something she hadn't even been aware of. And what for? Why?

Because.. he'd been selfish. He'd wanted her and her only. He couldn't risk losing her for something that could just maybe... be. He'd ended up losing her anyway and having everything he'd lost when he'd had her, with another person. All of it, but emotions.

Now, he was trying to change that. He was trying to change the way things were for someone, and that someone was supposed to be Cuddy. He wanted more than anything to .. had tried to remove himself from selfishness back when they'd been together. If he'd had, they would have surely still be. But he knew, that sadly, he wouldn't be thinking about not being selfish anymore if things weren't how they ended up being. If he hadn't lost her, if he hadn't gotten someone else, a fresh start.

That was what he had now, a fresh start, a chance to change something, a chance to be... better for someone. Truly better.

Even when he'd been with Cuddy. He would still lie to her, he would still go as he pleased, keep secrets from her and even... take her for granted. He hadn't really taken time to think that maybe, maybe he hadn't been acting the way he had been supposed to. She had given him everything, hundred... and twenty percent of herself to him, she'd taken time to get him to grow, and ..she succeeded.. in almost everything. But he'd still been a selfish bastard.

No, he couldn't let her know that he was trying to be better with another person, with someone younger than her, someone that, for so many reasons known only to him, didn't resemble her in any way. He couldn't be that cruel.

Two and a half years before, maybe. But now, not by chance.

He stared at his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart, even though he desperately wanted to forget.

The woman he endlessly thought of said 'Hello' on the other end.

* * *

Emily entered Starbucks five minutes later than she was supposed to. She hoped that no one would mind that she was a bit late, she couldn't admit to herself that it took her more time to get to places by foot, because of her additional weight. So, when she'd left the apartment at five minutes to four, she hadn't really imagined it would take her ten minutes to get somewhere she usually took four. She'd have to take that into consideration next time.. cause, she would probably have to give herself an extra fifteen minutes the upcoming month and maybe half an hour by the time she would be nine months along. She giggled to herself. Being pregnant was actually amusing her. The jeans that she had on were tight, reminding her again that she'd have to go shopping as soon as the day after.

She got to the counter and looked around, trying to find a familiar face among the usual mass of people that were occupying the place, but she couldn't find any.

That was odd... Greg was usually on the spot whenever she asked him to be there.

She reached for her phone to see if maybe she missed a call or a text, but there was no notifications on her display. That was when the man behind the counter cleared his throat, asking for her attention.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but, are you, by any chance Emily?" he asked as he got her to turn around, and face him. She looked at him questioningly and nodded a yes. The teenage Starbucks employee was pleased to know that pregnant blonde finally appeared.

"Your husband wants you to know that there was a change in the plan, and that you should go home" he smiled at the pregnant woman before him "he also sent you this" he added putting a familiar white cup in front of her "Decaf, just the way you like it"

Emily just muttered a confused "Thank you", taking what sure wasn't going to make up for what her husband had done to her in her right hand. She took a sip of the warm beverage as she got out on the street.

Damn, did that man had some explaining to do. She didn't really care _how_ uncomfortable would that make him feel, he didn't get to get away with this, not when she'd made a promise to herself she wouldn't let him.

* * *

Did I say _**husband**_? :OOO


	7. I'll always have this ugly scars

I'm a moron! For all of you who saw this chapter be published before chapter 5, I'm sorry. So sorry. To redeem myself, I posted both chapter 5 and 6 :)

The song to this chapter is Bust the windows out your car (this version sung by Mercedes from Glee :D)

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 6

"I'll probably always have this ugly scars "

As she got out of the elevator, Emily felt an emotion she hadn't experienced in a long time flash through her. She was angry, really angry. She knew she really didn't have reasons to be, cause it wasn't really unexpected what Greg had done, and how, but she was angry nonetheless.

How thought he had right to make her an idiot, change plans to something she planned, to something she wanted!

She'd never ask for anything from him, never. Not a thing, and now, that she actually wanted something, when she needed something, in order for herself...and him, to get better, he couldn't give it to her. She chuckled. When she thought of it, it was actually her fault. She'd spoiled him. She let him think and get used to not telling her things, going where he wanted and when he wanted, not really having to tell her anything about it.

Then, she took a moment to laugh at herself. Could she really have right to be angry with him? It was actually unfair to him, given that... a month before, nothing of this would matter, cause, she hadn't cared.

But now, she did. And she was angry no matter how much she knew she had no right to be.

* * *

Cuddy sighed as she looked at the computer monitor. It was a little past four, and she was back in the hospital, even though she'd taken a day off. Stupid of her to have done. She had actually hoped that she would be seeing him that day. Stupid of her.

She shook her head as she looked at the charts in front of her. Canceling Diagnostics department never seemed more inviting.

Out of the blue, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the display only to see 'Michael' written all over it.

She bit her lip as she debated whether to answer the call or not.

She'd met Michael, the forty six year old broker, at a fundraiser, three odd weeks before. He'd been nice and they'd chatted a lot. His attention pleased her. He seemed as he wasn't a pushy type Cuddy almost always encountered with, and he was just as much cocky to get her attention.

"Hey..." Lisa finally decided to answer.

"_Hey Lisa... Am I interrupting?" _and he was polite.

"Actually, no" she smiled, actually glad that she'd taken the call, but as soon as he asked

"_I was wondering if you'd have dinner with me" _she was glad she saw Wilson coming to her office from the clinic.

"Can I come in?" Wilson peaked his head through her office door. She just nodded, the phone still to her ear.

"Micheal, I'll get back to you, I'm sorry, I have a meeting" She put the phone down after hearing a somewhat disappointed _"Ok, talk to you later" _and looked questioningly at Wilson.

"I tried to be polite these last few days and stay out of everything, but I can't anymore, so" Wilson left out a deep breath "what the heck is going on?"

Cuddy just gave him a drew back "Nothing, everything is fine" and he couldn't believe to what he was hearing.

She was actually hiding something from him and she knew that he knew something was up and still chose to lie in his face. He reached for the monitor in front of her, and turned it around, so she couldn't look and therefore give him attention.

She gave him an annoyed glare and stood up, feeling a bit intimidated, but not wanting to show it.

"Just... leave it be, Wilson" she started going round the desk and towards the door, not really wanting to be in the same room with her best friend.

"Cuddy, this isn't just going to go away" the oncologist put his left hand on his hip and gestured with the other at her, she frowned, still annoyed and proceeded to the door, but as soon as he realized she would go away, he jumped in front of her, being his usual silly self and didn't want to let her get away like that.

"You're not going anywhere before you tell me what's going on" he raised his nose and scooted closer to the door, making sure she couldn't go past by him.

"There's an improvement in world economy and Madonna just announced her new album... Oh, and Kim Kardashian just had her first baby, yeah.. a few days ago actually" Cuddy said sarcastically, rolling her eyes and shaking her head a bit.

Wilson just shook his head in bewilderment. What on Earth was going on with her? He hadn't seen her act like that ever since. Ever since she...

"Oh. My. God." He pointed his index finger towards her, something he always did when he figured something out "You saw House... or talked to him, or … something House related!" he smiled victoriously as he saw her expression, knowing instantly he was right... but at the same time wishing he wasn't right. This would only bring a lot of drama back to their lives. He couldn't possibly go through another Cuddy break down, and his for that matter.

"I don't want to talk about it" she turned around going back to her chair "it was like witnessing Haley's comet, once in a life experience, never to happen again. Nothing to talk about" she let herself fall back in the comfortable chair and looked at Wilson who just sighed.

"Are you sure... cause I don't want..." Wilson pinched the bridge of his nose "Hell with this... Cuddy..." he raised his voice in an peculiar manner "Where is he? How's he like... _I_ want to know" he looked at her, sadness apparent in his eyes.

She couldn't hold back the tear that fell at seeing the man before her break.

"He's... He looks good" she choked out "Wilson...God, I'm still so furious at him, but... it made me realize how much I actually miss him" her voice cracked.

Wilson moved closer to her and moved towards her in order to give her a hug.

"Don't..." she said as she realized what he was about to do. "I can't go through this again" she sniffed.

"So, what... we pretend like nothing happened? You know that isn't going to work. You have an equivalent of two hundred tissue packages to serve as evidence to what happened the last time you wanted to bury your feelings." He retorted, not really wanting to let go of the whole thing. Something that was more in his favor than Cuddy's.

"Actually, yes, we pretend this never happened." she grinned with effort, not really knowing what else to do.

Wilson just left an exasperated sigh and started towards the door. But as soon as he reached for the knob, he realized... he couldn't pretend that never happened.

"No." He turned around "You two are not getting away with this!"

* * *

There was a bang to the door serving as a grand entrance as Emily Thomas (her last name she'd never change) got in her apartment. She didn't bother to get her shoes off and straightaway went to the huge living room that she adored more than anything, mainly because she had decorated it herself. She stood in the center of it, her heel pounding the floor like a metronome in the Allegro mode- 100 beats per minute. She chuckled as the theory of music unconsciously ruled her mind. She didn't even know what to do next! She laughed at herself. She saw it in the movies... people usually threw some objects around the house when they were angry, maybe she could do that. But she wouldn't possibly consider breaking anything that she liked in that apartment... so, that made her think of what else she could do.

Hm... furious women in movies usually destroyed something the man who hurt them loved or threw his things out of the window. She wasn't going to throw him out of the house, but she sure wanted to destroy something he loved!

And that was when the real irony of the moment set in and she couldn't help the laugh that came out of her. She didn't even know what he loved! Not only what, but IF he even loved anything!

Boy, was this changing thing hard... Not only couldn't she cope with it the way she thought she could, but she even realized how oblivious to the real life she had been. To the real look of things. People who were open and true to themselves really had it easy, she thought. She was sure if she wasn't so screwed up, she would know what to do at that exact time.

But being the ignorant creature she was, by choice, choice she was regretting, she couldn't actually do anything.

That was why she sat in the three thousand dollar black and white polka dot arm chair, and started to laugh hysterically. It was either laughing or crying. Crying she wasn't really used to yet, being the scariest thing she thought a person could experience coming from oneself, so she settled on laughing.

Fifteen minutes later, after the apartament had long fell silent she still sat in her favorite arm chair, trying to figure out how would she be able to face the obvious bumpy road she'd chosen to take. And not only was that road bumpy, but it had holes and pools in it. Mud on almost every part of the way.

Her therapist had warned her about it, he told her she wasn't really going to face anything pretty, he couldn't lie to her, he wanted for her to know just how tough things actually were. She had told him she hadn't cared, that she'd wanted to proceed with it, cause she... really needed to.

Only now did she start to realize how dirty she'd get and with how many scratches she would get on that road.

She breathed in deeply. She just hoped that road didn't have a dead end.

Suddenly, she heard well-known sound of footsteps and cane coming from the hallway, how she hadn't heard the door being opened, she didn't know. She stared at the framed painting on the wall as she waited for him to get in the living room.

"Hey" he said as he entered the room, taking off his coat and going to the closet right after, the normal course of action he took whenever he got home.

The moment he came out of the closet, she snapped at him, surprising both of them in the process.

"Do you even love anything?"

He just stared at her. Where was this all coming from? What was happening with her? Why was she changing? Why was she acting the way she was? Where was that woman that had been around the previous two years he'd known her?

He tilted his head as he debated whether to give her the answer or not.

"Do you?" he asked back, his voice coming out low and soft.

Emily glared at him "I have no idea" she started crying on the spot.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me any of this earlier?" he sat on the arm chair next to her, his elbows on his knees, his head tilted on his fingers, staring at the floor.

She just scoffed "Greg, we never talk" she couldn't really believe he'd even ask her that.

"Yeah..." he responded, still staring at the floor "So... you've been seeing a therapist" he raised his voice, going through the two hour conversation they had in his head. "And you want to … be open with yourself and the world..." he continued "and the pregnancy triggered all of this?" he turned to look at her- she just gave him a disapproving look.

"I think I couldn't make it clearer. I ...For the first time of my life, Greg, I spoke. I spoke to you. I told you … how I feel" she chuckled "Feel... I couldn't even let that word pass my lips before" she shook her head.

"I just... don't want to be a cold hearted and uninterested person anymore" she choked out.

"I happened to like that cold hearted uninterested person" House spoke hanging his head yet again.

"Greg... if you can't face this, if you think you can't be around me now that you know I'll start asking questions and... acting like an average person, you can leave. This" she motioned between them "doesn't really exist." there was a sigh coming from both of them "We got together because it was only convenient, you married me because I needed a US citizenship and even this kid... it wasn't planned... you know I didn't even want it, but, for reasons you had, but I don't know which those are, you didn't let me terminate... so, here we are. I started caring. It's not like... I love you or anything. I could... find someone else. When I get better, when this kid is born, there will for sure be someone else, you aren't obligated to stay. You are free to go. Nothing is stopping you. If I know you, or, this you you chose to show to the world at least, you don't like being tied down or being faced with emotions. And in order to get better, in order to fix myself, I need to be able to show my emotions freely. And in numerous occasions and probably at the oddest times possible. So, for once, think of me and decide if you can handle that. Cause, I care, I care about you, however impossible that seemed to me. And I don't want you to feel trapped...but I also want you to get better, and I know it's a bit selfish of me, cause I'm practically wanting of you to help me in this whole process." Emily bit her lower lip, the easiness of speaking out confusing her.

There were a few minutes of silence, nothing but the sound of their breathing disturbing the stillness.

"I've been wanting to try" he finally said, disturbing the 'peace' they'd fallen into "I don't even want to begin to think what horrible thing can come out of all of this... but I want to try"

And for the first time in a long, too long, time, Emily felt what it meant to smile for reasons other than statistics.

* * *

Two weeks of insomnia later, Lisa Cuddy knocked on James Wilson's office door.

"Come in" she heard before she opened them. He just looked at her, questioningly, waiting for her to speak. She ran her right hand through her hair, drawing her lips in, preparing herself for what she was about to tell him.

"I have his phone number, but I have no idea where he lives"

Wilson put the black pen he was holding back on the table. "I actually have an idea" he smirked victoriously "So, what do you want to do?"

Cuddy just shrugged her shoulders at his words.

"I just want to be able to sleep again"

* * *

_Man, I'm horrible. Feel free to throw tomatoes! :P_


	8. How did we get here?

_I made sure you get chapter 7, and no 8 this time! LOL_

_Thank you for your lovely reviews! :) They are never too many of them XD Anyway... the epi was amazing! I especially liked the washing dishes scene :D _

_The song to this chapter is (amazingly overrated because of Twilight -.-) Decode, by Paramore. :P_

* * *

Chapter 7

"How did we get here, I used to know you so well"

Six month into her pregnancy and finally wearing appropriate clothing, shopping she would never forget, Emily heard the door bell, getting caught of guard immediately. She wasn't expecting anyone and Greg had left like, a half an hour before, so it wasn't him either...Besides, he had a key, he'd never ring the bell. As she passed by the kitchen, she noticing it was crowded with dirty dishes, she realized that the maid she'd hired a week before, Greg making her do so, was supposed to be there around that time. She reminded herself to give the woman a copy of the key she'd had made two days before.

However, as she unlocked the door and pulled them open, she wasn't greeted with the image of the woman she'd hired.

"Lisa!" Emily exclaimed in confusion, the forty-something year old in front of her not being able to hide the anxiety, for some reason.

"Hey... is House around? I was told to look for him here" Cuddy asked nervously, adding a smile, thinking she couldn't feel more uncomfortable.

"No... he is downtown, but please, do come in" the pregnant lady couldn't hide her smile as she realized the opportunity she thought she'd missed for good was yet again staring her in the face.

Cuddy deliberated walking away, but, quickly reminded herself that, she was there with a purpose and maybe, just maybe she would have some value of talking to the woman in front of her.

Emily opened the door widely, in order for her guest to come in.

The previous month for Emily had been very eventful. She, for one, was more aware of the things that had been happening around her and was starting to gain more control of her newly found emotions, even though she knew there were more to come. Her therapist had informed her that she was making really good progress and that if she continued going like that,she would surely succeed in her little plan. Every day, she learned new things about herself and.. about Greg. As much as he could allow her, that was. But, he was making an effort. He even started seeing the therapist himself. Only later had he confessed that it hadn't been the first time that he was seeing one. She smiled, something she was able to do more often. He'd started sharing things with her, they'd started talking. Their life together... had actually become their life together. In a small way, though.

He still wasn't able to talk to her, as she started talking to him. She was more of making herself talk than she would like. But hey, practice made perfect.

He'd shared some facts about his past he hadn't. For instance, she'd known that he had been a doctor previously, but he'd never told her why he'd stopped practicing and now, she knew it was because he lost a patient, in a way, as he'd said. She didn't need to be a genius to realize there had been more to it, but she didn't want to push it. Not when she was getting something she'd never imagined she would.

And the things with her best friend had started to change for the better. Diana was very supportive of her decision and was excited to have her actually talk. Emily sighed to herself. Diana was a pushy person, she had always kind of pulled information from her. Now, she didn't have to. More or less, Emily willingly shared what was there to share.

And she could see that Greg was the same. He pushed himself into sharing things.

It was actually pathetic... their whole improving process needing to be pushed. Needing to be jump started. But, it seemed to work. And more and more each day, she could see that the both of them were opening up because they wanted to, not because they had to, or because it was on their task list in therapy.

She was glad to finally hear him say something about how he felt. He'd told her that he wanted to be a better person, and that was enough for her. They were aiming for the same goal.

However... there was still a part of Greg's life he couldn't give to her. And she was a bit frustrated with it all. She could share the past with him, he could... only for a bit, if less. She was more than curious to why that was.

As she poured Zen Chai tea in the porcelain cups, she smirked cause she knew having Lisa back, meant that she'd get at least some answers.

* * *

House drummed his fingers on the shiny table as he waited for the person he'd have a meeting that day to come see him. He didn't really want to be where he was, or, so he was making himself believe so.

It was something his therapist said he needed to have done. But, House couldn't really lie to himself. If he didn't want to do something, he just wouldn't do it. And there he was, proving to himself he actually wanted to do this all.

"Dr. House" the tall man entered the room, House being caught of guard hearing doctor and his name together for the first time in two years.

"Dr. Jennings" House nodded, greeting the man as the same extended his hand. House just raised an eyebrow, not really being a person to shake hands.

The young doctor just chuckled a bit "So... Did I tell you how we're really glad you're considering working here?"

House just replied with a mock "More than a few times, both email and phone" he fake smiled as the man took a sit opposite of him.

"Look... I won't lie. We... I need you in this hospital" Jennings threw his hands in the air, lounging back in his chair a moment later. "My father-in-law is actually who got me here, the whole Dean of medicine and hospital administrator thing, I am not really that bright" he huffed out a breath he was holding.

"You would be a great addition to the staff, we're at the very top when it comes to hospitals in this city, and having you would push us above the competition. _Way_ above them... and prove my wife's father that I'm not a loser after all, in the process, but still, it's in the hospital's interest to have you around. We're even set mind on giving you a Diagnostics department"

House couldn't hold back a laugh as he witnessed just how clumsy the young doctor had been.

He was around thirty years old, impeccable taste in clothes, something that was surely more his wife's credit, a Stanford diploma on the wall behind him.

He was accomplished, for sure. But clumsy.

"So...?" Jennings grimaced a bit as he waited for House to tell him his final decision.

"I think I have no choice... I'd hate to see you picking up slack when your father-in-law is around" House half-joked as the man in front of him sighed of relief.

"Actually," Jennings started through a small laugh "it's my mother-in-law who's breathing in his neck, backlashing on me"

House sighed "Yeah, I know something about mothers-in-law..." Jennings just looked at him confused

"I thought your wife's parents weren't around" he shook his head in confusion.

"Yeah, been fertilizing the soil for the past twenty five years" House smiled sarcastically at the man, who just let a small laugh, seemingly being weirded out by House's unique humor, but still wanting to humor him.

"When can you start?" the dean asked after House'd finished signing the contract. Great deal he got, after all. But for what price? He thought as his mind started flooding with things that he'd have to face once he started practicing medicine again.

"Monday seems great" he shrugged, Jennings smiling widely.

"Wow, so, 3 days from now" he stated, knowing it was Friday.

"Two actually, if you don't count today" House retorted, standing up from his chair "Now, if we're done, I think my wife actually said I might get laid today, the pregnancy is hell" Jennings nodded with a laugh "Your wife is pregnant as well? Man, can they get demanding! All the pickles and foot massages..." Jennings shook his head

House wished those were his only problems. Emily's pregnancy included and demanded so much more... One of the things he was doing right now.

If he knew the whole being not selfish thing was that hard, he never would have started it in the first place... maybe.

"Oh, Dr. House" Jennings remembered something as House was already about to leave

"I contacted your previous employer, just to get some information...considering your manner and all the law suits you had in the past" House ran his hand down his face.

"Your boss seems really surprised that you are starting out here, but aren't we all" Jennings grinned "I bet she needs you and wants you back"

House left out a breath he was holding.

"You have no idea" House said as he opened the door to get out.

How could he forget something like this could happen? Idiot.

* * *

"You look so cute" Cuddy couldn't help but notice as Emily put the tray with tea cups on the glass coffee table in front of the enormous weirdly shaped black sofa Cuddy was sitting on.

"Thank you" Emily responded as she sat down in the polka dot armchair. "What brings you here?" Emily took a sip of tea, her usually impeccable social skills not really taking notice as Lisa gave impression of being uneasy.

"I just... wanted to talk to House... we have a lot to catch up on" she reached for her cup, the smell of green tea specialty being more than tempting.

"Oh, of course... And you're his old friend, did I get that right?" Emily tried to seem as she knew more than she actually did, just to be able to get more info in the process.

"Yeah..." Cuddy said nervously "Have I caught you at bad time? I really don't want to step in anything.. I know you're his manager, you don't really have to deal with me" She grunted a bit.

Emily just gave her a warm smile "Trust me, you're just what I needed for the day" … and anytime actually, Emily added in her head.

"Good..." Cuddy smiled a bit "This tea is really great... Such aroma" she started, not really knowing what else to bring in the conversation as she didn't even know the woman in front of her.

The only thing she did know, was that she was something like a manager to House, music manager, apart from being a famous pianist.

The things she had found out while trying to find his address, were really startling. She knew House didn't practice medicine, well, hadn't practiced actually, as she had learned from the call she got a week before that he was supposed to start working again in a prestige hospital. However, she never thought House would have turned completely to music... She scoffed. What other choice had he had? He'd seemed to have escaped everything related to his ..past life, but music. He had cut everyone off, had left country... Only to end up forty five minutes from Princeton.

It was a bit ironic, she could say.

"So, tell me, Lisa" Emily said straightforwardly "How did you and my husband meet?"

Cuddy gave the woman a confused glare.

"I don't think I met your husband" Cuddy's stomach started aching all of sudden, as she started realizing the awful truth that she was being served.

"Oh, you don't know," Emily put her tea back on the table "Greg and I are married" she rested her hands on her stomach.

And with those words, Cuddy could practically hear her heart being shattered to pieces.

* * *

_Poor Cuddy, tsk tsk, I'm awful, aren't I?_

_Oh, well, screw her, she wanted in on this... ;) She might as well suffer a little._

_Damn, I'm even more awful ;)_

_Reviews! _


	9. I'd have stayed up with you all night

_Hello! Thank you so much for the reviews! They mean a lot! And, I'll try to answer some questions :)_

_I won't tell you what will happen with Emily and House, but I will assure you, House and Cuddy will always stay what they've always been :) Oh, and I'm glad that many of you love her! And, thank you again for not hating me for making Cuddy suffer..._

_Anyway, I don't know when I'll be posting chapter 9, but, until that happens, enjoy chapter 8! The song is sadly, very TV over-rated, but I love it nevertheless :)_

_Fray-How to save a life. _

_p.s. Oh, and maybe this chapter will serve some answers ;)_

* * *

Chapter 8

"I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life"

Heels clicking and a sound of door being unlocked announced Cuddy's return home. She didn't have strength to go to her mother's house, where she'd left Rachel earlier that day, and came directly to the house she once shared with House. She resented herself.

There she was, yet again hurt by the man who had hurt her so many times before. When she should be angry, as she had been for a while, she couldn't feel nothing but betrayal.

Hadn't she been the one to push him out of her life? Hadn't she been the one who wanted to back in?

Didn't all of this make her hypocritical?

Probably.. but the void she felt where her heart had been told her, that it didn't really matter anymore.

He was married. With a kid on the way. She scoffed at the irony. The man that swore never to step into something as ridiculous, according to him, as marriage, had just about everything that he'd always run away from.

His wife was amazing, she couldn't say anything less about her, no matter how much she wanted to. She was just a genuine someone, young someone, for that matter. She seemed kind and given by the look of things, she knew how to work around House. Cuddy had to give her kudos for that, something that had taken twenty years for her to learn how to do, the girl managed to learn in a matter of two years.

And the girl was accomplished, beautiful, to say the least, and … well, that was all that she could tell from the brief time she had been with her.

Cuddy still couldn't decide whether she was less hurt by the fact House was with someone like that, or more. On one hand, House seemed to have settled with nothing less than best, and that was good and bad at the same time. She'd been more hurt if he'd found someone that would people consider less than a 'great deal', cause that would mean something was wrong with her. On the other hand... knowing that House could score as high as someone as Emily, was disturbing as well.

She froze as she entered the living room.

"You idiot!" she heard the person who she wished she resented the most speak in the darkness of her house.

* * *

_More than two and a half years before_

"What do you want to do?" Wilson sat down next to his best friend, on one of the highly uncomfortable hospital chairs. House stayed quiet for a while, just observing the image he was presented with for the last eleven hours. He couldn't divert his eyes from her. She looked like she was fighting, but, still so peaceful.

What could happen when a drunken idiot started operating a moving vehicle. And her... why on Earth had she stayed that late at work that night? Why had she have to be getting out of the car at the exact moment the black SUV driver lost control and couldn't swerve?

The constant beep of the machines was the tune of the day.

"House. You need..." Wilson started, but couldn't finish as he looked at House, who had been in the most vulnerable state Wilson had ever seen him. Vulnerable to say the least. He was... crushed. There was a indisputable absence evident in his eyes, but you could see that he was trying to figure something out. Wilson hoped it was an answer to his question.

House had been in the room from the time they brought her in, didn't leave at all. It was weird, Wilson noticed. He would think that House would try to run away from it all as quick as possible. Lock himself up in his office and find a case that had nothing to do with this all, trying to set his mind off the whole thing, hoping someone else would step in and do what he was supposed to.

And House had managed to surprise Wilson yet again.

He stayed, not wanting anyone working around her or doing anything he didn't approve of. But, as soon as the third hour since she had been admitted passed, things abruptly changed with just one piece of information.

"How could she be pregnant?" House mumbled into his beard, seeking an answer from someone he would never admit existed.

Wilson exhaled, almost painfully as he watched House's eyes tear up. He could tell his friend couldn't settle on one of the two emotions he was experiencing- thrill, he actually would say was never there and, fright, which the whole situation brought. The cocktail of the two mixed together resulting in House not being to operate at all.

"These things happen... You can never expect-"

"I know that Wilson! But... she ...never though she could have kids! I didn't think she could have any..." Wilson didn't have time to finish, House having interrupted him, just to raise his voice as much as not to be flat lined as it had been the whole day.

"And now..." House breathed in heavily. Wilson offered a comforting hand on House's shoulder. "I have to take that away from her"

James eyes started watering at the sight of his best friend. "Cuddy doesn't have to know"

House, for the first time, looked away from the woman he loved beyond anything he would ever admit,

and listened to Wilson.

"She can never find out. If she ever finds out...I'm screwed. Not only am I screwed, she's screwed, and I'll be even more screwed."

The oncologist looked at the one friend that was battling for her life, lying unconscious in the hospital bed.

"As much as I'd like to think differently...House, you're both screwed, both ways. What, what if she finds out after you kept it away from her?"

"I'd rather have her _maybe_ hate me, than hate me for sure" House past his index finger and his thumb down his forehead.

"God help us..." Wilson breathed out in despair.

The machines beeping took over once again.

* * *

"You have decency to come to my house after everything!" Cuddy yelled as soon as she could recognize House's figure in the dark.

"If I wanted you to know anything, I would have let you meet us for that damn coffee!" House started yelling back, not really paying attention to what Cuddy was saying. He was so angry with her for having balls to track him down and actually come to Emily... She was never supposed to find out anything.

"You get married and are having a kid, after everything you did to me!" Cuddy continued yelling, as House approached her, still doing the same.

"You weren't supposed to find out! How do you think that makes me feel?" He shouted as the word feel rolled down his tongue as easier as ...never. Cuddy had that affect on him. Her presence took him in and didn't let go.

"YOU DON'T GET TO BE ANGRY! I _am_ angry! You walked away from me...after taking what I thought I could never have!" She couldn't even think about the things she was throwing at him.

"I walked away? You pushed ME out! And, think I wanted any of this?" House's chest raised up and down hurriedly, as anger overtook him "You think, you think I wanted you to know I got... a hot young pregnant wife back at a huge apartment? Why do you think I'm here? Cause you need to know exactly why is that! Why that and how that happened, because, you can't possibly think that I left just to have everything I didn't, in your head, want with you! Cause, you, you..." House came even closer to her "I don't want you to break again"

Cuddy put her hands down as she finally realized what had just passed House's lips.

"I... never wanted any of it to happen" House said again "After I left... I didn't want anyone... I ...betrayed you, let myself down..."

"Don't say a word" Cuddy managed to choke out and stepped back a bit, as the proximity between them became too dangerous for her.

"Just shut up!" House yelled at her, again "I only married her because she needed the citizenship, so we could stay in New York. And yes, I knocked her up, and she wanted to terminate!" Cuddy's eyes filled with terror at House's words. Termination was like a curse word in her dictionary.

"You think I could let her do that, after knowing what it did to you? You think I could let myself take another life away?" he drummed his cane heavily on the hardwood floor.

The woman before him just stood there, frozen, her eyes slowly filling with tears.

"And have your healing process set back to square one again? You think I wanted that? I told you to stay out of it!"

He pinched the bridge of his nose...How would he ever right the wrong that was now done?

The woman he still loved was crumbling in front of him, all he wanted was to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok, but, he couldn't do that, cause it a) would be something that Gregory House would never even consider doing and b) would be a complete lie.

How could he leave her now, that he was obviously back in her life, back in her life in a way that he shook everything from the ground zero to the top of the iceberg she created around herself?

How could he tell her he couldn't leave Emily cause he needed to be with her in order to get better?

He couldn't possibly leave Emily after everything she'd been through with him. Not when he'd finally started seeing what it meant to think about someone else. He couldn't possibly leave Emily, but he couldn't in the world leave Cuddy.

Not when it was already too painful for the both of them.

"I, I deserved this! I deserved this with everything I've done..You should have never found out about this! You'd be perfectly fine thinking I'm downing scotch somewhere else, not trying to be better..." his voice trailed away.

By now, Cuddy had long lost the strength she was storing for the moment she would face House for the first time she'd have a chance to yell at him. So, she did the only thing she was capable at that moment.

She collapsed, crying like never before.

House sighed, getting a final confirmation of what he already knew.

* * *

House laid in bed with Cuddy,after having sort of carried her there, her tears had finally come to the end and she stopped jerking. He had long before been past that line of what he could let himself, and really couldn't see how to change it all, or, even if he wanted to. He let himself take in the moment, remember everything about it. It was the first time after...so long, too long, that he got to lay next to her, inhale her scent and just... watch her.

It was liberating to do so. It was... like taking a drug after depriving yourself of it for a while. But gazillion times better.

He passed the tip of his index finger down her cheek and she turned to face him, completely, as she was partially lying on her side.

"House...I" she started, but he didn't let her speak. He passed his fingers through her hair and let himself do what he wanted, but knew shouldn't do. He bent down, from the semi lying position he was in, and placed a soft kiss on the corner of her lips, still giving himself a benefit of the doubt.

"Your wife.." Cuddy started again, House shaking his head at hearing Emily's status, though he'd never consider her his wife for real. "Don't do this for me... I'll... manage somehow" a fake small smile raised upon her lips.

"I'm not doing this for you...only" he added, taking in, yet again, the image of the amazing woman in front of him. She just shook her head at his words and sighed heavily.

"How do we always manage to end up in a mess?" she chuckled, not really having anything to laugh about, but the fact how horribly screwed up they were.

"Cause we're awesome like that?" House smirked, his usual self kicking in.

Cuddy just stared at him for a while,knowing that she was far from being done with him. With yelling at him , with sorting things out, with being angry with him for leaving her, for having a wife, for soon to be having a child. However, at that moment, she was happy. Happy to have him where he belonged. Next to her. No matter what odd circumstances had put him there. No matter what happened the morning after, when he'd have to go back to Emily. Or did he?

"Kiss me" she said, being completely aware of how it would only more complicate their situation.

After looking at her for a minute he finally breathed out a "No"

She just stared at him, as if he was mad and asked "Why the hell not?"

"Cause things are already complicated enough"

He turned to his side and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

_And you say... ? :)_

_Bu-bye till chapter 9! Woot :)_


	10. Baby, you can't forget the past

_OMG! We get Carrot or stick today! :D I can't wait to see House playing daddy! I know he loves Rachel, no matter what he said :3_

_Anyway.. back to my fic... XD I wanted to reply to some of your reviews! First.. let me say THANK YOU! all your lovely comments made me melt a bit inside :) Oh, and second.. to those who wondered... I'm gonna be 18 on April 13th. So, I don't know if that makes me young or not when it comes to writing ;) :D_

_Oh... and I bet this chapter will disappoint you a bit... But, you can't always get what you want, right? ;)_

_Lady Gaga-Second time around_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 9

"I tried crossing out your words,But baby you can not forget the past "

House woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon. It took him a while to get out of bed. Actually, more than a while. He remembered all the things that happened the night before. Starting with him getting in the house with the key he still owned, being slightly surprised Cuddy hadn't changed the locks, and ending with them lying in bed. He had let it happen again. He'd let the situation get out of his hands, not that it had ever even been in his hands. He, truth be told, could do nothing about it.

Things were too complicated and... there was no solution in sight. He allowed himself to complicate things more just for that reason. That one that he thought he'd never really get out the mess he was, so, it wouldn't really hurt if he got a bit deeper in it.

He got up, searching for his socks next to the bed and got them on.

* * *

He got in the kitchen to see Cuddy making breakfast, a sight he'd gotten to witness for such a long time. Even when they'd been together, Cuddy hadn't been much of a cooker. She trusted delivery and simple meals. The most savvy she got in the kitchen had been making lasagna.

The fact that Cuddy was making breakfast, started to bother him on the spot. This only meant that she was expecting something out of this all. Out of what had happened the night before.

And that wasn't good.

House remembered why getting in a bigger mess wasn't a great thing to do- because, getting himself in it, he was pulling people with him. This time, Cuddy, and if she was ever to find out, Emily as well.

Cuddy turned around as she heart the familiar wood on wood sound House's cane was making in contact with the oak floor.

"Hey" she smiled a bit uncomfortably and turned to the cooker once again. "Your breakfast will be ready in a minute"

"What about you?" House sat down at the table Cuddy had once made him pick out.

"I ate two hours ago..." she said calmly and once again turned to him, this time carrying the frying pan. She emptied its content on the plate that was already on the table, in front of House.

"Smells good" he said absently, wanting to say so much more, but not having slightest idea how to.

"I'm just going to the living room, help yourself" she started towards the door, leaving the apron she had on hanged on one of the chairs.

Twenty minutes later, House came to the living room. It would usually take him ten to finish breakfast, but he'd decided to wash the dishes as well, something he'd done only to give himself more time. And imagine how desperate he had been when he'd decided to do the dishes, something he loathed more than anything. He instantly remembered one time that Cuddy made him wash the dishes.

* * *

_Three years before_

"Isn't this yummy, Rachel?" Cuddy kissed her daughter on the forehead, as she watched her stuff her face in lasagna she'd made. It was only for the special occasions Cuddy cooked, and that day, Rachel got in the preschool, so Cuddy had decided it was about time she cooked for her family. She laughed as she saw House shooting daggers from across the table. Rachel turned in her booster seat to look at the man she had grown to like and started laughing with her mom.

"It's not fair to just give her the attention and exclude me completely" he said in a whining tone as he watched the two of his, he dared to admit, favorite girls laugh at him.

"You're a big boy, you can handle it" Cuddy took a bite and started nibbling on it.

"How about you pay me back tonight?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her, only getting another laugh.

"For what?" She looked at him as if he was a lunatic. (Not that she was saying he wasn't)

"For the lack of attention you've been giving me, of course" he replied matter-of-factly, taking a bite of his own.

"I didn't hear you complain last night" Cuddy grinned, replaying the night before in her head. God that had been fantastic! Sometimes, she just hated the fact that she had to get up in the morning and go to work, instead of staying in bed with the man currently pouting in front of her.

"Today is a new day. Why would I care about what happened last night?" he puffed out a breath, Rachel staring at them both.

Cuddy looked at him suspiciously.

"How about we trade one thing for another?" she asked taking a sip of the Cabernet she'd poured in their glasses.

"I'm listening" he said satisfactory, turning his head to 'act' as he was interested.

"I give you full attention tonight..._If_ you wash the dishes" Cuddy smiled from ear to ear, knowing that he'd protest.

"Come on! You know I'm never going to agree to that!" He dropped the fork in his plate making a sound that Rachel found amusing.

"Then, I guess you'll have to be flying alone tonight" she took another bite of her lasagna and pretended to ignore him.

"You and I both know you can't resist getting on that plane" House wiggled his eyebrows yet again. She would never let him know he was right.

"Yeah? And why is that?" she chuckled at his words.

"Because you always get off" he gave her an answer she couldn't argue with.

"You're still doing the dishes" Cuddy said, getting up from the table and carrying her plate to the sink.

* * *

With that in his mind, House got in the living room, only to find Cuddy going through some papers on the couch. Going round the couch, he even started thinking leaving Emily wouldn't be such a horrible idea.

"You gonna talk today?" he finally asked, standing in front of her.

"I'm not sure I can find an interesting topic" she dismissed him as she continued looking at the papers.

"So, you're gonna pretend like nothing happened. Nice. Thanks for playing and come again" he said sarcastically. As he realized she wasn't giving him any attention, he took the papers out of her hand, making her snap at him.

"Are you out of your mind?" Cuddy yelled, furious of what he had done.

"Most would say yes. My therapist says I'm doing just fine" House stared at her, his ice-blues locking her grays.

"What do you want from me?" Cuddy got up, leaving the rest of the papers on the couch.

"Why are you even here?" she yelled again, being frustrated with him.

The answer to that...House wasn't sure if he could give. He fell silent, stealing an exasperated sigh from Cuddy.

"Ha. Just what I thought." She looked at him, anger in her eyes. "You can leave now"

House shook his head "So, you're gonna pretend nothing happened?" he confronted her again, for the reason unknown to him. He could have just easily left her place, gone home to Emily and tried to work out what he'd started.

"Says the man who's pretending twenty years never happened!" She shouted at him, putting her hands on her hips. Sometimes, sometimes he angered her so much!

"What the hell are you talking about?" He raised his hand in the air, staring at her as she tried to breathe.

"You come here, telling me that you don't want me to be hurting, and still not do anything about it!" Lisa screamed at the man standing five feet away from her. "You behave like...I'm a burden! Like, you have to look out for me! When, when you're the one who let go! When you're the one who got us in all this mess! And now, you're trying to be this someone, who suddenly caaaares." she exaggerated "With your wife and the kid on the way, you come to my place and want to make sure I'm alright" she continued, her hands flailing in numerous manners. "Newsflash! I'm not alright!

You took what was most important to me, I didn't even know I had it, and now, when you're having that with another woman, you say you don't want me to suffer! Well, guess what! I already am! So, yes, House, I'm going to pretend like you never were here! Go to your perfect wife and stay out of my life."

House just scoffed at her words. "See? This is exactly why you and I won't ever work"

"What are you talking about now?" she rolled his eyes at him, her hands on her hips yet again.

"You just can't let it go! You just can't get round with what has happened to you, to _us_. I'm trying to be a better person, Cuddy. I'm trying not to be selfish. And what about you? What are you doing? You're putting a blame on me for something that happened more than two years ago and won't even try to move on!" He yelled back at her.

"Says the man that has been detached from his feelings for fifty one year!" Cuddy uttered as she grabbed her papers from the couch.

"At least I'm better, which I can't say for you. Miss, 'I still haven't changed the lock on the door cause I hope my darlin' will be back'" he mocked her,aware that he was causing her pain, much as he was all the years they'd been around each other.

"Get out!" She screamed at him.

"Gee, one would think you'd find a better one-liner for situations like this, you seem to be repeating yourself awfully a lot" he gave her a dismissive look as her chest raised up and down heavily, her face reading nothing but anger.

"You're right"she breathed out of her nose "Get out of my house!"

* * *

As House got on his bike, he thought what an idiot he had been for even considering coming there.

* * *

The moment House went out the door, Cuddy reached for her cell and dialed a number from her phone-book. She had to make two calls.

"Hey, Michael" she said cheerfully as the man answered his phone "Does Tuesday sound good?"

And that was how she ended up with a date. She wouldn't let a man that dared insult her be right.

The second call Cuddy made was to the Board.

And that was how Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital lost its Diagnostics department.

* * *

Emily was on the phone when Greg came in. She had been talking to an exclusive furniture department store she trusted the most when it came to furnishing the apartment- Sterns exclusive furniture.

Sure, IKEA was nice, but it wasn't really her thing. She'd taken the catalogs just to see what else was there. She'd stick with their crib, though. And some shelves too. The rest, the little pieces of furniture she usually placed around the house for detailing, she would use the store she loved the most.

She quickly got off the phone and stood up, cautiously, to greet Greg.

He looked quite angry... wherever he had been through the night and whatever he'd done, had surely been a wrong thing to do.

She was scared for a bit, not really knowing what to do, or rather, if to do anything at all.

She could just stay quiet, and let him brood on his own. Or, she could actually ask the man what was going on. She decided that it would be an improvement if she did, and biting her lower lip in hesitation she softly asked

"What's going on?"

He just looked at her, the rage never leaving his face.

"Why the fuck would you wanna know?" The moment he yelled, Emily's eyes started filling with tears.

"I thought you were trying to be better" she said in a low voice as she past by him and went into the bedroom.

House hung his head, letting out a breath. Great. He was screwing this up as well.

* * *

_Reviews would be nice... as always :)_

_Enjoy tonight's episode! :D_

_Let's hope for some really EPIC and MADE OF AWESOME scenes :3_


	11. Trying my best not to forget

_Placebo this time. Meds._

_Kinda in the mood for them._

_And, oh, my. Carrot or stick! I have no words. I cried at the end. :') How did you like it? See ya soon! _

_

* * *

_

Chapter 10

"I was in love falling free trying my best not to forget"

It wasn't before an hour had passed that House entered the bedroom he shared with Emily for quite some time. He knew he had been an idiot for snapping at her. She hadn't done anything to him and he'd just taken it out on her for no reason. He never should have gone to Cuddy's place either, it had been a bad idea. He was supposed to leave her be, she had been the one that disobeyed him and got them into this mess. He had strictly told her not to come, not to butt in, but she just couldn't listen... Like many times before. That stubborn woman... He wasn't regretting anything he'd said to her, no matter how rough those words had been. She deserved it, in one way or another.

Now, he just had one thing on his mind, to take care of the woman sleeping in the huge bed in the center of their bedroom. It seemed like she was sleeping anyway.

He sat on the bed and gently shook her.

"Leave me alone" she said sternly, not even humoring him by turning around to face him. She was so... disappointed with him. But, she was also angry with herself. She kept forgetting that Greg wasn't really a talkative type. But then again, he was disappointing her cause he was making such good progress. He'd been more open with her, he'd been more invested in the whole baby thing, even went shopping with her, he would even start practicing medicine again come Monday.

And because he'd once told her that he wanted to get better, she was now lying in bed, disappointed.

"You can't possibly still be mad" House worded as he watched her slowly turn around "that was impulse! It had nothing to do with you" she just gave him a disapproving look and rolled her eyes at him.

"What?" he got annoyed. She had to know it had nothing to do with her. She knew that, right?

"If you have nothing else to say but that, you can just leave" Emily crossed her arms above her expanding stomach. She was practically huge already, she hated to guess how she was going to be in the next months of the pregnancy.

"What do you want me to say? I told you it had nothing to do with you!" He whined again, raising his left hand in the air, indicating he had no idea why that wasn't enough for her.

"How about 'I'm sorry?' or is that just too much for your ego?" he smirked at her words, but soon realized she wasn't kidding.

I'm sorry? The last person who'd gotten those words out of him had been Cuddy's mom, when she'd been at the hospital, the day Lisa had ended up in an accident and he said it only because he'd actually felt obliged to do so. And before that, it had been Cuddy herself that made him apologize, and the woman knew him for more than twenty years and knew how to get him round her finger... and he loved her. He didn't love Emily, he had no actual need to apologize.

"I swear, I'm not gonna move from here till you start talking to me" he said, completely dismissing her 'I'm sorry' remark

Emily just scoffed as she realized what he was doing.

"You swear you're not gonna move from this exact spot?" He nodded contently at her words.

"Hold on to that promise" she said as she got up and out of the room.

House watched her leave in disbelief. He might didn't love her, but damn, she knew how to work him round her finger.

* * *

Arlene Cuddy drummed her fingers on the desk as she waited for her daughter to pick up the phone. Lisa hadn't returned home last night, leaving her to take care of Rachel for the night, not even notifying her about it. That was some rude behavior! She hadn't raised her like that! However, this wasn't the first time she'd pulled out something of this sort. While she had been in high school, she would constantly sleep over at her friends', never even telling them where she had been. It was a classic Lisa behavior. Make your parents mad and do something stupid. God knew what she'd been doing!

Ever since she and House had broken up, she'd been parading with a different flavor of the week. She just wasn't able to settle down... Arlene sighed as she remembered the time she'd told her daughter she didn't want Rachel growing up thinking she was a slut. And with this behavior, she was going in just that direction.

Lisa just couldn't pick up after House left. She'd been searching for him in so many men, she was still living in their house, something Arlene thought she'd get rid of the moment he packed his bags.

She was a mess!

Arlene finally heard a voice on the other end of the phone "Hey mom" her daughter said drily, the usual sweet welcome.

"Are you even aware your daughter is still in New York?" Arlene started, her usual behavior apparent.

"I'm not a bad mother,mom" Lisa started, but Arlene quickly interrupted her "Just come get her, she's going to get me sick again and I have a cruise to go to in two days"

Lisa sighed "I'll come pick her up in a bit, when would be appropriate?" she asked with a dose of sarcasm hidden in her voice.

Arlene, knowing her daughter, picked up on it and just gave her a quick "Now" and with a quick goodbye turned the phone off.

* * *

House laid in the bed staring at the ceiling, thinking what had he done again. He knew Emily wouldn't settle with what he'd had to offer her, it had been ridiculous of him to even react the way he had.

He had to snap out of whatever he let himself fall into. Cuddy. She could no longer exist in his life. Their life. Emily's and his life. Not if he wanted a new beginning away from all the unspoken problems and a past that would surely always be back to haunt them. He had no future with Cuddy. He couldn't see it. Not when she would always bring back the horrible things they'd done to each other in the past, not when she'd always hate him for choosing her over their unborn child.

He had demons of his own. He... hated the world around him, for its cruelty, for its ridiculous reasoning, for its people. He hated not being able to move on from all the things that happened to him, from all the things that had scarred him.

No, he couldn't live like that anymore. He wanted to forget all of that. He wanted something new, something and somewhere new. And Emily was just that.

Life with her, it was a blank canvas. Well, more of a 'starter' canvas, as it already had some primary brush strokes. And he, for once wanted to paint that picture nice.

Give it some fresh color, like grass green and sunny orange. He could have that with Emily. Yes, she was a bothered one, but she was, unlike Cuddy, healing. She wanted to get better, she was working on herself and she... accepted him for how screwed up he was. Though, she had almost zero knowledge of the things that had happened to him.

He needed to change that. He needed to let her know what he was dealing with. He wanted to see her reaction. Maybe, if she knew about some things, maybe she would accept him even more, the way she was starting to.

He couldn't risk her not knowing things. Not when his past so politely decided to pop out unexpected. Sure, Cuddy wouldn't be coming around, but who said Wilson wouldn't? Especially now when he was getting back to practicing medicine. He'd bump into an awful lot of familiar people, and they would sure have things to say and share. Emily, being the curious one, would never let an opportunity like hearing people talk about him slip. He had to at least share some things with her.

* * *

As she drove in her car, listening to random music that was being played on the radio, Cuddy thought about what on earth had she let her life become.

She went back to the early start, when she'd been a rebel teenager, with a passion for everything. She had used to party like maniac, not even bothering to let her parents know where she'd been and who she'd been with. She'd sneak out of the house in the middle of the night when she was grounded and went wherever the hottest party had been. She really hadn't cared about tomorrow and just lived her life to the fullest. Her parents, well, they hadn't been complaining for two reasons. One being that she was an excellent student and her outgoing nature didn't really affect her grades, and two being they knew only ten percent of things she'd been doing. And then, there were the guys. She'd used to hook up with a different guy every week, cause it was fun doing so. She hadn't really cared about any of them and she, most of the times, stood them up the morning after, or if they were really cute, a couple of dates after. She just... hadn't cared. She had been all about the partying and boys were more like ...alcohol. Fun before you took too much.

Most of the people in school thought she was a bitch and had been scared of her. She'd been a force. Much like she still was. She hadn't really been the by the book most popular girl in school, but everyone talked about her nevertheless.

The so called, populars, they had been all lovey-dovey with her, knowing what impact and influence she had.

The irony about it all, her partying and messing around, had been, that everyone thought she'd slaved guys in bed, when, she surprisingly or not, had never even slept with anyone.

She just messed with the guys as long as she could. She'd thought, it would always stay like that. Her being the kiss 'em, dump 'em, don't care bout 'em type.

And that had been when she'd started college and Gregory House had happened.

Cuddy scoffed as she changed the station to something not country, the melancholy and sad tunes not really being her first choice at that moment.

He had been the first guy to get her … attention. The first guy that had her wrapped around his finger. The first guy that had made her frustrated, angry and desperate. And how had he managed to do just that?

He'd given her the taste of her own medicine. At least, that had been how she'd seen it. They'd flirted he showed up in her classes, ask her to a party, slept with her and never called her again.

Sure, now she knew that he'd been expelled from college, but she hadn't known that then.

And that had made her a different person. She'd started thinking about others, she'd started realizing what she'd been doing and how she must have hurt all those guys she hadn't even cared about.

She'd been intent to change something. She'd been intent to make a change.  
And she'd been doing just about that before he'd made an appearance in her life yet again.

A tear slipped down her cheek. He seemed to just come and go. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was never meant to be in her life for good. Maybe he was just there to teach her important lessons, maybe that was just what he was. Yeah. He couldn't possibly be a constant in her life. Sure, he'd stick around for years, but before that, he hadn't. And now, as well. So, that only made him... something not constant.

Yeah. She would believe that.

She would believe he was nothing more than that. She had to.

* * *

House got out of the bed, reached for his cane, which was propped right next to the night stand and started towards the living room. As he got there, he realized Emily wasn't there. He thought she'd be watching TV or reading a book, or playing the piano, but she wasn't doing any of that. That was when the smell of something burning started filling the living room. He moved as fast as he could to the kitchen.

* * *

_DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM_

_How many of you asked what will I do with Emily? :O_


	12. To steal what you won't show

_No Cuddy in this chapter! And OMG, you get to see what happens to Emily! LOLL :))))_

_I'm not that bad, I promise! Enjoy... I don't know when you'll be getting a new chapter...I'm extremely busy these days! (partying mostly, but what the heck ;D )_

_Oh, and can we pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase get Family practice this week? NO? Whyyyy :((((_

_I miss Candy already D:_

_Bu-bye! See ya soon! :)_

* * *

Chapter 11

"I reached inside your silence to steal what you won't show"

"What the hell are you doing?" House yelled as he tried to see through the thin layer of smoke that had arisen in the kitchen. He was so afraid something bad happened, but his fears quickly vanished as he saw Emily standing by the open oven, holding a tray of what seemed to be burnt muffins.

"I'm playing wife" She quickly dismissed as she tried to put the muffin tray on the isle counter.

House paced towards her, grabbing the tray before she could put it aside and yelled at her again "Get out, you can't be inhaling smoke!" then, he pushed her towards the door, and grabbing a near by cloth, started to make wind with it.

"Stop yelling at me!" She shouted back at him, standing by the door while watching him open a window.

"I would, if you actually acted like a sane human being!" The smoke faded away, but the kitchen still smelled of burnt chocolate.

"You want to talk about sane? How about you being completely crazy!" she confronted him, not wanting to stay silent any longer. She was hurt and angry. He just wouldn't stop yelling at her, for reasons completely unknown.

Nothing seemed right to her, anyway. First, Lisa appeared and left, without even waiting for Greg, then, he came home only to leave abruptly and come back the day after and started yelling at her for no reason. She hadn't even asked him why he hadn't come home since the morning before and he took the opportunity to lash out on her.

House inhaled deeply, instantly realizing it was a bad idea. He started coughing almost the same moment, and Emily, her maternal instinct kicking in, started towards him, patting him on the back as she reached him.

"I just..." he began, not really knowing how to put it the way he wanted "if something happened to you..." Emily's face softened immediately.

"It's just burnt muffins, I'm all alright, and the kid is fine" she took his hand and put it on her stomach, cautiously.

House's face lit at her actions. In a split moment, he felt something under his hand. A movement. And then, another movement, a kick this time.

Emily just looked at him as a smile appeared on his face.

"See?" she nodded towards him, but quickly started to worry as Greg's smile started to dissipate.

"What's wrong?" she dared to ask, knowing how the last time she had done so ended.

"I'm a moron" he looked at her, his hand never leaving his stomach, taking in every little movement his kid to be did. It was the first time he actually witnessed something like that, and he felt so... fifties-posters, with caring working dads and wives cooking for their men at home, popping out one kid after another. But the feeling was... overwhelming.

"You are" Emily breathed out, stealing another smile from her husband.

* * *

House and Emily sat in the dining room, trying to eat whatever edible parts of muffins there were.

"I just... this is awful" House started laughing as he tried to dig in the center of a very burnt one.

"I know" Emily started giggling as she cut through one particularly black muffin.

"And look at this" House raised a squishy piece that was on the top of his muffin. "What's this supposed to be?" he waved with with it at Emily.

"I believe that is a cherry" she took it from him and put it in her mouth "Yeah, cherry it is"

House looked at her with both disgust and amusement "Would you like a pickle now?"

She just started laughing "You know that's just a myth... I never crave any pickles" she pushed him playfully, sitting next to him at the huge twelve-chaired table.

"But yet, you continue to eat disgusting things" House smirked as he finally found a piece in the middle of the muffin that didn't look that burnt and smelly.

"Like what?" she scoffed at him, taking a bite of the muffin " I really don't eat that much"

Her words made House raise his eyebrows at her and give her a questioning look.

"What? I dooon't" she claimed, House still not changing his facial expression.

"What about that vanilla and chocolate chip ice-cream and ketchup combination?" He remembered coming home to seeing her head stuffed in a bucket of ice-cream sobbing to Notebook and tissues all over the bed. He'd actually found it cute... until he went for the ice-cream itself and found it tasting like pizza. How she could eat that, he would never know! It had taken two days for the taste to go away.

"That was one time! And you liked it!" She pointed a fork at him. She really didn't know what exactly happened to her that day. She'd just had an insane urge to eat ice-cream and when she got to the fridge, ketchup seemed so yummy. But she still couldn't have let go of ice-cream, so she thought mixing the two would be a great idea. It'd turned out to be. At least that was what she though, Greg seemed to oppose.

"I spent the next hour trying to get that taste out of my mouth! God knows how much water I drank and how many times I've brushed my teeth just to try to make it better" Emily started laughing as she remembered how disgusted he had been.

"Well, you are to blame for this all, anyway" she put a piece of semi burnt chocolate chip in her mouth.

"What do you mean?" he looked at her suspiciously, snapping out a good looking piece out of her hand, just as she was about to put it in her mouth.

"Hey!" she protested "That was mine!" Emily slapped his right arm and slightly stood up, reaching for somewhat good looking muffin that House had stored for himself.

"Now, that's just cruel!" he whined as he watched her start on the muffin, really exaggerating how much she enjoyed eating it.

"Eye for an eye" she said between the bites, but House had caught up on her deflection and suddenly turned back to what she'd been saying.

"What did you mean by this all being my fault?" his face was serious, her turned to one of worry.

"Well..." she started "You made me keep the baby" his eyes widened "That I don't regret! But... none of this would be as it is if you hadn't stopped me from terminating" her voice slowly faded away.

Now, she couldn't believe she'd even considered getting rid of the little baby growing inside of her. The whole pregnancy had changed her, made her a better person, made her a _person. _She was able to feel things, enjoy life and discover how amazing it actually was. Never before had she thought about beautiful things surrounding her. For instance, she could never enjoy nature before. Now, she'd found herself sitting on a bench in Central park more than often. Just... watching kids play, listening to birds, the few of them that actually were there, anyway, and enjoying walking round the lake.

More and more was she aware of the fact that life actually was like music. Everything that she thought resided only within music, she'd started to find in real life. All the emotions, all the diversity. All of it.

And she knew she wouldn't be able to do that if she hadn't gotten pregnant.

"I... would like to tell you something about that" House swallowed hard, deciding it was time to tell Emily some real things. That it was time to share. To leave the darkness.

Emily sensed the seriousness of his and put the muffin down. This was going to be something.

"What do you mean now?" she asked him cautiously, anxious that this might have been the time Greg decided to open up. Yeah, she had been waiting for this day for so long, but now, that it was actually there... She was a bit afraid. What if it was something she couldn't cope with? What if it was too big of a burden? She'd just started 'healing' and... No. _Stop. _She snapped at herself. She wouldn't make this intimidate her. This could only be good. And serve them well. But before he started saying what he wanted, she had to ask him one thing, before she forgot about it. She raised her hand to indicate for him to stop talking and asked

"I know this is kind of taking off course, but... Why did you leave so abruptly yesterday when I've told you Lisa came to look for you?" she swallowed hard as she saw his facial expression change to one of … disappointment?

"She wanted me back" House started, but quickly bit his tongue, deciding he wouldn't give away too much, just yet. " She was my boss. The hospital contacted her to ask for some credentials and since no one really knew where I was...As soon as the word was out I was back to practicing... Princeton Plainsboro wanted me back" he finished, Emily scratched her head for a second.

"So, you were really that good, huh?" she smirked, but realizing House didn't tell her what he was planning to added "Sorry, you were saying something" she took a sip of the milk she'd poured for them in the crystal glasses. She just loved spoiling herself with luxury every day, she really didn't believe in that 'certain items for every day usage, others for 'we're having guests' usage' thing.

"I didn't want you to terminate... because" he breathed out "Because I've already lost too many people in my life and I didn't want to be responsible for losing another one."

There. He said it. He said what was on his mind, and bothering him. He shared it with her. With Emily. The woman who was carrying his child, and he, day by day, started liking more and more. Yeah, it was scary, but it was pleasant as well. It was...

Emily's face softened at his words. She felt the urge to reach for him, and hug him, give him some kind of comfort, but she was afraid. They weren't really... the hugging/kissing/any type of comfort or intimacy type. Even when they had sex, it was all... so professional, so to speak. It was, get frisky, naked, do it and continue doing whatever they were doing before it, or go to sleep. There was... no tenderness to it, there was no... intimacy. It was... just essential. As if, they were thirsty and had to drink water.

She just... didn't know how to act in this kind of moments, mainly, because she was never present with one of the sort. This was the first time she actually had a need to show him she cared.

House saw the uncertainty in Emily's eyes as they diverted from his face to his hand, and he reached for hers, and put it in his. He needed for her to know that it was ok. That he wanted to let her in, that he was letting her in. He softly smiled as her face lit to his action. She was grateful. That made him warm inside.

"Greg.. You don't have to tell me that if you can't" she spoke small, she really didn't want him to go all out and realize he couldn't really do it.

"I need to" He remembered all the times he kept things to himself and how that had only turned to bite at his ass.

"But do you want to? Do you want it to be me you're telling this?"

Her questions ... He knew that she wasn't the person who he wanted to share what was bothering him with, that she wasn't really that someone. But she could be. He needed to give her the chance. She deserved so much more than that.

His 'someone' couldn't even get round to what had happened to them both and was beyond broken and uncooperative. He couldn't let himself fall after her, fall in that turmoil which had no way out.

He needed to get better, and let his 'someone' cope on her own. She had to do it, like he was doing it.

Yeah.. it was very unfortunate and sustainably sad that they were better apart... at least where things were now.

Maybe, some day, maybe, things would change. But, for his side to change, he had to give Emily a chance.

So he answered just partially "Yes, I want to" completely avoiding the part where he had to tell her she wasn't the person, his person.

But as she beamed at his words, he was sure she could be. She could be his person. Yeah, he'd like that very much.

* * *

_Reviews, please! :)_


	13. Just a dream

_Oh, hello! I am sick, and bored so I thought posting a new chapter will put a smile on my face and kill the boredom :) So far, so good! Thank you for all your lovely reviews! Though, Xy: I'm not going to kill Emily just because you find it hard to read the parts with her and House ;) , jehabib1: I am glad that you like the idea of Emily and House so much... but I'm still a Huddy at heart ;) _

_See? This is why I love reviews! Cause I get loads of different opinion and I can see how people feel about the fic and maybe even alter the way I approach some things ;)_

_Anyway... This chapter is inspired by Eminem. Anything by him, actually. He's trying to be such a great father and trying to get on the right track for his little daughter :) I think I kind of saw House and his willingness to change and do good in his songs. This time, it's Mockingbird. Yeah, love Em, or hate Em. He's God nevertheless :)_

_Oh, and as you can see, my music taste is quite all over the map XD_

_Ok, ok, nuff said. Enjoy the chappie :)_

* * *

Chapter 12

"Rest your head and go to sleep maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream"

"Wow you look stunning!" Michael licked his lips as he watched Cuddy get out of the house in a particularly sexy outfit. The gray-blue-ish dress matched her eyes and accentuated every part of her that made men go 'Damn'. It went little past her knees, exposing her legs just enough and it had a very nice V line, so he could really indulge in all the perks it gave. However, since it was a chilly January night, she had on a black coat that went little past her hips.

"Thank you" Cuddy smiled as she reached him. They were going out for dinner, something she'd started having more time to do as she no longer had to deal with all the law suits and outrageous procedures Diagnostics department had presented her on daily basis. She was now... a plain Dean of Medicine, a plain administrator. There had been no thrill to it, no anxiety, no killer hours. Just... work.

She hated to admit, but she was a bit sad. For the part, she loved the job just because of that. Of having a chance to do something no one else could, to deal with impossible. But, those days were behind her. Now, she was... more of an average person. Dating a broker, being a mom and working from nine to five, or rather from eight till four.

She had become everything that she...actually swore she would never become. She never wanted to be average... but she had to deal with it. Because, not being average, being a complete schmendrick, as her mother would put it, that had gotten her in a mess she couldn't really get out of... and she had to try. She had to get out of the routine she'd fallen into, and what else she could have done if not turning into something she'd been avoiding, or rather what she'd been in the past. That seemed to be the only logical thing to do. If unique and unconventional hadn't worked in the past, she had to try if boring and conventional worked. But,it wasn't that boring as it was only too familiar for her. So far... so good. Or rather, ok. She was doing just fine.

Michael was great, he was someone she could count on. But she would never let him near Rachel. She knew... She knew that if she let it happen, she was actually just going back to something she'd had when she'd been with... Lucas and she didn't want that. That didn't work, cause, she had been thinking bout House 24/7 while with Lucas.

She was thinking about House 24/7 now as well. She knew.. she knew this thing with Michael would never really work and she didn't want to let her daughter go through another boyfriend of hers. Not when she was old enough to start remembering things.. and what she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her.

But.. why was she with Michael then? Or whatever that thing with him was... It was just sex and dinner parties, anyway.

She needed someone to put her mind of everything that had been happening in her life for a bit. She wanted... to relax. To breathe a bit. To be able to not be angry anymore.

So, she thought, going back to her rebel days when she was younger, just having a guy here and there was the exact thing she needed. But now, with Rachel as the only person in the world that would mean so much to her. She'd be to that girl everything she could, she didn't need a father figure. Not when Cuddy couldn't settle on a decent guy, or make any relationship work for that matter.

And why did she want to bother another guy with all the things that had bothered her? She had too much on her mind, too much baggage.

When House had been to visit her... all the things he'd said... they'd made her start thinking. She didn't know if that made her even more angry or sad. That was all it took. A visit. A visit for her to get back to everything they had been, to remember all the horrible things they'd done to each other.

A visit to make her realize that she'd missed it all. Terribly.

But he was right.

She had to move on. She had to let him go.

However, that didn't make her any less angry or hurt.

* * *

"What?" House answered his phone while he was looking at the MRI scans in his office. It had been a month since he'd started working for the New York- Presbyterian and so far.. it had been hell. Much like he was used to. The people he got to work with were complete morons, of course and he could barely do what he wanted. Or maybe he was just being to harsh on them.

They were actually decent. All of the people he got in contact with on a daily basis... and he tried to keep that to a minimum, were highly educated people with degrees from either Harvard or Stanford.

Sadly, they all thought alike. That was why he requested he chose the members of his team all by himself. The board had protested at first, but House was House and he always got what he wanted, so this wasn't an exception.  
That was how he ended up with a guy and a girl. Yeah. Shame. They didn't let him have three. God, that foursome would have been something!

The girl, a twenty seven year old black chick that specialized in Angiology. She was by every mean hot and he hired her on the spot. He'd liked to say he'd have her hired because she was the miss universe type, but that hadn't been the reason. He'd known he wanted her on his team the moment he'd called her a black chick and she hadn't protested to say African-American, even though her Yale degree told her she had every right to. She was unconventional. Full stop. There'd been nothing else to it. Damn.

The guy, he was fresh out of med school, twenty four and eager to learn. He was specializing in Hepatology, much to House's dislike. He wanted him to specialize in Immunology, but the boy had no intentions to. (House actually liked the stubbornness within the guy, but he'd never let him know) Jennings was actually the one to present him with the young doctor having spotted him at a medical convention earlier that year. Even though House hated to admit it, Jennings had turned out to be less sissy and a moron that he'd initially thought. The guy actually knew his stuff and he was a great doctor. House mentally kicked himself. Of course he was. This was a fourth best hospital in the US. The place was loaded with excellent doctors, boring and idiotic, but excellent. The only reason the hospital didn't rank higher on the list was because it hadn't all fifteen specialties, but rather thirteen. It had had twelve before they'd hired House.

"Giraffe or elephant?" he heard Emily say on the other end of the phone. She had been in her seventh month and she'd become more hormonal than ever. She was still her, though. This call was actually something he'd never gotten from her. She usually didn't call him at work at all. Mainly cause she didn't want to disturb him and didn't know anything bout medicine that could actually interest her. He knew to come home talking bout insane procedures and she'd just sit there,listening, having actually no clue what he was talking about. In times like those... House actually regretted not having someone that could reason with him. But, many times, he was just glad to know that when he got home from the hospital, all the patients and cases were behind. He had no time to think about them once he got home cause Emily would always make him either play the piano with her, take him to a concert, or give him something to work on considering the baby.

House sighed. That all had actually made him a worse doctor. But.. he had to cope with it.

The therapist had asked him if he'd wanted more to be just exquisite in one part of his life, and if he wanted to be great on all the fields. He hadn't had the answer, so they'd agreed he'd try to see what it was like to have it all. Be good at his work and try and do good at home.

He never would have agreed to something like that before. Mainly because he thought there was no point in doing so... but somehow... somehow he started to see that there had actually been more to it all.

But, damn, he'd find it hard to admit.

"I'm fighting for a patient's life and you ask me about toys?" he scoffed at her, not wanting to let her know he was kinda glad she'd called. He needed a slight break from the work, the case had been particularly hard to figure out.

"Actually, I was talking bout actual animals... Maybe a giraffe could fit in our apartment, though, I'd let her sleep on your side of the bed" she laughed, "Seriously, what do you prefer?"

"I prefer you not calling me when I'm trying to work" House slouched down in his chair, leaving the scans on the desk.

"Greg?" Emily's voice faltered a bit.

"Yes?" he replied in a mock interest. Actually, it was meant to be mock interest for her, but deep down he wanted to know what it was.

"The first word I'm teaching the kid is _My dad's a jerk_" he could hear a cashier in the background say 'That'd be two hundred fifty'

"One. That's actually four words." House smirked "And two. Tell me you didn't spend two hundred and fifty bucks on a toy!"

"Actually, two toys. Since you didn't want to settle down on either and I liked the both, seemed reasonable" Emily handed the money to the woman and watched two guys pick up giraffe and elephant she bought in order to get them in her car. They were huge. Just about right stuff she needed to fill the empty space in the nursery. It wasn't her fault that all their rooms were huge. And she just wanted something nice for her kid.

"Oh, god. I could have bought thirty liters of beer for that money!" he protested as he pictured what she'd bought. He still couldn't really bring his mind to thinking he'd have a kid in a matter of two months. It... least to say scared the hell out of him.

"I don't know metric conversion" Emily scoffed "and besides, I'm making more money than you are, so you don't have to worry about me spending it." She loved bringing up the fact he no longer made the bank, even though she had no problems with it and was thrilled that he was back to working in his field.

"Why don't you write it out on a billboard, I'm sure you can afford a huge one at the Time square." He remarked, completely being aware of her teasing to be just that-teasing. Money was the last thing Emily cared about. "Oh, and FYI. The first _words _I'm teaching my kid is going to be _My mommy is a snob but my daddy is awesome_"

There was a slight pause coming from both of them and then, with a sniff, Emily said a quick bye.

It had been the first time ... House had actually let the words _my kid_ pass his lips. He breathed in. Two years before, he'd try to push that thought out of his mind. Two years before he'd run away from the whole children thing. He took the scans back in his hands and tried to see whether there were any changes since the last one they took.

But the picture of a little dark haired five year old stayed in his mind long after he'd gone to bed that day.

* * *

_..._

House had been sleeping as he felt a small figure climb in the bed and snuggle closer to him. He opened his eyes, slowly, not really knowing what was going on. He turned his head only to see Rachel trying to get under the covers with him.

"You have your own bed" House muttered as he watched her try and pull the blanket from him in order to get under it.

"I wanna sleep 'ere" the toddler squeeled as she pulled on the blanket again, House gripping on it tightly. Cuddy had been out of the city for the night, having to rush her mom having called her telling her she didn't feel well. So, House was alone, stuck with the three year old. Cuddy had had to beg him to look after her and stay with her over the night cause she couldn't really take Rachel with her on such circumstances.

"No!" House snapped at her, the girl's lower lip instantly started wobbling. "Oh,God" he cursed as he saw her eyes fill with tears almost in a flash. "You can stay here, just stay on mom's side of the bed" he breathed out, letting go of the blanket so she could crawl under it.

He closed his eyes again, breathing out and trying to go back to sleep.

Of course, she completely disobeyed him and scooted closer to him, her little leg wrapping around his bad leg, but never hitting the sour spot.

"Rachel?" House worded in a bit of malice in his voice, never opening his eyes. He really wasn't comfortable with her as close as she was. Or maybe he was too comfortable and that scared him.

"I said mommy's side of the bed" he repeated himself, but she didn't move an inch. He turned his head to look back at her and find her grinning.

"You love to mess with me don't you?" he smirked as he saw her giggle a bit. Damn she was learning well from that mother of hers. He just shook his head and closed his eyes again.

"Goodnight, Rachel" She scooted even closer.

As soon as he was about to doze off he heard Rachel say something that kept him awake all night.

"Nite, daddy"

...

* * *

House woke up with sweat covering his forehead. Yeah, he missed her too.

* * *

_Thoughts? :D I'm sure you'd have something to say considering House and Rachel interaction ;) I might be avoiding Cuddy for a few chapters... But I sure won't avoid bringing the past back ;)_


	14. Please don't take your love away

**_I wasn't aware of this chapter being so short till I put it on here... but what can I do. At least it has Huddy in it :D I guess you can all forgive me then ;) *wink wink*_**

**_Oh. And I just started writing some smut... Yeah.. it'll be chapter 15, and it's not really a chapter that will be that essential to the rest of the story... So you can skip it if you don't like smut :) I'm not particularly into it... but I still love to read it from time to time :P_**

**_Anyway... that was something that will happen somewheeen in the future xD so... Enjoy present now :D_**

**_The song is by Vast- Please don't take your love away_**

* * *

Chapter 13

"Please don't take your love from me"

"When are you doing to introduce me to your daughter?" Michael said as he watched Lisa dress lying on his bed. They'd had dinner and, as always, ended up at his place. He was starting to get a bit fed up with it.

"I don't know" she didn't lie. She just didn't have an answer for him, well, at least not the one he'd be ok with.

"Is there some kind of problem I'm unaware of?" Michael reached for his boxers that were tossed on the night stand and looked at her, waiting for an answer.

"No... I just" Cuddy started, getting her blouse on in the process "I just thought you understood that I don't really want anything deeper than what we have right now" she smiled awkwardly.

"So.. what? I'm here for..." he eyed her "just sex and fun?"

"And talks!" Cuddy tried laughing it off, but his face remained serious.

"Start taking me seriously" Michael breathed out as he climbed out of the bed, towards her.

"It's a little hard to do so, when you're wearing nothing but 'Let's ride' boxers" Cuddy laughed a bit, trying to change the subject, but knew she failed once Michael continued with his little talk.

"I just want to be with you, Lisa" he reached for his shirt sprawled over the big armchair in the corner of the bedroom. His apartment was really nice and spacious, revealing just how successful he was.

"I think you are with me already" she dismissed him, searching for her pencil skirt in the pile of their clothes.

"Lisa, look at me. Let me be around! Let me in your life. I am sick of.. these side relationships that are just about sex, I want something more, just... Let me in, is that too much to ask?" he took her by hand, but she quickly snapped it from him as she tried to get her skirt on.

"Yes, it is" she nodded, not really bothering to spare his feelings.

"Why?" he stood in front of her, and put both of his hands on her shoulders, making her look up at him and stop dressing.

"Cause every... relationship I was in ended terribly. Cause I suck at being a relationship. I am just not a person for it" She was honest, she really couldn't see her in yet another 'sure' thing. Not that her relationship with House was ever sure, but they'd been together for a year, if you don't count the twenty years of flirting and messing around.

"Give this a shot! I'm a different man than you ever were with" He smiled at her. He really liked her and wanted to be with her, and he'd made it clear a couple of times before. All in vain.

"You don't even know who I was with or what they were like" She scoffed at him.

"I was just tooting my horn, let me be woman" he smirked at her, stealing a small smile in return.

"I was hurt... and the man I was previously with... I don't want to drag Rachel into this. You can have me, but... It's me only" Cuddy finally breathed out, trying to get into her black five inch heels.

"You really must have loved him" Michael puffed out a breath, as he watched her get her blazer on.

" I still do" she murmured, not really caring if he heard her or not. But he did.

He just gave her a questioning look.

"What? You're the one who's constantly talking bout honesty and sharing" She threw his quips at him.

"Yeah... I know" he spoke small "I just need to make sure you'll forget him, then" he smiled hopefully.

But Cuddy didn't even nod. She knew she would never be able to do so.

* * *

_..._

_"What are you doing here? Cuddy asked as she looked up from Rachel swinging on a playground towards House, who just happened to pop out of nowhere. He was supposed to be at home, watching Monster trucks and drinking beer. That was his 'deserved' alone time he got every Sunday, when Cuddy would take Rachel to to play. That was why Cuddy was so surprised to see him there. He never sacrificed his alone time for anything of this sort._

_House just smiled awkwardly at her. She instantly knew something was up._

_"What happened?" She breathed out as Rachel jumped from the swing and hopped to House, grinning endlessly. She really grew to like him._

_"Does something have to happen for me to come here? Can't I just come cause I want to?" House diverted his eyes, making a face. "Wait. That sounded wrong even to me"_

_Cuddy sighed, pursing her lips together, She hoped it wasn't that bad. Rachel took the opportunity of the two of them speaking to get some attention and reached for House's hand, wanking him up and down as he stood still._

_"Push me on the swi'g" she whined as she clung onto him._

_"Go ask your mom" he dismissed her playfully, her yes only growing wide._

_"You push me!" she demanded pulling his hand as she started walking towards the swing. House really didn't know what to do, so he let Rachel drag him to the swing. Cuddy took a moment to laugh a the whole scene being played in front of her. Her daughter had the man she loved wrapped around her little finger. More than Cuddy could ever imagine. Well, she did learn from the best. Cuddy smirked._

_"Don't do that" House rolled his eyes as he realized Cuddy was gloating at seeing the two of them together._

_"I can't help it. You're too cute" she put her hand on her mouth and tried to hold her laughter. She failed, more or less intentionally._

_"Rachel, tell your mom we aren't cute" House pushed the little girl more up, but still kept her low, cautious she wouldn't fall._

_"We cute!" Rachel yelled as she wiggled her legs in attempt to swing on her own. Cuddy just laughed some more. She loved them so much. Even more together._

_"Oh, look at you!" a young woman holding a camera approached them, not really getting their attention. She just snapped a photo of the three of them, just as Cuddy was approaching the swing as House calmed it down, allowing Rachel to get off of it. House quickly turned his attention to the photographer, as he started being aware of what was happening around the three of them again._

_"Here you go" the girl offered him her calling card "I'll make the picture for you, so you can take it tomorrow" she smiled, leaving to snap some more pictures of other families._

_"Oh, she'll probably just want money for it" House protested as he put the calling card in his pocket. But Cuddy took onto his actions and smiled. She knew he wanted that picture, even though he wouldn't admit it._

_And then, she remembered he'd been bummed out when he'd gotten on the playground._

_"What was wrong? You wanted to tell me something.. or not" she suddenly got all serious, but House shook his head as if she was talking bout something ridiculous._

_"I'm all good" he smirked as Rachel yet again took his hand and dragged him to the Mary-go-round._

_And that was when it all downed on Cuddy and a twinkle appeared in her eyes. He actually wasn't lying. He just wanted to come. She smiled widely as she went after them._

* * *

"Di... I'm fine It was just a little dizziness, I haven't eaten a lot. Nothing to worry about. I ate now, I'm all good" Emily tried to hold the phone with her shoulder as she hovered over the box she'd put on the desk. She had gone to pick up some things that day and when she'd been at the store, she'd started feeling a bit dizzy and she'd lost her balance for a moment. Diana was with her and she'd got scared so she called a cab for Emily and was now calling to see if she was feeling ok. Emily wasn't supposed to come home for the next four hours, the time she'd planned to spend shopping and drinking tea with her best friend.

She said 'bye' to Di, and looked at the box in front of her.

She was at home and she had been able to receive a package addressed to Greg. Good thing she'd been at home cause he'd have to go get it to the post office if the mail man hadn't found anyone at home.

First.. she hadn't wanted to open the package, but then, the curiosity took over. Greg swore he'd get her something she'd never expect and she wanted to know if this was what he'd been talking about.

And as she opened the box, she was more and more aware that the package had nothing to do with her or the thing Greg talked about. From all the medical books and little bottles with various colored liquid in them, Emily figure it had something to do with Greg starting to work at the hospital again and that he needed all of those around. Well, after almost 3 years of not practicing, who could blame him!

But there was something.. something that caught her eye just as she was about to close the box.

Something that made her jaw drop.

A picture.

* * *

_..._

_House looked around him as he sat in his office, trying to see if there was anyone in the close proximity. Making sure there wasn't, he retrieved a small piece of carton out of his pocket and snapped his cell phone opened._

_He dialed the number written on the card and waited for the person to answer the phone._

_"Hello?" he hear the woman say._

_"Yeah... I was calling about those pictures... you took at the park yesterday" he started, still unsure of what and why he was doing what he was doing._

_"Yeah, I'd like to go get it"_

* * *

**_Poor Emily :( Or not? By the way... how do you guys feel about her now? Cause, she's my baby, my character and I feel her suffering:'(_**

**_Oh, well, we make em, we break em._**

**_;)_**

**_Reviews, nice as always :)_**


	15. Ignorance is your new best friend

_Hello boys and girls :D I just finished writing smut.. and sadly, this chapter doesn't contain it D: But... I can tell you, I'm changing the ratings to M the next chapter... The rest of the story still stays T rated ... if I can say that :O_

_Oh, and many of you asked what smut I wrote, if it was Huddy/Emily+House or what. I'm just gonna say._

_PEOPLE I'M A HUDDY. Do you really think I would be able to write some other kind of smut? REALLY? :3_

_Anyway... more House/Emily drama-rama :P I personally love writing it so much :3_

_Song to this chappie is Ignorance by Paramore (yep, I love them, I know, so pathetic) _

* * *

Chapter 14

"Ignorance is your new best friend"

Emily put one hand on her mouth as she tried to process the picture she'd just saw and was still holding in her other hand. It had been Greg with Lisa and a little girl. He was pushing her on the swing and Lisa was going towards them. It was really obvious that they were … family.

Emily thought she'd throw up on the spot. All this time... all this time he was keeping this from her. She had been so stupid! Of course this had been the reason Lisa'd rushed out of their apartment the moment she'd been told by Emily the child she was carrying was Greg's and that they were married.

God.

He'd left them. Why... He obviously couldn't have shared it with her that he had left them... she'd been pissed. Much like she was now. But at least she wouldn't be hurt like she was. Hurt, disappointed, angry, shocked.

He'd told her that he had been in a psychiatric hospital and that that had been the reason he'd stop practicing... There had never been talk of this sort. He … She scoffed through the tears that brimmed in her eyes.

She was an idiot.

How couldn't have she caught on his words? He'd said that Lisa had wanted him back... She knew now that it wasn't just as a boss. GOD!

Emily removed herself from the table and went from the dining room to the living room. And on that path of two brief minutes something else downed on her.

Lisa...

God, Lisa had been left with a child to raise... and now she was going to birth a child of Greg's after he'd left the two of them.

She breathed in. There was still a possibility that they hadn't been together and that he'd been in that park when that shot had been taken just accidentally. She'd love to be able to believe that... But she couldn't. Something told her that it was all making sense to her. The fact that Greg hadn't let her terminate... he'd probably just felt guilty of leaving the two of them.

She suddenly felt a more prominent urge to puke. That was what their kid was to him. Just something he didn't want to regret.

She used her index fingers to get rid of the tears that streamed down her cheeks, still not letting go of the picture. This was all too much.

Of course! That was why he hadn't wanted to meet her up in the coffee shop, that was probably why he'd gone ballistic when she'd told him that Lisa had been to visit and he'd most possibly gone to see her after that as well.

God knew what they'd done that night!

She scoffed. And after everything, she was worried that... Wait.

She stood in the living room, not really focusing on anything but rather staring at an empty space.

Great. She was feeling something she didn't even think she would ever feel. Was this jealousy?

Was she really going to worry if he'd cheated on her apart from all the things that had just hit her?

She gulped. No. Or... yes.

Whatever it was. She just had to deal with what mess he'd made.

She just couldn't believe it. She couldn't even begin to imagine how Lisa felt, or... maybe she could and that was why she felt so guilty all of sudden. Maybe not so much for Lisa, but for the little girl in the picture. She knew more than anyone how it was to have your parents leave you at a young age...

And she didn't want to be the reason why the little girl's father wasn't around. However, she assured herself it wasn't her fault that he'd left them. She hadn't stolen him away from them. She'd met him when he had been already alone.

But still she felt an incredible need to apologize to Lisa... If not for anything other than putting her through the little hell she must have felt when she'd been in their apartment listening to her talking bout how bless her and Greg were.

Crap.

No... she had to do something... She had to... She had to make things right.

She sat down in her favorite polka dot chair and stared at the picture in her right hand. They seemed so happy. Such a beautiful family. How could someone... how could have he left all that and settled on having another family away from the two of them?

What could she do? What could she possibly do?

She dropped her hands by the sides of the chair and stared at the art piece on the wall in front of her.

She huffed out a breath.

* * *

"I brought food!" House yelled as he got inside of their apartment. It wasn't that late, little past nine pm, but he was still worried Emily would be sad cause he couldn't make it sooner.

He smiled contently. He actually could see his progress himself. In this whole mess of being a better person, he actually was making baby steps. And he'd started caring bout Emily's feelings.

He liked that. He liked that he didn't just start coming up with numerous reasons why he couldn't make it, some rude, some sarcastic, but, in stead, he was bringing peace offer in a form of family sized pizza.

But as he got in the living room he suddenly froze.

This was more of... blank than sad. He thought as he looked at Emily sitting aimlessly in her armchair.

Her legs in an X position, slightly apart, her hands dropping by the sides of the arm-chair, her expression not really readable, her eyes set upon the art piece she'd bought when she'd been in Spain.

"I'm sorry that I am this late... But I had this awesome case and I just had to crack it!" he said somewhat cheerfully, remembering just how hard the case had been and how awesome all the thins surrounding it had been. He'd even get to use new hospital equipment! That had been bad ass.

But he stopped thinking about it the moment Emily didn't catch up on his words.

So, he dumped the pizza on the nearby table and slowly approached her.

"What's-" … wrong he wanted to ask, but he froze the moment her eyes shot up on him. He could say her looks actually froze him cause her stare was ice-cold. He'd never really seen her like that. Something was reaaaally wrong. He was... scared.

"How could you possibly leave them?" she snapped at him, her voice low and rugged from the obvious crying that had been done.

His cheek started twitching. God.

How? How did she know? And what...

Her choice of words was obvious. She didn't care why he left them, or why didn't he tell her about it. She just asked about the only thing that made no coherent sense to her. The only thing she knew that hurt more than anything. Being left behind. She had to hate him big time.

"I..." he started "How do you know?" he spoke small, always been more interested in the ways people got the information than the information itself.

She just shot him another glare, and then reached tried to reach for the picture that dropped from her hand to the floor. But she just couldn't find the strength to do it. She'd been sitting at the same spot for hours.. She didn't even get up to eat and she was probably starving but she couldn't tell. All the other thoughts flooding her mind wouldn't let her. Not even the smell of fresh baked pizza was getting to her brain.

House snapped from the initial shock to realize just how pale Emily seemed. She looked.. awful. His stomach churned.

"How long have you been sitting here?" he asked, hating the fact that they had automatic day/night lights for the first time in his life. Had they been the normal ones, he'd be able to tell himself if she'd been sitting there before or after the night had set in. He mentally kicked himself.

Damn it, man. He was thinking bout lights when he was supposed to be thinking bout Emily and the kid.

"Doesn't matter" she worded, her gaze dropping as she was obviously tired. And little by little her eyes started watering again "I thought... From all the things I think could have happened, from all the things I thought you could be. A man that leaves his family, that could never fit to you in my book. Proves just how wrong I was"

"Emily, you need to eat something" House approached her cautiously, thinking dealing with her hunger and fatigue was first on the list of things. And he kind of didn't want to talk about leaving Cuddy and Rachel... so it all made sense to him what first to do.

"You left them" she started standing up "you left them!" she yelled at him, or, tried to yell at him. She had almost no strength.

"Emily, I think you need to sit down." House motioned with his hand for her to return to the chair, but she didn't or just couldn't listen.

"YOU LEFT THEM, GREG!" She screeched, pounding her fists in his chest as he reached her and grabbed her by her hips.

"You left them..." her voice broke as she started sobbing uncontrollably "you left them" she started shaking as he hugged her and she put her head on his chest, grabbing on the jacket he didn't even have the opportunity to take of.

"I had no choice" he spoke as he held her, trying to calm her down. His words just seemed to anger her more, and that wasn't what he had been aiming for when he'd said them.

"There's always a choice!" she yelled as loud as she could, pushing away from him as she realized she didn't want his comfort. "You didn't die! You left! You left and got with me!" her eyes were in flames. Her fists clenching.

"I can't believe..." she shook her head "I can't believe that I am in love with a man that is actually everything I loath!" Emily shut her eyes and shook her head. "Oh, god. I actually said it. I'm in love with you." She opened her eyes just to drop her gaze at the carpet.

"Will you just hear me out? Will you do that for me?" House begged her, he needed to let it know he couldn't do anything about his departure. That it had been inevitable... even though he didn't really believe it was inevitable, but for her sakes... he'd agree to that.

"No! I come home and find this pic of three of you! And you didn't even bother to tell me you had someone in your life! A family! Nothing! What happened to sharing? You're just the same as you were! If I even know who that is... I just..." more tears brimmed in her eyes "I'm just tired... just..." she wiped her nose with a tissue she retrieved from her pocket "I need to eat and sleep... and I need you not to be here when I wake up" she finished, trying to go round him and towards the pizza that suddenly started smelling deliciously.

"Are you kicking me out?" He stared at her, not really confused by her demand, but rather wrapped in the irony. It was the second time someone was kicking him out of his life... Or the third, if you counted Cuddy kicking him out of the house two months before.

"What?" she shook her head "No. Sadly, I think you have pretty good arguments, after all."

House just sighed at her words. How couldn't he fall in love with her? She was just about everything he wished for. Everything he wished for Cuddy to be, that was actually why he couldn't fall in love with her.

Cause he didn't want her to be the right person. Even though everything said she was.

"I just... need you to leave because I need to figure this out on my own. You can't deal with a messed up mind of mine and my reasoning. And if you happen to be there when I want to lash out, this will end bad. I want that the last" She spoke again, starting towards the table House'd left the pizza.

"Emily... I don't... You have every right to be mad" House shook his head as he turned around to see her get a piece and practically shove it down her throat. It just served to show just how long she'd been sitting in the living room.

"Just, humor me" she said as she finished chewing. "Please"

House just nodded and went to the bedroom to pack his bag. He'd be spending the night at the hotel, again.

"I really love this picture" he heard her mumble as he walked out of the door.

* * *

_Oh, you can't imagine what I'm about to do next ;)_

_Or can you. Wait._

_I already said something about smut, right? ;)_


	16. All the sounds you make

_Ok, ok... I couldn't take it anymore! So... I'm just gonna post this NAO. I feel so embarrassed XDD My first Smut of all times :D ( I SWEAR)_

_Anyway... Enjoy enjoy... I hope you like it... Or, wait, lemme rephrase it I HOPE YOU REALLY LIKE IT XD_

_The song... I had to pick some really hot and sexy one, so I chose 'Addicted' by Saving Able_

_It just fits them so much 'I'm so addicted to all the things you do when you go down me in between the sheets, with all the sounds you make, with every breath you take, it's unlike anything, when you're loving me'_

_Chip chop!_

_See ya soon!_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 15

"All the sounds you make with every breath you take it's unlike anything"

She sat in her office as she contemplated her recent changes in life. Maybe, they weren't so recent, and maybe, they were really changes at all, but going back to what she'd best known, but she was still bumping her head against the wall about it all. Her life had become all about … being careless. Well, where she was concerned anyway. She still had to think about Rachel, the girl was her everything, her only constant in life. Someone she knew she'd never lose. She was more than grateful that she didn't return her, that she hadn't given up on her as she'd initially wanted. The whole idea seemed so absurd right now, that she hated herself for even thinking about it in the first place.

The laptop monitor turned black due to no activity in the previous fifteen minutes, time she spent staring at the office space, allowing Cuddy to see her reflection on it. She had on a low scarlet V-neck shirt and a golden necklace with a bird pendant falling free. She watched as the pendant slowly swayed in the little space between her breasts, bumping slightly at each just to turn buck and bump into the other one.

She sighed as she, again, couldn't escape the memories that took over her mind like a worm searing through flesh- quickly and painfully.

* * *

_"What do you want, House?" she asked alarmingly, raising her nose and sitting back in her office chair. She hadn't really wanted to tell him she was missing him like hell, and was actually glad he was there to see her... for whatever reason he was in her office._

_She hadn't seen him in the previous few days almost at all, because she had been too busy relocating furniture from the old house to the new one and giving instructions to the workers. They had just bought an amazing house with patio and a pool in the back and even though she couldn't have been happier about ti, she desperately hated the fact how the move had affected her life at the moment._

_"I need you to approve a..." House started, but was quickly distracted as she readjusted in the chair, her slight jump causing the little pendant she was wearing with her necklace move in the most inappropriate manner. "...brain... biopsy" He managed to finish, his eyes trying hard to stay focused on her face, but failing nevertheless, finally settling down to watching the little dance that was going on on his girlfriend's cleavage. It reminded him just how much he missed her... and all of her assets. The move had been hell to him. HE wished he'd never agreed to buying a new place, after all, both his pocket and little Greg were suffering because of his choices. And just seeing a slight movement such as he was witnessing at the moment was enough to set a fire deep inside him._

_"Let me see the file" she extended her hand as he leaned over the table to give it to her, he swore her breasts went into slow motion torturing him sweetly as they jiggled in her tight blouse at her sudden movement. The moment his hand came into contact with her fingers, House knew he lost it completely._

_Cuddy noticed the desire in his eyes and grinned, looking down at her breasts as well, secretly squeeling inside she had made the right choice of wearing a particularly tight shirt that day... and the fact that she was ovulating just added to the whole party going down there._

_She looked up at him again, only to find him licking his lips intensely._

_"Go lock the door" she whispered as he got the answer to his unspoken question and she turned around in her chair and got up to shut the blinds. She really didn't know how could have he managed to lock the door,leave his cane by the desk and get back to her in a matter of seconds, but as soon as she felt his hands against her waist, she forgot all about it._

_Their lips met soon after, both not really bothering to be gentle or soft as the lust took over both of them. They struggled to take a bit of the each other, each time with such unexplained hunger and intensity._

_House soon reached for the buttons on her shirt as she put her arms down her sides and tried to slid the blazer jacket she had on from her body to the floor. In a matter of seconds the upper part of her body was stripped to nothing but bra._

_Seeing her without the tight shirt on House felt he was about to explode. Her perky breasts along with her erect nipples were almost like calling his name out. Softly residing in the thin layer of red see-through lace, it was hard for house not to just rip the bra of and release them from their prison._

_Luckily, Cuddy was just as turned on as he was, his light blue shirt matching his now burning eyes and the way it fit him like a glove made it hard of her not to just jump on him. So she did the only thing she could and put both of her hands under the sleeves of his jacket and slid it down. He caught onto her actions and quickly stopped her as she was starting to unbutton his shirt and reached for his pants in stead, prying the zipper open as he had removed the belt._

_"No time, woman" he smirked at her as he saw her get confused when he stopped her from unbuttoning him._

_He then reached for her hips and lifted her up on the hard desk as her eyes couldn't pry away from his biceps in action. She couldn't take it an longer and lifted herself up a bit so he could push her skirt up as soon as possible. She was so glad she hadn't settled on pants that day, as she'd wanted to. It was almost like she'd had an inkling something like this was to happen. She smirked._

_House leaned down to catch her lips with his while at the same time sliding her red laced panties down her well toned legs. He'd have her stay in heels and halter tops by the time she opened her eyes to meet his again. But she couldn't wait any longer, so she reached for his long before already hard shaft and guided him to her entrance, as she watched him lick his lips in content yet again._

_He grabbed her by both of her hands and placed them back on the table as far aback as he could in order to make her lean back as he slowly entered her, letting her feel every inch of him. Being inside of her again was thrilling after almost a week and half of not being able to. That was why he knew he had to keep in mind not to get too loоse cause he didn't want to spoil this very special meeting. And he breathed in as he watched her chest raise up and down , her breasts now completely exposed to him as he reached from behind her and unclasped her bra. They were let loose, without anything to shelter them from his looks. She moaned as he slid the straps down her arms and tossed the bra somewhere to the floor._

_And then, he began thrusting slowly, making her feel ever and each thrust as if it were the first, each time giving her the sensation she missed so much. His hand slid down her hips to her thighs pulling her even closer to him as he found new ways to reach even deeper inside her. She didn't complain as she opened her mouth and let out an audible breath escape her. She then locked her feet, almost automatically, at the small of his back, urging him on and pushing him deeper inside of her, if that was even possible. His eyes sparkled as her feet came in contact with his ass, as he reached for her hips yet again, pulling her more towards him, so she was now almost falling of the desk._

_She had to balance herself with her hands and let him do the rest of the job by holding her._

_"Now this is what I call productive" he smirked as he leaned over her making her open her eyes and bite her lip. If it were any other occasion he'd said that, she'd sure be rolling her eyes at him, but the inexplicable fire building inside of her didn't let her act her usual self._

_Cuddy decided it would be safe to pull him by his shirt without losing balance and sliding down the desk, even though the heat and the juices dripping down her thighs were making it harder to do so._

_She pressed her lips against his and he gladly reciprocated, still holding onto her hips, more and more being aware of what his sweet movement did to her. He knew if they continued like that, the whole thing would be finished before it even got to the good part, so he removed himself from her, her eyes shooting open as he did so, presenting him with unkind shock._

_"What are you doing?" she hissed at him, whimpering, clearly unsatisfied, but before she protest any longer, he swiftly turned her around, so that he was facing her back. The moment she realized what he was doing, she smiled widely, placing her hands back on the desk just so she could gain some support from it._

_House put his index finger to the base of her neck and slid it down her spine gently, sending shivers throughout her body, making her catch her breath and release it slowly as he entered her again, with one swift motion._

_He grabbed her by hips again, plunging himself into her, the new position allowing him to hit her G-spot without a sweat. The exact same moment Cuddy let out a deep moan, House only looking away from her heated body to take a look at the door, reminding himself that they weren't in the confines of their home. He whispered to her to control herself if she didn't want people having even more dirt on them. That one time they had gotten caught in the elevator was enough to make the whole hospital start talking what insatiable sex animals they were, and they hadn't even had sex then. It had been just some... clinic hours negotiating , but, hey, no one seemed to buy it.. probably because when the elevator door opened, Cuddy had been on her knees and House up the wall._

_She started rocking her hips back at him, whimpers escaping her throat, not really being able to control herself as the sensation kept building inside of her at a uncontrollable pace. She sucked on her lower lip as a way to keep herself the most quiet as possible. She put her left hand on his left hand from behind, trying to take over the control, House not letting her. She desperately needed him to go faster, she was losing it, and she needed to get off... but he didn't let her. That bastard._

_House noticed what Cuddy was trying to do and laughed a bit. She just couldn't take it. He knew he was supposed to do this to her a week before, the wait didn't help her a bit. He smirked. He actually loved torturing her._

_But then, he kinda didn't want her to get bitchy at him later and torture him the way she only knew how. He though he could still keep up with his pace and get her satisfied at the same time,so he slid his hand in between the end of the table and her and as he found her slit, she shivered._

_He bit his lower lip and smiled as he gloated over the fact he knew how to get her all worked up._

_Cuddy moaned as low as she could as House's fingertips found her clit and started circling it while he still entered her from behind, the double dose of pleasure sending her head into over drive as she let it spin in half circles. She soon lost control over her hips and couldn't keep up pounding them to his at the steady pace she had been the previous ten minutes._

_Cuddy's legs started shaking was the last clue House needed to get to know she was going to be spent in the matter of minute or two, if not earlier. He was grateful to know he was almost there himself and started pounding into her, getting hold of her hips again, the fasts he could without making her scream, even though he so wanted to._

_In a matter of seconds, Cuddy was spent, her walls clenching onto his manhood as she struggled for her breath, only letting out a high pitched breath as she found her release. House soon followed suit, his fingers digging tip into her hips as he thrust one last time into her._

_They both breathed in heavily as he stepped away from her, so she could step away from the desk and get dressed, but her legs wouldn't cooperate. House just let out a laugh as he realized she wasn't moving from the table, only her hands letting her stand up._

_"It's not funny!" she hissed at him, as he reached for his trousers that lay on her over-sized chair._

_"I think it's a little bit funny" House smirked at her, watching her try to get her legs into working, but failing nevertheless. "I think we should move more often" he laughed as he got her suit jacket on._

_She still struggled to catch her breath and managed to hiss out an "I hate you"_

_"Maybe I should just call the guys and tell them we changed our mind and to move the stuff back" he adjusted the belt and watched her try and push herself from the table, so she could land in her chair "I mean, if that means seeing you not being able to stand" He laughed again, as he picked up his file, his patient not really needing biopsy in the first place._

_"House?" Cuddy closed her eyes and pressed her lips together "would you mind giving me my panties?" she pointed to the floor, as she sank down in the chair, starting to feel her legs finally._

_"What if I don't?" He teased her, licking his lips spontaneously._

_"I'll slave you with clinic hours" she raised her voice, really not in the mood for him to tease her as she just remembered she had a meeting in about ten minutes._

_"And what do I get if I do?" He bent down to pick them up, spinning them around his index finger, waiting for her answer._

_"You get to live" she said in a flat-lined tone, getting a bit bitchy. Sometimes, he just frustrated her._

_"Oh... well, I guess that's" he started towards her desk, but quickly turned around, tossing her panties on the couch, making her scoff in shock "I think showed today what happens when I'm not around...so, clinics it is" his eyes sparkled and his pupils dilated as he walked away from her._

_Cuddy sighed. Damn that man for knowing how to work her round his finger._

_

* * *

_

Cuddy was jolted from her reminiscence by a sound of knocking on her office door.

"Come in" she said and Julie, her secretary, walked in, her yellow pen in her right hand.

"There's someone here to see you" she opened the doors more widely so she could come in "she doesn't have an appointment, but she says it's important and her name is-"

"Emily?" Cuddy quickly stood up from her chair as she caught a glimpse of the woman standing in the outer office, behind Julie.

Cuddy clenched her left fist and scratched her palm from inside as she did so. With what had she deserved this?

* * *

_DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUM _

_Feed me with reviews please ._._

_Oh, and just a little info..._

_I think Emily dislikers willl love the next chapter._


	17. A part of me is dead

_Hey there :D I really don't know what was wrong with the review thing... cause it didn't let people leave them :/ But anyway, those of you on twitter, told me they liked the smut, so it was enough for me not to think I am hopeless XD_

_Anyway... here's a little turning point ..something to flip the storyline entirely. We'll see how this goes._

_Enjoy!_

_Oh, the song choice... hmmmm... I got so caught up into this new RED album, I will probably just use their songs for a while XD_

_LOL, it's Faceless, from their new album :) You should definitely check it out!_

* * *

Chapter 16

"Fallen and faceless so hollow inside a part of me is dead, need you to live again "

"What's going on?" Cuddy said, going round her desk, suddenly afraid. She had no idea why Emily would visit her again, not after the way she had left when she'd last seen her. She eyed the beautiful woman coming her way, and she figured she wasn't looking bad at all, so... she wasn't in any medical condition... But was he?

She passed her hand over her hair, something she couldn't escape doing every time she was nervous.

Why was she suddenly so scared?

"I... Do you have time?" Emily said with no smile on her face, alarming Lisa even more. Cuddy just nodded and the girl closed the door behind her.

"Please, have a seat" Cuddy motioned to the couch, and sat in the armchair next to it once Emily was safely seated.

"I'm... sorry that I'm coming here so unexpected..." Emily said with a small chuckle, obviously nervous herself. She didn't really know why she was there, but she'd figured this was the right place to come long before House had come to see her falling apart in the living room. She just... felt like she had to change something... that she had to explain herself to Lisa. She didn't want to be living with knowledge of a woman with a child being abandoned by her husband getting the wrong impression. She didn't want Lisa to think that she took him away, or that she had wanted to hurt her with her previous comments. She chuckled, just how much sense did her sudden escape of their apartment make sense to her now. To find out that your man was married and expecting a child … and the way she, Emily, talked about it like it was the most amazing thing in the world... She couldn't forgive herself for that.

For... inevitably causing her the pain.

"It's ok" Cuddy smiled awkwardly, not really knowing how to act. There she was- the wife of her... House's wife. House's pregnant wife. And she wanted to talk to her, about what, she didn't know. She didn't know if House had told Emily about what happened, about the fact that he'd come to visit her, about everything that happened between them. He'd said he wanted to change, that he needed to be better. Did that mean that he'd share everything with Emily?

She hoped not. Not for... completely selfish reasons... but more of... Yeah, for completely selfish reasons. She wanted to sigh so badly.

She just.. didn't want Emily to know anything about their past, about the way they'd fallen out. About the way he'd treated her, about the way she'd treated him. About all the pointless fights, all the hurtful words they'd said to each other. She didn't want Emily to know. She didn't want her to know what they had, she didn't want her... his wife, to be... showing her nose in their business, and she didn't want Emily to pity her. She didn't need that.

Cuddy laughed at herself silently. She was so awful. The woman didn't practically do anything to her...

intentionally, anyway. She was... nice. Who was she kidding? The woman was perfect.

Blonde, tall, talented, kind, sweet worded. Young.

Everything Cuddy wasn't. She didn't know whether to laugh or to cry in agony.

"I hope.. this is not too awkward" Emily scoffed "Oh,let's not lie, this is awkward" She put her hands on the couch, slightly lifting herself up and rocking back and forth, her signature nervous mode kicking in.

Cuddy noticed just how anxious the woman was feeling, so she thought she could offer her some beverage or something. Why hadn't she done that already?

"Would you like something to drink?" Cuddy quickly stood up, going for the door, so she could give Julie instructions in case Emily did want something to drink.

"Why.. yes I could." Emily smiled kindly "My head has been killing me, I can never get a good sleep" she tried to joke, or, half joke, cause her head really was hurting. She just couldn't sleep the night before. She couldn't stop thinking about the whole situation, about the way she kicked Greg out of the apartment, about the way she... almost collapsed cause she hadn't eaten for almost a whole day.

She couldn't do that to her body ever again. All the ways of how her behavior could affect the child she was carrying sent a shiver down her spine.

She just had a bit less than two months to go. To suffer all the joint pain, fight with cravings and deal with uncomfortable positions she had to sleep. She was so used to sleeping on her stomach, and once she'd started showing, that had no longer been possible. So, she was left to cope with sleepless nights.

"Julie, can you bring us some tea from the Starbucks?" Cuddy got out of the office, and slightly closed the door, so she could add "And cancel my next appointment" with that, and a Thank you, she got back inside the office, to find Emily with her arms crossed in her middle, above her expanding stomach.

Cuddy died a bit... every extra moment she got to witness the woman in front of her. In a way, she was jealous, wanting to... rip her to pieces. She was carrying House's child. She...was given that .. That ultimate something Cuddy never got to have. That ultimate something Cuddy only got the opportunity to have. And the man who gave that opportunity to another woman, had taken it away from her.

She had to stay strong. She had to... be above the whole situation.

After all, she was Lisa Cuddy. The Dean of medicine, the kick ass mom and a vixen in bed, someone who could scare law suits off and lure investors in.

She needed to be better than this. Better than... this... small person she became looking at Emily and thinking about House. Better than jealousy, malice and hurt.

But she didn't know how to escape herself, she didn't.

"Tea's coming in five minutes" Cuddy forced a smile and Emily could decipher it perfectly.

The woman was obviously bothered by having her around. So, she had to get this done with the sooner the better.

"I'm sorry" Emily blabbed out, causing Cuddy to shake her head a bit in shock.

"I'm sorry, what?" Cuddy asked, staring at the girl sitting on the couch, the maternal designer dress fitting her perfectly.

"I... I found out about what Greg did... and" Emily gulped "I just need to apologize... For what I did.. the way I was speaking of the two of us.. and the baby I'm carrying, you... You really didn't need to hear that" she didn't know where to look, she didn't even know if she was doing a good of a job with her apology, mainly because she never really apologized cause she'd had no reason to do so.

But her therapist would have been proud, she hoped.

She was really doing good in therapy, and she had even gotten to something she thought she'd never reach. And .. she could only be happy about it.

'Fuck' she mentally kicked herself as she realized she was grinning all of sudden, her thoughts completely occupying her.

"I'm sorry, what!" Cuddy repeated herself, not really wanting to believe that House had told the girl everything. She closed her eyes and shook her head, not being able to process the information she was presented with.

She didn't want to believe it. She didn't. She didn't want to believe that House was... in fact moving on. That he, was in fact sharing everything with... this amazing woman in front of her. She could laugh at herself. She was so contradictory. She couldn't beat the fact that the girl had been the perfect ten even on the harshest and the highest standards possible lists ever, but she couldn't stand the thought of her and House.

And didn't she say she still loved House? Was this love? Being jealous and not wanting to believe the person that you love is with someone else? Not wanting the best for him, when, Emily was clearly the best person she could ever imagine? Was that love?

Could she just get a bullet to her head? It would probably be easier to deal with that, than the situation and all the crazy thoughts that were infecting her mind.

Didn't she tell herself she'd be careless? This didn't seem careless at all.

"I... I shouldn't have come" Emily noticed just how much she'd upset the woman in front of her, and quickly raised herself from the couch, wanting to leave the sooner she could. How stupid of her to come here and cause the woman even more pain! Why hadn't she thought of that before coming here?

God, she was something.

And God, was her head spinning at the sudden change of positions.

"N-no!" Cuddy stood up as well, motioning with her right hand for Emily to sit back down, not wanting the girl the leave so abruptly. She now wanted to milk her of everything she had. To see what House had told her, in what way and possibly get some bits of what his thoughts about it were. Pathetic, when she couldn't ask herself or talk to him on that subject whatsoever. She was just fucked up like that.

"Lisa, I just..." Emily, sat back down, more because she was feeling dizzy than Lisa wanting her to do so. "I … my parents died when I was young, I know how it is to be abandoned. I just... I had no idea. I didn't mean to cause you any pain. And, and I want you and the little one to be a part of Greg's life. I don't want to ...take him away from you" She spoke softly, being completely aware of the fact she didn't talk to Greg on this matter at all. But she'd made him. She could make him do a lot of things, and talking to his family again.. she'd do that in a heart beat. Yes, he'd kill her, yes, he'd be angry with her (god knew just how he'd react once she tell him she went to visit Lisa), but it was worth it.

It was worth it if that meant a girl having her father back and one woman not being bitter anymore.

However.. what Emily didn't consider was Lisa wanting to get back together with Greg. That thought never seemed to cross her mind, and it never would.

Lisa's head tilted as she tried to process the words that were passing Emily's lips, but she just couldn't.  
The more she was in the room with her, the more she'd proven herself to be this... perfect someone.

And Cuddy just got frustrated over that fact that she wasn't able to hate her anymore.

"Emily, you don't have to say anything" Cuddy finally sighed, realizing just how much the woman must have felt bad over everything. She was not to blame, she couldn't blame herself.

"Emily, you did nothing wrong." Cuddy confessed "What happened between House and I... that's... That's just between us, you didn't do anything" she let out a breath.

"But..but he left! I just, I don't want you..." a tear slipped down Emily's cheek and the moment it did... Something... something changed in Cuddy. Something, something made her say something she was sure she would never ever say.

"It wasn't only his fault, _I let him go_" Cuddy looked down in terror, suddenly being aware of her words.

But Emily didn't say a thing. Cuddy was afraid to look up and face ..more herself than Emily, after finally giving the last admittance of what was building deep down inside of her. The realization that House wasn't solely to blame for what happened to them. That she didn't even try, that she didn't even want to hear him out.

But Emily, still, didn't say a thing.

And it took a thump for Cuddy to realize something was wrong.

That something was very wrong.

* * *

_Oi. I ship Cuddy/Emily. LMAO. Hey, a little humor before the big thing, it can't hurt, can it? D:_

_I hope reviews will work now! See ya soon 3_


	18. Miles from where you are

_Oh, hello there :) Bringing a new chapter, can't tell much about it, but I really wanted to do a contrast chapter for once :)_

_You'll see what I mean ;)_

_The song: Set the fire to the third bar by Snow patrol :)_

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Chapter 17

"Miles from where you are There is no peace that I've found so far"

Prominent orange sun light found its way through the crack between curtains and fell directly onto the hotel bed House was sleeping in. He didn't want to wake up, but the bright light made it hard not to do so. His eyes fluttered open and he sighed as he realized just how tired he still was. He didn't really get any sleep, and the little he got was bothered by disturbing dreams, images of the two women he cared about. One, his past, his love and his nightmare, the other, his present, his rock, his turning point.

And then... there was someone else, of course. One little girl that had gotten him wrapped around her little finger, just the way she'd learnt from her mother.

But, then again, he remembered he had had a friend. A man that he could have counted on wherever and whenever. At least he had thought so. Wilson... he was the biggest disappointment of all.

House had chosen to run away from him as well, cause... he'd really thought Wilson would have continued siding with Cuddy for the rest of his life. He couldn't think about him as well, no.

The man had practically told him it had been ok what he'd done, that he'd made the right choice, and then, when the whole thing had turned back to bite on House's ass, Wilson had been nowhere to be seen. He had been a coward.

House chuckled. Not like that was anything out of usual.

The oncologist had sworn that the only reason why he'd sided with Cuddy had been because House hadn't told her anything about the kid. And well, after House had left, Wilson sure had had to keep save his ass if he wanted to be able to breathe around Cuddy. What a jerk.

House tossed his blanket over him, the crisp air sending shivers through him, every hair on his body jolting. He'd forgotten to close the window the night before. He shook his head as he tried to reach for his slippers.

Then... a familiar feeling started coming back to him, a feeling with which he'd gone to bed.

Anger.

He was angry with himself, angry with Lisa, angry with Wilson, angry with... Emily. She just couldn't listen to him, she just wouldn't listen to him. He wanted.. he desperately wanted to tell her everything, to tell her what was bothering him, why he was so... damaged and why he wanted to change. Why he needed to change.

Sure, he himself could see the mild changes, but.. that still wasn't enough. He wanted Emily to know.

How else was he supposed to move on if he knew there was something he wasn't sharing with the woman he was sharing everything else with. Except bank accounts. But even that he knew her password.

He reached for his cane and getting up, started going towards bathroom. Maybe he could get some peace there, after all, it wasn't called man's sanctuary for nothing.

* * *

"Emily!" Cuddy yelled as she witnessed the girl just drop on her side on the couch, her eyes closed.

"Oh God!" she tried to stand up from her chair as fast as she could, and out of the office to get help.

This definitely didn't look good. Hell, it was the worst case scenario she could ever imagine!

"Julie!" Cuddy shouted as she got out of the office, realizing Julie was out to get them tea from Starbucks. Cursing, she ran through the clinic and to the ER to find someone to help her.

Luckily, a few attendings and nurses were on a break and had nothing better to do than play cards, so Lisa just screamed "My office, now! Bring the gurney" and catching them off guard, she started running towards her office again.

Cuddy went around her coffee table and to Emily and shook her gently, not getting any response from her at all. She screamed inside. This wasn't happening. Not like this, not in her office, not that day.

Cuddy started panicking even more when she was reminded that there were, in fact, two lives at stake.

The sound of gurney being pushed towards the office interrupted her in her thoughts and she moved away from the couch, making room for the nurses and attendings to approach Emily.

They quickly got her on the gurney, and pushed her out of the office, one of the nurses trying to find the pulse, while the others rushed through the clinic and into ER.

Chase was waiting there, soon realizing there had to be something wrong with the woman's brain cause she had a steady pulse and a normal heart rhythm.

Cuddy got into ER not long after Emily was brought there and watched the horror before her eyes.

This was just... she tried to take a deep breath and closed her eyes. She started shaking a bit as different kind of scenarios started occupying her mind.

She couldn't help it as tears just started building up in her eyes, finding their path down her cheeks.

* * *

House got out of the bathroom, not a bit wiser than he'd been the moment he entered it. He just wasn't able to think, he wasn't able to reason with himself, with everything that was going on in his head. So, in the end, he decided to give in. To just... not think about it that day, maybe, maybe the day after would bring some solution, right now, there wasn't any in sight.

He had a sudden craving for scrambled eggs, onions and bacon. His stomach growled as he realized he hadn't eaten anything since the previous afternoon.

He went to the phone and ordered some breakfast. He didn't want to go to the hospital yet, so he decided taking everything slow would be just fine. And then, when he finally got to the hospital and found an interesting case, he would stop thinking just for a bit and have something else to concentrate on. He wouldn't call Emily. She'd asked him not to be there that day, so why would he call her if she didn't want him?

If she called, he'd answer. But otherwise... no can do.

Soon enough there was a knock on his hotel room door and he gladly greeted the food tray that was rolled into the room. He breathed in the sweet smell of scrambled eggs and bacon and moved to the table to sit and eat in peace. The last time he had breakfast alone... it had been a long time before. Months even. Emily would always nag him about having a family meal and how it was essential for the two of them to get into a routine so they wouldn't have to struggle with it when the baby came. There was of course, logic in it all, so House didn't complain, although he dwelled over not having mornings to himself quite some times.

But now, being alone in the hotel room, not having anyone to talk to while he was cutting pieces of eggs and shoved them into his mouth, those 'family' breakfasts didn't seem so bad at all.

House stared at the plate before him as he realized that his subconscious was actually making fun of him. There he was, not wanting to think about anyone and his mind had chosen to be in dire of eggs and bacon. He scoffed. Of course, what had it been again, that Cuddy had made him the morning they'd fought the last time?

He scoffed again. Of course, eggs and bacon. His mind was just screwing with him, as always.

He put the fork down on the table, completely losing his appetite. He just couldn't escape his thoughts, not matter how hard he tried. Resting his elbows on the table and interlacing his fingers in front of his face, he wondered what she was doing now.

* * *

"What's going on?" Cuddy almost yelled at Chase as he was debating something with one of the attendings. She just stood in the ER, almost frozen to death by fear, watching the woman she was supposed to hate the most in the world lay unconscious on the table, her left arm hanging lifelessly by one side of it, the nurse quickly adjusting it back.

"She's not responsive" Chase quickly replied, turning back to Emily as a younger nurse of two rushed to the phone hooked up to the wall, like in every other room in the hospital.

Cuddy could decipher words 'MRI' and 'emergency' from the woman's call and she instantly started to panic even more. If it wasn't heart, that could only mean it was brain. And if it was brain and she was unconscious, not responding to shakes, slaps and other nerve stimulation, that could only mean one thing.

The nurse dialed the phone again and started shouting something that sounded like 'OB/GYN, stat'.

She quickly returned back to the table as she'd finished the call and joint the rest of the people figthing for the pregnant girl's life.

"Ok, guys, let's roll her to MRI, they're waiting for her" Chase ordered the staff and as they quickly put her back on the gurney from the table and started rolling her out of the ER, Chase turned to Cuddy and in a hurry told her to "Call someone from her family, this doesn't look good" as he rushed behind them all.

As Cuddy was left in the spacious room alone, room that had a few seconds before housed seven people, she stared at the table in the middle of the room, contemplating what had just happened.

Not long after, she felt her stomach churn even more than it already had, and she bent as she felt acid coming up her throat. She threw up on the spot, holding onto the wall for support and gripping her stomach with her free hand.

She just couldn't take it. She just couldn't bare the fact that the woman who had been talking to her not five minutes before was now lying unconscious in the MRI.

* * *

House got up from the table, not really wanting to think about Cuddy any longer and decided it was about time to get himself distracted. The hospital never seemed more inviting. And it wasn't even ten am. Jennings would be proud when he saw him walking in before his normal 'curfew'. His team was probably in clinics, or aiding to some high power patients, trying to make path for their future in medicine world.

That was actually the only thing House didn't like about his workplace. Everyone was just trying to make it to the top. Their current positions were just one stop on the way to their 'dream' positions.

So, he had to teach his team, teach those people that there was something more to medicine than being the best. Cause, being on top didn't mean a thing if you couldn't do what you first had done when you'd started practicing medicine- save lives.

Cuddy was the perfect example. She had it all, she'd made it to the top, had become youngest woman to be made Dean, and what was she doing?

Signing papers and dealing with law suits. What thrill was in that all? No, none at all.

And... he hated to admit it to himself, but... he at least could admit it, after such a long time. Medicine, it really was about saving lives and... being a better person. He found it hard to deal with it, but, it was that way. Puzzles were just a really exciting part of doing it all.

And that was what he'd always wanted to teach his team. To teach Foreman, Cameron, Chase, Taub, Kutner, Thirteen and all of the others that came after them. That … if you concentrate on saving lives and being actually good at it, the top will come to you. And not the other way around.

If you could really see that, if you could realize that being a good doctor would make you something, and not chasing investors, giving 'powerful' people enema and doing paperwork for your boss, then, you had really come a long way.

He missed Princeton a bit... cause its people didn't strive so hard for unreachable, cause its people were … just that, people. And not machines as these New York idiots.

He went to the closet and retrieved his jacket from it and taking his bag he got out of the room.

He really hoped he could find a peculiarly cool case.

* * *

Cuddy stared at her phone as she stood in the office that had been assigned to both Chase and Foreman the moment she'd canceled House's department. She was waiting for the two of them to come with results, both MRI and obstetrician's ones. She balanced on her left leg as her right one was crossed over it, her heal clicking nervously on the gray carpet, not really making any sound at all.

She finally found the strength to dial the number already written on her screen and took a deep breath as she waited for the line to get through. But … it didn't.

She started blankly as she heard the automatic machine inform her the number she had dial was no longer in service. House had changed his number.

She looked at the screen again, shocked. He had actually changed it. Just when she thought she couldn't get more hurt, shocked or surprised, she was. He had actually changed his number. Cut himself from her, once again.

Cuddy pushed her thoughts back in her mind realizing she still had to find a way to inform him his wife was in her hospital, and could... die.

She raised her head and put her phone away as Chase came into the office, Foreman behind him, holding scans. They both didn't look any encouraging.

"She has a ruptured aneurism" Foreman spilled it, his tone flat and professional, as if he was breaking news about any other patient. And he didn't know it wasn't just any patient. Cuddy didn't tell anyone. She had no idea how to do it. She hadn't even called Wilson, the only person who knew at least something about her. Well, as much as Cuddy had let him know about her anyway. She just never wanted to tell Wilson that House was actually trying to move on from both of them. But, seemed like she would have to.

It took a few moments for the information to get through her, and when it did, her voice broke as she tried to speak.

"Is, is there anything we can do?" she knew there wasn't, but she hoped she was wrong. Chase just looked at the floor while Foreman mildly shook his head.

"Her brain is dead" he approached her and put the scans towards the day light so he could show her the place where the aneurism had been. "The obstetrician says that if we work fast, the baby can be saved. Her body is in perfect condition, it's just her brain that isn't working" Chase followed suit and soon they were both encircling Cuddy.

"Did you call her family?" Foreman asked as he put the scans on his table, one of the two in the office.

"I'm trying" Cuddy pressed her lips together using all the strength she could in order not to break in front of her employees.

Emily was gone. Just when Cuddy thought all the injustice in world had already struck her.

* * *

House sighed as he heard his boss yell from behind him. "House!" Jennings called as House was searching for an interesting case file. What could have the man found out, House wondered. Was it that argument with a patient he had had two days before? When he'd told a beautiful lady that she didn't need any plastic surgery and she had opposed? Maybe it had been that, House hoped not. Cause, she was the wife of a very wealthy man who just had just happened to donate a really big amount of money to the hospital.

But when House turned around on his heel to face Jennings, he was surprised not to see an angry face. Nonetheless, Jennings's face read one of... worry, terror even.

House wiggled uncomfortably as he watched the man approach him.

"Who did I insult now?" House made his usual 'I'm so bad ass and I know it' face, but quickly realized it was inappropriate as Jennings's stayed worried. "What?" House furrowed his brows not knowing what the man was about.

"Princeton Plainsboro just called, they couldn't reach you" the administrator took a deep breath "It's your wife"

House just stared at the man, not really able to link the words Princeton with the words your wife.

"My wife is what?" he asked, trying to get an answer that didn't prove what horrible thing had popped in his mind.

"She's in coma" Jennings bit the inside of his cheek nervously watching House stare at him helplessly. He felt beyond sorry for the man.

* * *

_How many of you hate me and how many of you love me now? Cause I sure don't like myself for doing this :'(_


	19. There are times I walk from you

_Hey there :D Oh, ad guess what! I'm back with a new chapter. (but you already knew that since you're here XDD) Anyway, last night's episode- POTW was soooo boring! Cuteness overload for Huddy tho :3 Makes me feel like a horrible person for writing this fic._

_Oh, and I would like to answer some of your questions :)_

_First, someone asked how far ahead I am with this fic- well, I actually don't know, but truth be told, I don't think I'm no where near the end. It just seems impossible to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Yet. Kinda need to keep going through this darkness a bit longer :P_

_And for those of you who asked if Emily was really brain dead, I must say yes. I'm not going to make this fic into some medical drama, it's just... a drama. I don't really know medicine enough to keep it as a vital part of my writing, and I don't find it even slightly fun when I have all the emotions and personal chaoses to deal with :)_

_And yes, I must agree, taking Emily out of the picture this way could be called 'too easy', but, I've done this on purpose. Had it in mind even before starting with this fic for a reason :) I hope this chapter at least gives you a slight insight into why it was so important for Emily to go this way._

_Oh, one more thing! My dear friend who named Emily told me that the name means 'rival' so I found that really amusing, given the situation :)_

_The song is Passing afternoon by Iron and Wine. I guess this chapter kinda reminded me of Wilson's heart._

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Chapter 18

"There are times I walk from you"

"What the hell was she doing here?" House yelled as he faced Cuddy who was sitting in the room where Emily laid. She suddenly got up from the chair, being already stressed about the whole situation,

House's appearance jolting her. She was now even more conscious about the whole thing.

"I don't..." she started, but House seemed to have forgotten his question when he saw Emily lying in the bed, hooked up to the machines. He tried to get over the initial shock, but the more he tried, the more he failed. The whole scene seemed familiar to him. Too familiar. His eyes fell from Emily to the other woman who had laid in one hospital bed as well, three years before.

Cuddy caught her breath, not really knowing what to do, or how to act. She was... scared. She was scared, devastated and … on top of that all, amusingly glad to see House again.

Her eyes started filling with tears as she saw him going round Emily's bed, his steps steady, but still anxious. He turned to the monitor taking in her steady heart beat, only to realize there was yet another monitor that read one more heartbeat. He turned around to Emily again, his eyes now fixated on the big stomach forming a bump out of the blanket.

"House, I-" Cuddy approached him from behind, reaching for his hand. She didn't know how to comfort him, what to tell him, cause she, herself was a mess. But, he didn't even let her. He snatched his hand away from her and she shook her head in slight confusion.

"Leave" he breathed out. She just looked at him, knowing that he had to have someone there for him, guiltily wanting to be that someone. To be the one to comfort him, to be the one he would trust, to be the one he would open up to. To be the one.

She clenched her teeth as she realized... she'd never stopped wanting that all. She always wanted to be just that. His one. She hated herself for even remotely trying to milk this situation of something in order to give herself what she unquestionably wished for.

So, she listened to him. She would leave. She would give him what he needed.

* * *

"And when were you planning to tell me?" Wilson stood in Cuddy's office with his hands on his hips, not even wanting to hide how angry he was with his friend.

"Wilson... Just... Don't" Cuddy didn't bother to turn around from the window. She'd been watching the rain drops leave their marks on the cold window glass. Why did it always rain when something like this happened? When some horrible thing occurred? She was always left to stare at the world outside, rain harmonically dripping in the way she felt.

This rain drop... it wasn't steady, but it was abundant.

This... thing with Emily, this sudden... change. It messed with everything. It messed with how she'd pictured things would go from now on, the way she'd have to cope with House at least trying to be happy with someone else, with a family of his own. It messed with her brain. It messed with the way she thought. The way she was now faced with so many things, so many awful yet, inevitable things and happenings that would surely progress from the dire situation. She just... didn't know how to cope with that.

And then, of course, there was this... thing. This thing with her … seeing Emily in an almost same position she was in three years before. Lifeless, pregnant and with House by her bed. Except, she hadn't been in coma. And she was alive now. Which... Emily... 'No, stop!' she yelled at herself, not being able to let herself think about it any longer.

"Lisa!" Wilson was thoroughly pissed. Not so at Cuddy, but more for having to face House for the first time in a way he didn't really picture. House had a wife … a pregnant wife that was now in coma. Wilson didn't know what to think about it, what to do about it. He didn't even know if House would want to see him. The last time he gave him any advice, it hadn't really worked out the right way. So, it was easier to just... yell at the woman who hadn't bothered to tell him what was going on, than to think about anything else.

"James" Cuddy turned around, her eyes puffy from crying... or, well, some kind form of crying. She really didn't know how to call her eyes almost being filled with tears but no tears actually coming. "What do you want me to say?" she shrugged her shoulders in defeat. She just couldn't deal with him above everything else.

"At least anything, at least... I don't know" Wilson raised his hands in the air, the situation really not seeming of any good outcome. "How is he?" he put his hands down "How are you?"

"I'm..." she scoffed "I think you can actually tell and... he is... different" Cuddy played with a little band that she had taken from her table some time before.

"How is she?" Wilson asked again, pacing a bit in an imaginary two square feet square. He knew he was going to face House no matter what and that made him extremely nervous, and... a bit angry. When House had left, he hadn't just left Cuddy, he'd left him to deal with a devastated Cuddy and he'd... left him. He'd left his best friend.

"She's brain-dead as you've heard" Cuddy voiced a bit annoyed, Wilson's questions only serving to get her upset even more. "But... the baby is fine. The stroke did nothing to harm it, and luckily she was sitting down when it happened. If she was standing... well, it's the only bright thing in the whole situation"

'Breathe in breathe out ' she reminded herself.

"What is he going to do?" Wilson pinched the bridge of his nose, his question being more rhetorical but sending Cuddy into an overdrive.

"Do you think I know?" her voice was high pitched, she was upset "Do you think I want to know? Don't you think this is already horrible enough for all of us, but no, I have to think about what comes next as well?"

"Cuddy, I didn't mean to-"

"No, Wilson, you didn't. You don't know anything about this. You don't understand the situation." she turned her back on him again. She just, didn't want to listen to him any longer.

"I don't understand this? I was the one by your bed when almost the same thing happened to you! I would say I know at least something about this" all the memories of one horrible day started coming back to him. He just couldn't believe she could say something like that. That he just didn't understand. How could she say something like that?

"You don't know how it is to see the same thing happen to another person!" Cuddy spit out, turning, yet again, from the windowsill towards Wilson. The things that just happened to leave her mouth without any warning at all. It was like, something just snapped in her mind and suddenly it's all crystal clear.

"Now, see!" Wilson pointed at Cuddy, like he was just trying to prove a point, which, he actually was. "This is what you get for not even wanting to think about what happened to you and why House did what he did!"

"Oh, please! You're a poster boy for not talking about things! Your best friend leaves and you just stick with your best friend's ex girlfriend, the exact one you helped him lie to!" Cuddy seemed to push being upset at the back of her mind as she became pissed.

"Oh, sure, toss the ball in my court! It's not like you have to admit that you were wrong for pushing him out of your life in the first place" Oh, he wouldn't spare her anymore. She just asked for it.

"He lied to me! You lied to me! What was I supposed to do?" She just couldn't get over that! She couldn't deal with the way House had treated her.

"You're just...going to keep doing this, aren't you?" Wilson passed his hand through his hair, realizing Cuddy was no more conscious about the whole thing than she was before Emily had collapsed in her office, before she had found out that she'd been pregnant and House had chosen not to tell her.

"I guess I am" if it were a blade, her voice could've easily cut him. But luckily, they weren't, and Wilson just chose to leave the office, and let her cope with all the things that she wanted to avoid, but surely couldn't.

* * *

House didn't know whether to sit or pace down the room frantically. The first he couldn't do cause, he just didn't feel calm enough to sit and because that had been what he had done all the time Cuddy had been in the hospital. The second he couldn't do because his leg had started killing him the moment Jennings had informed him about Emily's condition. His leg... it hurt all the time, it hurt really bad ever since he'd chosen to leave Princeton but never like this.

He looked at the woman that he'd had a fight with not twenty four hours before and... involuntarily he felt... something wet roll down his cheek. He reached his hand to take it off his face and realized... it had been to long the last time he cried. If it had been crying at all.

He just couldn't cope with this. Not like this. He couldn't cope with the fact he was losing yet another person. That he was losing someone that he became really fond of, someone who he wanted to at least, try to share things with. Someone who he was supposed to raise the kid with.

The kid.

What on Earth was he supposed to do now? Again! He again had to think about this... person who wasn't even a person yet and who depended on him... completely. Why? Why was he again faced with this horrible situation?

Who decided it was so convenient to screw with him in such a horrible way? It wasn't like he hadn't deserved it, he did. He more than deserved it. With all his... peculiar ways and horrible decisions.

But...somehow... somehow he still couldn't really believe that it was all happening to him again.

He. Just. Couldn't. Do. It.

He couldn't. He couldn't be responsible for taking her life. He couldn't decide what to do with the fetus. He couldn't. He couldn't pull the plug. Yes, she was brain dead, but she was still breathing. She was still technically alive.

And with no other family than him. He was royally screwed.

And... And what when they did declare her dead? What did he do? What did he do with the kid? How could he be an only parent? How could he watch the kid grow and be reminded of everything. Of Emily, the way he had met her, the way they'd helped each other, for what amount he didn't care, of... all the good things and the bad things he'd lived out with her. Of all the things that reminded him of Cuddy and all of that mess...

How could he bring a child into the roller coaster that was his life?

He couldn't.

He couldn't.

_He just couldn't_.

He figured... He'd do what he did the best. Even though he'd hate himself for it for the rest of his life. However, he was sure it couldn't get any worse than it had been.

The next thing he knew, he was sitting in his car in the parking lot . His mind suffering a tornado of a mess.

* * *

_Ok, ok... More angst I know. House is a coward, isn't he? *sigh* _


	20. You've got wires going out of your skin

_*waves* I'm so tired! I can't even look! The school is killing me I tell you! Actually, it's the reason that I've started going to the school at last, I haven't been attending the way I should since the term started... and I have like... piles of homework and tests to study for! What goes around comes around, I guess!_

_Wires by Athlete is my favorite song... well, at least one of my favorites :) I hope I can have a not so gloomy chapter soon... I'm finding it hard to say goodbye to Emily, so I just keep postponing her departure :/ I pledge guilty! _

_Anyway... whoever wanted some Wilson/House interaction, I hope they like what I came up with :)_

_See ya soon!_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 19

"You've got wires going in, you've got wires going out of your skin"

There was a loud drum on House's car left window. "House!" the diagnostician hung his head as he realized who it was that caught him trying to fled the scene of the crime, so to speak.

"Wilson! Of course!" House said in a mock monotone and looked up to see the man he once had called his best friend standing beside the car.

"What do you think you're doing?" James shouted so that House could hear him, given that he didn't seem to have any need to open the window or let Wilson in the car.

"I'm sitting in a car... Trying to start it. Pretty much think it's obvious" House put the key in its stationary and starting igniting the car. He just wanted to get away from the parking lot as soon as he could. And now, Wilson was making it harder to proceed with his plan.

"Get out, you can't leave" Wilson tried to open the door himself, but it was locked. At least he tried. The car started purring as House started it, completely ignoring Wilson's words.

"Your argument is invalid" Wilson could swear he saw a small smile of victory play on House's lips.

"Oh, no you don't!" Wilson yelled in a rush, moving from the side of the car, in front of it, before House even had a chance to move further from the parking space.

"If you think you're gonna stop me by nonchalantly standing in front of the car, think again" House pressed the paddle for gas and the car rocked a bit towards Wilson, still not completely moving.

"You really want our first encounter after three years to end up with you running me over?" Wilson held his superman pose as he stood still in front of the Bentley House was sitting in. It crossed Wilson's mind just how much successful House had to be and how much money him and Emily must have had if House could afford a Bentley, and, probably so many more things.

"I like it better than the alternative." House tilted his head and puffed his cheeks a bit "Get. Out. Of. My. Way, Wilson." At least he wanted to sound serious.

Wilson rolled his eyes as he tried to figure out why on earth he even cared about all of this. About all of what had happened with Emily and about the fact House was yet again running from any kind of problem. But something, something didn't let Wilson move from that spot in front of the car.

He just hoped that House wasn't that much of a maniac to actually run him over.

"No." Wilson said, no fright evident in his voice. He was there, and he was there to stay. Or, he was there until House decided to vacate the car and get back in the hospital.

"You asked for it!" House hit the gas a glimpse of curiosity and uncertainty apparent in his eyes. He really didn't know if he had wanted to make the car move, or if he had only wanted to scare Wilson off, but it was all kind of irrelevant the moment he realized the car had, in fact, moved and... Wilson was... down on the ground.

"Ow!" House hit the breaks the same moment he heard Wilson yelp and removed his hands from the steering wheel as he tried to realize what had just happened. He opened the door and got out of the car only to find Wilson lying in front of the car, with his hands pulling his left knee towards his torso.

"You idiot! You were supposed to get out of the way!" House yelled at Wilson as he helped him get up. His knee wasn't hurt too bad, it seemed like only the fabric of his pants had been tampered with. But he would sure have a bruise.

"Now, can we go back to the hospital?" Wilson leaned on his right leg, trying to keep the balance as he worked hard to stay dead serious. "I think you at least owe me that after running me over" He added as he watched House's facial expression change from one of slight anger to the one of a defeat.

House just breathed out in frustration. He knew there had been a reason Wilson had been his best friend. He just knew how to work round him too well.

* * *

"Doctor Cuddy?" Chase knocked before he opened the door to find her lying on the couch, her feet propelled in the air as her calves rested on the backrest of the couch. She was oddly wearing pants that day, but she was glad she was as she quickly rose from the couch, realizing if she had been in skirt- the situation with Chase walking in on her would have been even more awkward than it was like this.

"I'm...sorry" Chase started in his Australian accent "I can come back later" But Cuddy didn't really want him to go, she was even glad someone had been there to get her away from the swirl of emotions she was faced with when alone.

"No, it's ok. What's the matter?" Cuddy's fingers instantly tangled with her hair, trying to straighten every lock that had gotten out of its place.

"I thought I just saw House" Chase motioned with his thumb behind his back towards the clinics. Cuddy puffed out a breath, knowing she'd have to reason with the staff sooner or later. The rumor about House being in hospital for personal reasons that didn't include Cuddy were surely buzzing all over the hospital. She was secretly jealous and a bit hurt that the rumors didn't connect her to House in almost no way. She... kind of always thought that House would be back on day, that he'd come to her, wanting to be a part of her life, their life again... and seeing how he was back just not back in her life, sure dug a hole in her heart, or rather, just deepened the hole that had already been there.

"Yeah, you did" She sighed, standing up and adjusting her gray tweed pants. Chase just gave her a bit of a glare as he thought how surprisingly calm, too calm his boss was.

"Is he back...?" Chase scratched his head as he watched Cuddy walk round the coffee table and remove herself from the sitting area and go towards her desk, turning her back to him.

"No, he's here because his wife had a ruptured aneurism and is in coma" she started going through some papers on the desk, with the sole purpose of doing something, anything but looking at Chase as she delivered the news.

"His wife?" Chase stared at Cuddy, his head slightly bobbing as he tried to take in the information he was bombarded with "That pregnant girl?" He now glared, putting pieces of the puzzle back together.

"How? I mean... how?" Chase's lips jutted as he couldn't quite take in what he think was going on.

Cuddy abruptly turned around, a dead serious and quite pissed look on her face and spoke "I don't know, you don't care" she leaned on the desk, her hands resting on it for support, her looks directed to Chase in a most frightening manner.

"O...k" Chase approached the coffee table slowly, as Cuddy kept an eye on him "I'm just going to leave these test results here, then" He said and started going backwards, not really wanting to turn his back on the highly furious Cuddy. He wouldn't risk it.

Cuddy just watched the surgeon leave her office looking like a dead beat rat and tried to breathe in, her breath shaky. As soon as the glass door clicked back in its wooden frame, Cuddy's head fell in her hands as she started sobbing uncontrollably.

What had her life ended up being. What was she doing to herself. She was angry with an innocent person just because he'd poked the bear he didn't even know had been in the room. She was finished. She was blaming other people for the chaos she had made herself. She slowly dropped towards the floor, her back sliding against her desk not giving her a free fall.

She stayed like that, her heels firmly stuck in the soft carpet, her back against the firm wooden desk surface, her hands on her knees, her head in her hands, for quite a while.

* * *

"Why am I here again?" House rubbed his forehead as he stood by the door of Emily's room, Wilson in front of him.

"Because this is... your wife" Wilson tried to look away from House, but House had, nevertheless, caught some kind of despise on his face and in his voice.

"Oh, why don't you just say it, it will be easier than ignoring the huge pink elephant hiding in the corner" House nodded his head towards him, entirely aware that he was deflecting from his problem and moving onto Wilson's.

"Say what?" Wilson stared at him slightly confused, more because House didn't fail to recognize there had been something on Wilson's mind rather than any other reason.

"Why are we really here, Wilson?" House leaned on his cane heavily, his leg yet again reminding him how soar it actually was. He'd dare to admit that this was actually that one time he would take the pills no matter what. He'd always said that he wouldn't reach for them ever again... but he'd always given himself a benefit of a doubt. Just because he was a former drug addict. And alcohol abuser. And an idiot.

"Because I don't want you to make the same mistake again!" Wilson threw his hand in the air, his other one resting on his hip. He was just... full of... different kinds of emotions. Anger, care, worry, joy. He laughed at the irony. How just one encounter could be so ...filled with various emotions, it was beyond him. He was glad that he got to see his … best friend again. He was angry with him cause he had left him, he couldn't deny that. He was worried... he was worried to how this all would end. It didn't look promising. It looked like... a no way out.

The girl... House's oh so young and pregnant wife... She was done with. The machines were the only thing keeping her alive. And the kid... the kid would be born... and then what? What would House do?

How would House treat it? Would he give it away? Would he be a coward? Would he not be a coward?

And what about Cuddy? What this situation held for her? She surely hadn't gotten over House, even though she was dating that broker guy. How would this affect her?

House's eyes fell on Emily as he suddenly became aware of the sound of the machines hooked up to her body.

"I don't know if I can do this, Wilson" he approached the bed and took a hold of its frame for support "And I don't know if I want you to advise me. I don't know if I can … let you be here again" House focused on Wilson's face as it started losing it's initial tension and forming into one of man that cared.

"Cuddy sent me away, but you did nothing to stop me from leaving either" he would always... be disappointed with him for not sticking up to him, for not... holding him back. For not letting him to run away, like... he had done thirty minutes before.

"Why didn't you risk being run over three years ago?" House reached for his scarf and pulled one of its ends removing it from around his neck.

Wilson just stood in the room, absorbing everything House was saying and not being able to give him an answer. He just... didn't know. Or maybe he did, maybe it was buried somewhere in the back of his mind deep that he couldn't face it.

"House I..." James wanted to find words but he couldn't, so he just exhaled "I don't know"he admitted. He just didn't know.

House knew when people were lying to him and knew that this wasn't the case. Wilson was as clueless about it as House was about what to do next. What to do about Emily and the kid. But, but all the time he spent, all the strength he invested into trying to do better, all the battles he had to fight to beat his old self told him, he had to try and figure this thing out. After all, he was Gregory House. He always came up with something in the end.

He turned around and put the scarf he was holding onto the nightstand and started taking off his coat. Wilson just stood still as he watched House remove items of clothing and put them on one of the chairs closest to the bed.

Then he did something that surprised Wilson- he started going towards the door. Wilson just gave him a confused look as House turned around and said

"I spent days sitting by a bed and bumping my head against a wall,trying to find the right answer, the right thing to do and look where that got me. Idiots learn on their own mistakes, good thing I'm smarter now" he smiled sarcastically and left the room Wilson never failed to notice the longing look on the man's face as he walked pass the glass room wall catching the attention of the passers-by.

* * *

_You knew House just couldn't leave ;) And what is he up to ? Reviews, please :)_


	21. And I can barely look at you

_This chapter... well, more the song that goes with it, has a deeper meaning for me than I will ever want to admit it. I lost someone two years ago, my dad, and, well, this song 'Run' by Leona Lewis (or Snowpatrol, whichever version you prefer) was ... a song I used to cry myself to sleep. If you've never heard it before, you should. It's amazing, and... moving. Anyway, thanks for still sticking around and reviewing :)_

_I will never be grateful enough!_

* * *

Chapter 20

"And I can barely look at you and every single time I do, I know we'll make it anywhere away from here"

"You won't believe what I just heard" Foreman pushed the door open as he entered the office he was sharing with Chase. His face read surprise.

"That House is in the hospital?" Chase didn't raise his head as he was going through some test results.

Foreman frowned a bit, confused how Chase knew that House was around already "And that his wife is that woman in coma?" he more asked to test if Chase knew that too, the word wife coming out of his mouth with the amount of amusement that was more than expected.

"Yeah, Cuddy told me..." the surgeon said rather indifferent and continued reading the results. The oxygen levels weren't so great and that concerned him a bit. He really didn't want to show it, but he was actually very much into the whole case. He just couldn't believe what was happening, and the whole situation made him miss the differentials. And he kinda wanted to butt in, cause he was just too curious. Of course, he had already started a 'secret' bet between the staff. It was just his MO, he didn't mean anything bad with it.

"And you're not even surprised?" Foreman was never really someone to be interested in other people's lives, but this was just... too big to ignore. And, it seemed like, he and Chase had switched roles. Chase was usually the one who wanted to know everything about everyone.

"More than you think" Chase pouted a bit, and raised his head from the files "But I have a feeling House will barge in any moment and I want to have something to tell him" he remained serious. However, Foreman knew him too well and that was why he realized what was going on.

"Please, you just want to impress him." Foreman scoffed, his hands in his pockets. Chase just puffed out a breath. "Yeah, right" it was meant to sound sarcastic.

"I'm just saying, once an ass kisser, always an ass kisser" the neurologist was almost interrupted in his speech by the sound of the door being opened. Chase tilted his head to see past Foreman while Foreman turned around to face whoever just barged in.

"Funny" their former boss said as they finally faced him "I could swear my office used to be here"

* * *

Wilson sat on a bench outside the hospital, breathing in the fresh air. It had stopped raining, and the bench was a bit damp, but he didn't really care. He just wanted to get away from the hospital and all of the things going on in there. Especially one thing.

He adjusted his black coat so he wasn't directly sitting on the moistened wood and stuck his hands into his pockets. It was really cold.

This January was, surely, the coldest ever. Probably because there was no snow and only rain. It was constantly chilly, or rather butt freezing and with no snow to keep the heat going out of the ground, the soil got cold really quickly.

Wilson looked around himself. So many things happened in a matter of hours. Too many things.

It had been around ten in the morning when Emily had collapsed and by now, six and ten pm, he'd managed to have a fight with Cuddy, get run over and end up sitting on the bench. And that was only him. God knew what was happening with Cuddy and House... and the rest of the people that were working on Emily's case.

Emily.

Wilson took a deep breath, instantly regretting it as his throat turned soar being presented with such cold air.

House's wife.

God, how had that happened? He wondered. How on earth had that happened. House hadn't ever said he wanted to get married. He'd despised everything related to marriage... commitment. Even when he'd been with Cuddy. What had made him change his mind?

Wilson could have probably wondered for hours, or until his butt stuck to the bench from the cold, were it not for one particular blonde.

"How about you get back inside?" She smiled at him, a trace of sympathy echoing her voice. Wilson just glanced at her, and got back to staring at his shoes.

"I don't want to go in there" everything was better than going back in there. Even getting frostbite seemed more appealing.

"Come on, you can't run away from it forever" she sat down next to him "and you'll get sick" she added as she was unkindly faced with the fact the bench was damp.

"Sam, I ..." Wilson finally looked away from his shoes, and decided her face was by far a better choice.

"Come on" she stood up, extending her hand to help him get up. He hung his head and breathed out heavily before finally giving in and taking her hand.

"Sam?" He whined a bit, an awkward attempt of a smile appearing on his face.

"Hm?" she looked at him kindly, holding his hand with a light touch.

"I think I'm stuck" he rolled his eyes as Sam started giggling.

* * *

"The best course of action would be to do a C-section right away." Chase motion with his hand in no particular way as House, Foreman and him sat in the office.

"Ok" House sounded like he was ordering food, but even then, he might have had more determination in his voice.

"No... asking for other options? No... trying to find a different diagnosis?" Foreman was quite shocked. He'd expect the man to … be who he had been before he'd left. This man... sitting before him... he didn't seem like House. House's face and figure, yes. House's mind- no.

Foreman wasn't even sure House had a mind anymore. He just seemed... so... not himself.

"She's practically dead. The only thing that's keeping her alive are the machines. The chances of her waking up are close to none, more than close to none and she's had some problems with lungs a few months ago, so I believe that's already a problem as well. Over all, she's screwed."

Chase and Foreman looked at each other. It sure... didn't seem like he was talking about his wife. And maybe Foreman was wrong... Maybe this was House, maybe this was the man he had been, but not before he had left, but waaaaay before that. Like, when he had first started working for him.

He was rude, he was... blunt. He was... not so gentle when it came to vocabulary.

"So, do you want us to schedule the OR?" Chase was still testing the water. He really didn't know what was going on in House's head, not like he'd ever had an insight or anything.

"Do what you think needs to be done" with those words House got up and went back to Emily's room.

He'd stay there until it was time for her to go...

Until they'd pull the plug and he'd have to watch her... die.

* * *

"House told us to perform a c-section" Foreman and Chase both walked in into her office, finding her maniacally doing paperwork.

She couldn't let herself think about it anymore. She couldn't let herself fall into that hole. So, she got down to doing what she did the best- administrating. And right now, paperwork seemed like just the right choice. Time consuming and energy drawing.

Her pen didn't stop in its tracks even after Chase cleared his throat to try get her attention.

She just... didn't want to be a part of it. She didn't want to be a part of whatever House business was. She didn't want to take any blame, she didn't want to know anything, she didn't want to think about the fact that he was going to have a child of his own, a child that he didn't have with her, but rather a third party. She didn't want to deal with the way it would surely, and it was already affecting her. She just didn't want to.

Foreman gazed at Chase knowingly, and decided it was time to shake Cuddy from her deeds. He knew that it wasn't easy for her, that she had to be dealing with a huge problem herself, given.. her history with House, and the undeniable similarity with Emily's and her case. So, he boldly approached the desk and put his hand on hers, stopping her from writing some more the exact moment.

She just raised her chin, trying to be above the situation and not show how much she was in fact, affected.

"Let him do what he wants to" She just dismissed and snatched her hand away from Foreman's.

"He doesn't want to do anything, he let us decide" Chase came after Foreman, both of them hovering over their boss's desk.

Hearing that, Cuddy slowly put her pen down and sunk into her chair. The younger doctors noticed she was about to say something, but she bit her tongue and just shook her head.

"I have work to do now" She rested her elbows on the top of the desk as her face indicated it was time for them to go.

Chase really didn't want to stick in her office any longer, so he started going for the door, but Foreman wasn't intimidated at all.

"This is your ex-boyfriend's wife we're talking about. She's going to die." he knew he caught her attention as her face stiffened, anger slowly building up inside her.

He just didn't know anything about it! How could he think he had any right to bring anything up! To... to stick his nose where it didn't belong!

"It's your ex-boss as well, and I'm not questioning it. This is a professional hospital, Doctor Foreman, so it would be nice if you could act appropriately and if you can't, there are certain measures I could be forced to take" if anyone ever doubted why people were so intimidated by her and how the heck could a woman run such a hospital, they would have seen all the reasons why evident on her face, in her posture and in her voice right now.

"Look, I'm not trying to be rude" Foreman put his hand before him, an act of defense "I just think that you should get invested in all of this." But not even after those words came out of Foreman's mouth did Cuddy change her appearance and Foreman knew it was time to retreat, if he wanted to keep his job. She was known to get someone fired for less.

But as Cuddy watched the door close after the two left, she couldn't deny the fact that... her mind had suffered a change.

She didn't know whether it had happened a minute before, or eight hours before. But in all the time she had been trying to avoid facing the whole situation, she couldn't escape it. Something had just... snapped.

She didn't know what and if she liked it or not. And it scared the crap out of her.

* * *

House watched Emily's chest raise up and down while the machine beeped in the same mono-rhythm it did since he'd first walked in to find her lying lifeless-looking in the bed.

Wilson had been.. right. He couldn't do the same mistake again. And he wasn't going to. And if someone did make a mistake, it wouldn't be him. He didn't want to have a say in anything. He just wanted to let Chase and Foreman decide what was right. He wanted to let them chose.

But... no matter what they did, he knew one thing was inevitable.

Losing yet another life. Losing yet another woman he cared about.

House drummed his cane on the floor and scoffed, amused by the irony that seemed to follow him wherever he went. Maybe, maybe he was so wrong when the same happened to Cuddy. Maybe someone was punishing him for choosing Cuddy over the b... embryo she had been carrying. Maybe, someone really really really wanted him to have a child.

He started laughing at himself. There was no way he would ever believe that.

He didn't believe this was coincidence either, but even that was easier to believe than some higher force trying to give him something he'd never wanted.

He sat back in his chair and went back to watching Emily's chest heave up and down.

Up and down.

Up and …down.

Up... and ...down...

* * *

_And I am aware that I'm taking this very slowly, but I just think that Emily leaving... for good is something that needs to be taken care of with a certain amount of affection and touch to it all. _

_Let me know what you think!_


	22. I didn't say all the things I wanted to

_Ok, ok long time no see! But it was a busy week, I swear! I'm going to US this summer (please GOD) and I have an appointment tomorrow at the US embassy, so it's been hell collecting everything I need for that1_

_Anyway, thanks for your reviews, I CHERISH each and one of them! :)_

_I'm sure most of you haven't heard of Plumb, but she's really talented so listen to her x)_

_This song is called 'Damaged' and I think all of us can relate :) well... at least I can... sometimes XD_

* * *

Chapter 21

"I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say and you can't take back what you've taken away"

"House?" Wilson nudged him a bit, finding him fast asleep on the chair in Emily's room. "House?" he tried again.

Emily had been taken into the OR a little more than twenty minutes before. They still hadn't started the c-section, they were still preparing her for the surgery. And House... well, he didn't want to be there. He told Wilson that he had no intention to stand in that room watching someone cut into her body. He, if you believed his words (and Wilson had a reason, an obvious reason not to), 'didn't want to engage into something so boring as a c-section'.

But Wilson knew, he knew that wasn't true and that House just couldn't handle being there. Witnessing the moment he would become a parent. That moment also marking him becoming a single parent.

That was... too much even for Wilson's brain to process. He could only imagine what was going on in House's head.

He … felt sorry for him. The anger he'd felt when he'd first seen him, seemed to temporarily fly away as he watched his former... his best friend sleep helplessly on the chair.

He would become a single parent. He would have to bury his.. Emily and deal with all the crap that would drag into his life. And apart from dealing with yet another death, he'd have a new life, a life he was responsible for. A little kid that would depend solely on him.

Wilson took a deep breath as he couldn't begin to imagine how hard this would all be for House. For Cuddy.

Oh, Cuddy. She'd have to witness a man she loved, more than she would ever admit, raise a kid on his own. A kid that wasn't, by any means, hers. A kid, that she could have had if House hadn't decided that it had been better for her health at that moment, and Wilson thought the same, not to have it. But... she couldn't understand that. Three years after, she was still stuck in her little circle, claiming to have been hurt and many other things, just so she wouldn't have to face her truth and step out of it.

She was.. protecting herself. Even Wilson could see that. But, she just couldn't. That was why Wilson was sure this would mark, not only House's struggle, but hers as well. Who knew what and how she'd handle this all. If she could handle it in the first place.

Wilson watched House stir a bit. He, now, wasn't even sure if he wanted to wake him up. If he wanted to make him go to the OR and be there. He wasn't sure if that was a right thing to do anymore. He looked so tired, so... vulnerable sleeping in that chair, his head tilted way back leaning against the cold wall. He wasn't sure whether to wake him or not. Witnessing your child coming into this world, that was a kind of thing Wilson knew changed a person, made the person look the world with a different view. But... this was House. He wasn't a regular person. This event could as much change everything for the worse as it could for the better.

And then, there was … this whole thing with Emily. Listening to the last beats of her heart rate on the monitor. Seeing that fuzzy line go flat and that... horrid sound that announced one's death. Would he... let House face that? Would the birth of the little kiddo weigh the awful truth of the woman he had that kid with dying? Would it?

And how did House will about this woman anyway? Wilson always thought House wasn't able to let anyone really in. He knew he was right. He hadn't even let Cuddy in completely and he loved her... or had loved her... Wilson wasn't sure anymore, being confused with the whole situation. House... well, he wasn't someone to just jump into a relationship. And, seeing how only three years had passed and in that time he had gotten married and was going to have a kid, well, that was something Wilson couldn't understand. How could have House done something like that?

Had he... changed? Had he just wanted to escape the whole Cuddy thing? Had he decided that in fact, he wanted to have a family?

Wilson had seen him to good around Rachel, he might have wanted a family. He had even wanted to adopt her before he and Cuddy had fallen out so badly.

Maybe, maybe that was it. Maybe he wanted to settle down.

Wilson looked at House and started laughing at himself. No, that couldn't be it. House would never settle down with anyone else but Cuddy. And it took him twenty years to just... make a move on her.

Sure, he had lived with Stacy, but that was a different, completely different thing. Stacy had been the coward in that relationship, Stacy had left him to cope on his own, and when she'd gotten back and wanted House back as well, House had known better than to agree to that.

When it came to Cuddy... Wilson had never seen someone work so hard around someone. Well, after first torturing her for an equivalent of forever, but still. And that was why Wilson couldn't bring himself to think what House felt about the woman he had made his wife.

She was a beautiful young woman. Very beautiful, Wilson had to admit. But, House wouldn't just... go for her because she was pretty. She had to have something that drove House nuts about her.

But Wilson was quickly left to deal with his thoughts later, when House started opening his eyes slowly.

"What do you want?" House asked, tilting his head back to front, realizing how stiff he was. He didn't even know when he had fallen asleep, but he knew it had been after they took Emily to the OR. He really, just... didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be there when she was declared dead. He... wouldn't. He'd been asked if he wanted to keep her on the machines after they got the ...baby out and he said he didn't. He just... couldn't do that. He couldn't watch her be a vegetable. He knew he'd have to deal with the fact that she was dead, whatever way. If she was on the machines, that would be even harder for him, cause it would just prolong the inevitable goodbye. And if she was to be unhooked from the machines right after the baby was out and incubated... he'd had to deal with it instantly, but at least he wouldn't have to spend hours by her bedside, thinking how and when to let someone pull the plug.

And then, there was this... baby thing. She was a week before the eight month mark, and, it could be called safe to get the baby out now, but it had to be incubated and monitored. Its lungs had developed enough, well, enough for the little one to breathe on its own, but it still had to be under the eye of the pediatrician. However, House would have it transferred to his hospital in New York. He didn't want to stay in Jersey any longer, and he just wanted to go home. It was hard enough to deal with Emily dying, it would be harder to have Cuddy around in the same building for the next month, or... if something went wrong two months.

He sighed.

He'd had to think about the funeral, where to have it done and everything that came with that stupid word. He hated funerals much like he hated weddings. He'd never really been to one. Except... his father's. And he had been literally drugged and dragged to attend.

But Emily... deserved it. She deserved to go with a bang. To have all the people that cared about her, there. House... had started to realize why it was important. Why that... final goodbye was needed.

Emily wasn't the only one that needed it. He needed it as well. He wanted to hear them all say nice things about her, how she was amazing, how she rocked the stage of New York philharmonic. He needed to hear how great she was... had been. He couldn't quite put his finger on why was that, but... it was just the way it was.

"They're prepping her for the c-section, I thought you may want to be there" Wilson spoke with a soft touch to his voice, not really being aware of how his initial guard had subsided. House just looked away and stared somewhere behind Wilson, not particularly looking at anything.

"And why are people so interested in other people's lives?" House turned his head back to Wilson, making a sarcastic face, spotting a handful of nurses passing by the room too frequently and in a so well known... 'I wanna know what is going on' way.

"And why do you have to deflect all the time?" Wilson muttered under his breath, House hearing him anyway, but not really wanting to comment on it, cause, he was, deflecting. Or at least he wanted to deflect.

"I can't be there, Wilson" House's hand wandered to his right tie and started rubbing it slowly "I'm just going to wait here, and wait for the news" He forced a smile, but both of them knew that he wasn't at all happy-go-lucky.

"You... are aware that this isn't practically her room anymore" Wilson meant that to be a question, but it just seemed to fade away, as House hung his head, reaching for his cane propped next to the chair.

He just didn't want to leave. Sitting there... it was like... the time had stopped. Like, if he stuck around, maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have to hear that she was dead and that he had to take care of an infant on his own. He just... needed more time. Was that too much to ask for?

But House soon left his cane where it had first been placed as Wilson occupied the chair next to the one House was sitting on. Neither of them said anything, but the glance they exchanged was enough.

House was … grateful Wilson understood just what he needed and decided to be there at least as some kind of comfort.

However, House would have to go back to thinking what he felt about the man and the role he played in the whole mess after this all. Looong after this all.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Chase said, after he had just thoroughly washed his hands, only to find his boss standing behind him, in scrubs.

"Just going to make sure this all goes well" Chase just shook his head a bit, releasing a sigh.

"Dr. Cuddy, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, two hours before you didn't want anything to do with this" he tilted his head a bit, not really sure if he was supposed to have yet another fight with her. After all, she was... really affected by the whole things, no matter if she wanted to admit it or not. And he couldn't blame her. If one day, he was to find out that Cameron had used her late husband's sperm and had a kid or something, he would have freaked. But... she still couldn't marry the sperm and have it end up with a ruptured aneurism... so... he … couldn't quite get how Cuddy had to be feeling.

She opened her mouth to protest, and lecture him, but stopped as Chase raised his hand a bit, motioning how he didn't want to question her choice any further.

Cuddy was soon left in the prepping area alone and she went to the sink to scrub in.

As she let the water flow and reached for the soap, she wondered, what the hell she was doing. She had no idea why she was there or why she cared. But she was there, and she did care, so there had to be a reason. A reason that maybe.. she still wasn't strong enough to face, but surely would have... sooner or later.

She rested each of her hands on the sides of the sink and let her head fall backwards, her temple resting on the back, her nose high in the air. She breathed in. Once. Twice.

And she knew why she was there.

She needed to know she made everything go right. She needed to know that everything went right and that Emily left the face of the earth... in peace.

She needed to make sure that woman that had collapsed in her office, got the best treatment she could. She would make sure that that kid was safe.

She wanted to do what she wished someone had done when she was lying in the hospital bed, three years before. Make sure that the little guy or girl would make it into this world.

* * *

_*sigh*_

_Oh! Before I ask for reviews, I'll just say that there's a Huddy encounter in the next chapter. Well, sort of XD_

_I think you'll all like it :)_


	23. Let me turn the lights on

_So, because of you who complained last chapter was short, have this one. I never wrote that much. Pfft. _

_I could have written even more, but I washed my hair before I started writing it and I just need to blow dry it now. If you don't want me to get a cold. Or meningitis. D: _

_Anyway... :D _

_Here it is... Song to this chapter is 'I need a doctor' by , Scylar Grey and Eminem. It is really amazing... Can't get out of my head._

_Reviews, please... I'm sick of people on twitter telling me how lazy they are to review! Tsk Tsk! And you expect me to write here for you! :O_

_MOCKERY! :O_

_Chop chop, then._

_See you at the end!

* * *

_

Chapter 22

"Let me turn on the lights and brighten me and enlighten you, I dont think you realise what you mean to me  
not the slightest clue" 

"We're all set, scalpel please" Chase said behind his surgeon mask as he looked around himself, searching for an approval from the rest of the staff in the operating room. He didn't really want to be the one to perform the Caesarean, but he set his mind to do it, because he thought he somehow owned it to the boss... Or not. He really couldn't bump his head about it.

He turned around for the last time, to look at the evidently scared woman which could never be compared to the bold and steady boss that had scolded and yelled at him a brief hour before. Chase had been there when they had brought her in, those three years before, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for her and … well the situation she had to witness. Seeing a woman that was carrying her ex-lover's baby dying, that wasn't something that happened on a daily basis. And it was even more awful taking into consideration she had been pregnant with his child as well, but that that little boy or girl had never made it in the daylight.

Cuddy just held her breath and nodded slightly, though somewhere in the back of her mind confused to why she was even being asked for a permission. She was there... to observe. She wasn't a kin, she wasn't a family friend. She was just a desperate wife that was a sucker for babies... and women carrying them. She made herself think that that was why she was in that room. In the room that smelled of disinfection products and... being clean. The room that none before held so much anxiety and fear in the air, that it was even hard to breathe.

She couldn't let herself think that she was there for House... or herself.

Why would she be there for him? He proved that he hadn't strayed too much away from his old self, seeing how he couldn't even make himself present when his child's and wife's lives where in stake.

Why would she be there for herself either? She was happy... happy, having Rachel and... she didn't need to fill her wish jar or bump her head against the wall to thinking that this kid that was about to be born could have been hers.

No, she couldn't do that. She was there for the helpless woman and her child. No one else.

There was a shallow sound of a door being opened and a small gush of different smelling air flew in, disturbing Cuddy from her thoughts. She turned on her side a bit, her arms crossed at her middle, a protective gesture none the least.

And there he was. The man that she feared the most and the man that she could never escape. Both literally and hypothetically. He had scrubs on and a mask over his mouth to match Cuddy's. The moment he saw her standing six feet away from the operating table, his ocean blue eyes stuck out as he glared at her. Cuddy opened her mouth a bit, releasing a shallow breath, confident that he couldn't see her behind the mask. She couldn't let him see just how frightened and affected she was by the whole situation. And she was even more scared since the moment he had walked in.

House's entrance stirred the room full of people a bit and Chase turned around, yet again to see what was going on. When his eyes met House's, and the man offered him a slight bob of a head like a sign to continue, Chase reached out for the scalpel nurse had been holding for him for the past minute or so.

House took a stand beside Cuddy, that spot being oh so conveniently the best to view the c-section from. It offered a view on the machines and the table, so he could keep up and be updated throughout the whole thing without having to ask anyone how it was going.

He didn't look at Cuddy at all, not from the moment he'd saw her in the OR. He didn't want to be there, he had told Wilson he wouldn't be there, and yet, he was there. Something made him get up from that chair in Emily's room and get the scrubs on.

He shook his head as he tried to process that Cuddy was in the OR. She was confusing him and angering him, a lot. She wasn't supposed to be there. It wasn't her business, it wasn't her family.

House sighed to himself. But it could have been her business and her family. He couldn't deny that. She had to be hurting as well. He rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb contemplating what a mess it all was.

If only he had known better. If only he hadn't lied to her in the first place. Yeah, he wouldn't be here, watching one life being poured down the drain and one little human being being brought to this terrifying world, its birth marking the death of his mother in the same time.

And that was when House realized, he could never let his kid know when exactly his mom died. He wouldn't want the kid to never want to celebrate its birthday, even though House had found no meaning in the birthdays at all. But that would have to change. Standing there, he figured, that, it wasn't only a moment when he was being ripped off of a certain someone he had grown to care for incredibly much, but he was also assigned a serious of new responsibilities.

He really didn't know if he could raise up to all of them. Not with the skill and success a child could possibly need and deserve.

He'd have to do it all alone. He'd be alone, raising the kid. Being there when it first talked, walked, when it first learnt how to spell, when it first cursed. He'd be there, and... Emily wouldn't. She loved that child. She would have done anything for it even though House would always say she was insane. Giving something away because of someone who wasn't even a person yet. But somehow... trying to stay grounded and not be affected by Cuddy's presence, he started to see why Emily cared so much.

He could never really understand fathers. Well, he refused to understand them. He... kind of already knew what it was like to have someone depend on you... at least in some way. To know that someone would be sad if they didn't see you one day, to know that someone would wait for you to make a silly face during the breakfast and laugh at it wholeheartedly, he kinda knew how that was. And... he, be damn, missed that.

But what had been done, had been done. He couldn't go back. But he could try and still be better. Be better for that someone Chase was about to bring to this world any minute now.

Cuddy quickly drew in a breath as she watched Chase start cutting through Emily's muscles and a small drip of blood leaking down the side of her exposed stomach. She had seen that surgery too many times.

Yes, that made her pathetic, but she would always, when she had found time, watch the surgery from the balcony, or just peek through the glass door. She found an incredible joy in seeing a child being brought from its save confines of his mothers uterus to the cold air. Her heart would always skip a beat as she anticipated the baby's cries.

Yes, that hurt her greatly as well, knowing that she would probably never have that chance of hearing her own baby's cries, but... somehow, that made no difference.

And now, she was worried to why she was so afraid and on the near edge of jumping out of her skin, seeing the same surgery she saw so many times. Maybe, maybe she really was there for someone else but an everyday patient. She scoffed. Of course it wasn't an everyday patient, and of course it was totally different than any previous time. It was... because she cared. Because she knew just why and how it all hurt and where exactly it all brought her to.

Yes, she was a sucker that never really moved on.

There was an alarming sound of the oxygen machine going wild and House and Cuddy both jumped a bit from their spots, trying to realize what was going on.

"Stats are low and I'd like a kid without brain damage, Chase" House voiced, trying desperately to hide the sudden outburst of fear that overtook him. His eyes instantly wandered towards Cuddy, for some reason, and she diverted her gaze to him in the same time, almost like she knew he was watching her.

And for a split moment... there was something, something that couldn't let them divert their eyes to what was happening on the operating table, something that just... locked them together. Something that was there for so long and never really went away. And House opened his mouth to speak, not really knowing what to say but being aware that some words just couldn't be left unspoken. Being aware that he owed something to her, that he needed to let her know that she wasn't to blame for the horrible thing that had happened to her, that she wasn't supposed to bump her head against the wall thinking she could have been the one lying on that table.

But no words came out.

Cuddy noticed this little dance in House's mind,that same dance that had always been going on in there, that brief moment when she could see a spark in his eyes and his inner debate. To say something or not to say. However she wished it didn't, like many times before, it ended in the same way. With him dropping his gaze and turning away.

House didn't know why he let himself stare at her like that. He couldn't do that to her. He couldn't make her think he wanted something more from here, that he expected something from her. No. He was alone in this. She had to … move on as well.

She had to work on herself cause she was just the same as she had been. And that scared him. It scared him because he knew it took so little to go back to her, so little to toss years of improving himself for something... that really couldn't last.

Maybe, maybe one day it would. But not like this.

He wanted her to get better, he wanted her to want to be better. To see where she was making mistakes and how to fix it all. But he couldn't be there to help her, because, it wasn't about her anymore.

There was a fuss going on in front of them, them both not really being able to get immersed in it all. Cuddy had her mind set to thinking how this all made her feel and House was wondering why on earth had he started thinking about Cuddy at that very moment.

And then... Chase's hand reached inside the uterus making everyone in the room go slinet. There was no sound and that made Cuddy's heart beat faster and House fearing what he'd never get to experience before.

Though, he had no idea why.

House got all stiff as he raised his head to see what was going on, not really sure whether he wanted to witness it or not. But as soon as Chase moved from the table a bit, a certain something lying in his arms, House's eyes couldn't stray away.

Cuddy put her hand over her mouth, forgetting for a moment she had a mask on as she watched Chase hand the little baby to the nurse. She gasped a bit, seeing how fragile it actually was, having to remember that it had been only close to eight months in the womb.

And only hers and House's eyes stayed fixated on the small creature that didn't start crying , as the rest went back to dealing with Emily.

House hung his head as his view got blocked by one of the nurses and wished to hear that sound that made all the fears go away. Somehow, he was in the state of panic. How did he get there? He told himself he would care... and it was obvious that he had lied. His right palm twitched as he whispered to himself 'Come on'... And in the brief moment before the room because insanely loud, he realized that it wasn't the first time he and Cuddy were in a situation like that. Rooting for a baby to breathe. The only difference to it being that House was the one who's child was in stakes and mom was about to die.

Cuddy must have had the same thoughts as she started shaking in anticipation, not too much, but still noticeably. And she didn't know why and what happened... especially what happened with a big the fuck attached to it, but for whatever reason, the moment loud cries started filling the room, the left hand of the man that was standing beside her brushed hers.

But that little contact was enough for House to snap out of his thoughts and make his eyes go wide.

'She needs to cope on her own' a voice in his head rung and his mouth opened as his world started shrinking. His eyes finally dropped on the little baby that was now thoroughly washed and placed in its incubator. There it was... someone that depended completely on him. Someone that had a life in front of itself... and someone that was wrapped in baby blue.

His endless amusement to what he was seeing, to the human being he was finally facing, came to a stop as his head swerved as his ears could no longer pick up a sound that was steadily play in the background. Chase dropped his head as a new sound made itself apparent. A constant D in no key at all. Emily would know. Her fingers had produced that note too many times. She had lived with the sound of music, produced so many notes and such wonderful tunes, and her grand exit... had been one shallow D made by a machine.

House hung his head.

She deserved so much more... and he didn't deserve her or their... son. And he knew exactly one person who had this weird circumstances set 'this world is not fair' turmoil in their head. He felt a twinge of sadness make place in his heart, fume the void there was, for the time he'd known himself as he had been. He wished he could let himself reach for her hand, make her feel better and tell her that it wasn't her fault.

However, somehow... that thought only brushed his thoughts, because, it wasn't about her anymore. Or Emily... Or himself for that matter.

It was all about the little someone, someone that he'd might just started deemed calling a person.

And as the sound on the machine became distant, his forehead started sweating intensively.

He'd become a widower and a father in the same day... and it had to end on that solely.

"Wipe those tears away" he said, turning to Cuddy "I'll...We'll be gone by tomorrow" He couldn't be anything of hers. Not when he saw fire burning in her eyes, want and need they reflected. And he so wasn't going to let her heal on the baby that had just been born. That wasn't how her story was supposed to go. She was strong, and she'd have to make it on her own. And if she wanted him around... them around... when... if she got better, he'd reconsider.

But not today. No.

Today and from now on, it was all about his son. Even the word alone scared the crap out of him.

* * *

"Cuddy..." Wilson's voice wandered as he saw her staring through the tick glass in front of her. She really shouldn't be doing that to herself. Sticking around where she had no reason to. She had to understand that... and by the look on her face she gave him when she'd seen him, Wilson knew she was well aware. But that still wasn't stopping her from drilling another hole in her heart by just staring at the sea of premature born babies. To Wilson's surprise, there were five babies in that room at the time, and he didn't know whether to consider that a lot or too little.

"He's perfect" she nodded towards the third incubator where Boy, House, born 17th of January 2014, was lying, his little hands flailing in the air, his face just about right amount of pink. "Dr. Fisher said that she'd never seen a healthier premature infant" Cuddy was referring to the pediatrician. She smiled softly, yet some sadness radiating from her lips. He was just... perfect.

"You're making this harder for yourself" Wilson stood next to her, his eyes, as well, wandering towards the little baby boy. He still couldn't really take in the fact that House now had a son. He couldn't take in the fact that House's wife had passed away the night before either, but that just added up to the whole thing.

"Not really" Cuddy blew out a breath, positioning her arms at her middle. She wasn't making it harder for herself, at all. In fact, this had been just what she needed. She scoffed a bit. "It took this horrible thing to happen for me to realize that what happened to me was just really unfortunate" She hung her head and looked at her killer 4 inch heels as she wiggled her legs a bit in anxiety.

"Oh, Cuddy..." Wilson finally understood. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and soon she found herself in his arms.

"I just... It wasn't his fault" she sniffed, Wilson giving her all the support she needed so she wouldn't fall as she practically flung herself into him "It wasn't anyone's fault. Apart from the guy that hit me" she let out a small, pitiful laugh "And I blamed him... for so long, and... he had no choice" she removed herself from Wilson's hug and searched her pocket for a tissue. "What happened to Emily..." her voice trailed "... she was so young, so radiant, so... amazing, and out of the blue she just died. She died leaving a son without a mother. I could never imagine how would it be if I had died and Rachel was left alone... It's just... so horrible" Cuddy swallowed hardly, unable to stop the flow of words that were just escaping her.

Wilson just breathed in slowly, trying to stop himself from letting out a tear as well. He'd been there, for all the horrible things that had happened to her. To House. And this was beyond sad... Beyond anything he'd ever got to witness. But it was... as well, amusing.

Cuddy was right. It took so many horrid things to happen for some other things to fall into place. But wasn't that how it always had been?

"I need to be better, Wilson" she gazed at him, collecting the tears that were about to run down her cheek with the tissue she'd found "to... to just accept what happened to me... and live with it." She laughed a bit at her words "I can't be blaming other people forever. I can't be blaming him."

Wilson gave her a sympathetic look "What? Don't look at me like you have no idea what I'm talking about" her voice was hoarse.

"I'm not... it's just that" a smile appeared on the oncologist face, out of the blue, he obviously realized something, Cuddy noticed.

"What?" she turned to the glass wall again, the baby boy's little leg trying to toss the blanket away, but not surprisingly failing.

"I just... have a need to kick your asses at times" he grinned as she gave him a knowing look.

"You deal with two idiots for so long, I almost feel sorry for you" she let the humor overtake the conversation.

"It will be well, Cuddy" Wilson patted her shoulder "It will all be well"

* * *

House sighed as he took the bag with the baby stuff Diane had brought him that day.

He had called her the day his … son was born to tell her that Emily had died. She had been in shock to say the least. He had... been in shock as well. He was still in shock.

But he didn't let anyone see it. He was taking his son with him back to New York. He was strong enough to be transferred and that was all House cared about. He didn't want to be stuck in Jersey for any longer. The staff at the Princeton Plainsboro had been horrible enough. And... he needed his sleep. Sleeping two nights in a row on a highly uncomfortable hospital chair had done him no good.

But if it was anything that was good when it came to being in Princeton... it was the small talks he'd had with Wilson. Sure, he was still not sure what to think of the man, but... he was damned if he didn't say that he'd missed him. He'd call him from New York for sure... Someday.

Now, he had a funeral to arrange. And people to call. He could only be thankful that Diane had showed up when he'd called her and been there... for him and for his son.

He still didn't take the little boy in his arms. He had just been to see him.. three or four times. He couldn't stop thinking about what had he done to deserve him. He was... a... perfection. Well, for a baby he was. And, that frightened House because, he knew he was going to mess him up, no matter what.

This was as perfect he'd ever be. That was actually why he wanted to prolong that state of his for whatever time he could...

But House was sure he'd already done one wrong... cause, he had the name for him the second time he'd walked in the room where his incubator was, along with the rest.

House had been just to approve Emily's... body being transferred to New York Presbyterian and... it got him thinking about her a lot.

He already missed her. He missed her laugh, he missed the way she always knew how to work around him, he missed her in whole. He missed her for the better person she had unconsciously made him become. And he had gotten that... awfully pathetic thought of wanting to preserve her from being forgotten. Not that he ever could forget her.

So... as he'd stared at the little boy that had her plum lips, he'd known that he'd let her live through him.

Of course, he'd known that he was making a mistake by marking him from the very start, but... he somehow didn't care. The boy, he didn't know him. He was just a little person who was just about to be discovered. Emily... she, she had been someone to him. That made her top the list of priority, though, he knew that also instantly made him a bad father.

Diane knocked on the room door and House snapped out of his thoughts.

"The ambulance is here." She smiled a bit. She was still uncontrollably sad and overwhelmed, but that didn't stop her from being a little happy for the little boy that she knew had already started stealing her heart. And she knew that she would have to be there for him and for Greg. If not for the two of them, then for Emily, for sure.

House just nodded, his face expressionless.

It was impossible to even deduce what one could be feeling at such circumstances, let alone House. He felt nothing, nothing at all.

"Thomas is all set. They're ready to transfer him any time" House's head shot up at hearing the name. The name that had so casually been Emily's surname.

"Say it again" he said with no reason to himself either, but he just wanted to hear it one more time.

"What, that they're ready to have him transferred?" Diane was a bit confused, but when wasn't she, when it came to him.

"His name" House raised his head, motioning for her to humor him...

"Thomas" she said it one syllable at the time. "All good?" She smirked a bit, finding his peculiarity amusing.

"Yes, all good " He smiled, thinking, maybe, maybe he wouldn't screw this one.

* * *

_Told you I'll be here! :O_

_Now, if this didn't deserve you not being lazy and actually reviewing, then shame on you people! :OOOO_

_Ok,_

_enough with the drama XD_

_See ya soon!_


	24. You got inside my head

_I'm sorry if you waited long for this one, but it's Friday and I finally had time to just sit down and finish this chapter. It's longer than the rest, but not as long as the last one :)_

_Thank you for all of your constructive reviews! I appreciate them endlessly! I hope you will find this chapter mild but still meaningful, cause, it was the way I wanted to make it seem :) (tell me what you think later :3 )_

_Oh, and BOMBSHELLS! My god!_

_I can't can't can't wait for that one! They just keep torturing us! Oh.. but, I'm sure you'll at least see where I'm going with this story with this chapter as a vague preview of it all!_

_Time to stop talking! Have fun!_

_(song: Broken, by Snowpatrol)_

* * *

Chapter 23

"You got inside my head, I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead"

_Three weeks later_

"Hey, hey, hey" Diane just got in House's apartment seeing him in a complete rush "Slow down, what's up?" She smiled a bit, not really sure what was going on, House clearly not in the mood, if his facial expression could give anything away.

"I need to go, have a patient" he said, putting his coat on. It was a bright day, but it was still the chilly February and he needed it. As much as he needed to get out of the apartment.

"And... you also have a son and a paternity leave that won't end until next week." Di dropped her bag on the floor as she took of her two inch heel boots and started taking her coat off.

House just glanced in her direction, not really wanting to say a thing. She had been of so much help ever since they'd come from Princeton and he couldn't deny that. However, she was also making herself too comfortable around... he knew he had no reason to hold that against her, since she, as well, had lost someone close to her and needed to feel the comfort. But she had her husband... and House wasn't to blame that he was on the road most of the time, being a pianist just as Emily wa- ...had been, and that Diane didn't have anyone to seek comfort in.

But that day... he just needed to get out. He couldn't be in the apartment anymore. He couldn't be around...Thomas. He didn't really know why that all was, but he... just wanted to get out.

"Greg" there was some threatening in her voice, but he brushed it off. "I'm going out" he said slowly, making sure she understood that he was intent on leaving.

But Diane knew better. Yes, she knew he needed his space, that he needed to be able to just get out and … deal with his problem, but he had a son to think of now. Son that had no one but him... And then, there was another thing. Something Diane couldn't brush off even though she wanted to.

It had been a week since they'd discharged Thomas and Greg... still wasn't making any contact with him. It was a real miracle that the baby was in such shape, and the doctors were both thrilled and amused and that was the main reason why they'd let Greg take him home before the usual month premature babies spent in the hospital.

And House... he didn't seem to find any comfort in it. He didn't even take the boy in his hands. First, she thought... that he was having a hard time, having just buried Emily and dealing with the whole new setting the life now had to provide, but then, weeks passed... and he remained the same.

He was visiting his therapist, it was great to know he wasn't taking a risk of getting down the wrong path, but still, she was worried.

It wasn't like he had no interest to him at all, though. He would watch the nanny change his diapers, watch her give him a bath and often sleep in his room. He cared. But he seemed so afraid to do anything on his own.

The nanny was almost unnecessary, seeing how she was almost always around. She took days off when she could, and they weren't in the season, so she had enough time. The Philharmonic gave her a week off after Emily's sudden... death and she refused to take it. Emily would hate to see how her death made music stop. So, she didn't stop playing. She played every day. She would stand in the concert hall every day when she got the opportunity, took her violin in the hands and.. just played.

She would like to think that she was playing for her, for Emily. For the magnificent person she had been and for the amazing music she created.

House... seemed to be doing the same. She could often hear him play the piano, more than Emily had told her he did anyway. The pieces he chose, though... they nibbled on her heart softly, reminding her just how much pain he must have been going through. And she didn't think it was any of her right to try and butt in. She'd just let him deal on his own with that. Emily had said he was a reserved person. She had no intention to disturb his privacy.

"When are you coming back? George is returning this evening and I would like to be there when he comes home" she brought her husband up as she realized that she couldn't stay that long. Even though she wanted to.

House looked at her a bit in disbelief, though, for huge part indifferent.

"No one asked you to be here" he shrugged as he walked pass by her and out of the apartment.

He needed to get out. To be able to think. To be able to breathe.

* * *

"Oh, hello Lisa" a somewhat sixty-year-old lady greeting Cuddy as she got in the room and sat down on her usual spot. She put her purse down on the table in front of her, that was between the sofa she was sitting on and the armchair the lady was occupying. She then brushed the little snow that remained on her shoulders and smiled... somewhat bitterly at the woman.

She didn't like being there, that was obvious. But she had no choice but to be just there.

"Hello, Dr. Wright" she smiled again, removing her coat and placing it on the side of the sofa.

It had been almost a month since she had first been in that room and it still seemed so unfamiliar and cold to her. Probably because she still had that sort of an objection to the matter at hand. However, she knew it was in her best interest to be there, and for whatever cause, it made it slightly better.

After all, Dr. Hillary Wright was an acclaimed psychiatrist. If she was going to let anyone get inside her brain, she wanted it to be an expert.

"Did you do what I asked you to do last time?" the woman pushed her silver framed glasses more towards the root of her nose and secured them from falling. In her right hand she held a pen and in the other she had an open notebook with some scribbles on it.

Cuddy just nodded.

The main reason she hated therapy was because for the first time, someone was telling her what to do. She wasn't used to that. She had more than eighteen consecutive years of telling people what to do, how to act, what was appropriate, what was not, and now... she was being served with so many demands and tasks. It was kind of hard to keep up with that. Mainly because she couldn't tick it of the task box as she did with her regular chores. This had to be worked out... in her head. And fear was a reason rational enough to hate therapy when it came to her.

"Yes, I did..." She reached for her purse to get her planner out of it. The doctor had asked her to make a list of the things she loved in her life and one list of the things she couldn't stand. She had no idea how that would help her with anything, but, like in school, she made no objections and did as told. It was hard to remember how to just keep your mouth shut.

She opened her planner and removed two papers from its middle, the two list she'd made. Cuddy skimmed the lists through, before she raised her gaze to meet one very eager pair of eyes staring her way.

The woman was expecting her to start reading "Go on" she nodded towards her, clicking her pen to prepare it for writing things down.

Cuddy was a bit repulsed knowing someone was evaluating her at the matter she constantly failed at- life. That wasn't something she could learn from a book, that wasn't something she could write a thesis on and expect to ace it. No, it was far more delicate. She could only thank God that 'life' wasn't a subject in school, because then, she would have never been able to finish it.

Cuddy took a deep breath as she looked at the list again. If anyone could see it (and she hoped with every fiber in her body, no one would ever have a chance to), they would find it ridiculous. But for her, it wasn't. Not when her shrink had told her that she needed to write everything that came to mind as long as it was genuine.

"Dr. Cuddy" the shrink raised her voice as Cuddy fell silent. The woman had evaluated her well. She knew that Cuddy extremely well under pressure and when confronted with authority. Her file said it all.

Middle aged highly ambitious, but desperate super woman. She had a handful of those.

They were all the same. Wanting to be the best at what they did, never settled for less than best, found joy in being mothers, worrying and kind mothers that only existed in 50s' movies, but... still thoroughly dissatisfied with their lives.

However, Cuddy wasn't a typical 'Super woman' complex example. There was something about her that made her pop out from the usual frame, and she couldn't yet figure it out. She wanted her to write a list of her preferences and dislikes in order to get closer to placing her in one of the common type. But as the time passed by... she realized that Cuddy was everything but common.

Cuddy's face read one of being sorry as she cleared her throat to begin to read. If she was someone whose body reactions and actions revealed what she felt inside, her hands would probably be shaking.

But, as she was always picture perfect calm on the outside to contrast with her inside, she seemed relaxed.

"The things I love..." She started, catching her shrinks eye for an approval and as she got a slight nod and the 'shove' hand motion, she continued "First- Rachel" She read it with a smile on her face, the shrink scribbling something down as she did. She had talked about the little girl a lot, along with the other things. The woman was mostly appointed to everything that was going on in Cuddy's life at the moment. Though, Cuddy still didn't feel confident enough to be revealing all of her to the woman.

But she knew she would have to, it was inevitable. She had come to get help and she wasn't going till she got it... and it worked.

House had been right... and it was hard to admit it, to her surprise. She had always believed in everything he'd said, mostly because, he knew what he was talking about and she admired him for his intellect. That was also why she was often doubting herself wherever it came to something she thought he'd do differently.

But this time, it was different. She had found it ridiculously tough to even begin to take in what he had told her. And she wanted to know why that was. She wanted to know when she'd become that someone narrow-minded, someone so selfish she'd never think she would be.

For once, the roles were reversed.

House seemed to have been searching for something better, a meaning to life, no matter how silly that seemed to her related to him. And where was she? What was she doing with her life?

She at least, had managed to admit to herself that she had made her bed and that she was the one that had to lie in it, not that someone else had done it for her. She was the source of all her dissatisfaction and wrong that seemed to chase her. No one else.

But why?

If she had the answer to that question, she wouldn't have been in the room she was in, she wouldn't have been meaning to read the rest of the list she'd written down.

"Bubble baths" she smiled again, remembering the few times she had to take one instead of the usual shower. If she had a bath, it meant she had nothing to worry about, that she had time on her hands and that everything was how it should be. The last time she had taken a bath was three months before. That had to speak volumes.

"My yoga mat" something she couldn't go a day without, something that meant that she had an endless opportunity to get both her mind and body into order.

"Classic movies... Art exhibitions... Then, uhm, sex" she kept her eyes on the paper as she was too ashamed to look at the doctor in front of her, but who could blame her. Sex was pretty damn awesome...when it was with someone you loved... but... sex, just the raw wild sex, it was good. Insanely good. She couldn't keep that out of the list. "The rest of my family... My mom and my sister... Wilson" she hoped the shrink would be able to recall all the times she mentioned her best friend, but just in case it confused her she added "My dear friend oncologist... and I like his wife, if that... has anything to do with the list... Oh, and music. I love music." her grin was radiating, but in a flash, a sadness added to it as she remembered what kind.. and by whom she preferred.

She put the paper containing that list down and proceeded to the other one. "Now, I can't stand... hypocrisy" just reading that word made her stomach clench a little "... lies" even though she was used to them "Overtime..." she shook her head, that making her remember the night before when she had to stay in the hospital until eight. It surely breaking her record of hours staying at the place in the past few years. "Not … being able to change something" her voice faded as she read that. It was kind of vague to her how she had managed to write that down. It still shocked her.. that she let that live on the paper apart from her head. "Cheese" she laughed a little. She sure disliked cheese.

She put the planner away.

"That's it?" the shrink played with her glasses as she was mildly surprised with the woman's list. There were some things there that she expected and knew for a fact why they made it on that list... But there were more things that actually weren't on the list... and that caught her attention.

"What about House?" she asked boldly as Cuddy confirmed she was, in fact, finished.

Cuddy moved her hair to the side with her right hand, her other hand closing on her stomach, something she couldn't hide from Dr. Wright, it was a sign of defense. And it wasn't irrational either.

The woman had heard only a bit when it came to the man in question, but enough to deduce that he was someone very important in her life. The fact that she hadn't mentioned him on either of the list... that could only mean she was deflecting and that wasn't good.

"You didn't put him anywhere" Hillary put her pen to the side of the notebook and looked at the dean boldly. She wanted a sincere answer, but she had no idea if she would get it.

Cuddy bit her lower lip.

There were only two ways she could do it. Either to talk completely openly, or not to talk at all. And how would she ever figure something out if she kept things locked inside? She sighed.

'Oh, Lisa, you idiot' she scolded herself. Why had she even mentioned him instead of Michael? She was dating the guy. Sort of.

'Probably because you love him,moron' a voice shouted at her again. That was probably why she hadn't mentioned Michael as well.

Hillary still awaited the answer as Cuddy sunk into the sofa, resigned.

"You want to know which of these lists House is on?" Cuddy asked, her voice appearing matter-of-factly. It was business, getting herself better. And she'd approach it like every other. Calmly and effectively.

"If you want to tell me" shrinks never really gave the answers to their patients questions. It was their form of art, pleasing and helping the patient in a way they would have to please and help themselves, with them only guiding the unfortunate sillies.

Cuddy sighed again before she said "He's on both" she looked at the floor as she mumbled to herself "both".

* * *

His left hand deep in his pocket, the other one firmly gripping on the cane as he walked through the door of his favorite cafe. A cafe. That was something he was finding hard to deal with, that he had a favorite cafe. It had used to be bars, pubs... never cafes. And it only served to make him think of Emily.

He had gotten really cold walking through the central park, well, if he could call it walking.

He had been more... mopping through it and sorting his thoughts out. At least.. he had tried to.

And he was in need of a cup of hot coffee.. before he had to go back to his apartment.

It was really hard on him, all the things that had happened. He was faced with three problems... which he'd finally admitted he had.

One was, Emily dying, if it hadn't been obvious to him from the start. He had started going over and over again in his head what she'd meant to him. If he'd treated her the way she'd deserved... to which answer was always negative... If she'd loved him... if anyone was able to love him still. If she'd left this world being happy with herself. If had been happy.

A great part of him ached for her... but the other part... the one screwed up part of his, was actually glad she wasn't around. Glad that he now, had a reason again to be the same miserable creature he had always been.

And that was screwing him up...

Because...

Because he'd thought that, he'd gotten better. No matter that her death was a huge set back.

If he'd gotten better... he would really have all these thoughts. That screwed up part of him would never emerge.

But it did. And that had made him realize that there had to be so much more to whatever the mess in his head was. The dad issues, the childhood, the whole... Princeton drama... all of that had to have something in common. He didn't know what and it was making him miserable again.

And that was sad... and it also brought him to his second problem. Thomas.

However, Thomas wasn't his problem, it was the thoughts he was waking up in House. All the care... all the... worry... all the responsibility. And one other feeling, he was unable to distinct. All of that, all of that was making him really uncomfortable and... very afraid.

He wasn't yet ready to start taking care of him properly, mostly, because, he really didn't think he could do it. He never wanted to be a father... Well, he had surely had to go over the whole 'am I able to be a dad' thing when they'd discovered that Emily had been pregnant... but not wanting to screw up and take another life away prevailed the answer to that question.

At that moment, it hadn't been really fair and it had been very selfish to put a life on one end of the scale, and one's fears and doubts on the other.

Life had to weigh out the emotions. Life... however he had made people believe he thought different, was sacred. And that... that was eating him alive.

Because, Thomas... he was depending solely on him. He had a life in his hands. He had a person to take care of... and with Emily in the picture... it hadn't seemed so scary, because, he'd known she'd be a totally capable mom... succeeding where he would fail.

And now...

she wasn't there. He had to do it all on his own... Even though he knew he'd eventually have to take the little boy in his hands, both hypothetically and not, he needed more time... But, he also knew that he'd have to do as soon as he felt at least slightly less afraid, cause, the only thing worse from having no father, was to have one that was horrible. And no matter what, he wouldn't let his son end up like him. He wouldn't let himself hinder the boy because he was afraid. And that was actually the only thing he was completely sure of.

The third problem?

It had made itself apparent only after he'd left Princeton... though, it hadn't ever really evicted his head.

He sighed as he seated himself in the back of the cafe, the realization of someone leaving that day's paper on the table pleasing him. He looked around and just stared at the seemingly happy people eating Danish and drinking hot coco, coffee or tea. He hated tea. As much as he hated not being able to think about one special brunette on killer heels. Ok, maybe less than that.

He bit on his lower lip, in regret, wondering how she was doing.

Yeah, he was so back to the square one.

* * *

_Yeah, they can't really stay away from each other... at least in their minds they can't. _

_Reviews please! :)_


	25. The face I came to know is missing too

_A smaller chapter I just had a need to write today! _

_Still waiting for Bombshells, and will see you a few days after it! :)_

_Avril Lavigne- When you're gone is a theme to this one. I'm sure you'll realize why... It's pretty obvious XD_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 24

"The face I came to know is missing too"

There was a loud cry that woke House up in the middle of night. He passed a hand down his face, thinking how he hadn't gotten used to it yet. He rolled over and covered his head with the blanket. Ella, the nanny House had hired the day they'd gotten back from Princeton two months before, would take care of it. He couldn't and wouldn't get up. She knew how to tend to Thomas, he didn't.

He shut his eyes closed and tried to go to sleep again. But the cries didn't stop. He lifted his head and removed the pillow from under it, only to place it over his head. It wasn't really comfortable, but at least he wouldn't hear anything. Well, that was what he thought. He could still hear the cries...

And something... something inside him was breaking as he lied there, not being able to get up. He pushed the pillow away and exasperated pulling the blanket down, so his head wasn't covered. He wanted to get up... had this strange feeling that evoke some need in him, a need to go see what was wrong with Thomas.

He'd read all the medicine books, all of them said the same. It was parental instinct. Something.. primal and something that just made itself apparent when one became a father. He was of the human race, it was normal that he had that instinct. That was, as well, why he was fighting it so hard. He was confused with himself.

He didn't want to get up just because nature told him to do so, he wanted to get up because he cared. But, he cared because of the natural instinct. That made some complications in his head.

Did he give in the natural thing to do, or did he fight it and wait till he grew some other feelings for the boy?

The unbearable feeling of his stomach churning notified him that his parental instinct would beat his, he'd call it, sane reasoning. It almost competed with his leg, the pain he was feeling. He knew they were connected one with other, he wouldn't deny that anymore.

He could now hear Ella pacing down the hall apart from the cries. He got out of the bed, putting his slippers on, reached for his cane.

A small sigh passed his lips as he walked through the bedroom door.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Michael asked, a frown settling on his face, as he and Cuddy sat in the living room watching Moulin Rouge, one of Cuddy's favorites.

Cuddy snapped out of her thoughts, realizing just how much behind she was with the movie, mostly because she wasn't really watching it.

"I just... have so many things to think of for tomorrow" she smiled a bit, whether he'd buy it or not, really not making any difference to her. She just... didn't really care.

That was actually one of the things she was thinking about as the heartbreaking storyline played in front of her, escaping her attention.

Her therapist had advised her to end the thing with him, end being a nicer word for what the woman was suggesting. She had said she'd seen no point in her dating the guy, when she obviously wasn't into him. Her strongest argument being that Cuddy hadn't even mentioned the guy for the first month and a half she'd been in therapy.

If someone wasn't worth sharing it when you're talking about your life, then what was the point of having them in it?

Cuddy bit the inside of her cheek, the woman had had a point. She wasn't the best for no reason.

However, Cuddy wasn't sure how to do it. Or whether to do it. She didn't really want to give that relationship away yet. He was a decent guy, he respected her, didn't push her, he was everything she was expecting of a man.. and that was exactly why he was wrong for her.

Expected and familiar bored her. The relationship with someone like that, would never work. It hadn't worked in the past, it wouldn't now. Mainly because Cuddy couldn't really see herself with anyone...

Anyone but... the unpredictable and nauseating man that paced in her head all day long.

The therapist had agreed. Cuddy had seemed to ruin every relationship she had been in. All of them ended because Cuddy had been either bored, or they couldn't keep up with her and the strong independent persona she was. All of them but one.

The one... the last one... that one had ended.. because she had been afraid.

Cuddy scoffed. The therapist read her better than she could.

Fear.

How hadn't she thought of that before?

Probably because she wasn't looking in the right direction,or because she wasn't looking at all.

Fear.

It was simple. And most of the times, the simplest explanation was the right one.

She'd been afraid, afraid of... the things that she'd started to see that she could have. That relationship hadn't ended the day she yelled at House to get out of her life, it had started ending way before. In her head. She had been searching for every flaw possible in it, the bad things she'd try to spot, and bring them in the foreground. And why?

Because... much like she'd always accused House of the same matter, she wasn't able to be happy. She wanted to be happy, but for some reason, she couldn't let herself to.

For the reasons she quite couldn't figure out yet... but, what wasn't that what therapy was for?

Two months.. two months were enough for her to find out so many things about herself. So many things that were buried beneath. Hidden in the creepiest corners of her mind, emerging in the most importunate moments of her life. Ruining them completely. Two months. Two months for something that took forty six years to built up. And just to think of all the times she'd refused going to therapy when someone said it was amazing.

Fear.

That was what it had been.

She was afraid, she was afraid of everything. The reason why she'd worked so hard to leave the impeccable image of someone bold, confident and determined... and intimidating at times. If people were finding it hard to object to her, if people were afraid to approach her or asking anything about her, that meant that she wouldn't have to deal with awkward questions and being hurt. After all... if you didn't let anyone in, no one could hurt you. And she was so afraid of being hurt... but she was a masochist nevertheless. She couldn't stand House for that. She couldn't stand him for making her confront her feelings, for making her see all the imperfections she had... for making her think about it all. To think about the things she swore to herself she never would. She loved him for the same reason as well.

Michael reached for the remote and paused the movie at the scene where Satine and Christian sang on the balcony... not thinking bout anyone but themselves. He wished Cuddy could be able to think about him, a little, at least. He knew that she wasn't into him at all... But he stuck around just because he liked her immensely. He hoped if he was persistent, and showed her that he cared and how much he wanted to be with her, that she'd change her mind... So far, not good. But before he had any chance to say anything to her she just turned her head to look at him and said "I think you should go".

He just stood up from where he sat and looked at her, a bit of disappointment in his eyes. At least, she let him come to his place even with Rachel around. Yes, she'd been sleeping, but it gave him some hope that she was letting him in her life... he guessed he was wrong.

Cuddy just sat in her living room, listening to him put his coat on and with a 'bye' leave. The door finally rested in its frame and Cuddy sighed.

She had to take her therapist advice. The woman was right. She wouldn't waste any more time on something she knew would end even before it had started. He was a good guy, he'd completely understand. Much like he understood that she didn't want him around that evening.

She sighed again, the cold familiar feeling of fright settling in her bones. Ending things with Michael meant she'd start to change things for the better. She'd have to _change_ things. She'd have to act on some matters that she'd been avoiding for years.

She had to, and most importantly, wanted to do it.

Forty six years of being afraid was enough.

* * *

"What's going on?" House found Ella with Thomas in her arms in the kitchen. She was trying to open the fridge while holding him firmly, he wouldn't stop crying. His face was strawberry red.

"I have no idea, I fed him an hour ago, he can't be hungry, but I've tried everything else. Diaper changed, he was burped, covered so he wouldn't get cold. Everything was like usual, and he can't stop crying" Ella said evidently upset, as finally opened the fridge. House quickly went around the isle counter and to the fridge to get the bottle with the formula out, so she wouldn't have to do it.

"Thanks" she said as she tried to sooth Thomas by gently passing her hand down his back. It made no difference.

House pursed his lips a bit, as he realized he wasn't getting any quieter and put the bottle in the heater. He perched himself on the counter, watching as Ella shushed in Thomas's ear to try to give him some comfort. If he didn't know any better, he would say that the organ he was accused of not having so many times, was shattering into pieces at seeing the scene in front of him.

Thomas was in distress, obviously in some kind of pain... and he couldn't make himself take him. He was so afraid.

Two months had passed. Two months in which he didn't take the little boy in his hands once. He tried to, he... wanted to... but he couldn't. He seemed so fragile, so... innocent. Taking him in his hands meant that he'd be exposed to all the horrible things House represented. All the horrid things that bothered him, the unhealthy take he took on life... all of that, inflicted upon an innocent creature. As much as he wanted to sooth him, he was afraid that it also meant screwing him up.

His therapist would object, though. He said that it was essential for House to bond with the boy, in order for both of them to do well. He said, that they needed each other. The boy needed his father, the 'unconditional love' he'd call it. And he? He, by the therapist words, needed to prove himself that he was different than his father had been. That he is capable of taking care of someone other than him.

As he heard a ding that meant the milk was ready, House couldn't help but stare at Ella failing to give Thomas any kind of comfort.

He sighed as he breathed out, almost sure he would regret what he was about to do.

* * *

"Momma!" Cuddy was jolted from her thoughts yet again, the movie shed resumed once Michael left, playing credits. She got up, turned the TV off and started for her daughter's room. She started worrying something was wrong, and quickened her pace.

"What's going on, sweetie?" she turned the light on in her room, revealing Rachel sitting up in her bed, firmly holding onto her favorite stuffed animal called 'Dinky'. Obviously, something was up.

Cuddy sat down on her bed and the five-year-old launched herself into her, cuddling onto her right side.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Cuddy asked softly, pushing Rachel's hair to the side of her face as the little girl nodded a yes to her question.

Cuddy left out a small sigh, worry evoking inside her as she wondered what could have left her so affected.

"Want to tell momma about it?" Cuddy smiled at her "I'll get in with you, hold on" she stood up and lifted the blanket so she could crawl in the bed with her. Rachel scooted closer to her, while still holding Dinky with one of her hands. Cuddy passed her hand down the girl's back and slowly, she'd felt her relax.

"So... what was it?" Cuddy looked down at her, as Rachel had her head placed on her mom's stomach.

"I was littul" Rachel started finally, stealing a small smirk from Cuddy because she considered herself big girl now... But that smirk slowly started to dissipate as Rachel continued with her dream... of what she thought was a dream "... and I carwleded into yo bed to sleep and there wus dada their and we slept togedor"

Cuddy gulped.

"Momma, why I don't have a dada?" Rachel looked up to Cuddy, her eyes huge. She didn't know what to say... the little girl caught her completely off guard. So, she did the only thing she always did when she had no idea what to do. Although it was something she did only at work... She gave orders.

"Go to sleep, sweetie" Cuddy breathed out heavily.

She'd have to get rid of those fear faster than she thought.

* * *

The silence seemed to had permanently set in one, that night particularly noisy apartment on the upper Manhattan. House laid in his bed, thinking if he'd screwed up again...

But looking down at the asleep boy lying on his chest, somehow told him, this time, he'd made the right call... he'd done well.

* * *

_For me, this chapter is about the kids as much as it's about the two of them, I'd like to know what you think, though ;)_

_Oh, and! I forgot to thank you for your awesome reviews! I loved each of them, especially the constructive criticism ones :)_


	26. I can't help myself

_Ok, ok, don't hate me! Hate my school, teachers and awful a lot of tests they gave me this week! Next one, well, next week will be worse than this one! So, if I were you I'd be glad that I have this chapter now. ;)_

_JK, how are you guys doing after Bombshells? Broken hearts and all? Well, hope this cheers you up, even for a bit ;)_

_Oh, but don't get too sappy over this, nothing is ever happy go lucky when it comes to House and Cuddy!_

_Love you all!_

_Oh, yeah, song to this chapter! Almost forgot!_

_Adele: Set the fire to the rain (amazing voice, amazing song!)_

* * *

Chapter 25

"Even now when we're over, I can't help myself from looking for you"

House passed his thumb over his lower lip as he sat across the table in the living room, looking at something that was placed on it. A box, that was what it was. One simple box.

Why was it bothering him so much then? Maybe because the contents of it had been meant for Emily?

Or maybe because that day was the actual day Thomas was supposed to be born? Both probably.

He had forgotten all about it... Sort of forgotten, anyway. He had been mildly surprised when the mailman had brought it. It was supposed to be a big thing for Emily...

House let out a small breath.

He had teased her so much about it, hadn't given her peace to what it was that he was getting her. He had wanted to surprise her so hard... and, now, she didn't even get to see what he'd gotten for her.

That box represented so many things. So many unseen and never to happen moments.

Emily was supposed to open that box in awe, maybe even tear up when she saw what it actually was, hug him just a little bit tighter than on the few occasions that they actually hugged. He would smile, feel content that she liked it and try to mask how much it really meant to him by cracking up a joke or two. That was how it was supposed to go. And now...

Now he was sitting alone in the living room staring at the box as it was the worst beast he'd ever met. In a way, it was, a beast. Something to haunt him, make him lose his sleep over it.

However... there was a reason he wanted to get better... and there was something that made him want to confront that beast. That little something was asleep in his room, unaware of all the horrible things in the world, so innocent, so pure. And House wanted to keep him that way.

He pushed himself towards the edge of the couch, just a bit more and he would fall, so he could reach for the box without getting up. He bit his lip a smile appearing on his face as he managed to reach the box, pleased with himself.

He breathed in slowly, before he started removing the tape that sealed the package.

* * *

"Wow." Wilson stared at Cuddy in shock "Wow." He shook his head, placing his fork on the edge of his plate.

"I was expecting a 'You can't do that' or just a simple 'No', but this works as well" Cuddy took another bite of the cabbage that was in the bowl with the rest of the vegetable salad . Wilson and her were in the hospital cafeteria, having lunch. A daily routine of theirs, ever since House had left. Occasionally, Sam would join them, but not that day. It was only the two of them and Cuddy was glad. She'd been meaning to tell Wilson something she'd had her mind set on for quite a while.

"It's a rather bold move, Cuddy" Wilson sunk back in his seat, crossing his arms "Are you sure about this?"

Cuddy shook her head. It was a genuine answer. She thought it was neither a smart thing to do, nor the best thing to do. But, she had to do it. She wanted to do it. And she was going to do it.

"Why do you want to do it then?" Wilson frowned a bit "If you're not sure about this, you don't do it. I'm sure he won't be so happy about it, so why risk it if you're not sure about it?"

Cuddy just took another bite of her salad. She didn't really know if she wanted to explain herself to Wilson. She never really liked explaining herself to anyone, let alone Wilson. He always thought he knew the best when it came to advices... and most of the times he was right, when it came to her and House... but, she wasn't really sure if she wanted to listen now.

"You can't tell me that you want to go to New York and keep quiet after it" the oncologist motioned with his right hand a bit frustrated that his best friend was alienating him. She had said something, only not to talk about it any further. That kind of pissed him off.

"There's nothing more to say" She shrugged and smiled a bit "I need to do it, that's all". Wilson pinched the bridge of his nose at her words.

"Did you even think of him? Did you consider that he wouldn't want to talk to you, that he doesn't want you in his life?" his voice raised "I'm pretty sure he's still not over what you've done to him"

Cuddy rolled her eyes in annoyance and dropped her fork on the plate, making an unpleasant sound.

"Seriously, we're back to that?" her jaw moved to the left a bit "One would think you'd had enough of 'You hurt him' and 'you pushed him out of your life' speeches"

Wilson took the fork in his left hand and tossed the fries from one side of the plate to the other "You just need to be sure this won't end up in a bigger mess than it already is" He really didn't want to pick up her pieces anymore. He'd been doing that for such a long time for House and then...when House had left, Wilson had been left to pick up Cuddy's pieces. And that jig saw, it was beyond hard to arrange. He'd even say that she was harder to deal with than House. House... well, he was rational more or less. Eventually, he'd cave. Even when he wouldn't admit he was right, House would know Wilson knew well.

Cuddy, she was another story. She was utterly stubborn, more than anyone he'd ever had a chance to meet, and she banged her head in the wall on more occasions. The only person she'd really ever listened to had been House... and when he'd left, there had been no one to reason with her. Wilson had tried, but not different than today, he'd failed.

"If I don't try, I won't know. It's simple as that" Cuddy gave him a condescending smile. She really didn't want to spell it out for Wilson, she really didn't want to do it.

"Well, at least... you've admitted that you're actually to blame for the whole mess happening" Wilson shoved a few fries in his mouth, and as he did so, he'd swear Cuddy looked as if she was about to punch him. "I thought you talked freely about that" He got all defensive.

"Yes!" she glared at him "In therapy" she whispered, looking around to make sure no one heard her.

"Oh, well." he smiled, amused.

"It's not funny" she continued to glare at him "Yes, I still need to work on it all, but you don't get to bring it up. It's a private thing"

"Yeah, private" Wilson couldn't hold back a small laugh. She just amused him so much.

There she was, telling him that she was going to New York to talk with House, just like that, out of the blue, to tell him that she'd been wrong, well, at least Wilson thought she'd say that, and she couldn't even talk to him about it without getting all frustrated. It was so funny.

"Wilson" her tone was menacing, but he still continued smirking.

"Do not forget that I know to punch where it hurts" she pointed her fork at him, but he still didn't stop smirking.

"You do not forget that I'm not House and those threats never work on me" he grinned at her, placing another bunch of french fries in his mouth and starting chewing on them with content.

"But I know someone who can deprive you of something you enjoy so so much" Cuddy grinned back at him, grabbing a bite of a fresh tomato, as Wilson stopped chewing the exact moment.

Yeah, she sure had to bring Sam into the whole thing. Well played.

* * *

"What's that hung on Thomas's mobile?" Ella knocked on the office door just to find House, his glasses on, reading some particularly thick book. She had came a little over thirty minutes before and after she'd checked out on sleeping Thomas, she'd noticed something was hanging on the mobile.

House just glanced at her, not really paying any attention to what she was saying, mainly because he knew she'd ask something like that. He didn't like that about her. In contrast with Diane, Ella asked too many questions... but she was great with Thomas, so he had to put up with that. And Diane wasn't that much around anymore... not since House had finally started taking his son in his arms. However, she still stopped by every week and took Thomas to park occasionally. She loved the little boy, that House couldn't deny.

Ella picked up on House's lack of interest and slumped on the chair next to the desk he was reading the book at. "So.. whatcha doing?" she asked casually, taking a bite of the apple she took from the fridge before she came to the office.

"Now... either you're blind or stupid" House didn't raise his head "One way or another, I'm trying really hard to ignore you. You're making me fail at it, so scram" he raised his voice, though.

"Oh, chill... I was just thinking how super cute it is" Ella took another bite of the apple and chewed on it loudly.

God, that girl could annoy him without any effort. He had no idea why he'd decided to hire a teenager. Well, she wasn't really a teenager, she was more a med student in need of a part time job... and he'd gotten more recommendation.. and she had kind of passed his horrid tests, but still. She was annoying none the less.

"Can you be thinking about it somewhere else?" she finally put his glasses down in resignation.

"Only if you tell me what it is" she shrugged nonchalantly. House released a breath. Man, did he know how to choose the annoying type.

"It's a necklace." he thought the answer would make her go away, but she still remained seated in the chair. His right eyebrow raised. "You are supposed to leave now. Part of our deal, I tell, you scram" He motioned with this glasses for her to get out of the office. She just took another bite of the apple.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were supposed to tell me _what it was_" she stressed the last part to show him how unsatisfied she was with the answer. Not that it was any of her business, but she loved teasing him. Only because he was a senior doctor, a living legend and she had the opportunity to mess with him. No one really got a chance to mess with the great Dr. House.

House was actually amused. He really had to give her some credit. She knew how to get what she wanted. That for sure... and he really wanted to share that with someone... Not that he'd ever ever ever admit it, or say it out loud, but he did want that.

"It's a necklace I got for Emily. I was supposed to give it to her when Thomas was born... and it came a week before. I had no idea what to do with it, or the other stuff I bought. " he shrugged. "I hope this fulfills your overly inquisitive persona." the nephrologist put his glasses back on and started reading the book again. He had a patient he had no idea what was going on with, and he was intent to find what was killing him.

Ella finally got up. "I liked the 'Thank you' engraved on it" she added before she left the room.

As the door closed House muttered under his breath 'She'd love it too'.

* * *

The slim brunette trembled a bit in the cold, staring at the apartment complex building in front of her, starting to doubt herself. It was the last day of February and you could tell by the small amount of snow still present in the streets and the chill air that sent shivers to one's spine. Her cheeks were flushed, more from anxiety than from cold, her hair was a bit disheveled from the light wind. Her fists clenched as she another deep breath. She had come all the way up there, she couldn't really turn around and go back home, that would be cowardly of her and she was many things, but a coward, that she was not. She'd do it. She had to do it.

She had to tell him so many things, she had to let him know that she'd missed him, that she was getting better... that she could see how wrong she had been. That he had been right.

She was one very bothered woman. And she couldn't function without him. Not when every fiber of her being had his signature all over it.

And yes, she was pathetic, and yes, she was miserable, but that wasn't going to stop her. She'd made up her mind. She'd talked to her therapist about it for far too many sessions. She would have saved a lot of money if she'd figured some things out three years before.

Cuddy dropped her head a bit as she laughed at that thought.

House would surely joke around with her, make snarky comments... and three years before, that could have annoyed her, but now, she just missed it. She needed it.

With one more deep breath, Lisa Cuddy started crossing the street.

Yes, she was going to do it.

* * *

There was a loud knock on the door causing House to roll his eyes in disbelief.

"I wanted just one night off, to lounge on the couch and watch TV in peace and of course someone has to mess with that!" House yelled out the last part as he got up from the couch, using his hand to give him a boost as his cane was too far away. Diane had picked Thomas up two hours before, she'd wanted to give him a night off, and he desperately needed it. He needed some rest, not to be woken up in the middle of the night by faint cries. Sure, Ella was there throughout the day, but lately, he'd give her nights off, confident that he could manage on his own... And it worked really well, but, weirdly or not, House had soon found out that being good father was a tiring, tiring job.

He just wanted... a night to himself, and though he'd kind of gotten it, it was like, he'd lacked something to the perfect night he'd thought he'd get. He didn't know what it was, but he was a bit glad he didn't at least need to think about it any more.

Nevertheless, just as he had gotten that peaceful night, night that was supposed to be all about him resting and playing the piano, something he'd been longing to do and had no time recently, somebody had to disturb him.

He had finished the case he'd been working on for three weeks just a day before and he'd lost a lot of sleep just thinking about it and having Thomas around wasn't helping either. He'd just wanted a full night sleep. And it seemed like he wasn't going to get it.

For all he knew, it could be Jennings telling him he had a new case. His cell phone was turned off, his home line pulled out of its socket so no one could reach him. The only thing that was connecting him to the outer world (actually, only to Diane) was a private cell he'd gotten a little after Thomas was born. Just so he could hear from the few people that could notify him if something went really wrong.

Of course, Jennings didn't have that number. Nor he'd ever have it.

House sighed as he grabbed his cane, which was propped by the giant wall mirror in the hallway (God knew why he left it there, he could have made his trip to the front door a lot easier, moron), and prepared an annoyed speech he'd welcome his intruder with as he was about to reach the door.

However, as he opened the door to yell at whoever was there, he was faced with someone who instantly pushed the whole already thoroughly thought over annoyed speech out of his head. The door he'd opened swiftly, he suddenly held still, as his eyes and mind tried to adjust to seeing her again.

He sure hadn't been expecting her. Though in the back of his mind, something was telling him that she was just what he was lacking that peaceful night.

Damn.

* * *

_I know I've been a bad girl for not updating, but reviews, pretty please? *_*_


	27. There's a world out there we should see

_First of all, I'm sorry for not updating for so long! Buuuuut, since my school finally stopped being a bitch, expect more updates in the future! :D_

_Oh, I just want to make clear on one thing._

_I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE ON WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE SHOW._

_All the similarities with the show's plot line are completely accidental, well, on their part I have to say XD_

_Cuddy breaks up with House, House ends up marrying someone else and the chick needs the green card? And now, I'm hearing the chick will stay? Well, someone has been doing their 'weekly reading of fan bonkers writing' _

_LMAO, I'm not claiming anything, it was just a weird thought._

_Anyway... I hope they want Huddy together for the end, much I want them :(_

_Cause they're the one's being bonkers!_

_But, oh well!_

_Life goes on!_

_The song is 'Rocketeer' by Far East Movement. Something light for a change :)_

_

* * *

_

Chapter 26

"Here we go, come with me, there's a world out there that we should see"

House stood still by the opened door looking at her firmly, never breaking eye contact. It wasn't that he had something to prove, he was just... scared what would happen if he was to look away. If he looked away, he'd have to have something to say and right then, his mind was blank page. He really didn't know why she was there... well, he had the idea, but he really didn't wanna think about it. He didn't know how to act, whether to act at all. What did he say? That she should get the hell out? Probably. But somehow, he really didn't want to tell her that. Did he tell her that he'd forgotten all about her and that she had nothing to do in his apartment? He could, but that would be a total lie... not like he didn't have the tendency to lie, but still. Something about her presence made him not want to do anything that he'd used to greet her with all those times she'd found herself on his doorstep. And God knew he could treat her really bad.

Cuddy didn't know what to do with her arms as they wandered from being crossed at her middle to her left hand pushing her hair back. She should have thought of the things she'd tell him when he'd opened the door. She should have. She was foolish to come all the way from Princeton and not have a single line to deliver. Not one. She desperately wished he'd break the silence, say something... ease the pain and frustration.. that were raising in her. He wasn't giving any emotion away, well, at least she'd hoped that he had some emotion still in store. Finding out he'd completely pushed her out of the picture, which wasn't that unrealistic, would devastate her.

She was a basket case. She could admit that to herself finally. She needed him and that was pathetic. She could do well on her own, she was really getting better, but she knew... and he probably knew as well, judging by the smug look on his face, that she could only do great with him.

House was the one to give in. He wasn't sure how much time had passed since he'd opened that front door, but it could have been forever as much as a few seconds, he wouldn't see the difference, really.

It was just a small sigh, almost a whimper. He didn't say a word, but he opened the door more widely and moved to the left.

That was one move Cuddy didn't really get to witness that often. He usually just slammed the door in her face... that was exactly why she took a few moments to realize that he was actually letting her in.

To Cuddy, he was letting her in his apartment. But House very well knew that, for him, the apartment wasn't the only thing that was going to be vacated again.

* * *

The sound of one particularly deep breath filled the room. The air smelled different that night... there was some new scent in the air, as much as there was a new-old flavor on House's tongue.

She smelled like he'd always remembered her- like a morning in the forest- fresh and pure. She'd still tasted the same. Her skin was bathed in a coat of strawberry... she hadn't changed her shower gel since he'd left.

He didn't really know what they were doing. Bogus!

He knew exactly what they were doing and it felt divine. At those moments, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't care about anything else. He wouldn't think about what they would have to deal after it, what it all meant or didn't mean the day after. He was just... strangely glad that she was there. That he'd let her in.

And he knew she didn't really have any regrets either as she let out a small hiss, his index finger lightly stroking her collar bone. She was so beautiful. Even more than he remembered. There was a new dash of maturity to her face, something, that to other women maybe wouldn't do any good, but to her, it just improved the whole picture. Sure, everyone said that women were like wine, improving with age, but how many meant what they'd said? It was a good thing to say when an annoying we've-been-married-for-30-years wife asked her husband if he'd still found her attractive, to avoid sleeping on the couch at all. But when it came to Cuddy, he really thought that saying was appropriate. Not just said because it was convenient to be said.

He reached out for her face and cupped the right side of it with his left hand, she nuzzled to his touch instantly. That made him wonder... how they'd never on earth had something like that when they were together?

He couldn't remember a time that they were... just, not thinking about anything but themselves. But the thing happening between them at that moment. It was always something that occupied them, even when they had been in bed. Some out weighed word, some chore not done, some patient dying, some law suits to be dealt with. Something was always in the way, but not that night.

It all came so natural, like it happened a million times before, and more.

She slowly opened her eyes and looked at him, her mouth opened for just a bit, House realizing that she wanted to say something, but really didn't want to spoil the silence they'd experience for the first time in their lives.

It was... all so liberating. Not to be a slave of the words. Of hidden meaning, of no meaning, of illogical or overly logical mind. When no words had been said, no misinterpretation could be made. And that was just what they needed. A moment bared of all the thinking, all the stupid thinking.

Cuddy stared at House, not really being sure if what they were doing was a mistake. And she didn't want to think about that. There was nothing to be thought over. He wasn't married anymore... it wasn't like that night when he'd come over to her house and she'd gotten pissed at him when he hadn't kissed her. So many things had changed since then, too many things had changed. She was... feeling different. She didn't have the need to spill everything in his face, cause, she really didn't know what to say. That was it. She didn't have anything to tell him, but yet, she thought that there were so many things unsaid.

She didn't know if she could make anything better. She wasn't even sure how things were at the moment. What were they doing? And did it really matter?

One thing she knew, though. Whatever it was, whatever it was that was happening beneath the sheets, it made her warm inside. It made her... feel better somehow. Almost complete. And the silence was a remedy as well. An eight wonder of the world. To be experienced and enjoyed once in a life time.

Who was she to tamper with that?

House was feeling the weight of not talking finally kick in. He wanted to say something, it wasn't like he needed to, but he just wanted to. He wanted to say something just to... make sure that the moment was real. It almost felt like a hallucination again, but, then, people talked in his hallucinations, so it didn't really make any sense what he was feeling and thinking, or not thinking.

He parted his lips, mirroring Cuddy. At first, only a small breath escaped him. He put the other hand of his to her face. He wanted to make sure she was real. Maybe she wasn't Cuddy at all?

But who'd she be then?

If House believed in having the voice tell you things in your head, the voice in his head would be delivering abundant amount of sarcasm. And making fun of him as well.

Of course it was Cuddy.

Her hand wandered to his left wrist and stroked it, slowly. He'd say she was comforting him, but for what he needed comfort, he wasn't sure.

There were just too many things.

"Cuddy, I" House finally spoke, Cuddy only interrupting him with a low 'Shh' as her leg wrapped around his healthy one, creating a stronger bond between them. If House believed all that psychological crap (as he'd like to refer to it), he'd say that he could feel her... under his skin.

Maybe, maybe she was always there, maybe, maybe she never really left. And now, it felt like, she was back in her place, that he was back in his place. Just there, with her. It was silly. Completely idiotic.

She had hurt him so much, she'd left him. He'd tried to forget her... he'd married someone else. He'd hurt her even before that. And he had a son, he'd had a child with another woman. Someone other than her. Someone, someone he hadn't even thought about having kids with, someone, he didn't love... as much as he thought that he could love someone. She'd hurt him- he'd hurt her. They made each other miserable, but, then again, they were seemingly coping only when around each other.

They were so contradictory that it was so sad that it became funny.

And right then, he couldn't picture himself with anyone in that bed other than her.

He wasn't sure what the day after would hold. Would she bail? Would he bail? Had she just stopped by to have a go and just leave? Was he ready to start thinking about her 24/7 and actually admit it? Was she?

"We'll talk tomorrow" Cuddy said, no smile, or frown appearing on her face. It was just a fact. She wasn't hopeful, nor she was giving away any sign of a doubt. There was just a genuine answer to the question he hadn't really asked. Not literally he hadn't.

His face didn't bare any smile or frown either. There was no room for any kind of emotion except... love, that cheesy word, that night.

But.. in a way, what Cuddy said made House sure of one thing. There was 'tomorrow'.

What it brought would surely not be pretty, or easy, or puppies and rainbows. But it sure was more than he'd had four hours before, when he had been sitting all alone, thinking he'd been enjoying the silence being all on his own.

He'd known what the best kind of silence was now- the one that set when two people were in a room , and in stead of jumping to deliver numerous inappropriate lines, just embracing the fact that they were together.

He just nodded and moved closer to her. She wrapped her arms around his bare back gladly as his lips met hers. So soft, so gentle. There was no room nor need for rushing that night. They had spent their entire lives in a rush, that they'd forgotten how it was just to let go. How it was not to think what would happen tomorrow, not to think what the future held.

But, House was somehow still not at peace. Yes, Cuddy had kinda made him relieved by telling him they'd talk, but, he was House for God's sakes. He was never really at peace until he got his answers. At least, half of them.

"Why did you come here?" He parted from her swiftly, making Cuddy glare at him. She thought they'd made a silent agreement that they weren't going to talk... yet. (She really did dread the talking, nothing ever good came out of it)

"What? Why are you asking this all of sudden?" She shook her head a bit, in amusement. He really did know how to push her buttons... and apart from that, she was getting a bit scared... That was definitely not good.

"Excuse me for needing some answers after not seeing or speaking to you in months and then jumping in bed with you" he reached for her hands that were still reaching out for his back and moved them towards her, gently crossing them at her middle. Her jaw moved to the side, a sign of agitation.

No matter that he was making her a bit frightened and annoyed, or, rather just 'being House', Cuddy took a deep breath and said with an inconsistent smile "Because I missed you"

It was... the truth. It was the right reason why she'd even set foot out of Princeton that day.

House stared at her, looked her deep in her eyes. He seemed to be always searching for an answer in them- their owner could fake a lot of things, lie, be sarcastic, but her eyes always gave her away. And they were telling him that she was truthful.

For whatever reason, that made him scared as much as he made him relieved.

He wasn't yet so strong, wasn't really up for all the Cuddy thing... but... but he did want her there. That was something he was sure he'd have to put on a scale from time to time, weighing out pros and cons. Like he'd always done.

"It's not going to be pretty, Cuddy" his face was expressionless.

"If I was looking for pretty I wouldn't be here, House" she breathed out heavily, a part of her thinking he was annoying and the other understanding him completely. It was, always the latter that won her over, when it came to him.

"You don't think I'm handsome?" he faked hurt, so typical of him. Bouncing from complete seriousness to joking around in a split second.

She just pushed his shoulder, making sure he knew that she thought he was a moron.

"Is that a no?" he pouted a bit, earning an eye roll from her.

"I don't know..." she smiled finally "Is it a no for 'I don't think you're handsome', or is it a no for 'No, I don't think what you said and I think you're handsome'" she'd finally gave in.

"Oh, we all know you love me" his words made the room go silent again... Maybe it was just too much for one night.

But Cuddy... she wasn't really going to run from it. So, when she finally voiced, they both knew that they'd, indeed, have a lot to work on... the day after... and the day after that... and the day after that.

"Yes, yes, I do"

* * *

_Oh, I looked forward to writing this for a while!_

_Nothing is rainbows and puppies, though!_

_These two have a looooong (and slightly unpleasant) ride to take!_

_Reviews? :)_


	28. Can't forget to breathe slow

_Hello :D_

_I'm sorry for not updating... but you know, I have a life and all of that XD Anyway, here you have it, chapter 27... And soon the new episode of House? The most exciting thing... 13 returns! Oh, well, no Huddy, but, what can we do. _

_To remind ourselves of the best thing to do when we are scared or doubtful, I have named this chapter after a song by Alesha Dixon 'Breathe slow' :)_

_Oh, and can't express how happy I am to getting reviews from people that have JUST started reading and they love it :) THANK YOU!_

_And thanks to everyone that reviewed, hope you will do it this time as well!_

_Take care, _

_Love, Hilly_

* * *

Chapter 27

"Can't forget to breathe slow, Count from one to ten with my eyes closed"

Cuddy woke up with the fear of opening her eyes. Had she been dreaming? Was she to wake up alone, like she always did? Or, would she open her eyes to find House lying next to her sound asleep? Or, rather, not find him next to her but find herself in his apartment, like she hoped she was going to. There were so many things going on in her head, in contrast with the night before... if it had been real. It had felt too surreal. She'd told him she loved him, after so many years of barely speaking to him, she had said it.

Or, she thought she had said it, anyway.

She took a deep breath in.

She knew she was only making it harder on herself if she kept screwing her eyes instead of opening them and seeing for herself if she'd been dreaming or not... The feeling of the unfamiliar fabric on her skin could give her some clue to where she was at the moment, having in mind that she slept under the silk vintage designed duvet with flower pattern back home. So... if she could only have the courage to open her eyes it would make everything so much easier.

But something else was bothering her. She couldn't hear anyone breathing next to her. She couldn't feel any presence next to her. If she was in his apartment- where was he?

After a few more deep breaths, she finally let herself peek with her left eye, sort of just to investigate. What she could see made her sure that she was, in fact, in his bed, far away from Princeton and her silk vintage designed duvet with flower pattern. In a matter of seconds, both of her eyes snapped opened and she looked around herself to realize that no matter that she was in his apartment, she, yet again, woke up alone.

It was sort of ironic, to begin to think. Even when she was with him, she was alone. That was how she'd felt all the time they had been together.

And this was the moment Cuddy started having doubts for the first time since she'd stepped into his apartment. 'Damn' she thought as she recognized the familiar feeling of nervous butterflies spread their wings in her gut. She really thought she was sure about this.

She bit her lower lip. She wasn't supposed to run away. No. She had come there, to tell him that she was missing him, that she needed him. She wouldn't let her stupid MO tell her that she was scared.

The way her brain functioned was so fucked up.

She loved him. She loved him. She loved him.

That was the only thing that was supposed to matter.

But why was she feeling so alone?

She put the covers away and decided to get dressed... and well, after that, she didn't really know. Did she walk away like nothing happened? Did she call him? Did she wait for him?

Cuddy exhaled as she swung her legs to the right side of the bed to get up. The moment her feet met the cold honey oak floor, a shiver went down her spine. She was sure, though, that the coldness had just a quarter of the blame for her reaction.

She was scared.

She got up, pulling the cover from the bed to wrap herself into it before she found all her clothes. A small smile crept to her lips as she saw her bra and undies folded and gently placed on the grandiose red chair by the window. She remembered her underwear being scattered on the floor the night before, so, someone had had to fold them and place them where she could see them. Maybe she wasn't alone after all.

* * *

_House kissed her belly as he, somehow, found the strength to kneel in front of her. She looked at him from above and softly smiled. He was gentle. Something she had forgotten he could be._

_He passed his hands down the sides of her thighs and looked at her, no smile or frown settled on his face. There was... extreme honesty apparent in his eyes. Some sort of comfort, maybe even gratefulness. Something soft, something she hadn't really gotten to see for a very, very long time._

_She passed her fingers through his hair as she tilted her head back to take a deep breath. He was sending shivers through her body. Every little hair went up at the feel of his touch. She knew her body had missed him... maybe even more than she herself had._

_She tilted her head back to find his fingers playing with the outline of her purple panties. If she had thought that she would be having sex that night, she would have put more thought in what she was going to wear. But she was actually glad she hadn't done that, because, he'd know. That was how he was. He knew her too well and if he'd realized that she had had sex on her mind before she entered his apartment, he would surely throw her out the exact moment. She wasn't sure why, though. House was, after all, a sex addict much as he had once been a drug addict... but there was something to him, something, that Cuddy thought could be dignity._

_Something she'd started to realize he had the night he'd come by her house and barely kissed her only to tell her he was married._

_She looked down, realizing that he was looking at her, searching for her approval. Cuddy smiled softly,though in truth it was unnecessary .When it came to House, she would never turn him down... Even when they fought and she was incredibly pissed at him, she would still let him have his way when it came to sex. At least, that was the way it used to be._

_As his fingers dipped into the sides of her panties to slowly start to pull them down, she started thinking how amazing life could have been for them. If she hadn't pushed him out... and if he had started to take her seriously... and if they both hadn't been so damn screwed up. A pang of sadness found its way to settle into her, as she realized, they would always be screwed up. Even what they were doing at that moment, was screwed up._

_They weren't talking, they hadn't said a single word since she'd knocked on his door. The moment the door closed and she was in the apartment, in the split second or two, they were kissing. She didn't know who had started it, and it didn't really matter. For what she knew, they had both started it, it was … inevitable._

_She stepped out of her purple little piece of undergarment as he pulled it all the way down. He looked up at her, a small sparkle appearing in his eyes as he tossed the panties away._

* * *

Cuddy combed through her hair with her fingers, trying to adjust it as it was all messy from the happenings of the previous night. She sat down on the chair after taking the underwear in her right hand and started putting it on. Her panties. Her bra. It wasn't even with an under-wire. She smirked at realizing how plain she must have been looking.

She got up from the chair, pushing the massive curtains to the side so she could inspect what was going on in the outside world.

The cars in the street seemed so small when looked at from twelfth floor. It was... the early morning or somewhere around 8 am, judging by the traffic jam. She was forever grateful that Princeton wasn't that crowded.

She let the curtains sway back to their initial place and started searching for the rest of her clothes. Without a surprise, she couldn't find them in the bedroom, because, that wasn't where she'd … left them the night before.

If they were in their initial place, they would be... in... she was trying to remember... the living room perhaps.

She looked around herself, as she pressed the covers steadily to her body, careful not to let them fall. It was chilly and until she found all her clothes, she wasn't letting go of them. And that... she would realize, was a great idea.

Cuddy jumped a bit, her heart starting to race and her face turning red upon seeing an elderly woman enter the bedroom with one swift motion of the door.

"You're up" the woman said with a stern tone, Cuddy catching on that the woman wasn't so thrilled to have her around. "Breakfast is waiting for you in the dining room" the woman moved towards the bed and started making it, not even looking at Cuddy again.

Cuddy was a bit amused and a lot confused. She would say that the woman was the maid, but her voice was so malicious, she couldn't stop thinking that she must have had something against her.

"Do you mind?" The woman extended her hand and Cuddy looked down at herself realizing that the woman wanted the covers. Cuddy's face read one of pure discomfort as she watched the woman move her fingers towards the blanket gesturing for her to lose the covers and hand them to her.

"You'll find your clothes in the grand bathroom. Not where you left them last night." the last part of the sentence and the tone of it made Cuddy pretty much sure the woman hated her. Or if she didn't hate her, she had something really, really big against her.

With a bitter smile Cuddy removed herself from the covers and handed them to the woman. The moment she did, the woman eyed Cuddy from head to toe. She felt like she was going to die. From shame, from the uncomfortable feeling that was raising in her.

"You don't want that tofu cheese to get cold, do you?" was the last thing Cuddy heard before she found her way out of the bedroom. At last.

After getting dressed in a hurry, afraid that the woman might barge in or something like that, Cuddy went to the dining room to find the said tofu cheese, some fresh onions and a piece of home baked bread on a plate. Whoever placed the plate for her on the table, surely didn't give her the place she would always take. Instead of being seated on the first left of the head of the table, she was placed two chairs away, almost in the middle. The table was big, big enough to accommodate twelve people. Everything in House's apartment was enormous, but still not over the top. She must admit, Emily had a very good taste.

However Cuddy did prefer smaller things and minimalism.

A grin appeared on her lips as she finally realized that House had either instructed someone to make her the breakfast, or had made it himself. There was no way anyone would know her favorite choice for breakfast nor that she was a vegetarian.

She sat down, looking around before taking the fork in her left hand. Nothing about the dining room, except good taste, stood out. There were no pictures of House or Emily, no little details. There was one big crystal vase on the table, positioned at the middle, filled with white lilies. Great taste, yet again.

Maybe there was something more to it, though. She really didn't know. And that was... bothering her more than just a bit.

She started thinking, that, she would always be surrounded by things that she couldn't really decipher. She didn't know Emily, she'd spoken only a few words with her. She really didn't know how she was like, except that she was really nice and talented. How could she tell what was House in this apartment. What he'd chosen for it? What he'd placed where he wanted? She knew he'd changed, but not knowing Emily made it impossible to tell what was done by her and what was the new House.

She took a small bite of the nicely prepared tofu, though a bit more salt would have given it a richer taste. The woman that had so unpleasantly greeted Cuddy appeared in the arch that connected the dining room with one of the hallways, that she now knew had the kitchen nearby as well.

Cuddy instantly froze, the fork an inch away from her mouth, which was partially opened as she was about to have another bite.

"Greg went to pick Thomas up, he said he would be back soon and if you felt like you wanted to, that you could stay" the woman's words hit Cuddy with the dose of reality and not so little detail she was forgetting. Thomas. The baby. House and Emily's son. She couldn't really stay, could she now? She was invading. She was messing up and screwing with everything, just because she'd missed him.

The woman started to go away, but she stopped in her tracks as Cuddy raised her voice.

"I wouldn't like to find someone who I didn't know naked, either, but why do you feel like you need to put me down and be unpleasant?" the Cuddy superiority finally surfaced, pushing the scared Cuddy away for the sake of realizing why on earth the woman disliked her so much.

"Because I know all about you, dean of medicine. And I know that if you were to throw another tantrum and push him away, there would need to be a lot of people to pick up the pieces, yet again. So, before you decide to pack your things and leave, which I know you must have been thinking, think again." her face remained stern, before a surely forced smile appeared on her face "Now, finish your breakfast, dear. And you can call me Glenda. That is, if you decide to stay until Greg returns"

Cuddy's jaw hung loosely. She was somehow pretty sure that Glenda didn't just mean 'stay' until House came back. No, this was something much, much bigger.

And she started to wonder whether or not she would regret coming to see him in the first place.

'Breathe in, breathe out'

* * *

_So, no House this chapter, but the next one... Hm... ;)_

_Cuddy is a coward, sort of. How can she deal with this all again? Can she at least try?_

_Oh, we'll see :)_


	29. Let the rain wash away all the pain

_Hello, hello :D How are you, lovelies? Good? Excited for the next episode? I'm not... to say the truth. We have one more day to see whether House will get picked out or not, I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't get picked out. They've done a horrible job the last few episodes. But, what can we do, it's not our show, they say, even though I'd beg to differ. Is the country its king's if it house's millions? _

_Oh, well, enough with the philosophy!_

_Thank you for the reviews :) I really loved them... I told some of you I'd reveal who Glenda was in this chapter, but, I just didn't really wanna mix her in this little mess, there's plenty of other chapters to explain everything :) They deserve nothing less than best :P If show can't give it to them, I sure will try :)_

_Song to this chapter is 'I'm coming home' by Skylar Gray and Diddy. Mainstreem, I suppose._

_See ya soon!_

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Chapter 28

"Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday "

"House!" Cuddy exclaimed dropping an open pack of Kleenex on the floor. She had been about to put it in her purse along with her make-up. She had also been about to leave. She had fixed her hair, put some make up on and put her heels back on. Had he not come in the minute he had, but five minutes later, he would have found his apartment empty.

She was ashamed to look at him. She knew that he'd read her actions the moment he opened his bedroom door. There was no way anyone would miss out on what she was planning to do. Her thick black coat was lying on the bed, her scarlet scarf around her neck already, her purse next to the coat, still opened. She didn't want to face him. She didn't want to see his reaction to her decision. She was bailing.

If she'd learned anything from the previous few hours, it was that she still had miles to go in therapy. Miles and miles to go. Possibly twice to the moon and back. And she hated that.

She had always had what she wanted, at least, what she thought she wanted. She hadn't always done what she wanted, though. When she'd been a kid, she had to do everything her parents had told her. Her mom, to be exact. Arlene had a clear picture of what her little Lisa was supposed to be like. How she was supposed to dress, how she was supposed to behave, how she was supposed to speak. Who she was supposed to be friends with. Smart hair, natural colors, nothing flashy, nothing that stood out in the crowd. Simple smile, nothing too forced, nor too exciting. In school, all A's. Nothing less than an A was acceptable. So, she had lived like that. Little Lisa. She had done as her mother told her, dressed in whatever her mom had picked out for the day. She'd even played the sport her mom had picked out for her. No one had really asked her anything. She had just done as she had been told.

No one had really cared to see what had been going on, and no one actually could. Not even Lisa. She was too young to understand and people around her hadn't really been concerned with her. She was everything any parent could ask for. A delightful child.

Besides that, people around her had had another thing on their mind, why would they be occupied with her when she'd seemed to be doing so well. Her dad had been sick. For a while. She hadn't been too young to understand, she had understood it a bit too well. She'd learned to live with it. All the hospital visits, what an MRI was, what the biggest needle looked like. She had known all of that at the age of six. She'd learn later, in her teenage years, that she couldn't really get away from the medicine that had entered her life at such an early age.

However, the problems had started to arise when she'd begun the fourth grade. She had been nine years old, about to turn ten when her mom had gotten a phone call from her teacher. The teacher had been upset and said that Lisa started telling kids around school how to behave while playing. They had been reenacting some medieval castle version of playing house and Lisa had been telling everyone which part to be and what to say. She had been the queen, a horrible queen that had been the prettiest and the most powerful ever. The rest had been servants or royalty with a title no higher than hers. And Lisa had come up with the whole thing. It had been... her play in a way.

Her mom had gone ballistic, of course. Her little Lisa causing problems? Telling kids what to do? No, that couldn't be.

Of course, Lisa had been grounded for the next three weeks. During that time, the teacher had organized a play date where they'd reenacted the same medieval castle... but this time, Lisa had been forced to be the royal family adviser, having no control over the other kids.

Her sister Julia had kept up with her mom's demanding persona where Lisa had started to rebel. Sure, Julia was younger, but she had an example of what would happen if she wasn't a good girl. And that example was growing up in the room next to hers.

And Lisa's room! It had been like she'd rented the place. Everything had been placed where her mother had wanted it, every little trinket, and every piece of furniture. She hadn't even gotten a chance to choose the color of the walls. However, as she grew up, she'd started putting some small changes to her room. Pasting posters to the walls, though her mom would always have something to say about the way she'd organized everything. Making a mess where she could, placing her books on shelves rather than in cupboards where her mom wanted them.

Then, there had been that incident in the retail clothing store, when she had been twelve years old. Something in her had snapped that day. It had been like she finally started to see what had been going on around her. Arlene had picked out a simple red shirt for her daughter to try on and she had refused to do so. Instead, Lisa had her eyes set upon a pink shirt that her mom would surely be opposed to. Arlene never really let her wear anything pink. Even when she'd been a baby she had a green stroller and yellow clothes. But, that day Lisa had taken a huge interest in pink. And she was determined to leave that store with that pink shirt. Surprisingly, Arlene hadn't fought with her that long, only some 45 minutes. It had been a record.

Pink shirt in a bag and a smile on her face, Lisa had left that store certain of one thing- she liked to get her way.

That had been just a small bit of what she'd been through with her mom... And each and every part of her childhood had made her the fucked up individual she was. A demanding dean of medicine that told people what to do, that had a say in everything that was going on, that had the strangest taste in music, that had a family that wasn't by any means traditional, that was in love with a man that her mother would never approve of.

She wasn't sure what all of that had to do with her packing her things, about to leave House's apartment, but she knew it had something to do with all of that. Maybe… maybe House was just a piece of a much bigger problem. Like that iceberg that had sunk Titanic. You could see only a small piece of it on surface but the biggest part of it was hidden below.

"Go ahead." his voice made her snap out of her thoughts and her eyes shot open at his words. He wasn't going to stop her. She thought he would try to stop her. She was wrong to think that. Why wasn't he stopping her?

"You don't care that I'm..." she didn't even finish her sentence, she couldn't. Instead, she just inhaled shallowly and moved an inch back. House just tilted his head and leaned on the door frame.

"If you want to leave, then obviously, you're not ready for any kind of confrontation. I don't need another screwed up you around." He was only being honest. If she couldn't handle it, she couldn't handle it. He couldn't be going through the same thing with her again. He didn't want to risk waking up one day, or coming home one day to find her packing and leaving the life that they had built together, again. This time it would affect even more people. He knew that she'd eventually interact with Thomas. That she'd eventually grow to love him and that he would grow up thinking that she was his mother, or at least, the only mother he had even known. He knew that Rachel would get attached to him, again. He was sure that she had missed him, even now that she was five years old and probably had very little memory of him. They'd be together, have wonderful time together, fight, then make up, then fight again. All in all, everything would seem normal, normal for them. Until one day, just like this one, she would realize that she couldn't do it anymore and that she couldn't be with him anymore and that she had to leave. She'd take Rachel with her. If they got married, she could take Thomas with her as well. And where did that leave him? Alone? In an empty apartment with loads of scotch and nice things that had no real meaning to him?

Again with the same story ? With the same outcome? He couldn't let that happen. As much as he loved her, as much as he missed her, he'd rather be with Thomas, in his apartment, without her and Rachel, than all by himself, all three of them gone.

"I'm so sorry." She didn't know what else to say. She didn't mean to hurt him again. She just didn't know what she was getting into. She didn't know that it was a bit too big for her. Could she be this person again? She had started seeking her mother's approval again. Maybe she didn't really ever stop seeking her approval in the first place. Maybe she was just always bothered with what her mother would say about the things she'd done. But, why did it matter so much? Why when she'd spent the majority of her life proving her wrong and sticking it to her? Showing her that she was great on her own, without her mother's guidance.

Maybe because she wasn't great. Maybe because she'd start to question everything, if her mother had been right from the very beginning. Jules was great. She had three kids and a husband. Everything seemed to be working out for her.

And how had she ended up?

Alone, with a child that she'd adopted. The home she'd decorated all on her own empty almost throughout the whole day since she worked so much. The man that she loved living in another city, raising a child that wasn't hers.

She couldn't help escape thinking that her life was one huge mess up. And just to think that she'd try to blame him for everything.

She was the spitting image of her mother. She was telling people what to do, what was best for them, much like her mother did.

Maybe that was why she hated her so much. Because she knew they were the same. In almost every way.

And then, there was House. Someone that would always do the exact opposite of what she'd expect of him. Someone that didn't feel threatened by her. Someone that could speak his own mind and someone that just stood out in the crowd of all the people that listened to her blindly.

She was afraid of him.

He was at the same time, her wildest dream and her biggest fear.

She was so ridiculous. She broke up with him because... because...

"You took control over my body. You decided what was best in my stead." she started crying. Soon, she found herself sitting on his bed, having crumbled there.

Oh yes. She was really messed up. And she was sure that he was, beyond everything, confused with what she was saying. He'd surely leave, tell her to get the hell out and that she was playing the same record all over again even though it was scratched severely and that it hurt everyone's ears.

However, this was when the man she was so afraid of did what she'd never expect of him to do. Or maybe, he did the exact thing that she, if she'd been rational at that moment, would imagine he would do- prove her wrong for the billionth time.

He rubbed his face with his right hand and approached the bed. He sat down next to her and she found herself launching into him, her head on his chest, her tears staining his blue shirt. He didn't do anything at first, but as her cries didn't subside, his hands slowly wrapped around her.

"You have no reason to cry. I'd expect you to be angry and tell me to fuck off." He rubbed her back as she set her head into his lap, lifting her legs on the bed, forming the fetal position.

She just couldn't stop crying.

The bitch dean of medicine that was so strong that she was almost bulletproof, couldn't stop crying in the arms of the man that had everything that she'd wanted yet everything that she'd feared having.

"I don't want to go." she started sobbing again, having finally admitted what she was trying to suppress from the moment she'd started packing her bag.

House just let his head fall back, looking at the ceiling, almost seeking an answer from someone above, if he'd only believe that someone existed.

He didn't want her to go either. He knew that she was scared. She'd been scared from the moment they'd met in college, some twenty five years before. He was scared as well. Scared because he knew if she hadn't admitted that she didn't want to leave, he would have found a way to make her stay, even though every ounce of rationality that resided within him, had told him that he'd regret doing so.

Somewhere in the background, another cry made itself apparent. It was Thomas.

They both felt like it was a reminder to all the mess they'd made because they were, in truth, broken without each other.

Cuddy inhaled deeply, having calmed in his arms. She raised her head and looked up at him.

"I don't want to go." she repeated. He just raised his hand towards her hair and pushed one of the curls out of the way before he leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

He would surely have regrets. However, he was also sure he'd have more if he'd done the same thing as the last time she had wished to put an end to their life together, accommodate her.

If you're presented with the same choices in the same situation and the choice you'd picked out the previous time hadn't really worked for you, why would you make the same choice all over again ?

House had to know better.

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_Cuddy's so fucked up, don't you think? ;) _

_Reviews would be nice _


	30. Let you in

_Spring break, and you have an update! I'm not much for a big talk, so... I'll leave you to read it! Song is Basic space from The XX :) (Amazing band, you should check them out ;) ) _

_I hope you all are having fun, and Happy EASTER! _

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Chapter 29

"I can't let it out, I still let you in"

Cuddy opened her eyes to find herself in House's bed, yet again, only this time she wasn't alone. She didn't know when exactly she had fallen asleep, but she knew it was because she had been really tired, that tired feeling being more of a mental nature than physical. She remembered falling asleep in House's lap, after he'd comforted her and after she had confessed that she didn't want to leave. She felt, in a way, relieved. She had said what had been on her mind so long, and well, she'd broken down. She didn't usually let herself break down in front of anyone. Hell, she never let herself break down in front of anyone, but this time it had been different. It had been House, the one she had broken down in front and that had changed a lot. He wasn't like other people. He was someone she could trust, that had never changed. All the years apart and all the unspoken words hadn't changed the fact that she still trusted him beyond anything. She was afraid to open up to people, she was afraid to let other people see that she was, in fact, fragile and not strong and bold as she made herself in the eyes of others. That was why it was so relieving to be able to open up and be herself in front of House... and even if she didn't open up like she'd always do in front of him, he would know what she felt like and what was going on in her head. He read her, he knew her by heart. And that was one of many reasons her heart skipped a beat every time she thought about him or was in his presence.

She turned around to her side to see the reason why she woke up, or rather, who had waken her up. An unsteady smile appeared on her face when she was confronted with a view she really wasn't used to, by any means. Her eyes fell upon House who sitting on the edge of the enormous bed and was looking down on baby Thomas who was placed on the bed on the opposite side from the one Cuddy was occupying. His eyes soon met hers as he realized she was awake.

"Hey." he smiled shakily, not really sure what would Cuddy think about Thomas being in the room with them. The reason why he brought him there was, that he didn't want to leave Cuddy's side and since Thomas was wide awake and throwing a tantrum and crying his lungs out, he had no other choice but to take him in the bedroom with him. It was … so new to him and so scary. The realization that his son was quiet and content when he was around his father. It was quite unrealistic... to see a baby calm down in his arms. He never thought that would be possible, sure, Rachel had been fond of him and loved to be around him, but this was something totally different. This was an infant. He'd never think that he was capable of soothing an infant, let alone his son.

"Hey." Cuddy finally said, her eyes resting on Thomas as she sensed the uncertainty in House's voice. She was a bit surprised that he'd brought Thomas in the room with her, but for completely different reasons than he might think. She didn't realize that he would feel ok with Thomas being around her. He had confessed that he was scared that she would leave, she knew he wouldn't let her enter Thomas's life just like that. But this made her stomach warm up and a genuine smile appeared on her face.

House noticed the sudden change on Cuddy and left out a breath that he'd been holding ever since he'd brought Thomas with him in the room. He was scared that she would feel pressured or uncomfortable with him around, and she probably did feel uncomfortable but not as much as he thought she would, anyway.

"It was only so little Glenda could keep him quiet, I had to tend to him." he spoke noticing how Cuddy's facial expression changed on the mention of Glenda's name. The truth was he knew Glenda could be a bit harsh and she probably didn't maintain a nice attitude when she'd been alone with Cuddy. And House couldn't blame her. She'd listened to a lot of Cuddy related conversations and House didn't really try to make Cuddy look like a good guy in their story. However, Glenda was barely in the position of having a say in anything when it came to him and it put him a bit off that she didn't think the same.

"It's ok." Cuddy rolled onto her left side to meet both House and Thomas. As she did, Thomas tried to move his head to his right to look at her but being only two months old made it a bit hard for him to do so. House let out a small laugh at seeing what his son was up to and Cuddy couldn't hold back her smile either.

He was a beautiful baby, she couldn't deny it and it really didn't surprise her. Emily had been beautiful, with her dark blonde hair and warm light brown eyes she could have easily been Miss Universe and House wasn't bad himself. She would have rolled her eyes at herself if she could. House was far from 'not bad'. He made her want to jump out of her skin when she was around him. She should have given him more credit.

House noticed the way Cuddy was looking upon Thomas and if he was the one to admit he had a heart, it surely would have melted on the spot. There was nothing pretentious about it. Her eyes were radiating a certain warmth and he thought just how grateful he was that she didn't see Thomas as something bad. He had to admit a part of him was scared that she wouldn't accept him, that she wouldn't like the fact that he was there, that he was his son, his and some other woman's. But, nothing about her posture and facial expression told him that she hated the little boy. Of course, she would wonder how it would be to have a kid of their own... but he couldn't blame her. Some long time before maybe they could have had a kid of their own. However, the circumstances and life in all its notorious glory made it impossible.

"House… I…" Cuddy gulped as her eyes diverted from the little infant to his father "I'm sorry." she spoke small. She really had a lot to apologize for. To apologize for earlier that day, for wanting to leave again, for letting him leave three years before, for pushing him away at that very same time. She knew words didn't begin to cover all of it, but... she had to start with something. And even if he would think she didn't need to apologize, she would still do it. They couldn't be around each other if too many things were kept at bay.

"Thank you." He surprised her with his words. She would think that he would crack a joke about it, at least initially. This, she wasn't expecting at all. Saying 'Thank you' wasn't something easy for House and that spoke volumes to her. It told her that this man really had changed and... she was a bit scared by that. She would have to get to know him again... To get to know the man that had changed over the period of time that she hadn't been next to him. She was, of course, different than the last time he saw her herself, but not to that extent she could tell he was.

She had come to some realizations. She had accepted some things that previously struck her as unfair, but in no way was she a totally different person. However, he seemed like he was.

"You've changed." She sat up and he turned his back to her, afraid that she might read a bit too much from his face. He still wasn't ready to let her wholly see him. He was still afraid. There was a huge chance that she could change her mind in any second and get out of his life, leaving him hurt once again. He wasn't ready to reveal himself to her, not till he was sure that she wasn't going anywhere.

A pang of sadness hit the dean as she realized he wasn't going to crash the wall he'd built while they'd been away. She couldn't blame him. It wasn't like she presented herself as someone that could be trusted. Not after she'd wanted to flee his apartment even before he'd come back. But she was still hurt.

"You have as well." His hand wandered to his thigh, rubbing the flesh it found there. It only served to remind him all the pain he had gone through because of the person lying in his bed. Could he really do it? Could he let her in after all this time? After all those years apart? He wanted to, oh how he wanted to. He was just afraid that he'd break halfway there.

Thomas probably sensed the tension in the air as he started cooing, bringing the attention to himself. He was very cute, Cuddy noticed again. His once sky blue eyes were of darker shade now. She knew that would happen. Lots of babies had blue eyes upon their arrival. But she had thought that the kid would have House's eyes and by the look of things... he was leaning to having Emily's shade rather than his.

House turned around to face both Thomas and Cuddy and their eyes met. He felt like saying something and something was surely at the tip of his tongue, but, no words were coming out of his mouth. Cuddy noticed the little battle going on in his head and decided to ask something, make the awkwardness go away.

"Who is Glenda, anyway?" she didn't bother to hide a certain malice apparent in her tone and House easily caught up on it. She couldn't really think anything good of the woman when she was so cold and harsh with her only few hours before.

"She's Diane's mom" he said, realizing straight away that his companion had no idea who Diane was. "Diane's Emily's best friend... She was the one Thomas was with last night, she helps me out. Then there's Ella…" he added, thinking if he was going to tell her about Diane she sure needed to know about all the women that helped him with Thomas. "She's the nanny, a real pain in the ass, that teenager." He couldn't help the smile that came to his face as he remembered all the bickering they'd done. If she had been there, she would argue with him over him calling her a teen. She was the sort of person everyone just had to have around. Fun and slightly short with her temper. Just what he needed after a long day. "And there are two maid's, Rosario and Estefana, but I rarely see them. They are here mostly when I'm not." he finished.

Cuddy's brow furrowed and House instantly noticed that something that he'd said made no sense to her.

"I thought Glenda was a maid." She made it clear for him and he could easily see why she got confused. "She practically stripped me and made the bed," she added making him laugh a little after picturing Cuddy bare in front of the elderly woman. He would have to talk to Glenda, though. She really had no right to make Cuddy feel uncomfortable. Though, if he was in the same position, he would probably do it as well.

"She's just a bit of a character" House said before lifting his legs on the bed so he was sitting on it like Cuddy was.

"Yeah, well, she seems to have a huuuuge character." Cuddy laughed a bit, remembering all the events from earlier that day. House joined her, and soon the room echoed their laughter causing Thomas to start whining a little. Both of them turned their attention to him and he quickly stopped whining as his mouth tried to make what seemed to be a smile.

"Thank you." Cuddy turned her head towards House and at first he didn't want to face her, but a quick glance ended up being a gaze.

"What for?" He was a bit afraid to ask, but he had nothing to lose, he thought.

"For tofu, just the way I like it." She grinned a bit, but quickly added "... and for letting me in. I could stand in front of your door for only so long." She watched his face soften. He knew that what she said was far more deep than what it would seem to a stranger eaves dropping on them. And he quickly realized, that he was glad that he let her in as well.

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_By the way, forgot to thank you for your reviews! Hope to get more, love you all _


	31. Was it me who was the fool?

_Hello boys and girls! I'm sorry about this ep :( I loved Arlene, but when TPTB don't wanna give us Huddy, let alone some real talk, they just won't give it to us! Thank God, there's fanfiction! And the only I'm currently reading is More than a lifetime. When it actually gets updated. It's a story bout a common girl and the prince. The two of them being Huddy. No wonder I cried like a baby on Friday, while watching the Royal wedding. Yeah, go ahead, judge. (I hope you don't, though.)_

_Anyway, here, new chapter. A little bit longer than the previous ones, hope you like it._

_Song- MIKA-Rain._

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Chapter 30

"Trying to be ordinary, was it me who was the fool?"

"What is that noise?" Wilson didn't want to open his eyes to the new day just yet. It was Sunday and he was enjoying his well-deserved sleep. All the night calls and clinic duty (which Cuddy had made every doctor in the hospital do) were making it hard for him to have a full night's sleep during the work week.

That was why he enjoyed Sundays so much, especially since Sam didn't like to  
sleep quite as long as he did. Because of that, most Sundays he got to wake  
up to the smell of a delicious breakfast.

"We've had her over for two nights now; you could have a slight clue to who it is." Sam turned to face him, screwing her eyes as a sun light hit her face. It was odd for that time of the year, for the sun to shine so bright. It was the beginning of March and spring was another three weeks away. It was still a bit chilly, but not like it was during January and February. It was just perfect. You could still snuggle under warm pillows because it was cold and you could be welcomed to the new day by the steady sunlight. She loved it...

The only thing she didn't like about that morning was the fact that she had been woken up by a certain five year old whose mom was busy getting it on with the love of her life. Sam could just roll her eyes at the two of them every time she thought about them. Not only had they always been right for each other, they had always found a way to complicate things that weren't complicated at all. If they could have just been a bit more genuine and … less childish, they wouldn't be in a place they were at the moment. With one child left without its father and another left without its mother. But, they were what they were, and no one could really reason with them. She could just hope that they could make it work, at least decently, this time.

"Remind me why I agreed to let her stay with us?" Wilson pulled the covers over his face but he could still hear the ear piercing sound of the cartoons coming from the living room. He had agreed, or more like caved, when Cuddy asked them to take Rachel in. She had promised she'd be back that night only to inform him the next day that she wasn't coming till Sunday night. He was beginning to think that she wouldn't be home before Tuesday afternoon. However, she had a job, so that was promising. At least, a little.

Having Rachel around was like having both Cuddy and House mixed in a giant bowl and molded so that it was four feet tall. He really didn't get to see her that often, unless she came to the hospital when she caught the flu or if the day care was filled with sick kids and Cuddy didn't want her to get sick herself. There were, of course, times when Wilson and Sam were invited to dinner at Cuddy's place, but Rachel was rarely up that long for him to be able to really see what the child was like. And it wasn't like he and Cuddy would ever discuss any similarity the child had with her... or with House.

He was pathetic. He knew it. He couldn't even call House Rachel's father. He couldn't really start thinking how had it been having him around, because... it hurt. As much as he knew he was pathetic, he knew that he was guilty of their friendship coming to an end. He could have gone after him, he should have. House wasn't and never would be someone that asked for people to help him, to go after him. But Wilson knew he should have. He should have gone after him, told him how silly he had been for not sticking around even though Cuddy had been mad. They would have worked it out if he stayed. Maybe, they wouldn't be together, but they wouldn't be mad at each other.

The funny thing was, they really didn't need to be sleeping together to actually be together. They... ever since college, they had been together, in a way that meant that they had always been there for each other, whatever had come their way. They had always stuck around, even though they would both deny that.

They needed each other. And it was a shame that they had let everything fall apart.

James felt partially guilty for what happened and that was why he placed a finger on Sam's mouth when she started explaining him why he had agreed to Rachel staying with them. He didn't need the answer because he already knew it.

"I'll make breakfast." he started getting up, getting a confused but yet satisfied look from Sam. He never really made breakfast on Sundays, it was her little thing. But, Rachel waking them up had been his fault and he wanted to make up for it. "What do you want?" he asked a smile setting on his face as he watched Sam stretch out under the covers.

"How about some strawberry syrup covered pancakes?" she tilted her head on her hand and looked up at him, she was really glad that he was making the breakfast instead of her. She liked the idea of being lazy for a while and just lying in the bed with no purpose or thoughts.

"I can make that." Wilson said confidently and headed for the door after first checking himself in the big wooden framed mirror in the corner of the room on the opposite side of the bed.

"Make sure you don't burn them because you were preoccupied with checking your reflection out in the window" Sam laughed a bit as he walked out of the room his only response to what she had said being 'Ha ha.'

* * *

"Where is it?" Cuddy asked referring to the baby formula House muttered he needed under his breath.

He was standing above one of Thomas' cribs in the living room realizing that the reason he was crying was due to being hungry.

They had gotten up that morning relatively early, around 7.30 am, but not so early considering they had fallen asleep around ten. Surprisingly, Thomas hadn't woken up at all during the night, so they could sleep at least somewhat peacefully.

Cuddy had been troubled with different thoughts, some pretty, some not so pretty. She couldn't stop thinking about the new situation she and House had gotten themselves into. And, although it was really amazing for her, that he had let her in his life again, it was still scaring the crap out of her. Most of that fear was coming from the very fact that they hadn't talked about their... arrangement or whatever it was that they had gotten themselves into.

"I'll get it." House dismissed her and started towards the kitchen. Watching him, Cuddy quickly caught that he was leaning more than usual on his cane. That wasn't a good sign for her and it only made her more scared. The last thing she needed was him going through more pain because of the way things were going.

She was sure that he wanted to be with her. He had spent a lot of time the night before showing her that... and more than once. But, still, she was aware that it had to be really hard for him, or that he could be fighting inside, not being able to voice things that he obviously had on his mind.

The deepest conversation they'd had since she had come on Friday, had been the day before, when she'd told him that she didn't want to leave and how they both had changed. That was about it.

After that, House had watched Thomas being changed and fed by the not so teenage baby sitter and helping out in the process. Then they had had lunch, watched some TV and went to bed.

It was... to some extent, almost like every Saturday they had had together when they had been together, except maybe they would've gone out to the park with Rachel or gone out in the evening.

It was strange for her, how quickly they'd seemed to have gotten back in their routine without really having any intention of doing so.

Cuddy looked down at the baby flailing his little chubby arms in the air and crying so hard his face turned the dark shade of red. She heard House grumpily saying 'Where's the damn formula?' in the kitchen and the more she looked down at Thomas, the more it seemed to her that it took him forever to come back and feed the child.

She yelled for House, not being able to keep looking at the baby in need any longer but he just yelled back "I can't find it!"

He was angry and her heart was starting to beat faster as she continued hovering over Thomas' crib.

At one point, she couldn't take it anymore so she decided to step away hoping that not being able to see him whining would help her, but to no avail. She ended up quickly returning to the crib and reaching out for the little boy.

Yes, she was scared of having him in her arms, but seeing a baby in distress seemed to have beaten that fear.

The moment she had him in her arms the boy's cries became less frantic and his big brown eyes met hers blue-gray ones. She could tell that he was as surprised to be looking at her as much as she was to be looking at him. However, his cries started growing louder again just about the time House came back from kitchen, the bottle with formula one hand and a lot of confusion evident on his face. He seemed to be angry as well.

Cuddy felt like she needed to explain herself and as she was about to say something House placed the bottle on the coffee table near the crib and practically snatched Thomas out of her hands. His nostrils opened wide as he started feeding the baby. He didn't look at Cuddy at all while he was feeding him. That was more than enough evidence for her to realize that he wasn't so pleased with her tending to his son.

She stepped away from them and slowly retreated to the master bedroom to collect her things. She didn't want to stay around much longer.

* * *

"Uncle James, what are you making for breakfast" Rachel stuck her head above the counter as she stood on her toes so she could see the oncologist searching for ingredients in the cupboards.

He really didn't know where Sam kept flour and he was intent on finding it without her help. Rachel seemed to find it amusing, him opening every cupboard, some more than once, searching for the flour he already stumbled upon some three of four times without even noticing.

"Pancakes, but I can't seem to find the flour" He said mostly to himself, now reaching for the cupboards even though he knew it wasn't there. If only he could find it and start making the strawberry syrup pancakes already!

Rachel just giggled, some beyond imagination silly cartoon still playing on the TV behind them.

"What?" Wilson turned around to find the little girl smirking; that side smirk reminding him of a man that used to be around the girl. He could openly admit he missed him.

"I know where 'tis." she giggled going round the counter and opening one of the cupboards and pointing to a big yellow bucket. Wilson cocked an eyebrow at the little girl as she tilted her arms at her middle and swayed from side to side gloating.

"How did you...?" Wilson shook his head a bit not realizing how could she possibly know where they kept the flour when she had been over only three times in her life, one of those three being her current stay.

"I made homemade bread yesterday, remember. Rachel here helped me make it." Sam had appeared in the kitchen out of blue, wearing a white fluffy robe and going towards the coffee machine. She played with Rachel's hair as she passed by the kid and the two giggled together.

"Wasn't it shit?" Rachel's eyes grew wide as she smiled, earning both Wilson's and Sam's attention. She really didn't know why that was, though.

"Did she just say...?" Wilson turned to Sam as he slapped himself in the face, realizing the girl must have picked up the word while with them, because there was no way Cuddy would say something like that in front of her. Sam just made a face that he couldn't mistake. She clearly had something to do with it.

"Oh my God!" Wilson put his hand on his hip as he couldn't believe that Sam would do something as stupid as swear in front of a five year old.

"It was an accident, I dropped an egg on the floor and she heard me say it so I told her it means 'Awesome', but that she shouldn't use it." Sam bit the corner of her cheek and smiled awkwardly.

"And you thought it was a good thing to say that it meant 'Awesome'? 'Cause, surely, she wouldn't use a word as common as awesome or try to replace it with something new and thrilling!" Wilson rubbed his face. He was genuinely pissed at her. She had to know better than to swear in front of a kid, let alone to tell her 'Shit' meant 'Awesome'. God, Cuddy was going to kill him.

"Well, you knew I wasn't really good around kids when you married me the second time." She threw her arms in the air, trying to laugh the whole situation off. It wasn't really helping... not by the angry look on his face. Maybe she could try and make things right.

"Unbelievable" Wilson reached for the yellow bucket that contained flour, turning his back on Sam. He really didn't know what he was going to do.

"Rachel, could you stop saying 'Shit'? I lied to you when I said it meant 'Awesome', it means something really, really bad. You wouldn't want mommy to hear you saying it, would you?" Sam knelt in front of Rachel, soon realizing it was a bad idea to try talk to her in the first place.

The girl's eyes sparkled and her mouth formed a grin. "Mommy says lying isn't good. I won't tell mommy you lied if you give me chocolate." she grinned some more.

Sam just stood up, defeated and approached James as he was already measuring how much flour to put in the bowl for the pancakes.

"If House saw her, he'd be proud of her." Sam whispered to him and turned around to look at Rachel once again. She had no other choice but to give the girl some chocolate. God help her.

* * *

"What are you doing?" House looked up from the couch to Cuddy who was holding her bag and had shoes on. She was obviously going somewhere and that confused him. A lot.

He thought that she'd gone to have a shower or something, so he stayed in the living room to watch some TV. It was the season of Monster truck international competition and he was beyond thrilled.

All that thrill was gone, just like that, as he realized that she was getting ready to leave.

"I'm leaving." She thought that she wouldn't want to march out of the apartment, so she waited for him to say something. She couldn't really stay around if he didn't want her. She had just wanted to soothe the crying child and he almost went bananas. He hadn't even let her bring the baby formula from the kitchen.

"I can see that, but why?" He placed the can of beer he held on the table, so he could get up. She just swung her head to the back to get her hair out of her way.

"Because I have a home." It was like she was just reciting a fact. That was it. Nothing to it. But if he didn't know her, he might have bought her answer.

"I have a job and you don't see me running away in a hurry to go do it." He frowned a bit, hoping his sarcasm would make her want to tell him the actual reason for which she was leaving.

"Yeah, and it's Sunday so... you're not really making any point" She shifted her bag from one shoulder to the other as she watched him approach her, a certain amount of confusion and... even hurt, apparent in his eyes.

"Cuddy..." he started, he really didn't know what to say. It seemed like she was bipolar. First, she came to him, then she wanted to leave him, then she didn't want to leave, and now, again, she wanted to leave.

"Can you make up your mind whether you're gonna stay or go, cause apart from needing to know if I need a dinner for one or two people, I'd like to know what the hell is going on between us." His left hand traveled to his neck and settled there as he awaited her answer.

"Why don't you tell me." She tilted her arms at her middle, the fabric of her coat making a soft sound as she did so. "You say you want me around, then, when I try to help you with Thomas, you push me away. You were so angry when you saw me with him, you could just as easily have yelled at me to leave him alone if you weren't so busy snatching him out of my arms!" She made sure to keep her voice down, she couldn't really afford having Thomas wake up and start crying again at such moment.

House's mouth opened, but nothing came out because he didn't know what to say. The line he had come up with was no longer going to work because he knew that she was right. He knew that he had been a bit abrasive when he had seen her holding Thomas, but that had nothing to do with her.

"I just..." he started, but Cuddy angrily cut him off.

"You just what, House? If we're going to make something of this, we better start talking the way we should have a long time ago." She was angry and with good reason. It wasn't her that was holding back now.

"I'm not ready… to see you with him yet. I thought I was, but I'm not." She just looked at him with tears in her eyes. She turned her back to him, but he hurried and reached for her and turned her around to face him.

"I'm just ...still scared that you're going to leave." It was honest. The most honest answer you could get from the man.

"It's not like you showed that you're consistent." He smirked a bit, but as soon as he saw a tear slip down her cheek, that smirk faltered.

"Are you ever going to be ready?" her voice was ragged. She could say that she was losing strength, but when it came to House, she was sure that she would always find the strength to finish what she'd started.

House's eyes diverted from her a bit, and she exhaled. She knew he couldn't answer her.

"I am." She heard a second after she took a deep, long breath.

"What?" The fear of mistaking his answer for something that was not, she had to ask him. "You are what?" she repeated.

"I'm going to be ready... once. And when I am ready, I want you to be here. With me." A huge smile appeared on her face. "But just in case, if we split again, I get the dog and the house. And the Jeep."

She stared at him in confusion. "We don't have a dog, or house, or the Jeep." She was trying to think of the reason he would say such thing.

"We might." House said matter-of-factly, his words putting a big smile on Cuddy's face.

He really liked what he saw and realized, maybe he could see that smile every day.

* * *

_Rachel :3 Can they put her back on the show, please? I miss her!_

_Reviews are appreciated!_


	32. I'll be home soon I won't be late

_What an amazing episode! Just the thing we needed! And might I say how grateful I am that Rachel seems to be just how we all wanted her to be? Like a mini House? They better come to their senses, though. For her sakes at least._

_Anyway, new chapter!_

_The song to it is 'He won't go' by amazing Adele. And thank you for the reviews :) SO MUCH_

* * *

Chapter 31

"He said to hold my breath, to sit and wait,  
I'll be home soon, I won't be late"

"How was she?" Cuddy grinned upon seeing her daughter all excited when she arrived in Wilson and Sam's apartment. She was almost on-time, only ten minutes later than she'd told Wilson she'd be there. She couldn't help it that the traffic on Sunday was horrible; everyone was returning home from their vacation homes. The drive from New York to Princeton had seemed so short in comparison to the drive from Princeton to New York, but she knew that was due to the fact she'd been impatient to see House, however ridiculous that seemed to her at the moment.

She was very pleased that Rachel seemed to be alright. She was at least expecting for her to have a few bruises and scratches since she loved to run around the house and make a mess. Apart from one particularly colorful bandage on her left knee, she was all good.

Wilson glanced at Sam upon hearing Cuddy's question debating whether or not to tell her about the little incident that had happened with the forbidden word she'd learned. Thankfully, Sam cut in and answered Cuddy before Wilson had a chance to open his mouth.

"She was delightful!" she said in a rush and if Cuddy paid enough attention she'd realize that she was lying, but instead she was just surprised.

"She didn't do anything bad? Or throw a tantrum?" Cuddy raised her eyebrow. Her daughter could sometimes be really hyperactive and demanding. If she didn't love her to the moon and back she would maybe even use the expression 'pain in the ass'.

As much as she hated to admit it, the little five year old had picked up a lot from House. She even had some of his facial expressions, which, she dared to say, wouldn't hurt her. She had a lot of personality.

Cuddy just had to make sure it didn't get to excessive.

"No... except…" Wilson started, but he could feel Sam burning a hole in the back of his head so he decided to change the next part of the sentence "...she did hit her knee in the side of the coffee table, but we took care of that,"

Rachel just spun around holding the hemline of her skirt in her tiny hands. She was as careless as a five year old could be.

"Should I make coffee?" Sam asked starting towards the kitchen, but Cuddy quickly interrupted her saying that she didn't want to bother them any longer.

"Three days was enough, I'd say," Cuddy smiled. "Thank you, really, for keeping an eye on her," Rachel started tugging on her arm in need of attention.

"Anytime!" Wilson smiled back, trying to decide if he should ask her about House and what had happened right away, or if he should wait until she told him herself.

Cuddy caught on Wilson's uncertainty and knew that he wanted to ask her about House and as much as she wanted to tell him what had happened, she really didn't know if she wanted to talk about it all with Rachel around.

When she had been driving back home she'd thought about all the things she and House had agreed on.

One of them had been that she was to tell Rachel about the fact that they were getting back together. She'd promised him that she would try to do that as soon as possible, but truth be told, she knew it wouldn't be easy. Not so much for Rachel, but for her.

She was still so very confused about everything and she just needed to sleep on it. She was sure without House around she would have a better picture.

"We really need to go, I best get her to bed, she seems to be getting cranky. Aren't you sleepy, honey?" Cuddy looked down on her daughter just as she yawned a yes to her question.

Both Wilson and Cuddy laughed at her actions.

"We'll..." the oncologist started, "We'll talk tomorrow." Cuddy smiled kindly and said her goodbyes to the two people that she would be thankful for the rest of her life for making that particular weekend easier for her.

* * *

House felt a small pain in his head as something hit it. He opened his eyes the exact moment to see that he was, in fact, hit with a plush toy. One glance to the door and he knew who was guilty of the crime.

Ella, who else.

"Get up, old man!" She laughed as she came in the room and almost launched herself on the bed. She was … always like that. All playful and quirky. And to think that she didn't like being called a teenager! She was sure acting like one, maybe even like a ten year old in desperate need of attention.

"My alarm hasn't gotten off yet." House pulled the covers over his head, he felt like he was in elementary school and his mom was pulling him out of bed so he wouldn't be late for his first class.

The truth was, he hadn't even set the alarm, he never did. When he had been working in Princeton Plainsboro, he would just wake up as he please and go as he pleased and no one had had anything to say about that.

When he'd left that hadn't really changed until he started hanging around Emily. She wouldn't let him sleep in, she had always been on the go and he'd had to be flexible if he wanted to keep up.

And he did... want to keep up.

She had been just a breath of fresh air, always going somewhere, always active, always wanting to do new things.

He... really did miss her.

House screwed his eyes tightly hoping the feeling would go away. Thankfully, Ella was persistent in getting him out of the bed and he was more glad to do it than he would ever let her know.

"Alright, I'm getting up." He pretended that he was annoyed as he crawled out of the covers. It was still a bit cool even though they had central heating. It was March and it was only normal, but he really couldn't help but wish for the better weather to set in.

Ella just giggled a bit at seeing him in his familiar pajamas, or rather, the lack of them. He slept in an overly worn T-shirt and boxers. He was just a normal guy.

"Would you knock it off?" House didn't really know why a small smile played on his lips as he watched her get out of the room all giggly and bubbly. He was usually really grumpy in the morning and had no will to do anything.

What had changed?

He looked around desperately searching for an answer, only to realize the answer was nowhere near to be found.

She was miles away probably already in her power suit on, ready to schmooze new investors.

Another smile came to his face.

Maybe... maybe this would be good after all.

* * *

Lisa Cuddy breathed in deeply as she entered her office after a long and tiring meeting with the board members. Apparently, there were some inconsistencies with the budget and the way hospital used it. She had no idea what was going on, really, because she had thought that everything was going well. Now, not only did she have an already huge pile of paperwork she had to go through, she had to go through the yearly budget again and see where and who had screwed up.

She would think that the hospital would be in a better place without the Diagnostics department, since it had been one of the most uneconomical departments. They had done too many tests and analysis, which, many time patient's insurance wouldn't pay. But, of course, that department had lured in so many new investors and donors that no one could hold anything against it. Except for House.. but he was no longer there, so no one really could say anything anymore.

Cuddy walked to her desk and looked up at the ceiling almost like cursing God for giving her so much paperwork. She would surely be stuck in her office till midnight. Poor Rachel. Not only had her mom left her with family friends for three days, now she couldn't even make it home and spend time with her.

But soon, Cuddy would find out how wrong she was.

Just about as she was to sit down and start going through the oncology department expenses, her cell phone rang. The ID said it was Rachel's pre-school and she instantly felt alarmed. They never called unless it was an emergency.

"H-hello?" she answered the phone already shaken. What could have happened? God, just … She wished nothing serious had happened. She wouldn't be able to handle it if something horrible happened.

"Miss Cuddy?" A nice but not so cheery voice greeted Cuddy on the other side. That served as somewhat of a comfort, because the woman didn't seem to be sad. Maybe she had nothing to worry about. Or did she?

"Yes... this is she." Cuddy sat down slowly, careful not to knock any of the piles that were placed on the sides of her table down. She crossed her leg in her usual manner and waited for the woman on the other end to tell her what the call was about.

"This is Audrey, your daughter's teacher," the woman started and Cuddy instantly connected the voice to the face. Audrey was really kind and sweet and Cuddy was lucky to have someone like that take care of Rachel.

"Oh, hello." Cuddy smiled catching onto Audrey's leisure. Nothing seemed to be wrong. So far.

"I'm calling about Rachel," the woman continued. "You need to pick her up"

Cuddy felt very confused and alarmed again.

"I don't understand, did something happen? Is she ok?" you could sense the panic in her voice. And she was panicking.

"No, no, she's ok." Cuddy realized the woman was smiling and instantly felt relieved. "It's just that we had an incident with her and the other kids and we thought it would be the best if you picked her up. That's all,"

'God, what did she do now?' Cuddy ran her hand down her face realizing that the kid's House-ian side must have kicked in again. It was nothing unusual. She just hoped that Rachel wouldn't have that many problems because of her behavior. Cuddy knew she had to do something about it.

But what would happen once the kid started being around House again? Would she pick up new things? Would she get even worse?

Rachel was only two when she had started being around House and he had only been around for a bit more than a year and already had she picked up on so many of his traits. What was to happen if she started being around him 24/7 for the... for the most part of her...

If she started being around him again now that she was older and could understand what was going around her much better what would happen?

But, then again, House hadn't been exactly his misanthropic self when he'd been around her. She could remember perfectly how the two of them were close and how she had been really amused by it. She had never expected the two of them to get along, mainly because she had never expect House to show any interest in her. But he had... and Cuddy had been beyond glad.

"What happened?" Cuddy exhaled as she waited for Audrey to tell her what went wrong. This time.

* * *

House made it into the dining room already dressed for work. If any of his Princeton colleagues could see him, they wouldn't recognize him. He dressed far differently than he had when he'd worked there.

His suit was ironed, clean and neat. Underneath he had a plain white shirt, instead of an informal t-shirt with probably disrespectful print on it. That was something Jennings made him start wearing because he'd thought that it was only appropriate given that all their patients were upper class.

House tried to disobey on that rule, but soon he realized he couldn't... Jennings wasn't really a flirty type... as opposed to his former boss.

House smirked.

At least he got to keep the awesome kicks. No one could beat the 'I'm a cripple and I need to wear sneakers' argument.

"Hello," he said no one in particular, though he knew his maids were around and could hear him. The breakfast had already been placed on the table, his favorite Reuben sandwich, just how he liked it. No pickles.

A little after he sat down and took first bites, Ella came in the room holding baby Thomas, who was, surprisingly not crying. He would normally throw a little tantrum in the morning.

"It's not even seven thirty," House said a bit disdainfully. He could've slept for another two hours, or more.

"I wanted company." Ella sat on the chair near House's and started blowing raspberries. That seemed to entertain Thomas quite well.

"You have a phone, could've called your friends." He took another bite. Man, that Rosario could really make a good Reuben.

"I wouldn't wanna wake them, would I?" Ella laughed at seeing House roll his eyes. She just loved teasing him. It made her realize just how much she wished her father was still around. He would be around Greg's age if he was still alive. She couldn't help but draw parallels.

"So..." she started as Greg didn't seem to want to start conversation on his own. He just glanced at Thomas from time to time, his face revealing that he was content with how things were going.

House just looked up at her.

"Are you..." she didn't really know how to ask him, but she really wanted to know. "Is that woman coming back?" She decided it was better to do it quickly. Just like taking the bandage off. The quicker the better.

House put his sandwich back on the plate. He knew it was inevitable. Not only because she wanted to know everything that was going on in his life, but also because he couldn't just have someone around for three days and expect no one to ask about what had happened. Ella knew who Cuddy was, she just... never referred to her. And House was glad that she didn't, because he really didn't like nosy people. Except, he was nosy. But, what the heck.

"I'm.. sorry." Ella stood up, afraid that she made a mistake by asking him about his ex. Even though she seemed like she wasn't going to be his ex any longer. She really didn't know what to think about that, though. Emily had passed away only brief a two months before. But, she didn't know Emily, much like she didn't know this Cuddy... woman. She was in no place to judge. And... well, something about the man that was sitting two feet away from her told her that the woman's presence throughout the weekend had served him well.

"I hope that she comes back," he answered her just as she was about to leave the dining room.

She just turned around and smiled.

Yeah, that visit sure seemed like it was serving him well.

* * *

Cuddy opened the door to Wilson's office without bothering to knock.

"And you didn't think it was important to tell me that Rachel learned a new word while she stayed with you?"

* * *

_Reviews are appreciated :D_


	33. Something bout lonely nights & lipstick

_The only thing I have to say in my favor when it comes to not updating is two thigs - the end of school year and me leaving for USA. I think you can forgive me, no? :) PLEASE? :) Pretty please? :3_

_Ok, if you still don't want to forgive me, I made this chapter extra long just to make up for the month that it took me to actually update. I wanna thank my beta for helping me, again :) _

_The song to this chapter is Lady Gaga's You and me. I don't know why, but I just felt like it was appropriate for this chapter :) She makes everything seem like so much fun and I'm sure you're gonna get to see why I chose that particular sentence ;)_

_OH, and if you STILL don't want to forgive me, I have another ace down my sleeve!_

_It starts with S and ends with MUT. 3:) _

_MWAHAHAHA :D_

_Ok, I hope I got away with it. Cause I'm out of amo. :(_

_See ya soon, love you all :) (and thanks for still caring about this story :) :) )_

* * *

Chapter 32

"Something bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face"

There were a lot of people with kids walking around the Disney store that day. Moms with their kids, fathers pushing strollers, grandparents smiling as they watched their grandkids pick out toys they wanted. For Lisa Cuddy, that day was a lot different than on a regular visit. She had to explain to her daughter that they were moving to live someplace else, away from their cozy home in Princeton. The little girl was 5, she still wouldn't know what it really meant, but Cuddy wouldn't take any chance. She thought bringing her to the store and letting her choose new toys would make it easier for her to accept the fact that they were moving. It wasn't really even moving, Cuddy was not sure what it was and that scared her. It scared her less than it would maybe a few years before, but it scared her none the less.

She didn't know how the thing with House was going to work out. She didn't know how they were all going to get along, especially with the baby around the house.

It had been four months since she promised House she'd be back. Back to live with him, with Thomas and all of their help. At first, she would take Rachel for a day, or two, just to show her the neighborhood. They would meet up with House in the park, stay there for a few hours and then leave for Princeton. Later they would make the visits longer until Cuddy felt confident enough that they could go to House's apartment.

Rachel had seemed to take it all really well. Cuddy wasn't sure, but it seemed like Rachel had remembered House… there were the times it had looked like she'd remembered all of the time she'd spent with him when she was a toddler, but then, there were the times where she was responding to him as if he was a stranger. However, they all seemed to get along just fine. Well, at least Rachel and House. Cuddy was having a hard time getting to know Thomas. It wasn't that she couldn't get along with him, he was a baby and it really made no difference to him, but Cuddy was scared. There were times she thought she had been nothing but scared.

She was worried, worried that she wouldn't 'rise to the occasion', worried that she wouldn't or couldn't be a good mom to the little boy, or rather, that she would be worse than what House had imagined Emily to be like.

That was hard, having a shadow follow you whatever you did, but Cuddy didn't know that she was the only one who saw it.

"Do you like that?" she smiled as Rachel picked up a stuffed Goofy out of a huge box in the middle of the store.

"Mom, it's Goofy," the 5 year old giggled as she punched her little hand back in the box to find something else. "I like Daisy better," she pouted a bit, making Cuddy wonder for a second if anyone around them could tell that she wasn't her biological child.

She really didn't know why things like these came to her, or when they would come to her, but it was not too often and it lasted only till Rachel would ask another question, or start laughing for some reason.

Cuddy still thought about having her own child. She was almost sure she would never stop thinking about that, about a cute girl or boy with ocean blue eyes and dark hair. But she was happy with what she had, because she knew she had more than a lot of people around her. She had a daughter, a six month old that she would one day consider a son and a man that was the closest it would ever come to a husband. It didn't really matter how she'd gotten it all, what mattered was that she could proudly say 'Yes, I have a family'.

She was sort of getting used to it. When people asked her about her family in the store, or at a fundraiser, she would say she had one. She wasn't and wouldn't get specific, just in case.

She really disliked the fact that she still couldn't be 100% certain about everything that was going on. But, that was just how the way things were. She wasn't sure she would ever get to be completely certain, but she was getting used to that too.

"Can you find Daisy there, want me to help you?"

Cuddy bent over so she could reach the box, but Rachel slapped her hand and said "I'm a big girl, I can do it myself," raising her nose.

"Behave young lady, unless you want to leave the store without a new toy to show to your friends," the dean gave her daughter the iciest stare she could. She had to learn how to behave, although with House as her …. as her father, she would always be a handful.

Those two did a lot of stuff to get on her nerves, like waking her up on Sunday mornings even though she could sleep in. Or hiding her favorite heels and making her go scavenger hunting minutes before she was supposed to leave for work.

Rachel pouted again as she voiced "I'm sorry, Mommy," before she looked at her with puppy dog eyes and said "I love you, Mommy."

Even though Cuddy knew she just wanted to get her way, she couldn't help but have her heart melt on the spot at hearing those words.

Yeah, she loved her daughter very much.

"Just, find Daisy, we'll talk about your behavior later." Her face remained stern, but as soon as Rachel turned back to searching the box, a smile set upon her face.

She wouldn't let her get spoiled, not when House was spoiling her more than enough.

"So…" Cuddy started as they were going past the clothing section, "how would you feel if we came to live here?" Rachel's head rose, but there was no confusion evident on her face.

"With Grandma? I no want to live with no Grandma," she shook her head, Cuddy regretting she hadn't formed the sentence the way Rachel could understand what she'd meant.

They were currently visiting her mother. Her birthday was coming up soon and Cuddy wanted to tell her that they were going to move in with House before it arrived. She didn't want to spoil her mom's birthday in case she disliked the idea. And chances for that were higher than getting sunburned in Phoenix, so she was going to make damned sure to tell her before her birthday.

The moment Arlene heard the news, though, she had been everything but surprised. The only thing she had said had been, "Don't be too much of an idiot, not to him or yourself," and that was the moment Cuddy had known that her mother had wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. It was just the way Arlene expressed herself, she would never let her know that she was happy and approving of something she did, but the fact that she hadn't thrown a tantrum just spoke volumes.

"No, I didn't mean Grandma, sweetie." Cuddy bit the inside of her cheek as she tried to figure out how to ask Rachel about moving in with_ House_. She watched as Rachel tried to jump up and see what they had on the upper shelves, Cuddy couldn't help but think how cute she looked with her hair whipping at her sides as she tried to jump as high as she could.

"I wanna see whadda have 'ere," the little girl in her green T-shirt with the cute frog print looked up at her mother and rose her arms signaling she wanted to be picked up. So Cuddy bent and picked Rachel up with a small groan. She was getting really big.

"This one" the little girl grinned as she saw a bright orange shirt with a red and white monster printed out on the front. Cuddy rolled her eyes a bit knowing that it was only House to blame for her peculiar taste.

"Why don't we go see some pink ones with Cinderella and Snow White?" She looked at Rachel who was back on her own feet and looking at various T-shirts at her eye level. Cuddy just had to put her down, she couldn't carry a five year old around like that. She could barely manage with Thomas and he was barely six months old.

That only served to remind her how fast the time was going and how old they were actually getting. She was forty six and she had started seeing a while before why people had kids in their 20s or 30s. She really didn't care before, but recently she had started thinking about how it would be to go to the school and maybe have someone mistake her for Rachel's grandma. Ok, it wasn't that bad, she wasn't sixty… yet, but she was older. She couldn't imagine how people were going to look at her and House when Thomas started school. She would be fifty and would have a lot of questions to answer.

"No, I want a monster," Rachel said in a serious tone, mimicking Cuddy's and put her little arms across her middle. She looked just like Cuddy when she got mad… with a hint of attitude she could only have inherited from the only father figure she'd ever had.

"Ok," Cuddy said in a low voice, remembering all the times her mom made her wear clothes she hadn't liked and how that had ended. She would never make the same mistakes her mom had made. Not a chance. She wanted her kid to be able to choose for herself, choosing clothes was just the tip of the iceberg.

Rachel just grinned as she watched Cuddy search for Rachel's size. "Hows is going to like it," Cuddy heard her say as Rachel started to spin a little.

Cuddy smiled genuinely; maybe it wasn't going to be hard at all.

"What do you think about moving, Rach?" Cuddy started as Rachel stopped spinning. A little frown set on her face.

"Moving where?" she asked not knowing what her mom was talking about. She had just said that they weren't moving in with Grandma.

"To New York… with House." Cuddy held the T-shirt in one hand as she used the other one to move one little lock of hair from her face.

Rachel just continued to stare and suddenly Cuddy didn't feel so confident. Maybe the girl wasn't ready yet.

"But we already live there, why would we move?" Rachel took the T-shirt from her mother's hand as it was her turn to start staring.

Cuddy's jaw dropped a little as she tried to realize what her daughter had been saying.

"Oh," she managed to get out. "Right." She didn't want Rachel to feel any different about the whole thing. If she already thought they were living in New York, all of them together, she wasn't going to try to explain to her how things really were.

But then again, maybe Rachel was just right, maybe that was how things really were. At least it seemed like it. They were barely in Princeton anymore. Cuddy drove her car there every day. The last time Rachel was in Princeton had been more than two months before. How could she not think that they had already moved? What difference would it make to a child if she had all of her clothes with her, or just two thirds of them?

"Let's try this one on you, ok?" Cuddy smiled to her daughter as they started walking towards the fitting rooms. At one point, Rachel's little hand found her way to Cuddy's.

"Hows is really going to like it," the five year old said skipping as she clung onto Cuddy.

'Yeah, that wasn't really hard at all.'

* * *

Cuddy's breathing seemed to start evening out as she landed on the bed on her back. Her petite body was covered with a thin layer of sweat. A second later, she was met with House by her side, his breathing taking longer to even out.

"That was…" she started talking, but she couldn't really manage to get words out.

"Breathtaking?" House rolled on his side as Cuddy looked up at him and started to laugh.

"Yeah, that's… the right word," she tried to breathe in deeply, just to try and speed up the 'getting back to breathing normal' process. "We really have to stop doing this," she said after a minute, both of them couldn't really speak. They just laid there and stared at the ceiling, not really thinking about anything. To House, these moments were special, even though he would never let her know.

It was the only time he seemed to have no thoughts, no worries, nothing, absolutely nothing on his mind. In a way, it felt freeing. He was thinking the whole day, every day, over thinking to be exact. He always had something on his mind, whether it was a new patient or the whole situation with Cuddy and Rachel moving in.

This... This just felt too good.

In the moments like these, he had no doubts. He had no doubts that she was the one he was supposed to be lying there. Even though she would annoy him through the day, even though they had so much more to work on, even though he knew she still wasn't sure about anything when it came to him and her, he was completely sure that he wanted no one else but her at his side. No matter how screwed up they both seemed to be.

Right now, they seemed just about normal. Two people trying to catch their breaths after having sex. It had been just pure and raw. He hadn't expected that from her that day. She had to have something on her mind or someone not making a donation that had been supposed to.

But he wanted more, he… didn't want to admit it, but he just wanted to reach out for her and hold her for a bit. Just to make sure she didn't go away. Just to make sure she knew that he was not going to let her go. So he did. He scooted closer to her and just stared at her for a bit before his hand found its place on her hip.

She just closed her eyes and breathed in.

His hand traveled all the way up, from her hip to her shoulder. Her skin was so smooth and he cherished every inch he got to lay his hands on. She was beautiful. Beautiful with her messy hair, with her mascara smudged from the sweat and with the hint of dark circles under her eyes.

"We're getting old," she spoke without ever opening her eyes, she just continued to lie there, her right arm laying between them, her ring finger being the only thing slightly touching his torso.

He raised himself to the semi sitting, semi lying position "So?" he smiled as she turned on her back and started searching for the covers, still not opening her eyes. He reached for them, so she couldn't cover herself. He was not going to let her fall asleep, not till he got what he wanted.

"We're not young enough to be having sex three times a day. We have to slow down a bit," she yawned.

"Oh, no." He rose to his knees and hovered over her. "You don't get to feel tired; I have eight years on you."

"House what are you doing?" Cuddy slowly opened her eyes to find him placing a kiss on her navel.

"I'm proving a point," he winked at her, knowing she would get the idea.

"Oh, oh, no you are not." She pushed herself up with her hands and moved away from him, coming closer to the headboard.

But, House didn't care. He wanted to… he wanted to make love to her, prove to her that not only were they not old, but they also weren't going to stop doing what they were doing every day. They hadn't been together for three years and he would call it 'catching up'.

He reached for her ankle and passed his fingers down her shin making her shiver instantly. He was so going to have his way. He smirked as she rolled her eyes at him, not wanting to admit that he'd won.

His hands traveled all the way up her thighs until they met the smooth skin of her hips. He scooted closer so that his head was just a few inches away from hers and his hands continued to make their path up and down her thighs. Her lips separated and he used the opportunity to catch them with his. Her left hand rose to his face as she started lowering herself down on the bed, her argument about being old long forgotten.

She rolled on her side and soon he joined her. Her hand was still on his face, her thumb making small circles just a bit under his piercing blue eyes. She loved him, so much.

Quickly, she placed a kiss on his lips, almost as if she was in the elementary school and was having her first kiss in the school bathroom, afraid that someone would come and see what was going on, only this time she was scared of something else, though she didn't know what it was.

House sensed the uncertainty in her actions and felt sorry for her. She still had her doubts and… it broke his heart in more than one way. He was afraid that she would never realize just how much he loved her, but that was more than partially his fault. It was why he wanted nothing more but to show her that he had no intension leaving her again, not even if she made four FBI agents try to pull him away from her.

"I…" he started as she looked at him; fear leaving a glimmer in her eyes. "I love you," he finished.

She sighed before her lips curled a bit, something that could have been taken for a smile. He didn't say that he loved her very often; when said a lot, the words seemed to lose their meaning. At least, that was what he'd always thought- one yes always meant yes, two yeses surely meant no, three yeses always meant hell no.

That was the same when it came to telling people you care about something meaningful. If you wanted it to stay meaningful, then you wouldn't go around babbling on about it.

"Thank you," she exhaled. Anyone that didn't know her would have been confused by her choice of words, but House wasn't. He knew that that had been what she'd needed to hear. He knew that she loved him; he was as certain as anyone could be anyway. He reached for her and pulled her closer so that now her head was fitting perfectly in the crook of his neck.

She leaned in and her right hand gripped his shoulder as she showed him just how much she needed him. For comforting her, for making her feel safe, for everything.

Cuddy placed a light kiss on his collarbone and he used his hand to lift her chin up and look her in the eyes.

She closed her eyes as he placed a kiss on her forehead, breathing in the scent of her hair. She smelled heavenly.

"When did you get that shampoo?" he cocked an eyebrow "Is that new, or did you just wash your hair at your lover's house?" She slapped him on the chest.

"Whaaat?" he whined "It better not be new, we need to save money now that you're going to leave your job and make us a one income family." He made a face which made her giggle.

"His name is Steve, it happened so suddenly I'm sorry," she tried her best at acting, if he could do it, she sure could too.

"Oh, he sounds like a plumber, you sure you wanna leave a highly rated doctor for a plumber?" House looked down at her as she struggled to stop giggling.

"He has a great sense of humor," she nodded her head "and he has a truck, I've always wanted a guy that loved trucks."

House pouted "I love monster trucks."

Cuddy pointed a finger at his chest "Yes, but you see, you don't own one." She started laughing as she couldn't keep a straight face anymore.

"I think you need to get your way out of this situation with sex." House put his chin at the crown of her head.

"Isn't there another way?" she faked whining.

"Not really," he grinned as she raised her head to meet him half way as they kissed.

* * *

She watched as he thrust in and out of her with such gentility she could never have imagined. She couldn't remember him being that tender and she was more than enjoying the new territory. Her hips bucked as he teased her, speeding up a little bit and then slowing down just as she was getting worked up. He knew her body so well though and knowing him, she knew that he wanted to keep her up as long as he could. If she asked him right at that moment what he was up to, he would say 'Just proving my point'. She knew that he was right though, they weren't that old and … she loved sex too much to cut it down, even though she was sure it would be better if they did. They would have more energy for everything else.

There was a valid reason why Ella had gotten a raise in her salary, she had to watch the kids a lot more than she used to.

A smile came to Cuddy's face as she remembered the look on the teenager's face when she'd walked in on them one day. Thankfully they were getting dressed, but that was awkward enough. They didn't really have a fixed schedule, so they would just ring her whenever they felt … frisky.

For that entire week, though, Ella wasn't the one taking care of Rachel because Arlene had taken her and her other three grandchildren to Disneyworld Orlando. Thomas was still there with them, but he was easy to take care of. He was currently sleeping and Cuddy was very thankful that he hadn't woken up since they put him to bed.

House's palms gripped her hips as he tried to reach as deep as he could, making a shiver run down her spine. She raised her head and saw him smirking, he sure loved teasing her and she didn't complain.

House licked his lips as Cuddy rose to a semi-sitting position, putting an arm around his neck for leverage. He used the opportunity to start placing small kisses down her neck and back up to her lips. She groaned a bit as he switched his arms from her hips to cup her voluptuous ass and pulled her closer. That let him go even deeper inside and as her face contorted to one of pure enjoyment, he was sure he was hitting the right spot.

"Don't stop," she whispered in his ear as her lips searched for his, the darkness of the master bedroom making both of them rely on their other four senses. He smelled so good. He felt so good.

He was making her feel so precious. Every move he made, every motion, it was … not sex. There were too many emotions behind it to be just sex. It was so much more than that.

She wrapped her legs behind his back and pulled him even deeper inside her. She didn't even know that he could go any farther, but a new wave of sensation was telling her otherwise.

She started losing her breath again as he started speeding up, gripping her ass and rubbing it as he wanted to make her come.

He felt like he was going to come before her, so he pulled away from her a bit, stopping her from kissing him again. She was confused for a split second, but as soon as his lips landed on her nipple, all the confusion burst and disappeared like a bubble would when you pierced it.

He sucked on her nipple gently, nibbling on it as she started groaning more frequently. At that moment, he started speeding up his pace again, making her whimper as she dug her nails into his back.

He loved it, every second of looking at her in the sheer darkness, feeling her soft under his touch, listening to her breathing get labored as he hit the right spot each time.

It didn't take long till her walls started contracting around his manhood and with one muffled cry, she was spent. After a few more thrusts he followed suit, placing a kiss on her shoulder as he slipped out of her.

Her eyes tried to search for his in the darkness, but instead his hand found hers as he lay down next to her, turning her over so that he was spooning her.

"Oh…" she started, but a yawn interrupted her from finishing the sentence. House just rested his forehead on her back as he waited for her to tell him whatever she had on mind. "Rachel and Arlene called today while you were at work. Rachel wanted to talk to you." Cuddy yawned again, closing her eyes involuntarily.

"What did she want?" He closed his eyes as well as a smile came to his face at the mention of Rachel.

"I guess…" Cuddy took longer pauses between the sentences; she was getting really tired "she just wanted to talk to… you."

"Is she wearing the shirt you got her?" House asked remembering day two weeks before when Rachel and Cuddy had come from the mall with a Monster t-shirt. She had been so excited to show him what she'd brought. He'd been so proud of her and the skill she possessed when it came to wrapping her mother around her little finger.

"I don't know, I guess," she said tiredly, but there was a hint of annoyance in her voice as she too remembered the day House had gloated. But she had sucked it up; it had been actually funny to look at two of them sticking their tongues at her.

He smirked before placing another kiss on her temple before they both went to sleep.

* * *

_Reviews? Feedback? :)_


	34. Come back Lonely Sunday

_Hello guys!_

_I just want to thank you all on your reviews :D_

_I know it's been a while and that I post once in a lifetime (ok, maybe not that rarely XD) but I still plan on continuing and finishing this story :)_

_Chapter 33 awaits, I hope you will like it, I must say, I made this decision regarding Cuddy a long time ago. You'll see what I mean :)_

_Love you all,_

_have a great summer _

_(the song is Sunday by Hurts :) better go listen to it!)_

* * *

Chapter 33

"Till you come back where you belong, it's just another lonely Sunday"

She rested her head against her palms as she took a deep breath. She wouldn't let this get to her, not again. Everything was ok, well, everything was just about all right and she didn't think about anything other than the fact that her life had been in the right place right then. Some would surely argue what that perfectly right place meant, but it was her life and she decided the criteria. After quickly getting up from the toilet seat, she felt a bit dizzy and a muffled curse word passed her lips. She was fine.

* * *

"No, I don't have time." House didn't bother to even hear the person at the other end of the phone. All morning they had been calling him about this 'heater', as they put it. A 'heater' he didn't want to have anything to do with. He had had his patient for over a week and he still had no idea what was going on with him. At one point, he thought he'd nailed it, but in a span of a few hours after delivering the diagnosis, the patient had gotten worse. So long sweet night in comfy bed and hello anatomic cushion in the office!

Even though he knew having his mindset away from the case would maybe even help the case itself, he wanted nothing to do with the 'heater' patient. They were the worst. And what kind of a nickname for big clients was that? 'Heater'. Well, at least some of them had been hot, House had to agree. Like that teenage daughter of one of the Wells Fargo CEOs... or the movie star with the STD he could never talk about.

No matter what, he just wasn't in the mood to be dealing with some golden spoon case at that moment. Sadly, he knew exactly who to blame for his demeanor. One former Dean of Medicine who had turned into Senior Hospital Associate, though she completely hated that title.

He had no idea what had been going on with her. Cuddy had tried to resign from Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, but the hospital board of wasn't stupid. They knew they couldn't have possibly gotten to where they were without her and they knew she had a soft spot for them. She was a workaholic, and it hadn't been that hard to make her agree to continue working for PPTH. He supposed that she was stressed from working at home, not actually being in the hospital and being able to see firsthand what was going on. She still conducted all the bigger investments and attended all the fundraisers. And she disliked her new title to the point of going to the hospital and shoving it in her superiors' faces. Of course, she had never done that, but at times, when he'd observed her at home, having to sign all those papers under the title 'Senior Associate', he could see her eyes lighting up with fire. And not that good fire, that he actually liked which meant that she was in the mood.

Being at home most of the day had to be hard on her. Even though Rachel had started going to kindergarten and they had Ella around, she still had to be around Thomas, a lot... which he figured still had to be hard for her. He was getting bigger every day and she wasn't the only one intimidated by the bundle of joy. He still hesitated before taking him in his hands though he'd started doing it much more often and surprisingly, with more joy as well.

She... she tended to him, as much as she could, but every time he'd seen her pick the little baby boy up, there was this unce_r_tainty on her face, mixed with many more emotions, one of them he could never have mistaken.

It was love.

Kids tended to do that to her. To suck her in, get into her head and never leave. She still had her moments waking up in the middle of the night, in a sweat, confessing that she'd been dreaming of Becca and the baby she'd never gotten to have.

He knew that she loved Thomas, probably as much as she loved Rachel. She just wasn't ready to let the boy love her as well. He supposed he shouldn't blame her, he'd gone through the same thing when he'd become a single parent in a matter of hours, but some part of him did.

He didn't hate that part, he didn't love that part. However, it was there, and some five years before he would have soaked that part of him in gin or scotch, but not now.

Now, it was bothering him and he couldn't even agree to take a 'heater' because of it. He had to talk to her. She was actually denying him a day worth of fun. He could be making jokes and sarcastically mocking whoever the heater in dire, dire need was, but instead he was bumping his head again the office desk, literally, knowing that if he didn't talk to her, he'd double his loss. He'd lose his current patient whose temperature had spiked in the previous five hours... and, he wouldn't get to poke the bear... or bunny playmate, or whoever it was that had been in need of his expertise.

That was why he picked up the phone and hit speed dial one, to connect to her.

"Yes?" It was dry and unwelcoming. What a start.

"What's going on with you?" He didn't want to lose another minute. Every minute, every second counted. And... the new episode of General Hospital was starting in the next four minutes, damn, why hadn't he checked the clock before calling?

"I'm... busy. Senior Associate never sleeps!" she chuckled at the end of the sentence. It seemed to be more wrong than he expected. Fun!

"Can the Senior Associate with the best ass in the world put her shit together?" He could imagine her jaw dropping at the moment he delivered the sentence.

"As a matter of fact, no. My shit is nowhere near put together. Because I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME."

He blew out a breath.

"Take a break, take Thomas to the park, you need it." It was directed to both taking the baby with her and taking a break. He knew she was aware of that. More than twenty five years of bickering couldn't go unnoticed!

He could hear her inhale. Was it an angry inhale? No, he decided. It was more of a resigned one. Crap.

"I'm... late." He could hear the chair spinning behind her as she had to have stood up. He looked at the clock on the wall and said

"Well, aren't we all," he growled, before slamming the phone in its cradle. It didn't land in the right place so it slipped and bounced up and down on the wire.

"Great." He put both his hands on the table and closed his eyes before breathing in deeply.

* * *

"Mommy, mommy, moooooooom!" Rachel ran through the door and across the apartment, finally stopping as she launched herself onto Cuddy's left leg.

She looked up at her mother and grinned.

"Why are you so happy?" Cuddy ran her fingers through the child's hair, the smile on her face a known reflex that appeared every time she saw her little girl.

"Guess who got an A+ on her science test," she said, still holding onto her mother's leg, hugging it intensely.

"What science test?" Cuddy looked down the hall as she saw Ella approach them, giving the girl a questioning look. Maybe she knew what this whole thing was about. She had been the one that picked her up from school every day. She of all the people should know.

"I thought..." Ella paused for a second, surprise evident on her face. "I thought you knew"

Cuddy looked down on her daughter as Rachel finally let go of her leg and ran to Ella demanding her back pack.

The former dean cocked an eyebrow as Ella shrugged her shoulders being short of words.

Rachel dug her hand into her school back pack and retrieved a paper. She brought it to Cuddy and raised it high so she could see it. And there it was, an A+.

"That is...amazing honey." She bent down and placed a kiss on Rachel's forehead. "Go wash your hands; we're having spaghetti for dinner"

Rachel beamed, "My favorite!"

Both Cuddy and Ella watched as Rachel skipped down the hallway to the bathroom and Cuddy waited till she heard the door close before she turned to Ella.

"What is going on?"

Ella just raised her hands in defense, not really knowing what to say.

* * *

House crawled into bed slowly, not wanting to wake her up. After their little phone call and after learning that you could get pregnant with twins by three different men (they didn't teach that in Med school!), he had decided to take the 'heater' case. He had been in dire need of a distraction. And boy, did he get one!

The 'heater' had been an anorexic former child star gone bad; a poster girl for Disney, with a bad case of poisoning. Of course, it hadn't looked like poisoning because the snotty young woman hadn't thought of listing laxatives as something she'd ate or taken in during the past twenty-four hours. The list of what she had taken, on the other hand, consisted of nothing other than 'two small slices of a medium organic orange, sans seeds' (there you have the vitamin intake), 'a piece of whole wheat toast', (the carbs), 'egg-white from one small goose egg, which was not fed with **rBGH** treated food' (the proteins) and 'a piece of Hershey's dark chocolate, 45% coco' (fat). Oh and water. And chewing gum. And two mints.

And there you had what was considered a well-balanced diet in Hollywood. He could just laugh at all those poor girls that ended up seeking medical help because their stomachs couldn't function normally and they had to go to the restroom ten or more times a day because their body was used to the endless amount of laxatives.

WHICH his patient had so kindly forgot to mention.

But in the end, he had fun delivering his usual celebrity jokes as he delayed letting her go home by not telling her or her team of suck-ups the diagnosis. He'd just wanted a little more time to enjoy the irony.

In actuality, he was sad for all of them. The whole Hollywood 'have to be skinny' phenomena. Real guys didn't marry skinny girls. Real guys liked a real woman. Their curves, hips, lips, big hair, perky breasts and a nice round ass. It was what made them women. Skinny girls just seemed like pretty faced boys just released from a concentration camp.

He had a Jew at home that had a great ass. He wondered what her grandparents or great grandparents would think about the whole thing. At their time being skinny was nothing to be proud off. Marilyn could have confirmed that at any time. JFK as well.

The celebrity patient hadn't been the sole reason for him coming home almost at dawn. His other patient...

Just moments after he took the laxative case, he had gotten paged about his other patient. He had believed that he'd failed and the patient was going to die. Instead, he found out that his fever had broken. He'd actually improved to the point of his temperature going below one hundred for the first time, after a week of House and his team trying to lower it.

His diagnosis, that seemed to be wrong, had turned out to be right. He had no idea how. So... he'd spent the next ten hours trying to figure out who'd screwed up and whether the patient had really gotten better at all, or just... seemed to get better.

In the end, it had turned out that the smart ass nurse hadn't given the patient the medication at all. She'd forgotten due to the whole drama with the celebrity patient.

House was feeling so much better than he'd felt earlier that night, finally resting in his bed, snuggling into the sheets that smelled like Cuddy.

He considered turning onto his side so he could watch her sleep for a few minutes, but the little argument they had revived itself in his head and he decided not to. He was so tired anyway.

* * *

She breathed in, her head resting in her palms, again. She hadn't heard him come home last night. Must have been a long past midnight, the time she had gone to bed. She wasn't angry with him. She wasn't sad. She was... actually, she didn't know what she was. Except the only thing she wouldn't want to name. That thing could eat her. Nope, she wasn't going to be hop-.

Nope. Not a chance.

"Oh, how I love Saturdays." House stretched as he entered the kitchen, finding Rachel sitting at her little desk by the window, doodling.

"Where's your mom?" He looked around, no one but Rachel was there. The maid was in the hallway dusting. Ella had Saturdays off, and there were some bacon and eggs on the counter, just the way he liked them. So…she wasn't that mad. But again, she wasn't there.

"She went to the park" House raised an eyebrow realizing she had actually listened to him. Yes, it was a day later, but nevertheless she had listened. The little girl turned in her seat, not really looking up at House, clearly concentrated on whatever she was doing.

House had always been amazed by her. He was proud of her, and surprisingly grateful that her biological parents weren't stupid. He couldn't imagine having a dumb kid.

He smiled.

Yeah, she was his kid.

The therapist had encouraged that title be given to her at all times. And he liked it.

Just at the look of her, you could tell that she was... theirs. She wanted to look all grown up so she had her hair cut just like Cuddy and the way she looked at him when he didn't want to give her everything she wanted, or when he was kind of mean to Cuddy was the exact same look he'd gotten all those years from her mom. However… everything else, was his influence. She dressed like a mini female version of him, though, she was all pampered and not clumsy when it came to dressing. He had never cared about ironing his shirt or tucking it in the pants, but living with a control freak, a control freak he loved, had made him change that.

She had such cute little Vans with custom laces she picked herself- pink (not something that he approved, but she was a girl) with little guitars all over them.

If only Cameron could see her. She would be so shocked and... Actually, she would be just shocked.

He laughed a bit to himself.

So many people thought that he wouldn't ever make it, but there he was, with two kids and an annoying woman he was close to calling his wife. So close… she was everything that a wife should be, to him, everything but the paperwork and the ceremony.

He had never thought he'd be this man, he had never thought he could be this man. Showing that he cared when he did, being able to admit to himself everything he had been scared to all those years of his pathetic life.

But, everything came with a price. And his was … dealing with the annoying woman he loved every day.

"Hey." It was another dry hey, better than none, though. She pushed the stroller down the hall and stopped as she neared the kitchen. Thomas happily kicked in his seat at seeing House. The man was always amused at how someone could be so happy to see him. And for that someone to be his kid... that was... something.

"Would you..." Cuddy smiled shyly, that smile she used only when she wanted House to tend to Thomas because she didn't want to or couldn't.

But... even though he had been more than willing to do that for the past ten months, he took the step back away from the stroller. Thomas gave him a confused look and a small 'gah' and Cuddy accompanied him, but without ever saying anything.

"You do it, I need to eat my breakfast" he didn't say anything else and reaching for his thigh for support, walked his way to the counter.

"House." It wasn't in a high tone, just demanding.

"Breakfast smells delicious." He sat down and picked up the utensils.

"House." This time it was more stern, but still not as high as it could get.

"I think I want some fresh tomatoes with this, though; oh what the heck." He cut a piece of bacon and shoved it in his mouth.

"House, your son needs you." She was tapping her foot now, too.

"His mother can take care of him." He put another piece of food in his mouth. It was really good.

"His mother is dead!" Cuddy caused both Rachel and House to turn and look at her. Rachel was very confused and House looked, oh so very angry. Probably because he was in fact… well, angry.

Thomas started crying.

House got up from the counter seat and moved past by her, not bothering to look at her, even though he saw her eyes getting wet.

* * *

She blew out a breath, her lips slightly parted and her shoulders looking like the weight of the world had been dumped on them. Yeah, she was wrong. Or right. Or somewhere in between. But she... at least knew what it was.

Knew what she was.

* * *

There was a cracking sound of the door as he got to the bedroom. He hadn't been home for two days. He had left when she'd said that Thomas's mother had been dead. He couldn't deal with that and she had had to deal with it herself. So, he'd walked out. Let her decide what she had actually been about. He couldn't deal with her problems, after finally settling and battling with his own... with some of his own, he couldn't do it for her. He wasn't giving on her; he just didn't want to have to deal with her crap.

If she didn't think she was Thomas's mother, she could've told him. Maybe that had been the whole problem from the beginning. She was still having doubts. Or whatever.

Or... maybe not.

"Hey." It was... soft for a change. This could be good. Maybe.

"What are you doing?" He stood at the foot of the bed watching her. Watching all three of them.

Rachel was asleep in the middle of the bed, still gripping a notebook of hers in her right hand. That kid doodled a lot. There were some crayons scattered on his side of the bed and he could tell that the bedding would need to be changed in the morning. It was Sunday night, so it wouldn't be a problem; they always have their laundry done on Mondays. At least that was what Cuddy had told him.

Cuddy.

She was...

"I'm playing with Thomas," she said as the little boy pulled on a lock of her dark hair. He noticed she had put him in an onesy he didn't really recognize.

"Ha." House turned around himself, something he did a lot when he didn't know what to do.

"That's new." It was kind of a question, but not. He wiggled his eyebrows at Thomas's outfit.

She turned the baby boy around so that he could see it.

"Mommy loves me" House read out loud. Hm.

This was interesting.

"I was looking for 'Mommy made Daddy angry so she bought me this onesy to say she's sorry for being a moron' but they were out of stock," a small smile playing on her lips as she saw House's features soften at her words.

"You're not a mor-"

"I thought I was pregnant," she interrupted him. It was like a bomb fell out of nowhere. Or not. "I tried to tell you… but…" she adjusted Thomas in her lap.

"You were late." House rubbed his forehead with his hand, remembering their conversation on Friday afternoon. He was a moron. "But... you're not pregnant"

"No." He knew she was sad.

"I'm sorry..." she started, her voice not breaking... for some reason. "I just," she breathed in, "I freaked out cause... Thomas called me mom last week."

"He what?" House was startled. "He's like ten months old," a huge smile about to arise on House's face.

"Exactly." Cuddy looked down at the boy in her lap. "He's smart, House. He is the spitting image of you. I'm never going to have that. I'm never going to have your child. And being late just proved my point. I didn't need that... hope again. I just have to accept that I'm never going to have your kid."

House just smiled. She thought he was just proud of Thomas, but she was wrong.

"But you do have them." He let himself fall on his side of the bed. "I never thought that I'd be giving this speech to you." He shook his head, talking to himself mostly.

Cuddy just looked at him in confusion.

"Look at them." His eyes traveled from Thomas to Rachel. "I saw her trying out your make-up two weeks ago. I promised I wouldn't tell, so shh." Her jaw dropped "No! This was a pinky swear, I'm already in trouble!" Cuddy couldn't help but giggle a bit. "She's wearing a 'The party don't start till I walk in' t-shirt, which, if I didn't buy for her, I would claim my copyright. Cause the party doesn't start till I walk in."

"And she aced the science test, even though I didn't know the kids in kindergarten had science," Cuddy said, eyeing him.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," he defended himself. "I'm not gonna hide the fact that my kid is smart. If you want to do it, try again."

"I just want her to be normal." Cuddy pouted a bit.

"She can't be normal, woman. We are her parents!" That had her laughing.

"It's true," she giggled, Thomas joining in unison.

"He called you Mom?" There was a pause after that one, even Thomas knew something was up so he cooed quietly. "Do you know how much ammo that gives you against me? In all the future 'He loves me more, no he loves me more' arguments?" She dropped her head.

"I do love him, Greg." Cuddy wrapped her arms around the little guy.

"Well that must be true 'cause you used my first name," he said sarcastically, making her punch him.

"It is true," she was trying to hold back a smile.

"Just look at them and imagine actually having our kid. This is excessive enough. What do you think it would be to actually mix your genes with mine? That kid would start the World War III." They both laughed.

"And imagine it having your blue eyes and my dark hair and my mom having to deal with a Hitler looking grandchild."

"For the sake of the Jew in her, let's agree never to have one." They both started laughing, but Cuddy grew silent in a bit.

"Never?" She looked at the ceiling. She didn't really want to say never to it.

"If it happens, we'll be fine. If it doesn't happen, we'll be FINE." House drew her in closer and stole a kiss from her.

They lay there for a while, just being able to finally enjoy the silence.

"I think we should buy a new apartment, or a house, though." She turned on her side to face him.

He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Just in case one of us doesn't want to sleep in the master bedroom. And we need a guest bedroom. So we can actually invite Wilson over. God knows he hates hotels and you guys will have fun."

House just eyed her suspiciously. "We can talk about it. Later." He threw his arm around her and yawned.

"Speaking of hotels... How was last night?" Cuddy finally asked. She didn't really care how it had been, because it was the same hotel every time, nothing new about it ever.

"Actually, I stayed at your mom's." It was true.

"How did you keep from killing each other?" she asked, wondering 'Why on Earth would he go there?'

"Oh, she can be nice, I can be nice... Sometimes." He smiled. Yeah, it worked kind of well.

"She wasn't at home, was she?"

"No." The room filled with laughter; luckily Rachel still didn't wake up and Thomas was just rolling around in the middle of the bed. They fell asleep, shortly after that.

* * *

_Ok... so, that is the thing that I decided a long time ago. I don't think I want them to have their kids. Is that weird? Yes, no? What do you think?_

_Oh, and if there are any The good wife fans out there, feel free to message me, I need people to talk about it with XD _

_Oh, another thing! Interesting how House is in court, maybe they will have to hire Lisa back to get him out of the joint, I mean, she will play a lawyer on TGW. Maybe her character can come to House and get him out, seems like a stretch to you? Jumping a pool of sharks?_

_Well, seems like they would go just there!_

_Anywayyyyyy..._

_reviews? Thoughts?_

_See ya soon, I hope :)_


	35. It's someone's birthday

_Hello there! I know it's been a month, but I was too busy, you can forgive me, right? At least I didn't give up on it :P_

_This chapter was written while I was going back home, on the plane... (If you're wondering if I was inspired to write a Mile high M rated chapter, you were wrooong ;) XD)_

_I hope you will like this one, the song is a Dutch song suggested by my Beta and the translation of it is below, it fitted the chapter._

_Looking forward to your feedback, as always, I'm thankful :)_

_Byess_

* * *

Chapter 34

_It's someone's birthday today hurrah-hurrah_

"Why are we hiding?" Wilson didn't even try to whisper as he was shoved into the supply closet at the hospital in which House was working. House had asked him to come for a visit. He wouldn't say no to that, even though they hadn't gotten completely back to their old ways just yet. Things had been going better between them, especially since Cuddy had been using every opportunity to invite both Sam and him over. That's why Wilson had been so surprised when House had called him, instead of Cuddy. He had to have something on his mind. They used to hide at Princeton only when they had been trying to avoid Cuddy. It had to be something of importance.

"Shhh!" House motioned with his hands as he shut the door behind the two of them. "They're gonna find us if you don't keep your voice down." He tried to whisper but his words still came out a little bit harsh.

"Don't tell me you're hiding from the new boss, too?" Wilson couldn't help but chuckle as he realized how unchanged his friend was.

"What can I say? I like playing hide and seek." House rolled his eyes and tried to find a light switch to turn on since closing the door had left the two of them in pitch dark.

"Ta-dah" House bent down, like a magician would after performing a magic trick, waiting for applause.

Wilson looked around with his mouth wide open. He couldn't believe that House had actually done it this time.

"Wow. I…" he turned around, the closet wasn't small, but it still wasn't that big either. The two of them fit, a third person, however, wouldn't. "Is there a way I can transfer here?" He started laughing and House followed.

"I wouldn't recommend it, the boss is really something." House sat down on one of the two chairs in the closet and he patted the other one, inviting Wilson to take a seat.

Wilson just looked at him, as if he had gone crazy.

"What now?" The diagnostician put his feet up on the little coffee table in front of the two of them, a bit after Wilson took his seat.

"That was actually very nice of you to say. I was expecting something like… moron, witch, well, rather prick, 'cause he's a guy… Or dick, or… butthead, asshole…" House just looked at him as if he was crazy, too.

"I think I used up all of my lovely epithets to describe my former boss," he said as he reached for the remote that was on the coffee table.

"That could be true." Wilson thought about it for a few seconds. House really knew how to startle him. He was always up with something new. Or maybe that wasn't it. Maybe his friend had… changed. In ways that he'd never thought he would want to change.

He looked around once again taking in the details of the small room. There were two chairs, one coffee table, a twenty inch plasma screen TV on the only available space on one of the walls, a poster of a Monster truck somehow stuck in between two of the many shelves and something that he thought looked like a minibar just beside the small space right next to the door. House really had created himself his own little paradise, an escape from the boring and annoying clinic patients and the rest of the hospital staff.

He wondered for a second how no one had found out about his 'Man Cave', but it was clear to him that his boss's main concern wasn't chasing him down the hallways and making sure he knew where his top diagnostician was at all times.

There was only one person whose day was made when she spoiled House's clinic avoidance, and that person wasn't his boss anymore, but his significant other. Well, at least she had gotten what she wanted, even though they could have had a kid going to college already if they hadn't been as stubborn and stupid as they'd been.

House turned on the TV and flipped through channels till they were both looking at the opening credits of General Hospital. He'd never get tired of that show. Never. It was so pointless and crazy and he just loved it.

As House was preparing for the episode to start, Wilson turned to him in slight amusement.

"You have cable in here?" he asked, having seen a True Blood rerun on HBO when House was changing the channels.

"It's amazing what you can do when you spend less time drinking scotch and more time working and making money" House said absentmindedly, not realizing how it would affect Wilson.

"Wait, what?" the oncologist turned in his seat, now completely weirded out. That was not what he had expected to hear from Gregory House. The man that lived to put others down and celebrate with alcohol.

"You idiot! The kid is not yours! She's lying to you for God's sake!" House yelled at the TV not really listening to Wilson.

"House, we need to talk," Wilson said calmly. He didn't understand what was going on at all.

"What? No, get up! Do NOT go down on bended knee! Do you hear me? She is carrying your enemy's child, not yours! She is cheating on you! And she's not even that hot!"

Wilson took in a deep breath. This was going to be difficult. He wondered what he could do to get him to talk.

If only he could… A smirk lit up his face.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What do you think you are doing?" House whined as Wilson turned the TV off.

All those years of watching and listening to Cuddy's ways of dealing with him had not been in vain. "I'm making you actually pay attention to something more important than a soap"

House blew out a breath.

"First of all, it's not A soap, it's THE soap. The one and only and never, ever could be replaced kind of soap. And, second of all, what's there to talk about?"

Wilson just laughed. He knew House couldn't have changed that much. He was still the same man inside, or at least a part of the old House was still in there.

"There must be a reason we are here and you're acting like someone hijacked half of your brain."

House used the fact that Wilson wasn't paying much attention to what was in his hands to snatch the remote and turn the TV on again. Wilson just yelled "Hey!" and started fighting House over the remote.

"You need to talk to me," he said, standing up so he could gain control over House.

"No, I need to watch the show!" House slowly replied back, obviously annoyed.

"What is it, like the fortieth rerun?" Wilson put his hands on his hips, Superman pose, like he always did when he was trying to make a point.

"Wilson, you are an idiot! Soaps don't have reruns, but thanks for trying." Pointing the remote at the TV, House turned up the volume.

Wilson kept on talking but House couldn't hear a word he was saying, but that was his goal anyway. He put his hands behind his head and smiled contently as he watched Wilson get angry, delivering words of some great importance.

Deep down, though, he knew that he'd have to have a conversation of that sort with him, sooner or later. But… he'd settle for later.

Suddenly, House found himself in total silence as Wilson's brain started working creatively and decided to pull out the TV plug.

House took in a deep breath. 'Later' had come. He'd known that he could only avoid that dreadful conversation for so long.

"I've changed," he spoke, finally. "Believe it or not, your girlfriend pushing you out of her life, your wife dying leaving you a single parent, then getting back together with said girlfriend can actually do that to you." He took another deep breath. "I was wrong," his head hung and he placed his feet back on the floor.

"And… my ego was hurt beyond the breaking point, but I'm actually…" He thought about watching Rachel playing with Thomas that morning as she was about to go to school while Cuddy was preparing breakfast for him, "… glad."

Wilson breathed out, slowly. "You are smiling," he said, leaving House confused. "You're smiling, House. That's all that matters," he said, sitting back down in the chair, waiting for House to say something.

"If you ever tell anyone I've actually admitted I was wrong, I'm gonna make Sam a widow." House pointed a finger at Wilson, the oncologist bursting out in laughter instantly.

"Oh, and before I start completely ignoring you and make you turn the TV back on, you know, 'cause I'm a feisty cripple and all of that, is it as big as it should be?"

He reached into his pocket and Wilson was already waving his hands before his eyes yelling "I don't want to see it!"

House started laughing as he pulled his hand out of the pocket, revealing a small scarlet box, his mood immediately getting back to serious the moment his eyes fell on it.

"If you haven't scared me earlier, now you did. Should I call Mayfield? Make an appointment?" Wilson scratched his head, his mouth slightly parted, not really knowing what more to say.

House snapped the box open and the deep emerald stone shined brightly as the light caressed each of its perfectly cut facets. The band looked like it was made out of white gold, and it fit the stone perfectly. Wilson thought House couldn't have found a better ring for Cuddy. It truly looked like something she would wear, and not just because House picked it out.

"I didn't expect it to be so big." House swore that he heard a change in Wilson's voice. Almost as if he was about to cry. House was so not ready for that!

"That's what she said!" he smirked and Wilson started laughing, House being thankful that he knew a way out of any situation.

"When are you going to ask her, though?" Wilson grew serious as he put the plug back in, so House could finish watching his favorite show.

"I don't know. Maybe I never will." he said, rubbing his index finger over the cold stone as he examined the ring for the umpteenth time. He had bought it exactly eleven days before. He hadn't really known what made him go inside the jewelry store that day, but not only had he gone in, he left the store with a vintage ring in his hand. The old lady working at the store had told him a story about the ring, a story he was half sure had been made up and told for every and each ring the store had to offer, but it had been a nice story. Even he had to admit that.

Ninety years ago, just as the world had been trying to rise from the ashes after the World War I, a family of six emigrated from Romania and fled to United States. They had just enough money to pay for a small cabin on a ship that would take twenty-one days to arrive on the East Coast. As they were preparing to leave their town, which had been in ruins, the oldest girl had been told she could take only one special item with her. The girl couldn't make up her mind on what to take because she'd had two things she cherished. One was said to be her teddy bear, missing one ear and slightly dirty; and the other one had been the ring her grandmother had given her for her fifth birthday. The grandmother had told the girl that the ring's stone had, in fact, been a tear of the last mermaid that lived in the Black Sea and that if you were patient and really observant, you could see a spark form in the very center of the stone.

Not knowing what to do, the little girl had taken the teddy bear with her and smartly hid the ring in the bear's jacket pocket. It had only been after the little girl had grown up and finally died, that the ring had been taken from its owner. The girl's grown up children had decided to auction it off at a fundraiser and that was how the ring ended up at the antique jewelry store in New York.

House hadn't believed a word the old lady had said to him, but for some reason, he'd kept glancing at the ring each and every day since he'd bought it.

'Cuddy would like the story' he thought.

"I wish I knew what to say." Wilson looked up at the ceiling, the both of them realizing that maybe for the first time, free advice giver Wilson had been, well, advice-less.

"We are getting old, Wilson." House closed his eyes and forgot for a second about the episode he was 'missing out on'. He could hear Wilson breathing deeply, the only other thing besides his breathing had been the humming coming from the other side of the door. The hospital was busy and he was so glad that he could enjoy spending time with his friend rather than treat a pop-star.

"Nah..." Wilson sounded. "We're already old."

* * *

"Are we makin' the chocolate cake with chocolate fudge and chocolate frosting, Mommy?" Rachel asked, using her little hands to push herself up on the counter to see what her mother was doing.

"Yes, we are, Rachel, I am keeping my promise," she laughed as she watched Rachel's eyes grow big at the look of all the chocolate placed on the counter.

She was making the cake from scratch. She wanted to finally make something nice for her daughter's birthday. For the last five birthdays, she had gotten the cake from Carlo's bakery. She would sit down and talk to the owner for an hour deciding what kind of design Rachel would want for the cake and after she'd paid, all she had had to do was to wait for the cake to be delivered. Now that she had more time on her hands, she wanted to make the cake herself, even if it turned out to be awful looking and even worse, awful tasting.

Just looking at Rachel watching her make it was an enough reason to do it. She'd gotten the recipe from her mother, who had gotten it from her grandmother. She could swear it was the best chocolate cake she had ever tasted. Who was she to deny that pleasure to her kids?

"Mommy, can I have a piece of chocolate?" Rachel used her cute Yes-you-are-so-giving-everything-I-ask-for-to-me voice and Cuddy pretended to think about it a little.

"Have you been a good girl?" Cuddy asked, pointing the whisk at the little girl, playfully eyeing her.

"Daddy says that being a birthday girl gets me anything I want," she stated, crossing her arms at her middle and wiggling a bit from side to side.

"Well, your daddy is making you become a spoiled kid. And your birthday is tomorrow." Cuddy put the whisk back in the pan and started whisking the eggs.

"Mommy, pleeeeeeease," she begged as she came around the counter and looked up at her mother as if her life depended on it.

"If your brother asked you for a piece just before dinner, would you give it to him?" the dark haired woman smirked as she put the pan on the counter.

"He doesn't really talk," Rachel replied, looking at her mother as if she was nuts. Her hands wandered to her mom's apron and she lightly pulled on it.

"Mommy, it's my favorite! Hershey's dark chocolate. You always tell Daddy to eat the dark one 'cause it's healthier and not the junky one like Reese's"

Cuddy thought that maybe her daughter was too smart. She'd have to agree with House about signing her up for the advanced classes.

"Ok. But just one. And your daddy gets one too." Cuddy broke one of the big bars that rested on the counter and took two pieces from it. She bent down a bit and gave them both to Rachel, placing one in each hand.

"Thank you, Mommy!" she said excitedly, skipping towards the living room calling for her dad.

"You'll wake up your brother!" Cuddy tried not to yell too loud, blowing some air over her lips up her face to try to keep a strand of hair from getting in her eyes.

"You called, Your Majesty?" House said, as Rachel finally found him in the master bedroom. He opened the door, dressed from head to toe like a servant from the medieval ages, he kept his hands behind his back and Rachel wondered what he had in them.

She first started laughing at the sight of her dad all dressed up. "You look funny," she said, putting her hands on her lips, laughing still.

"That is because I am your servant for the next day, here to do whatever you wish, my Princess." He bowed in front of her, presenting her with a little red medieval dress with golden embroidery on it in one hand and a small tiara with the other hand. She couldn't hold onto them because her hands were full of chocolate.

"I am not the Queen?" She tried to be all serious, but she giggled in the end.

"Nope! That's because your mom is the Ice Queen and that's how you could be a princess. She's kind of bossy, you know." He pretended to be trying to whisper, though his sole purpose was making sure Cuddy heard him.

"Nicely played," he heard Cuddy mumble from the kitchen. The apartment seemed to have an echo when only the three of them were around. Cuddy let the help go and she gave the day off to Ella too. She wanted to do everything on her own that day, although she had invited Ella to the birthday lunch and party the next day. She was already like a member of the family.

"Daddy, Mommy said you get one piece of chocolate and I get the other one." She opened her hands

and showed him the pieces Cuddy had given her.

"Maybe she isn't an Ice Queen after all." He grinned at Rachel and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"You're welcome!" They could both hear Cuddy quietly yelling from the kitchen.

"Let's put them in our mouths at the same time, Daddy," she said, smiling widely and he couldn't hold back a smile either.

"On three," Rachel said "One, two-" but before she said three, House had already put his piece in his mouth, laughing as he saw an angry look on Rachel's face.

"You were supposed to wait 'til three!" she scolded him, putting her piece in her mouth as well.

"You're not my princess till you have a tiara on that head, hence, you can't give me orders," he informed her, playing with her hair.

"I better get that tiara on my head then," she said sternly, but yet so cutely, snatching the tiara from House's left hand and putting it on her head.

"Let's get you changed then." House picked her up fast and tossed her over his shoulder. She just squealed in delight.

"I'm turning siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiix," she giggled patting House's back, almost hitting him too hard from the excitement.

* * *

"She's finally asleep. That was hard," House said as he walked into the living room. He found Cuddy almost half asleep, lying lifelessly on her side, propped up on her elbow on the couch with Thomas sleeping at her side. Her only motion was passing her fingers up and down his small, chubby back.

He wanted to smile at seeing the two of them like that together, but he didn't. It still wasn't common for her to spend alone time with him like that and… well, for some reason, it made being happy about it difficult.

Yeah, that was him. His old self kicking in, always finding bad things in what seemed to the rest of the world as great things.

"I am so not sorry for you," Cuddy yawned, never stopping caressing Thomas. "You gave her waaaay too much sugar. I said one piece of chocolate, but you gave her the leftover chocolate batter, which she clearly didn't need before going to bed."

That was her, on-spot Cuddy. Always the know-it-all. No matter how much it annoyed him at times, he couldn't deny that she had been right a fair amount of the time.

"It's her birthday tomorrow, how many times do you turn six?" He threw his arms out at his sides, looking at her as if she was from another planet.

"Well, for her, apparently twice, 'cause I'm pretty sure this was just a birthday warm up. God knows how much candy you will give her tomorrow." She sounded grumpy. Maybe she was just tired.

"I'm not gonna deny her having fun and everything she wants for these two days," he replied, shrugging his shoulders, moving towards the recliner and picking up The Rolling Stone Magazine that had been sitting on the coffee table along the way.

"It would be ok, if you didn't spend every other day treating her the same way. She's gonna be spoiled," the last few words almost sounded like a hiss. Thomas started stirring. Kids sensed when grownups were tense.

Just as he sat down on the recliner, it came to him. "Are you jealous?" he asked, trying to hold back a chuckle.

"What? Why would I be-"

"Oh, my God! You're jealous. I'm just not sure why. Me taking her time away from you, or me spending time with her instead of you. Hmm… tough choice." He pretended to be thinking, putting his index finger on his chin.

"It's not funny," Cuddy said as she sat up so she could turn around on the couch and face him without waking the toddler up.

"So, that means you admit it?" he smirked, wanting to see where this was all going. He loved spending time with Rachel. He wanted to spoil her. He had to. Growing up… with someone who would never have thought of spoiling him had made it impossible for him to not want to spoil his, sometimes not annoying, bundles of joy.

He was sure that spoiled people weren't as messed up as he was. Anything that was better than his childhood was good.

"No, it's just..." she breathed in. "It makes me miss my dad." He could hear her voice breaking. He slowly got up, not sure why though, and went to sit on the other end of the sofa Cuddy and Thomas were occupying. His hand wandered to her calf and rested there. It seemed to soothe her.

"He spoiled me, Gregory. And look how messed up I turned out to be." She let out a small chuckle as the tears started welling in her eyes. "I don't want her to be screwed up like me," she whispered, using the sleeve of her pajamas to brush the building tears away.

House bit on his lower lip. "And I don't want her to be as screwed up as me. Not her, not Thomas."

"Then… we need to start working on it. We've never really talked about it… Raising the two of them. I mean, reading books doesn't really solve anything. It's like freaking med school all over again." She let out a small laugh. "You get all these heavy books to learn from and you ace all the tests thinking you know something about medicine, and then the real patient comes in and you realize you are as clueless as you could ever be."

House looked at her, her eyes wet and slightly red. "But you need to try and practice, well, that's how it was for you, I was just a natural, pfft. Got all my diagnoses up my sleeve." She rolled her eyes at him and fell back on the arm rest, a small smile playing on her face.

"I love you." she said, closing her eyes. "I really do."

"If you start making this cheesy, I'm out." He gripped her calf and started shaking her. She started laughing having momentarily forgotten all about his silly ways.

Thomas woke up and started crying, though. That was a bit too much noise for him.

"Look what you did!" she reprimanded, giving him an ice cold glare. One of those stares that had so wonderfully preceded office sex back in Princeton. And… kitchen sex in New York… and bathroom floor sex. He just refused to separate his dark clothes from his whites. (That'd turned out to be the best home maintenance lesson ever!)

"I put one to bed, you can deal with this one. He's smaller, isn't that so thoughtful of me?" Her mouth just fell somewhat open.

He wiggled his eyebrows at her, got up and limped towards the master bedroom with a huge grin on his face.

"You are so mean!" he could hear her yell behind him.

"Keep it down or you'll have to put Rachel to bed again too," he said, closing the door behind him and stretched out his arms. 'That,' he thought to himself, 'had been a nice day.'

* * *

_Hilson (friendship) thoughts? :)_


	36. Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

_First of all, HELLO!_

_I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for such a long time, but apart from having a lot of schoolwork due to the senior year (AKA Hell), I must admit that I was not so in the mood for writing House related anything. I actually wrote a new chapter over a month ago but it was really angsty and really House-masochist like and it seemed appropriate at that time, cause I was stumbling upon a lot of 'House without Lisa is utter crap' reviews and I just felt like writing something of that sort. However, I never wanted to publish it cause I knew that this story would have taken a turn which would clearly have it headed for something I've never intended to. And you readers certainly deserve a little more optimistic pieces to read, rather than drench yourself in pessimism. At least, that's how I see it. The last thing a House fan needs is more gloom._

_Oh, and congratulations to everyone that's still sticking to season 8. I don't have that kind of a courage. I can't believe that life is a terrible thing anymore, I can't believe that everyone is gonna screw you, eventually, and that no such thing as love ever makes it._

_I really can't relate to that anymore._

_So, once again, congratulations to everyone that has that kind of courage!_

_Anyway,_

_It's Christmas time and Christmas always makes me jolly and it's such a wonderful feeling! I guess that's where the inspiration for this chapter came from, even though, it's not a typical Christmas chapter. House isn't typical, so why would I make it OOC/AU? _

_Still, Christmas is Christmas and I hope that you'll accept this chapter as my gift to you- the fans that still have the gut to indulge anything Huddy related. _

_Thank you for sticking with the story, too. It means a world to me!_

* * *

Chapter 35

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"

Two months had passed since Rachel turned six and the party after which they'd had turned their apartment in a gift storage unit. It had taken them a little over two weeks to sort through all the gifts and decide which to keep and which to give away. They'd tried doing it with Rachel, but she'd just wanted to keep everything and they knew they'd never get anywhere like that. So they'd used every chance they'd gotten, such as while she slept, to tend to the gifts. Sadly, most of the time they'd been tired themselves and the whole process had taken a lot longer than expected.

Thomas had been growing fast and by his eleventh month, he'd begun to walk. He was still a bit unsteady on his feet, but at times he would wander around the apartment making it hard for both Cuddy and House to chase after him. He didn't talk that much, though. The only words that regularly passed his little chubby lips so far were 'Chel', his version of Rachel; 'Ma', which, sometimes made Cuddy a bit uncomfortable but that was becoming more and more rare; and 'Dada', which made House grin like an idiot when nobody was looking.

House still wasn't ready to let the whole world know how excited he was to have a family. A really dysfunctional and unconventional family, but still – a family. He was still working at the 'celebrity' hospital, as he'd grown to call it, but he didn't feel like he belonged there. As a matter of fact, nothing about that hospital, except his 'man cave' was inviting to him. Not the people he worked with, not the patients and their forever stupid diseases and not the enormous city it was in.

It was Christmas time and New York looked more gaudy than ever. The huge Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza, if it could, would scream 'Look at me! I'm the symbol of how great New York is!' It was all so pompous. Different colored light everywhere, little stockings, all the Christmas ornaments. The city was filled with them. He silently wished he was back in New Jersey, where it seemed like Christmas as big a deal. But he knew… he knew that the city he was in had nothing to do with the way he felt around Christmas, especially this year.

Before, he would just lock himself in his apartment and pretend like it was just any other time of the year. Like nothing was happening. He wouldn't turn on the TV, in case he stumbled upon that same 'Home Alone' kid's face. He would take his guitar or sit on his piano bench and play. Emily didn't really mind not celebrating Christmas, she would meet up with her friends from the orchestra and spend an evening with them, leaving him all alone, the way he'd always wanted to be for Christmas.

She'd always given him space. Something he knew he wouldn't have anymore. And stunningly, he wasn't sure if that was such a bad thing.

Christmas scared him. A lot. Especially since he had no idea how to act as it came closer. Especially since he now had two kids at home who were thrilled that Christmas was coming. Well, it was really Rachel who was excited, Thomas still didn't really comprehend anything about it.

House knew it was his own fault that they were celebrating Christmas this year. He'd been the one that had brought it up. Rachel would have been perfectly fine going to her grandmother's for Hanukah and House could have skipped it, just like he always had. But somehow, he wanted his kids to experience Christmas, to have something from his side of the family, even though he hated the holiday himself.

It reminded him of all the times his father had ignored him at Christmas, all the times he'd received a present he hadn't wanted with the explanation that it would make him a 'man'. His mom had always hid the presents she'd bought and would wait for the next day when his father returned to the military base, he'd never taken more holiday time than he had to, to give him the presents. So it hadn't been Christmas he'd looked forward to, but the day after. However, Christmas always somehow managed to screw up the day that was coming after it. One year, when he was eight years old, his father had given him an air gun and when he said he didn't want it, he spent the night in his room with a busted lip and no dinner. And that had been a mild punishment.

No wonder he hated Christmas…

But this year, he was going to suck it up. He wanted his kids to be… at least somewhat normal. And how could they be, if they didn't get to celebrate Christmas, get excited for presents and Santa and sing Christmas carols?

He took a deep breath as he hung an apple shaped ornament on one of the branches of the Christmas tree they'd bought. Rachel was giggling while going through a pile of ornaments which House and her had gone shopping for a few days earlier. They hadn't had any, due to House's lack of festivity and the fact that Cuddy was Jewish. So one day while at work, House had called Ella and asked her to bring Rachel to the hospital after school so that they could go shopping. Rachel had been so thrilled to get to do something new that House couldn't help but forget about his childhood Christmas experiences for a while.

As they continued decorating the tree, Thomas was sitting very close to the two of them, chewing mindlessly on a candy cane. Rachel had picked those out saying they were cute and how awesome it would be to have something that reminded her of her daddy. It made House a bit sad that his daughter saw him in the little striped candy canes, but that sadness was tempered by the hilarity of the ornament that reminded her of Cuddy. Cuddy wouldn't speak to him for a whole day after Rachel had told her that they got a custom made Noah's ark, because it reminded her of all the times House referred to her bottom as a super tanker.

House laughed so hard at her expression it had been worth spending the night on the couch.

Cuddy wasn't at the apartment while they were setting up the tree. She was back in New Jersey, doing the annual report on Princeton Plainsboro with the rest of the board. It was the only time of the year she actually had to be there in person, instead of just sending them reports every week from home. She hadn't really said anything about it, but House knew she was missing her work. She missed sitting in her office, feeling superior (though she'd never admit it), she missed walking around the hallways, knowing that each and every one of the doctors that worked there admired her and would come to her for whatever problem they'd have. She missed having him there and yelling at him for all the stupid things he wished to do to a patient. However, she did get to yell at him at home for all the silly things he was doing with Rachel and sometimes even Thomas.

Truth was, he missed barging into her office and arguing with her. He missed hiding from her and betting with Wilson, sitting in the cafeteria with Wilson, checking her ass out when she walked away after lecturing him. He missed it, but he wouldn't want to go back to how things used to be. He'd rather be here with Cuddy and their children, missing little parts of their old life than back to what he'd been before, living alone in his apartment, drinking scotch and avoiding Christmas.

It really scared him, how much he'd changed. Well, he'd never say that it had been a change. It was just … admitting his silent wishes. He knew now. He knew that he'd always wanted this. That he'd always wanted to have a family. People that he could be around and that wouldn't judge him, people that would accept him for the whole damaged him that he was. But it scared him. Scared him that he'd finally had to admit that. That he was finally willing to put the years of pain behind him and try seeing the world the way all the people he'd mocked for all those years had seen it. It still wasn't puppies and rainbows, but it could be dogs and a little bit of sunshine. His version of the world that wasn't so dark after all.

'And how could it be?' he thought, a smile creeping on his face as he saw Thomas getting all worked up and about to cry as a piece of candy cane broke and probably sank into his tender gums. Rachel turned around to see what was going on when he finally let out a small yelp and House took him in his arms trying to soothe him.

"Canes are not such fun, huh, kiddo?" he laughed a bit and the toddler instantly stopped fussing. Rachel was accustomed to her little brother's whining, so she just went back to decorating the tree.

"Ma?" Thomas put his little chubby hands on each side of House's face, House instantly remembering that he should shave. Although he knew that Cuddy appreciated a nice five o'clock shadow.

"Mom is not here, Tommy" Rachel said playfully, skipping around the tree to find the perfect place for a really nice red ornament she was holding. You could see how much she was enjoying decorating the tree. And she did it with such precision and care that it left House wondering how on Earth a kid that had usually broke toys in half could approach something in such manner.

"Why don't we get Mom on the phone, huh?"

Thomas grinned upon hearing the word 'mom', exposing the few teeth that he had.

"I'll take that as a yes!" House spun around, looking for his cell phone.

* * *

"Yes?" It was a stranded yes, a 'What now?' kind of a yes. She was in a hurry and about to go into her meeting and she didn't need anyone to bother her. There had been a slight problem with finances, some numbers simply didn't match. She thought she'd gone through them all, but it turned out, the numbers she'd had and the one that had been on the hospital record weren't the same and she was afraid that all her work had been in vain. Someone had obviously been hiding something and giving her the wrong info and she was determined to find out who it had been.

She walked down the hallway with her phone pressed between her shoulder and her ear so that she could manage all the papers she was carrying. She felt distressed and about to cry from frustration, but somehow, she suddenly calmed down once she heard a certain little boy babbling on the other side of the phone. She slowed down a bit, a small smile playing on her lips as she said "Hey, baby boy"

Thomas just babbled some more upon hearing his mother's voice. Soon after, House's voice replaced Thomas's and Cuddy rolled her eyes

"What are you wearing?" he whispered,

She knew he was wiggling his eyebrows too.

"House, I really don't have the time," she scolded, but then it dawned on her… "Are you saying that kind of things in front of the kids?" Truth be told, she was hardly surprised. "The last thing I need right now is the teacher calling us again about Rachel's language."

"Whoa, hold the horses, who got in your way?"

She just exhaled heavily and continued walking at her normal pace.

"I have no idea, but when I find out, there's bound to be a news heading saying 'Former Dean of Medicine cut a certain butthead and threw him in the river' or something along those lines." She looked at one of the papers that she was holding specifically noticing the name signed at the bottom of the page.

"Pfft. Like you would ever let me look after these kids all on my own."

Cuddy finally reached the door to the office that was about to occupy eleven more people and she sighed.

"I have to go, House," her voice menacing but she didn't really regret being rude to him. After all, everyone had their bad days. He muttered a simple bye and she could hear Rachel laughing in the background.

She hung up and pushed the door open, thinking what it would be like if she was there with them at that moment.

* * *

Wilson checked his e-mail for the final time before he went to the annual meeting of the board. He hated this event. There was almost never a point for him to be there, but as the head of oncology, he had to be. Sometimes he regretted being the top oncologist in Princeton Plainsboro. Life was so much easier for average people. It wasn't the first time that he'd thought like that. And he'd been proven right on many occasions.

One of the things that he'd been right about was House and Cuddy. He considered them two of the most brilliant and the two of the most screwed people in the whole world. It seemed that one extreme went with the other. No wonder people said that there was a thin line between insanity and genius.

He had heard from House the day before and he wasn't very surprised that he'd had no news for him. It had been more than two months since House had bought the ring for Cuddy and as of now, there had been no engagement. He really didn't want to ask about it because he was sure that House would either go ballistic or just try to deflect and act like him buying the ring had never happened.

However, Wilson had been pleasantly surprised to find out that House had planned on celebrating Christmas that year. Actually, he was more than pleasantly surprised, he was ecstatic for House and the little kids that would get to experience such a holiday. Even though he wasn't a Christian, Christmas had always made him jolly.

He was planning to wear his Reindeer hat this year as well and he didn't care what House had to say about it.

It was going to be weird, he knew. Going to the Christmas dinner that House was going to throw. He was hoping it wouldn't be such a big deal and that everyone just had a great time.

He stood up from his chair as he closed his browser, collected all the papers he needed for the meeting which were, all in total, four, and headed out.

* * *

The meeting had gone better than expected, especially considering it lasted just five hours instead of normal seven. Cuddy had been quickly informed about the little mess up in the computer system and that it had been the reason for the numbers not adding up. She had been relieved and glad that she wouldn't have to deal with more of the hospital mess ups. However, there had been something that she hadn't expected, something that had been proposed by each member of the board, except Wilson who hadn't known anything about it, but why would he? He had almost never had a say in anything concerned with the hospital.

They all wanted her back. They wanted her back in the hospital, back in her chair and back as the Dean of Medicine. She'd been notified that the hospital had suffered a lot since she'd decided to move to New York and they were willing to raise her salary and accommodate her further, if she would decide to come back.

The proposal was overwhelming. It wasn't something she had expected, but the computer system error that occurred had made her realize that doing things from a distance certainly had its drawbacks. She wasn't sure of how to respond to it, so she didn't respond to it at all. She would definitely considerate. It was realistic and... well, she really missed being in the hospital all the time. Even though there were some unpleasant memories and some truly terrible ones too, she still considered the hospital her home. She wasn't sure how House would react though. She thought that he wouldn't be thrilled with the idea of moving back to New Jersey, but, who was to say that he would want to go with her. She was still so uncertain when it came to the two of them. When it came to the four of them.

She sat in her old office, its current owner was somewhere on the other side of the hospital. She looked around remembering what it had been like to be in it every day. To be in charge, to… be the boss, she smirked. She remembered all the times House had barged into her office. She remembered all the times she'd been on the verge of tears, and he ended up slamming the door as he walked away. She remembered all the fun times. She remembered all the sexy times. She remembered everything and she couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic.

The Christmas decorations were all around the office, reminding her that House was in the apartment setting up the tree with the kids.

She didn't know if she wanted to be there with the three of them, but something told her that if she really had any desire to be there, she would have been there. The meeting could have waited, or she could have asked House to delay decorating the tree for a day. But it hadn't, and she hadn't.

She loved House and she loved her kids, but when this time of the year came, the holiday season, she couldn't help but feel a bit detached, which was kind of silly for her. She didn't celebrate Christmas, but that didn't mean that she hadn't felt alone all those years that she sat in front of her TV with a bowl of popcorn, watching black and white movies and pretending that everything was ok. She didn't know how to act now that she actually had someone to be with for Christmas.

Her phone rang.

"Yes?" her voice was uncertain, reflecting her uncertainty about Christmas and the whole season.

"Are you gonna be here for the dinner? The kids are whining again and I would really love to lie down for a bit and not watch them."

Somehow she didn't feel sorry for him. He was the one that insisted they have a tree AND he was the one that gave everyone a day off. He might as well suck it up and deal with what he'd caused.

"I'm not sure, something came up," she lied, and she was sure that he knew when she was lying and, again, she wasn't sure she cared.

"Something like you ditching us to be in New Jersey?" He was serious. House was almost never that serious over the phone. He was rarely serious in person, so this was very peculiar. Obviously, he was upset.

"House, I've never celebrated Christmas." She didn't want it to come out as a whine, but it did, so she added, "I thought it would be nice for the three of you to have something special," she lied again.

"At the risk of sounding like someone brainwashed me, the only special thing that we need is you."

She was shocked upon hearing his words. He did sound brainwashed.

"If this is what Christmas does to a person, leave me out of it," she half joked and prayed to God that he would leave her alone.

"Cuddy, no one should be alone on Christmas Eve," he warned her.

"Says the person that has spent his whole life trying to diminish any kind of a holiday." As soon as the words passed her lips she knew she'd gone too far.

There was a flat line on the other side of the phone and she bit her lower lip, wanting to break it as a sort of a punishment for being so awful. He really did try. She knew that he wasn't the same man he had been when they both still lived in Jersey. He had become the man that she had known for years that he could be, and what did she do? She pushed him away. She was awful and she didn't know how to deal with it.

"When is Mommy gonna come?" Rachel yawned as House tucked her in. It was a bit past 9 p.m. and it was time for Rachel to go to bed. She wanted to stay up all night so that she could wait for Santa, but soon the fatigue had taken over her and she fell asleep under the coffee table, next to the glass of milk and a plate of cookies that she and House had prepared for Santa.

House kissed her forehead, glad that she dozed off before he had a chance to answer her. He didn't know what to tell her and even if he did know, he wasn't sure he wanted to tell her.

He wasn't really angry at Cuddy, he had no reason to be. It had been something that he wanted to do and she didn't protest. She could've told him that she didn't want the kids to celebrate a Christian holiday. She could've laughed at him for wanting to celebrate Christmas after so many years of claiming to be an atheist. She could've done so many things, but she hadn't. However, he still wished she could have been there for him tonight. Just as moral support, just to let him know that she didn't think he was an idiot, that she didn't think he was being silly.

He was afraid of the unfamiliar and he needed her by his side, but she wasn't there.

He turned off the light in Rachel's room, the only light coming from the window. The streets had been decorated with different colored lights and they shone their way into the apartment, making it glow in ways he never thought an apartment could.

After leaving Rachel, he went to check on Thomas.

Upon entering his room, House felt a smile coming to his face, something he had gotten used to over the past few months.

It had been kind of a ritual to him, to go in Thomas's room after everyone in the apartment had fallen asleep and just watch him. He couldn't really understand how something so small could be both a source of fear and … happiness. Every time he looked at him, he reminded himself how much he could screw him up and how much care he would need in order for him to have at least some chance in staying sane in this ugly world. He was responsible for both Thomas and Rachel and every day he'd be a little less afraid that something would go terribly wrong. And that was why he'd wanted to be the man he knew Cuddy had always seen, every time she'd looked at him. For the two of them. Because, he knew it wasn't about him anymore, it wasn't even about Cuddy. When you were suddenly responsible for a life that wasn't yours, you ought to act differently. And he knew how to, he wouldn't deny it anymore.

Every single time he'd gotten a new patient, a person who'd put their life in his hands he felt the same way. Responsible and determined to give them another chance at life.

So, he had decided. He was going to pull out every ace from his sleeve. He was going to do whatever crazy thing he needed to do to make sure Thomas and Rachel didn't come out as screwed up as he was.

Sure, they would probably suffer a bit throughout the process, after all, he was known for all his shenanigans, but at least in the end, he'd always gotten his diagnosis right. Well, in their case it was their lives themselves. A lot of people would be surprised if he actually admitted any of it out loud, he thought.

He smiled again and headed out of the room, but when he walked out of the door he got a surprise of his own.

It was Cuddy and she had an odd expression on her face.

House just stared at her, not sure what to say seeing her come home.

She noticed how amused he was and she shrugged, "No one should be alone for Christmas".

* * *

_So have yourself, a Merry Little Christmas, now._

_p.s. I hope you have a little present for me too ;) (to be less subtle reviews are nice XD)_


	37. Forget what we've told

_Hey guys! Here we are again with this chapter :) I just want to thank you all for reviewing and for being so patient with me and my updating!_

_Hopefully, I redeemed myself, even if just for a little bit, by posting drabbles over this holiday season! I'm not gonna stop writing them, they are too fun, and judging by your reviews, you like them as well! :D_

_Anywaaaaaaaay, I'm not sure how much longer this story has before it reaches its end, but it's all figured out in my head and I hope you won't be disappointed._

_I must confess, though, that writing House and Cuddy at this stage is really difficult. They are not the same people they were when I first started writing about them. I'm constantly afraid that I'm gonna lose their essence the longer this story goes on. In the end, I just want them both to heal and I hope that they can, in spite of their horrible nature (you must admit they are such crazy heads, really)._

_So, my apologies, if you find this chapter a bit OOC. It's not my intention to make them something they are not, but at the same time the word 'change' kinda implies it, doesn't it? _

_Sorry for my whining, I just want to keep this baby (my first born :') ) on the right track. _

_Love you all,_

_Sylvia/Hilly._

* * *

Forget what we've told because we're too old

"But you said you would give me a month?" Cuddy whispered into her phone, as she tried to hide behind one of the corners just outside the kitchen. She had just received a phone call, and she hadn't yet had time to appropriately hide. Nearby, but too close to her liking, House and the kids were in the living room, House playing the piano and the kids watching him with their eyes like saucers. It was Sunday evening, and that meant that all the domestic help was at home with their families, so it was just her, House and the kids in the apartment.

"I can't really talk about this right now," she continued whispering, in a rather agitated tone. "I'm just a bit confused," she said, with one side of the kitchen door opened, and she quickly got through the door, sliding it back behind her in a very swift manner.

"You said I would have a month to think about everything and now you call me two weeks later. Yes, I am aware that it's the time of the year when everything starts from …" the person on the other end cut her off. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but let's not forget who needs who..." and again "Exactly... Just, I just need more time…," and again "I am considering it... because if I wasn't truly considering it, I wouldn't have asked for more time, I have so many things on my mind, trust me, it's not such an easy decision to make," she tried hard not to sigh loudly, as she was getting a bit stressed from the conversation. "I promise to get back to you... _By the end of the month._" She felt the need to _stress out the last words_ that came out of her mouth. "Yes, thank you. I'll give you a call, I promise... have a nice evening yourself," and she hung up, put her phone on the counter, and finally released the breath that she was holding inside for so long. She knew it was going to be hard, but she had no idea that it could be this hard.

* * *

"What are we doing?" Rachel asked as she tagged along her mom, as they walked down one of the Avenues. Cuddy had picked her up after school that day, instead of Ella, so they could go on a little quest. She didn't really want to tell Rachel where they were going just yet, but the little girl had been asking her the same thing for about two blocks already, and she was getting a bit annoyed, not that Rachel could ever really annoy her.

"I told you, you'll know when we get there" the former dean just smiled and continued walking, holding Rachel's little hand in hers. She noticed, that her hands hadn't been so little for quite a while, as she just kept growing, and it seemed to Cuddy that she was going to be gone for college in a blink of an eye.

"Ok," Rachel sighed a bit, knowing when her mom wasn't going to let her have her way. Cuddy noticed her daughter's resignation, and she was glad that she understood the situation, and she was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't turn out spoiled, even though House wasn't doing anything to prevent Rachel from being so.

They just continued walking down the street until Cuddy finally saw her final destination. She smiled as she looked down and said, "we're here".

* * *

"Yes, Wilson," House tried to keep his face straight, as he listened to his friend babbling on about how he couldn't understand what he was doing.

"Oh, please. We threw a party for Rachel's birthday as well," he pointed out, looking down at the papers sprawled all over his office desk. He had yet another case of a not so talented pop star that was suffering from some kind of a typical disease and he was, well, not so thrilled about it. He silently wished Jim Morrison could rise from his grave, and make his day by killing half of the pop scene.

"Yes, I know, House, but... considering the circumstances, I didn't think you would actually throw one for Thomas... It's on very short notice too, I must say, and I'm not sure if Sam and I can make it." Wilson brought up one thing that House was trying to avoid, so he did what he knew to do the best. Why would he think it was ok if he constantly reminded him that besides Thomas's first birthday it was also the anniversary of Emily's death.

"Who invited Sam?" -he tried to change the subject.

"House" it seemed like Wilson was going to fall in the trap, but no such luck "... you should really think about what I said"

House's hand instantly went to run over his face. He did not want to talk about it.

"You think?" he didn't mean it to come out so rude and in such a tone, but it did. Wilson tried to say something, but House cut him off immediately. "Dr. Phil," his voice all sarcastic, "said it was better this way, that it's better to focus on the good things in life, instead of focusing on the bad." He wasn't sure when talking about his therapist had com so easily to him, even when he was being so cynical about it. Sort of.

"He... is right." House was sure the oncologist was thinking something along the lines of, 'Since when do you listen to your therapist , and don't you always focus on the bad'?

"Well, he better be, and he that _has_ to be a reason he has a _yacht_ and a house in _Aspen_, but of course, he could be in porn industry as well, but I think of all people, I would know if he was," he smirked and it made Wilson laugh a bit.

"We'll be there," he finally said, after his little laugh subsided.

"Thank you," House uttered, as he hung up, before he had to listen to his friend make another observation.

He had thanked him. _He had actually thanked him_.

His eyebrows raised the very second he realized what he had done. It left him wondering whether he it was indeed time to finally fire the bastard therapist, or if he should give him a raise. He was definitely not in the porn industry, damn it.

* * *

"How many people are coming, Dr. House?" Estefana,one of the maids, asked in her thick accent, as she was making a grocery list for the next day. It was going to be hectic, judging from the way Rachel's birthday had turned out. Estefana and her co-worker had a lot to do after that ordeal. There had been cake all over one of the dining room walls - not to mention the broken glass that had to be picked up before someone got hurt. Dr. House and his … partner, or "whatever she was," (Estefana had been praying for both of them regularly), had very loud friends and what she thought was a relatively jolly family, especially her mother, who sure was quite something after too many glasses of wine.

"Around twelve, plus the four of us, so I say it's gonna be eleven grown ups, plus five kids." He knew she needed to know how much, and what she needed for the tomorrow's lunch party. He also knew that there could be actually twelve grown ups, but there was one grown up he hadn't called in a little bit over four months and when he had, he hadn't been truthful. The woman had no idea what had been going on with his life the past few years.

There was just something about his mother that didn't make him feel comfortable opening up to her. Maybe he was just scared of how she was going to react about all the things that had happened, or the fact that she had had no idea that they had indeed happened.

"So, the same as the last time," he said to Estefana. He knew she meant Rachel's birthday, and just nodded. He could swear he saw her making a face, and he couldn't blame her. It was simply a lot of people and not enough time. However, he couldn't do anything about it. He'd decided he wanted to throw a party just a little over a week beforehand. He had gone through the whole thing in his head too many times, and he'd finally come to the decision - he was going to celebrate his son's birthday.

If he was to say that out loud in the presence of anyone that didn't know where he was coming from, he was sure that he would immediately be glared at. But, he had been glared at so many times, and he'd grown used to it over the years. It had become a routine for him to be doing things that shocked everyone, so why not shock everyone by doing something 'normal'? And at this point, 'normal' meant celebrating Thomas's first birthday.

A year.

Who would've thought that so many things could change, that so many things could fall apart and so many things could fall back together in such a short time?

Well, even before, he'd certainly known that things could fall apart in far less than a year for sure, and he couldn't help but be a bit mesmerized as he thought about the year that had just passed.

* * *

"Don't you people know what a month means? It's been a week since you last called," Cuddy wasn't going to be polite this time. Now, she was hiding in the bathroom closest to the dining room, when she should have been in the dining room, finishing her lunch with the guests and having a good time. Not that she was particularly excited about celebrating Thomas's birthday, but still.

It kind of bothered her that House decided to do it. It bothered her just a bit, just because she couldn't help but think about Emily the whole day. It was really strange.

Since the moment she had gotten up that morning, she had been remembering every single moment from that notorious day a year before, that scary day that would forever change her life. Change her life for better, she had to admit. But it was killing her.

It was killing her that a person had had to die for her to finally have what she'd always wanted to have.

If Emily hadn't had a stroke, she wouldn't have been standing there, in the bathroom, in Emily's apartment, raising Emily's (biological) kid, sleeping with Emily's husband.

It was all so … weird.

All of sudden (or not so sudden), she was feeling like the other woman. The one that was always judged in so many romantic novels.

She wasn't unhappy with the way her life had turned out, but she could've had it another way.

She could've done something about it herself... no one had to die... But, that was just her and House- nothing less than dramatic.

But she could've had it some other way, she could've done something herself.

She could've had her own house, her own biological kid... kept her job...

And it was the main reason why she was still thinking about the proposition the man on the other end of the phone had for her.

She wasn't unhappy with her life, _but she could've had it another way…_

"Yes, I know that you guys are in a hurry," she was really angry with them. They just didn't have any understanding for her situation. "Listen, the best I can do is let you know by the end of the week." The guy told her that that is practically a month. "As we agreed in the first place," she reminded him. She heard him sigh, and was really glad when he said that he would hear from her then.

There was a knock on the door and she quickly checked herself out in the mirror before she opened the door.

"We're gonna open the presents now," Ella was standing on the other side of the door, grinning like it was her birthday that they were celebrating. There was no loud music, there was no crazy decoration all over the apartment like there had been for Rachel's birthday, but Cuddy thought it was the least they could do in order to honor Emily as well. The only indication of the celebration was the cake that her mother had insisted on making, House and her couldn't possibly say 'no' to that. Arlene said that there was no reason the child should not have a cake. Cake didn't hurt anyone. It was just cake. Sweet and cute. And carefree. Just like Thomas was.

The lunch had been a more or less a quiet affair, at least where grown ups were concerned. Julia's kids and Rachel had been in the world of their own, and Thomas didn't want to be excluded either, though, someone had to keep an eye on him, and it was mostly Cuddy and Ella.

Cuddy had grown very fond of the girl, even though she still wasn't certain about her judgmental mother. (She couldn't forget the incident with her practically throwing Cuddy out of House's bed)

However, that day, the woman seemed to be really nice, but Cuddy was sure Ella and/or House had had to have threatened her or something.

Apart from the two of them, her mother, Julia, her husband and their kids, Wilson and Sam were also there, along with Diane, Emily's best friend, and her husband.

Their presence was enhancing the little uncertainty that Cuddy had about celebrating the toddler's birthday. Every time she looked at Diane, she remembered where she was and what they were all doing.

Emily had come up in the conversation, not more than three times and Cuddy was thanking God that it hadn't been more…

"That sounds great" Cuddy smiled at the twenty-year-old as she realized that there was actually something she was looking forward to about this whole day, after all. She scolded herself for thinking like that, as she remembered the look on Thomas's face as they'd lit the candle on the cake and (more than) helped him blow it out. It had been quite a stunning sight.

"We want to go first!" she heard Sam yell as she started for the living room, where they all moved away from the dining room, leaving the help to clean up after them.

She reached the living room just as Rachel was helping House to unwrap a big blue box with a white, patterned ribbon while Thomas was actually the only one that noticed that Cuddy came in the room, his head turning toward her direction, along with a huge smile on his face.

She was really glad that no one could tell that she was actually melting inside as she scooped the little boy up.

He might not have been her biological kid, but he was her kid. She just had to keep telling herself that so that she wouldn't forget it at times like these.

"What is it, Thomas?" She had a playful expression on her face as they both turned to House and Rachel who had unwrapped the present already, revealing a blue tricycle, the exact same blue as the wrapping paper was, trust Sam to be a perfectionist, even though House had once tried to prove that she wasn't.

"It's a tricycle," but Rachel wasn't too amused, because she knew that she couldn't use it. She was secretly hoping that it would be something that she could, say, borrow, until he was big enough to use it.

"I feel you kid, I was hoping for a mini monster truck," House sort of whispered to Rachel, knowing that Wilson could hear him.

"Thank you, James, Sam," Cuddy smiled kindly at them as she put Thomas down on the floor, so that he could try the tricycle.

Julia and her husband were the next ones to have their present opened- it was a set of Montessori equipment, for child development. They already had some of them, but Cuddy wasn't going to mention it, and she shot an icy glare at House so that he would get a hint too. Thankfully, he didn't say anything _too_ inappropriate.

Arlene was the next one with a ton of baby clothes that Thomas could never have too much off. It wasn't so typical of Arlene to give something so common like clothes, and Cuddy would have questioned her sanity if House hadn't retrieved a book called 'Judaism for kids' from under the pile of clothes. Now, _that_ was Arlene.

Ella and her mom insisted to be the next ones, with a little white board and colorful markers. Ella had remembered all the times House had told her how stupid it had been not to have one of those at Presbyterian hospital, because they were oh so very cool, and she thought that it would be nice if they had one at home, even if it was a smaller, child one.

"What did you give Thomas, House?" Wilson asked teasing him after he had made a comment about more clothes that they had just unpacked, a gift from his boss and his wife, which had come by mail, a day earlier. They weren't really invited to the lunch, but his boss had this weird idea that they were friends, and that had been why they were stuck with even more clothes.

"I don't know... Just a life," House joked but suddenly everyone fell silent, as it seemed like the pink elephant that was the 'Emily' ordeal suddenly walked into the room and reminded everyone of what had happened a year before. "I'm working on a piece, almost done," House said quickly, when everyone seemed to have forgotten how to speak.

"Oh," Diane finally spoke, "that is interesting." She reached in her purse and pulled out something that looked like a wrapped book. "This is our present. Well, it's not really from us, we got him more clothes," and then everyone started laughing, forgetting for a moment the awkward silence, as she mouthed a playful 'sorry' to House and he smirked as well, shrugging his shoulders. She handed the present to House, and there was a certain anticipation and fear present in her eyes, House could notice. It made him a little anxious and it made Cuddy's heart start pounding a bit faster, though she didn't think there was any justified reason for it.

House tried to remove the wrapping as fast as he could, but as soon as he did, he wished that he'd taken his time with it.

There, in his hands, was a notebook, with 'For _, from Mom' written on its covers. He opened it, slowly, and he was faced with rows of notes - one look at it was enough for him to form a song in his head and start playing instantly. He closed it quickly, not sure if he could look at it any longer.

"Is that...?" Sam, a 'not very subtle woman,' was about to ask something that no one in the room dared to ask, but Wilson's steady hand stopped her.

"I know I should've given it to you sooner, but I didn't know how to... It just stood on her piano... I'm sorry, I..." Diane started, but she really didn't know what to say, her husband George reached for her hand to soothe her.

House didn't know what to say either, and he just stared at the notebook in his hands. No one had noticed that Cuddy was no longer in the room - until Thomas started crying.

Five days had passed since Thomas's birthday party and no one in the apartment was mentioning anything about the little incident that happened. No one was talking about anything. The party had just sort of ended right then, when Diane had given her gift. After that, suddenly everyone had had some work to do and they'd all left, leaving House and Cuddy alone. The two of them didn't talk about what had happened either. House had noticed that she had been missing after a while and at that point he had had no courage to ask her about her condition. He hadn't been feeling fine either, so he hadn't really been in the mood for deep conversation.

That Friday evening he had entered the apartment to find Cuddy on the phone. He was really under the weather and was in no mood for anything, and he was really glad that she was occupied so that he could slip into the bedroom ,unnoticed. But, her heated conversation made him want to know what was going on.

* * *

"I don't know, I truly... what do you want me to say?" Cuddy practically yelled at the phone, House was sure that the person on the other end would be able to hear her even if she was a couple of feet away from the phone "Sorry, I understand, but can't..."

She noticed him trying to eavesdrop on her and by a simple, but a bit rude "I'll call you later" she put the phone down.

"Hey" was the only thing he said, before she started going towards him, and he was sure that he was going to regret not sneaking to the bedroom.

However, what she did when she reached him surprised the hell out of him, reminding him again why he was so fascinated by her.

Her arms were wrapped tightly around him, her head on his chest as she was taking deep breaths, pulling him closer to her with every breath she took. He let his chin rest on the crown of her head for a while.

It was nice, being wrapped like that, in a hug, not saying anything. It wasn't awkward at all, it wasn't weird. It was just... them.

Two people that could argue all the time, needed moments like this. Just... peaceful and... nice. Until someone started talking, that is.

It was their way to unwind, to just, steal a moment in the messy world that was all theirs at this moment in time.

He kissed her forehead as she slowly moved away from him, letting him see that her eyes were puffy. She had probably been crying.

He really didn't want to go there, but he knew that he didn't have a choice.

They were going to talk about it sooner or later.

However, she seemed to want to talk about something else first.

"What happened to you?" she asked, her hands moving from where they rested on the small of his back to his face, she'd noticed that he was looking like hell as well.

"You," he smirked a bit, not really trying to hide the evidence of his bad mood, because she would know either way that he wasn't OK.

She slapped him on his chest and her hand just remained there, moving up and down as he breathed in and out, and his chest rose.

"I can't do it anymore," he sighed, and her gaze just dropped.

"I can't do it anymore either," she almost chocked on her words.

He was a bit confused. Hell, he was confused a lot.

"I'm talking about my job."

"I'm talking about New York," she bit her lower lip as she realized what he was talking about. Could it be possible that he would have nothing against her decision? If she made it, that was.

"Plainsboro wants me back, and I'm sure they'd want you back, and I just... hate this city so much, Greg." He felt a twinge of pain as he listened to her. He didn't like being there either, but he wasn't sure if he was ready for Jersey just yet.

"And I hate... that I can't be myself here." She finally admitted.

"I knew you were faking that you were in love with me!" He mocked hurt, as she just ignored him.

"I think I'm going to accept that job offer. I want you all by my side too. I want all four of us together"

"Were you going to do this without me?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Are you saying that you don't want to come?" he had just said that he didn't like his job, why would he make all of this harder for them? Right, because he was House.

"Will I get a raise?"

"No"

"Bigger office?"

"Maybe even smaller, if you don't manage to throw Chase and Foreman out of yours"

"Why would I go then?" she rolled her eyes as he pretended to be thinking about it.

"Because of me, of course"

"I guess you have an ass to make up for the office, but what about the raise?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"You'll always have Patty and Selma, you know…" her lips formed a sly smile.

He didn't say a thing.

"House?" she was starting to worry.

"I just remembered that you never got to show us your present for Thomas….." he looked down on her, and she looked down to the floor, not wanting to make eye contact.

"It's... I got him a rattle from Tiffany's. I know he's too old for a rattle, but I think that it's very cute and I just wanted him to have it. I even engraved it." She admitted, finally raising her gaze to meet his.

"I bet it's something as cheesy as a quote from "Gone with the Wind" or similar," as House thought she watched far too many old movies. "I would've engraved something like, 'My mom's a MILF' just so he could know how you were when he grows up"

"I will have gray hair by the time he grows up" she pouted a bit.

"Hey, at least you'll have hair"

"From mom"

"Your mom will be dead by that time, I think" he earned himself a glare.

"I was talking about what I engraved: 'From mom'" her voice was suddenly a lot softer. "I know it's not a piano piece. It's ironic how she's dead and she can still do better than me," her eyes started glimmering.

"It's not a competition"

"But still….."

"Besides, if it is a competition, it wouldn't be fair"

"Yeah, because she's the one that actually gave birth to him…." she then took in a deep breath.

"No, because you are always there for him, and she'll never have a chance to be" she looked at him, really surprised by the words that had just come out of his mouth. When no one was looking, when there was just the two of them, he could become a quite gentle human being.

"Thank you" she said as she pressed her lips to his in a small, gentle kiss.

"Man, this is going to be so good, I will never stop messing with Chase and Foreman, and I have four years of diagnosis to make up for."

"I guess I should start storing money for the law suits again. Joy" she smiled forcefully and he just smirked.

* * *

_Now, who's looking forward to New Jersey? Anyone?_


	38. Like the clouds,my eyes will do the same

_As promised, I am updating Acceptance. As an apology for the long wait, I made this chapter extra long. Thank you for sticking with the story and cheers to all the brave Huddy hearts out here! Love you guys!_

_Song: It will rain, Bruno Mars._

* * *

_If you walk away just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same_

The hospital was a busy place 24/7, but somehow, around lunch time, there was hardly anyone there. She could never really understand why it was so, but people tended to get sick less around that time. House would surely have an interesting solution to that burning mystery.

Thomas safely latched on her left side, she moved down the main hall in hope to find House. Her heels clicked as they met the cold floor and she wondered where House could be. His boss didn't have a clue and had actually asked her to let him know as soon as she found him. It was just typical of him to hide from his boss and it was funny to think that he still had a reason to, considering that he'd already told the man that he'd be leaving New York soon to be with his family in Princeton.

The man had even offered to double his salary to get him to stay at his hospital and when that hadn't worked, he'd even wanted to buy him a house in the Hamptons, but, it hadn't worked either.

House was supposed to work in this hospital for a bit over a month, when his contract would be up and after that he'd make his transition to Princeton Plainsboro. Cuddy had managed to get him his office back, though she still hadn't told him—, she wanted it to be a surprise. However, she had had trouble finding new offices for Chase and Foreman and as they, unfortunately, knew how to handle her because they'd learned from House, she'd ended up giving them two separate and bigger offices than House's.

House wanted his office back, so he'd just have to live with the fact his former employees had bigger ones.

She actually got a kick out of it all, she had to admit.

Cuddy started working three times a week in Princeton Plainsboro, going back and forth. It was a way to make her transition easier and to get in touch with what was happening in the hospital. She had stopped being surprised about why the board had wanted her back so desperately when she'd seen for herself what was going on at the hospital.

Working from home, she had had some clue as to what was happening there, but she'd never imagined it was so bad.

She was actually glad to be back. She was tired, of course, but she was happy to be doing what she loved the most.

Thomas started wiggling on her side, making her realize that she'd been searching for House for far too long.

"Maybe we should talk to Wilson again and ask him if he knows where your daddy is," she placed a soft kiss on the toddler's head and reached inside her purse to try and find her phone.

* * *

"Hello." Thomas's face instantly lit up when they finally found House. He was where Wilson had said he would be. Hiding in a storage, or what had used to be a storage and had, by the look of things, turned into House's getaway. He even had a TV there, the sly bastard. She wasn't half surprised as someone else would be.

"I'm going to kill Wilson," House slid down in his chair a bit as annoyance washed over him.

"I could have found you on my own, you know." Cuddy handed Thomas over to House as the eighteen-months-old started reaching out towards him the moment he'd seen him.

"You'd have to have extreme Scavenger hunt talent and knowing you take forever to find a piece of clothing you need in the closet in the morning, I say Wilson blabbed." House helped Thomas sit on his lap and he instantly started reaching out for his father's stubble.

"That's not fair! The closet is huge! And I have a lot of stuff, plus, if you were a little bit more organized and folded your clothes instead of just tossing them wherever, maybe it wouldn't take me so long to find something in there." She tried to turn around and see what else beside the TV House had in there, but it was a bit impossible to move in any direction. Especially since she had a huge flower print bag on her right shoulder. She did get to spot a mini fridge, though.

"Potato, potato." House removed Thomas's little hands from his face, sometimes it was just annoying.

"Anyway, I wouldn't even come here if you hadn't turned off your phone," she stressed the last part of the sentence. Cell phones existed for a reason and House even had two. One for the hospital, the other one for her, Wilson, Ella and the rest.

"I don't want my boss to find me, duh." Thomas stood up in House's lap and started his little dance, or whatever going up and down by bending your knees and then straightening them was called.

"That would explain why you turned off your other phone, not this one,." she came closer to the chair a bit alarmed by the fast movements Thomas was making. "Make sure he doesn't fall," House just shot her a glare.

"I was actually planning on launching him into space," he turned to Thomas and picked him up, "Your mom is a moron," the boy started laughing, an action that followed after hearing the word mom, but it seemed like he was agreeing to whatever House was saying.

"Mommy!" Thomas voiced and started squealing in delight as House brought him up and down.

"Don't push it." Cuddy warned, a small smile creeping on her face as she watched House and Thomas interact.

"Lindsay Lohan is in the hospital and Jennings wants me to take her case. Like I couldn't live without another star going crazy with drugs."

"Couldn't you just say no?" Cuddy finally dropped her bag on the floor, realizing she might be there longer than she'd assumed.

"That would make him find me another case, wouldn't it? I'd rather watch Real housewives of New Jersey. They just want me on paper so that her publicist wouldn't lie when she says a nephrologist is on her case."

"She could be in for an infectious disease too."

"Yeah. An STD." House laughed. "It makes perfect sense now. Maybe I'll take her case after all."

Cuddy couldn't stop her laugh either. She was glad they didn't have those sort of things in Jersey. They would hardly ever get a celebrity on crack, or, any kind of celebrity. Either they dealt with common people with uncommon diseases, or with people loaded with money, trying to make themselves feel better by donating money for research.

"Why are you here, anyway? At least let me know why I'm suffering in your presence. It's only fair I know my sentence,." House smirked.

"Wilson called. He would call you, but you turned off your phone,." she explained.

"Great. I thought you were going to nag me about the house again. Oh, and, by the way, please don't rush yourself, it's not like we have a month to buy a new place and decorate it completely before we leave New York." sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm.

"Don't blame me, blame the real estate business! There's not a decent house on the market."

"Yeah, blame the real estate over you being a perfectionist. If you had a lower standard, we would have had a house ages ago."

"Maybe we should just go by your standards. See what kids will have to say in a few years when they start asking why we live in a basement with two windows."

"At least we'd have a place." House put Thomas down in his lap again. "Your mom is mean."

"Don't you want to know why Wilson called?" Cuddy went back to the matter. She actually wanted to get it off her chest, but it was nice to talk about everything else first. She still wasn't sure how she felt about what Wilson had told her.

"I guess it's important if it made you come here, but you enjoy annoying me too much, I could be wrong."

Thomas used the opportunity of his parents not paying attention to reach for the remote control that was placed on the shelf close to the chair. He rattled it for a bit and then he started pressing the buttons respectively.

He soon found the two buttons that changed the channels and it amused him to watch TV flickering from FOX to ABC, then to FOX again. He started squealing in delight again and House and Cuddy stopped talking immediately to see what he was up to.

"Is he...?" Cuddy cocked her eyebrow as she couldn't believe what Thomas was doing.

"And there's my DNA test now".

They watched Thomas clap as he changed the channel again.

"Wilson and Sam are having a baby." Cuddy blurted out and House's head instantly shot up, he was glaring at her.

"Wilson is going to be a mom?" House was still in shock but that didn't stop him from making a joke.

"House, you can mess with him when he's around."

Her words made him realize why she was actually there. She hadn't come to just tell him that Sam was pregnant, she'd come because she wasn't.

"Are you ok?" there was no smile on his face anymore.

"I guess." She shrugged her shoulders and House felt the strong urge to hug her. He didn't know why, he didn't want to know why, but he got up from his chair, leaving Thomas to sit on it on his own.

If there was more space separating them, he was certain that he would leap to her side. He still wasn't used to caring so much about someone. Being a father had undoubtedly made him softer.

Cuddy's head found its place on House's shoulder and in a second he had his arms around her. However, he was surprised when she didn't start crying. There wasn't even a break in her voice. She seemed... normal. And that wasn't normal. Not for someone that desperately wanted to get pregnant and watched the whole world get pregnant right before her eyes. Or did she?

"Cuddy?" He nudged her a bit when she didn't say anything for a while. He was confused. Was she sad, angry...? What was she?

She broke free from his arms and revealed her face, he didn't know if he was just imagining it, but he could swear that she had some sort of joy apparent in her eyes.

"I was thinking we could buy them one of those baby monitors, you know, that make those annoying sounds. Just to get back at Wilson for teasing us about having to deal with two kids and everything."

"What on Earth have you been smoking, cause I want some of that stuff," House stared at her as she got all confused. She was waiting for an explanation to his question.

"Not so long ago you were crying because you weren't pregnant and now you want me to believe that you are happy for Wilson? No wait. You seem happy for Wilson, actually."

"I am happy for them," she seemed like she meant what she was saying.

"How? Don't act happy if you're not, you're just gonna end up in bigger shit than you originally were."

"Watch your mouth!" Sometimes he would forget that she was really a mother first, and then everything else. "And I am happy! I mean, I am happy that they are going to have a kid. They are our best friends. I could only want for them the same that I have."

"But you don't have the same as they!" House was going to push it to the limit just to make her break. Better now, than later.

"Exactly, I have a family and they don't." She shrugged her shoulders again. She was as calm as she could ever be, and... she wasn't faking it. There was no subconscious fist clenching, no foot tapping, no excessive eyelash fluttering. He... he was wrong. She was ok with everything. She was actually ok with Sam being pregnant.

"When did this happen?" House asked as Cuddy dropped her gaze on Thomas, just to check on him for a moment, before she turned her gaze towards House again.

"Two months ago, according to Sam's OBGYN."

"I mean, when did you get over the fact that you're not... that we're not going to have a kid together?" he was as cautious as his personality allowed him to be.

"I guess... when I realized we already have two." She squeezed her way around House and picked Thomas up from the chair.

"I love them, Greg. They are mine. It's weird, but, there is some truth in your favorite song. I got what I needed, it doesn't matter how,." she smiled at the boy in her arms and then she looked at House and smiled again.

"Call Wilson, he wasn't so happy that he told me before he told you. And go treat Lindsay Lohan, you'll want to tell that story to Rachel and Thomas someday." She placed a light kiss on the right corner of House's mouth. "And I kind of told Jennings that you were on this floor before I got in this... closet, I assume he'll find you soon enough."

"Oh, you're going to pay for that." House's mouth fell open. "If he finds me here, I'm done."

"What's the worst thing that can happen, he'll fire you?" Cuddy laughed.

"No, he's gonna prolong my contract. But it would give you time to find a house. I bet that was your plan in the first place,." he squinted at her.

"You know me so well." She picked up her bag from the floor and House found her bending a perfect opportunity to spank her on the butt.

"Ouch! What was that for!" She bolted up, Thomas giggling.

"I said you were gonna pay for what you did,." he smirked.

"I imagine I'm going to serve my punishment when you come home?" She smirked back at him.

"Multiple times."

* * *

"Mom, did you know your daughter works for Princeton Plainsboro?" Julia dropped her things on her mother's couch while Adam and Sarah, her ten-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter, ran past by her and towards their grandma.

Arlene greeted them with a hug and they soon ran off again, through the huge glass door that led to the garden.

"I think you should lay off of wine a bit, hun, she's been working for that hospital for quite some time," there was a ding and Arlene turned around and started going to the kitchen, in order to get the cake she was making out of the oven. She always had something prepared when her grandkids were coming over.

"I meant, she works there at the hospital, like... work. Not, the usual administration from home that she's been doing for the last year, she actually goes to the hospital now." Julia followed her mother, her eye catching her kids being a bit rough with each other in the garden. "Knock it off you two!" she yelled and because the glass doors were wide open, they could hear her just fine.

"He started it!" Sarah whined, rubbing her wrist after her brother had let go of it.

"Tell her to stop being so annoying!" Adam yelled back.

Julia breathed out heavily, thanking God that her eldest one, Noah wasn't there. Dealing with two was hard enough.

Arlene opened the oven and pulled a delicious looking apple pie out of it. It looked like it came out of a cookbook, with a perfect golden crust and smelled so good you thought it would intoxicate you.

"Mom, Peter's coworker had some business there a week ago and he said that she was there, like, she is working there as a Dean." Julia's husband was a lawyer and it wasn't untypical for some of his colleagues to get a case related to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Peter never handled those cases, just in case someone decided it was a conflict of interests because he was related to Cuddy. That was why it had come as a huge surprise when his coworker had told him that he'd had a meeting with his sister-in-law. Julia was still in shock she hadn't known anything about it.

"You mean to tell me that your sister is working in Princeton again and she hasn't told us about it?" Arlene put away her mittens and rested her hands on her hips.

"Yes, mom, I've been trying to tell you that since I came in. And that's not all!" Julia went around the counter and retrieved a knife from one of the cupboards. She handed it over to Arlene, but she just cocked an eyebrow at her.

"It should cool down before we slice it" she reminded her.

"Right." Julia put the knife away "I did a little research and it turns out they actually bought a house there. Huge house. Like, 6 bedroom, 3 and a half bathroom and a huge garden kind of a house."

"They are moving?" the elderly woman was in slight shock. "Did you ask her about it?"

"Not directly, but she's not saying a thing. And I'm positive about the house, she was foolish enough to use our friend that's a real estate agent, meanwhile did you put cinnamon in it too? Adam doesn't like when you put cinnamon in it."

"I thought all my grandchildren love my apple pie the way it is?" Arlene's eyes searched for Adam and Sarah outside and she found them messing with each other again "And you should try a bit harder with them, they are going to turn out spoiled."

Julia tried hard not to let out an exasperated sigh. Her mom always had to criticize her on her parenting. Actually, she liked to criticize her on everything. Time to let her criticize Lisa. Lisa was always the one to get criticized, but ever since she had gotten back together with House, ever since they'd started living together and raising those two kids, her mom seemed to direct all her criticism towards Julia.

" They are leaving New York and they didn't tell us anything about it!" Julia tried to get back on the matter.

"There must be a good reason. I'll stop by their apartment this week" Arlene didn't seem angry at all. Amused and shocked, yes, but angry, no.

It made Julia a bit frustrated.

"Now, tell the kids to wash their hands while I put the pie on the window sill to cool down, will you? The dinner is already on the dining room table." Arlene smiled at her younger daughter picking up the pie and leaving the kitchen.

* * *

"Come on, Rachel" Ella pushed the stroller down the street and waited for the six year old to present herself on her side. She was always looking at things and wanting to go here and there. It made Ella a bit nervous, because she was always somewhat afraid that something would happen to her when she wasn't looking.

New York wasn't the safest city to be. And she loved the two kids she was babysitting very much.

She actually started thinking that she'd stopped considering herself as their nanny, it was weird, but she did feel like she was a part of that crazy family she was working for.

Her mom was almost never around anymore, currently she was in Maine taking care of her grandma, and she got to see her very few times a month. She'd stopped coming to House's apartment when Cuddy moved in, she'd never said anything, but Ella was sure that her mom didn't approve of the woman.

Most of her time Ella spent being with the kids, studying and going out. She sometimes fell asleep on the couch in House's apartment because she was exhausted from a night out, but House just found it funny.

She liked him, she really did. She didn't feel like he was her boss, she liked that. She liked that she could talk to him, even though he always gave her a hard time and would tease her about everything.

Dr. Cuddy was nice too.

She still didn't feel most certain about her, though. She wondered if the woman was capable of leaving again. That was her biggest fear- that she would run away and this time, take Thomas with her too. From what she'd heard had happened, that wasn't so impossible.

However, she had to admit that she could see that the woman that lived with House, the woman that he loved, was not the same woman that had come to live with him a year before.

She seemed to be a lot more tender and it was really evident in her interaction with kids. If Ella was certain about something, it was that Dr. Cuddy really loved Rachel and Thomas.

How much she loved House... well, that was between the two of them.

Rachel tugged on Emily's hand as she reached her side.

"Are we going to the park?" she asked and Ella noticed that she had a branch in her hair.

"Sweetie, you shouldn't tear branches, imagine if everyone did, what would our trees look like?" Ella ran her hand against the girl's face. She just smiled and removed the branch from her hair and held it in her hand.

"I'm going to wait to find a garbage bin to throw it away," tThe girl said in a cute voice only she could adapt.

"And I'm not sure we can go to the park, I have some studying to do and we should get your brother to sleep." They stopped at the traffic lights waiting for them to turn green. Rachel held onto Ella's hand like she had been taught to do so when in crowds.

It was Wednesday and both House and Cuddy were working full time. House had come home to have lunch with Thomas and Ella while Rachel had still been at school. He'd returned to work just before Ella had gone out to pick up Rachel from school, Thomas in tow. Cuddy wouldn't come back until late, later than 10 pm. Probably. Ella wouldn't see her,, she would be gone come seven. She had planned to go to the movies with her friends, just to unwind a bit.

"You can study in the park and Tommy can sleep in his stroller, please Ella, pleaaaaaaase!" she fluttered her eyelashes and Ella found it hard to resist.

She would miss them so much.

She didn't know how she would live a day without seeing their little faces when they move. Sure, they wouldn't be that far away but she couldn't lie to herself and pretend like everything was going to be the same.

If only there was a way that she could still be with them all and finish college.

"Ok, we'll go to the park." Ella smiled and Rachel grinned.

The light turned green.

* * *

"Mrs. Collins?" Estefana was folding some clothes with Diane in her apartment. She was supposed to make the transition from her current employer, House to Diane the moment the family moved to New Jersey. They'd offered her to come with them, but she couldn't leave her family. House had then come up with the idea of Estefana working for Diane who'd been whining about needing help around the house with her husband George working all the time and the new concert season that was in works.

Estefana would come twice a week to help Diane with housework, just because the woman was already too busy. And, besides helping her, the maid got to know her future boss a bit. So far, they were getting along well and they were both glad the arrangement seemed like it was going to work out for both of them.

"Yes?" Diane smiled at her soon to be maid.

"Do you think Doctor House and Doctora Cuddy will ever get married?" her accent was thick, like usual.

Diane was a bit surprised at her question. Well, she was asking herself the same thing, to be honest, but she was surprised that even household help would think about that.

"I … don't know" she was honest "I don't know Lisa that much and Greg, well, I usually wait for him to come to me with whatever is bugging him and I don't want to ask him too many things cause he can get defensive." She really didn't. Ever since Emily had died she was very cautious when it came to House. She knew he was still vulnerable, that he needed time and she let him be.

"They should. If only for those kids. And he loves her." Diane couldn't disagree. Greg really loved that woman. She could tell by the way he talked about her (when he talked about her), the way he acted around her.

She was sure now that he'd never loved Emily, not in the way he loved Lisa, anyway. It was clear to her now.

And they both loved those kids, Diane didn't know Lisa very well, but she knew her well enough to say she was a good mom. She took care of those kids better than anyone. And Thomas. Not everyone could just get over the fact that they were raising somebody else's child, but, she didn't care. Diane never saw her treat him differently than Rachel, she maybe even took care of him more. Maybe it was because he was just a baby, or maybe it was because she felt obliged to, since he'd lost his biological mom and all.

Anyway, it didn't matter.

Diane had been scared for Greg and Thomas when Emily had died, but she wasn't anymore. They were in good hands.

But then, Diane thought of something her maid hadn't mentioned.

"You don't think she loves him?" Diane's voice was almost flat.

"I can tell that he loves her. She seems cold sometimes. But she loves those kids." Estefana kept folding shirts and jeans. There was just so much clothes to fold! Diane hadn't washed them in ages and now that they'd washed them all, someone had to iron them and fold them too.

"I think she's still a bit cautious around us. She was inserted in this world of ours, like she was a replacement for Emily. And Greg, well, he didn't treat her the best before. I would be apprehensive too." Diane didn't try to find an excuse for her, she just realized that there was an explanation to everything that was happening. She wasn't sugar coating anything.

"I still think they should get married" Estefana smiled.

"Well, I'm sure that he wants to marry her. People like that... like Greg, who always seem the coldest, I think they are always the most vulnerable ones." Diane rested a pair of jeans on her lap as she thought of all the times Greg showed his soft side even though he didn't mean to. "He is the marrying kind. He didn't marry Emily because she needed a green card. She needed something meaningful after he'd fled New Jersey. He needed to feel like something would matter. Sure she got pregnant, he could've easily left her, but he didn't. He did the right thing. He needed and wanted to do the right thing." Diane sighed thinking of her best friend. Tears started brimming in her eyes as she started remembering Emily and her little pregnant belly walking in the concert hall every day for a rehearsal. " He is a good man. He doesn't want to be, but he is." She brushed the tears away and Estefana quickly handed her a handkerchief which she had, by chance, folded just a minute before.

"Thank you," Diane whispered.

"Your friend would be happy for them," Estefana smiled shyly at Diane and the woman gladly returned the smile.

"Yeah, she would be"

* * *

"Hello, mother," Cuddy tried to hide being surprised to see her mom standing at the kitchen door. The maid had had to let her in, but she hadn't heard the door bell ring. It was probably because she was busy feeding Thomas. He was currently sitting in his high chair his little fists clenching a blueberry bagel Cuddy made. It was Saturday and she had time to do something like that. She felt bad for not cooking, for not having time to do anything around the house, actually. She was so busy with work she could hardly breathe, but she knew she functioned the best under those kind of circumstances.

"Is that my recipe?" Arlene walked towards her and Thomas and when she reached them she placed a small kiss on the top of the baby's head. He giggled and raised his bagel at his grandma, like he was offering her some of it.

Arlene smiled. "Aren't we cute?" she patted the little boy's head. He was surely one of the most beautiful babies she'd ever seen. Sure, she found all of her grandchildren cute, but Thomas was, undoubtedly the cutest. The fact that he didn't have her genes seemed completely irrelevant. When it came to Rachel it was the same.

"Yeah, do you want one?" Cuddy brushed her hands on the apron she was wearing (she wondered if that was the reason her mom was looking at her strangely, she wasn't used to seeing her wearing one... ever) and turned around to get a plate and a bagel for her mom.

"Sure." Arlene sat down on one of the bar stools that were place around the isle counter and placed her purse on the other one. "Where are my granddaughter and my son-in-law?" she asked somewhat absentmindedly as she waved to Thomas who had his hands flailing up and down, his bagel long forgotten.

"They are going to be here any minute, they went to buy milk to drink with the bagels." Cuddy went around the counter and put the plate in front of her mother. "Here you g,o" she smiled nervously and turned back to tend to Thomas.

Her mom's unannounced visits always made her feel nervous because there was always some kind reason behind them.

"I thought the maid run the errands," Arlene took a bite.

She picked the Thomas up from his high chair and he laughed voicing 'Mommy'. Cuddy's face lit instantaneously.

"Yeah, she works Saturday's at Diane's now" Cuddy bit the inside of her cheek as she blurted out the words. Fuck.

"Why is that?" Arlene didn't cock an eyebrow in surprise and Cuddy was sure that her mom knew what was going on. "I must admit the bagel isn't half bad," she added.

Usually Cuddy would be thrilled to get any kind of approval from her mom, but now she couldn't savor the moment because she was too busy thinking about what was about to happen.

"We're back!" House yelled as he opened the front door and Rachel instantly ran towards the kitchen to find her mom.

"Hey, granny!" Rachel went to hug Arlene and Arlene laughed a bit. The six-year-old eyed the bagels that were sitting on the counter next to the stove and Cuddy caught onto her actions immediately.

"Wash your hands first" she pointed in the direction of the bathroom and the little girl exited the room with a small pout.

On her way out she almost bumped into House. His face turned to one of confusion as he saw Arlene sitting in their kitchen.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" They all knew he was sarcastic. He handed the paper bag that contained a bottle of cold milk and some other stuff to Cuddy.

"You didn't tell me that you bought a house in New Jersey and that you're moving there," Arlene would only wait to say something for so long.

"We're only looking for a house," House shrugged his shoulders and went to take a bagel for himself. Cuddy looked at him weirdly. "What, should I wash my hands too?" He cocked an eye brow at her, but then he realized that wasn't why she was looking at him like that.

"I bought a house" she turned her head, looking at neither her mom, nor House.

"Yof wfat?" House had just taken a bite and his mouth was full.

"I … put a down payment on a house one month ago" her eyes were directed to the floor.

"Wait, so, you don't know about it either?" Arlene didn't want to put fuel on the fire, but this wasn't a kind of situation you could avoid saying something.

"I'm sorry," she looked up at House who swallowed hard and tossed the bagel back on the top of the bunch.

"Arlene... thank you for coming," he said with no irony or sarcasm behind his voice. They all knew why he said it.

And one of them was particularly scared and devastated to what it might mean.

"I was meaning to tell you, it's just that-"

"Just what? You didn't find the right moment? 30 days or more of not knowing when to tell me?" Cuddy had followed House down the hallway and towards the master bedroom.

"It's not something that I could tell you easily," she protested, House had pushed the door open and they almost hit Cuddy as she was getting in at the time they were closing back.

"Exactly! WE were going to buy a house and this whole time I thought that we can't find one because you are a damn perfectionist, but it turns out, you're just a bitch!" House didn't even look at her, he walked towards the closet door, opened it and got inside. Cuddy again, followed him.

"It's not... House, listen to me!" She tried to squeeze herself in between him and the shelves, but he wouldn't let her.

"You bought a house on your own! All this time I thought that you changed, but you're the exact same as you've always been." he retrieved a huge navy suitcase from underneath the rack of clothes.

"House, you can't leave, not now" Cuddy chocked on her words. She didn't want him to go.

"I'm not leaving," he unzipped the suitcase "You are."

Cuddy's jaw dropped.

"You bought a house on your own, you can live on your own,." he was angry.

She somehow found strength to breathe in deeply.

"I'm not ready for us all to leave New York," she blurted out.

House hung his head in the middle of trying to get some of Cuddy's blazers off the rack.

"This is exactly why I never asked you to marry me," he mostly said it to himself but he didn't care that she could hear him.

She was confused.

"I was always afraid that you would run off again, that you would find a way to push me out of your life and blame me for something you can't deal with. And if we were married, you could take the kids with you." He dropped her blazers in her suitcase, with each one he threw in there, her heart felt like it was being pierced with a sharp object.

"I'm afraid that everything will fall apart and be like it always was between us when we were there." She blurted out again. It wasn't the time to keep anything away from him.

House finally looked up and searched for her eyes. There was a change in his attitude, as if his anger started to subside.

"Don't you think I'm afraid? I haven't been in New Jersey for almost four years!." hHe was still yelling though.

"See, THIS is our problem! We never talk about what's bothering us, and then, one fight and we're out from each other's lives again!" Her eyes weren't filled with tears yet, she was surprised herself. She was starting to feel angry too. If he felt that way, why hadn't he said a word about it?

* * *

"What's going on?" Rachel came in the kitchen to find her grandmother picking up her little brother, a baby bag placed on top of the counter.

"We're going for a walk." Arlene knew she had to get those kids out of the apartment as soon as possible. They didn't need to witness their parents fighting and possibly breaking up. She wouldn't let them have those kinds of scars.

Her daughter and House might have been idiots, but she wasn't going to let them fuck the kids up.

"Can I have another bagel?" Rachel asked, her puppy eyes face on.

Arlene hung the baby bag on one arm and held Thomas securely on her other hip.

"Sure, just get my purse, will you?" she smiled nervously at Rachel and they were soon out of the apartment and headed towards her house.

* * *

"I don't know if you've noticed the last twenty five years, but I'm not good with expressing myself!" he yelled at her again, his words drench with sarcasm.

"Don't blame me for trying to run away from an emotional cripple then!" their tones matched. Good thing they had soundproof walls, or their neighbors would have called the police to report domestic violence by then.

"Well, are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Trying to run away from an emotional cripple"

"N-no," she chocked out.

There was a moment of silence between them. She held her hand on one of the cupboards and breathed in deeply, realizing her heart was beating at an insane rate. House was holding one of the hangers in his hand.

"I love you," she said without any hesitation, without any premeditation and without thinking if it would mean anything else than what it was supposed to mean. "I don't want to lose you again."

Nothing but a sigh came from House.

"Please, say something," she begged, an action she dreaded, but not when it came to him.

"I don't want to go back to where we started." he gripped the hanger in his hand tight.

"Then... we won't," she took a step closer to him.

"Everyone always found a way to leave me, Lise. Stacy, the team... my father," he chuckled, "you... Wilson... even Emily. I can't-"

"I'm here. Wilson's here. Emily didn't want to leave," she didn't let him finish his thought. "I'm going to be here. I want this to work. I want it to work. I don't care what has happened. I don't care that I can't get pregnant and I don't care that Thomas is not my biological son. I don't blame you anymore for leaving me when I pushed you away. I am here, House,." she was determined, "I'm here, Greg"

House's chest tensed because he didn't let himself breathe normally. He was afraid he would break.

"Thank you," he hung his head again.

"No, thank you."

He looked up at her, confused.

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be alive and I wouldn't know life like I know it now. You saved me. Don't roll your eyes because it's cliché, I just can't put it any other way."

"We can't stay in New York," House scoffed. "I know you feel hunted by Emily's past"

"We can't go to New Jersey either,." she rubbed her eyes. "What can we do?"

House put the hanger back on the rack.

"I hear sun affects people positively and fights depression," he turned to her with a smirk on his face.

She smiled back at him.

She knew exactly what he was thinking and she liked it very much.

* * *

_Love you all! I hope I managed to compensate for the long wait! :)_


	39. For what it's worth: it's never too late

_OK OK OK, I am so very sorry that you guys are getting so late! I'm sorry I couldn't post it sooner, but with me changing states and going to college, it's been really hectic few months. This is the last chapter, sadly. I am so glad I finished it, though. :) I could've just let it sit there and forget about it, but I couldn't. Hope you enjoy it. :) Love you all, it's been an awesome and such a looooooooooong ride :) hopefully I'll see ya soon ;) Take care! And thank you so very much on all of your lovely reviews! And thank you, silent readers, as well :) !_

_Oh, one thing. I have to dedicate this chapter to Jasmin, my dearest friend ( Espenlaub if you want to follow a crazy Dr. Who fan with the love for Huddy 3 ) _

_There is no song to this chapter, only one long quote, which I have to thank Jasmin for inspiring me with it :) It's from the movie The curious case of Benjamin Button. :) It occurred to me that it fits perfectly, at least I hope :)_

_Oh, and for the last time, I do not own any of the House MD characters, or the show itself. (too bad :P)_

* * *

**_For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again._**

"Is that it?" Diane was faced with one really zoned out diagnostician. He was in a world of his own, so it seemed. She wondered what he was thinking about. It was his family's last day in New York and he was giving her the keys to the apartment. They weren't selling the place— they would need a place to stay when they came back to the East Coast.

Lisa had canceled the deal on the house she'd gotten in New Jersey and had sold the one she'd lived in for so many years.

They were determined to start fresh in California, away from all the pain and the past.

Maybe the past was just what was on his mind.

* * *

"So... I hope you like it," Emily smiled shyly as she put down the handle on her suitcase.

House's mouth was permanently opened while his eyes roamed the place they had just entered. The apartment was, least to say, magnificent. He had never imagined that he would end up living in a place like that. He had dreamed of it in his own crooked way, sure, those lonely nights had to be spent somehow, but reality had always been far from those.

"Exactly how loaded are you?" An amused half smile was playing on his lips as he started pacing through the apartment, peaking into every room. To check out all of them would take too much time.

"I thought we've been through this before," her voice got quieter and he reminded himself it would be a good idea to switch the subject and avoid opening Pandora's Box again. They'd been through the 'past and heritage' talk once and he agreed with her that they didn't need to go through that again. Neither one of them was really comfortable about it. Well, mostly he wasn't the one open for that kind of talk and she was actually someone that could understand and respect that. He was confused with her most of the time- after Lisa, no woman had really made any sense to him. Probably because Cuddy was the only one he actually understood most of the time and could relate to, and she was a mystery for the rest of humanity.

Emily kind of... grew on him, but he didn't really feel any real connection with her. Not that he was looking for it.

It didn't come as a surprise, but in a way, it made him sad. Sad, but sickly proud that he was right yet again- he would never be able to make it work with anyone. Pretending was his only shot.

For some reason, he was willing to try that one out.

After all, history was filled with tales of pretend marriages.

"What?" She caught him standing in the middle of the living room looking around with a knowing look on his face.

"This space here looks like it's missing a grand piano," he started spinning around in a circle, checking the free space that looked like it was ideal for one black, shiny piano and numerous nights spent composing gloomy tunes to match his mood.

"Actually, there was a grand piano there, but I sold it the last time I was here, it was terribly out of tune." She added, "I ordered a new one a month ago, you know, shortly after we decided to move here. It should be here later today, or tomorrow."

"Talk about being a kept man," House smirked. They didn't have much luggage, just their clothes. The place was almost done; it only lacked some bits of furniture Emily hadn't been satisfied buying online. He couldn't care less. He was actually very indifferent when it came to, well, pretty much everything.

He had one slightly bigger suitcase than he actually needed, it was more than enough for the few clothes he had and the medical books he couldn't go anywhere without. If it weren't for them, he probably could have carried a stick on his shoulder, like he'd fallen out of some old cartoon.

They'd spent most of the time in different hotels, mostly Ritz and Four Seasons, just because Emily was used to staying there. Before they'd met, House had stayed in some cheap motels, hotels. He couldn't really deny being with her had some, if not many, perks.

But somehow, that wasn't enough.

He didn't love her, he never would be able to. Somewhere deep down in his heart, he wished he could. He knew it would probably be a great idea, but, in House's world, it could never work like that.

It's the thought that counts, right?

Somehow, he knew that there had to be more when it came to being with someone. He just didn't know (and didn't want to) change.

* * *

"Greg?" Diane snapped her fingers in front of his face. "The keys." She smiled softly as, like her fingers, he snapped back to reality.

"Right." He searched his pockets and handed her a key chain with three keys on it. He kept looking at the keys as she was about to put them away in her purse and Diane picked up on it.

"Did you want the key chain?" she started searching for the keys in her purse and soon the shiny 'I heart NY' heart shaped key chain caught her eye.

"Y-" House took a deep breath and shook his head. "Nah, you can keep it." He still couldn't believe how much he'd actually changed over the few years he'd been in there, willingly or not. He smirked, that thought would have scared him all those years before.

But the past was just that, the past.

And it should stay right where it belonged.

Behind.

* * *

_I lied. There's an epilogue too. :P :D Did you really think I would've let this end like this? ;) See ya sooner than you think! :*_

_Hope you liked it, I really do!_


	40. Epilogue

_Thank you guys for this amazing ride... It's been so long since I first posted this fic, and I want to thank you all that kept reading it and supporting me :) I didn't feel like a craze with you guys out there :D I hope I gave them a solid chance of something real. When I look at the story from the beginning to the end, I feel like I can see myself growing with it. The chapters changed as I changed, when I was sad, the chapters were sad too, but now, you know, more than a year after that terrible turn of events (AKA the writers ruining the show by making everyone OOC... and then the season 8, which does not exist in my universe XD), I feel like I'm past being angry with how the things turned out. I'm not completely ok with it all, besides, we all put so much of ourselves into this crazy relationship and got nothing in return. That's not fair. Life's not fair._

_ But you know what, your life is your life, and you can make it anything you want._

_You should make it so that it would suit you, so you can be happy._

_Being happy isn't being excited and enthusiastic all the time. It's about looking at your life and feeling a sense of pride, that you did something, that you didn't live in vain. It's about looking back one day and saying, I've lived._

_Living fully, truly, letting yourself be hurt and accepting that that's just the part of this amazing thing that's been given us, the thing that so many take for granted- the gift of life._

_You're here._

_Make it count for something._

_And thank you._

_You've made me feel like this story means something, I couldn't ask anything greater from you._

_I hope this epilogue won't disappoint you. You certainly never disappointed me._

_(oh, and a warning- there's a lot written out here XD and I do not own the characters, or the show House MD)_

* * *

Epilogue

"Oh, and this too!" Cuddy said as she gave a bowl of cabbage salad for Rachel to take to the dining room. She was already holding a bowl of tomato and cucumber salad and was taken by surprise when her mom decided to give her another thing to carry.

"Mom, what's the rush?" Rachel got a bit cranky- they were the only ones taking care of the food and it wasn't that they weren't enough for the job, but it was the fact that Cuddy decided that they had to do everything at a Speedy Gonzales pace.

"I just want everything to be perfect." Cuddy smiled as she opened the oven to check on the pot roast. She wasn't going to have any of it, of course, but that didn't mean that she shouldn't make it for the guests and the rest of her family.

"If you wanted perfect, you never would've married dad," Rachel snorted. Cuddy's head popped up from the oven to give her a half-serious glare.

The teenager just shrugged her shoulders playfully and continued towards the big dining room. She often forgot how big their house actually was until they had a dinner party. Usually they didn't use the dining room. The isle counter in the kitchen was more than enough for the family of four, so when they had guests, their house suddenly seemed to have so many more rooms. Apart from the dining room, there was this lounge room that they almost never used, well, she didn't anyway. The only rooms she occupied frequently were the living room and her bedroom. And she often stopped by the office when she decided to mess with her dad. When he wasn't working, he was reading something there, sprawled over his recliner, or watching his favorite soap on the mini TV set that had just appeared there in an odd day.

Rachel made her way around the table for fourteen, the exact number of people who were there. She placed both of the salads on the table and looked around it, taking in all of their faces, like she was trying to store them in her memory just like that, all smiley and full of joy. Peculiarly, they were all honestly delighted to be there, unlike on some other occasions and she was happy that she got to witness them all like that.

There was her grandma Arlene, with her spouse of three years, Jonah, and they looked very happy. Rachel had never met her mom's father, but she thought of Noah as her grandpa. He'd come in their lives when she was eight, a year after they'd moved to California. Grandma Arlene had tried to hide him from them at first, but it hadn't been long until her dad had figured her all out. It had been a rather funny situation, but grandma Arlene wouldn't talk to dad for a while, because she'd believed he'd had no right to mess with her private life. It felt like it had been just a day before when Rachel had heard her dad gloating in their living room. She still got a kick out of it whenever she remembered the look on his face that day.

Then there were her aunt Julia and her husband. Their kids couldn't come for some reason, but Rachel was sure they wouldn't come voluntarily. They had never really gotten on well with the three of them. She wasn't bummed out about their lack of presence, because she'd always thought that they were all spoiled and full of themselves even though they had no reason to be.

Noah was 23 and working for some big company that no one knew what its business was, he was involved with some platinum blonde with more work done than Heidi Montag, that burnout star that had been popular when Rachel was born.

Adam, 21 and struggling to finish college, though every time someone asked him about it, he was bragging how he was the best student in his class, was currently on a tour with his indie band, opening for some supposedly highly-rated group. She'd never gotten the name of that group, but she was somehow sure that if she was to try and find out she wouldn't be too impressed.

Sarah was only a year older than her, 18, and even though they had gotten along pretty okay when they were younger, when they'd gotten into high school they'd drifted apart.

Sarah had been more interested in running after jocks while Rachel had been more into old movies and good grades. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in jocks too, but she let them chase her. She didn't have much time to waste on crying over stupid boys. That was how her dad liked to put it. And she was pretty sure that if she had cried over some guy, her dad would have made sure that the guy cried a gallon of tears more. It did bother her a lot that her dad was so overprotective, but she couldn't deny the fact that sometimes she was glad it was like that.

She had no problems with her aunt and uncle though, she could even say she liked them a lot. However, she did get to see them only a few times a year. Maybe that was a plus.

Grandma Blythe was calm, but always with a smile on her face. Rachel had to admit that she liked her better than grandma Arlene. She wasn't so theatrical and she seemed to care more about her grandchildren than Arlene. Maybe she was wrong, but she just felt that way. Blythe certainly had more time to be around them all, as she lived only 45 minutes away from them. She had suffered a mini heart attack five years before and mom had talked her into buying her a house not so close but not as far away as Baltimore. Just because it had been the perfectly rational thing to do since they were the only family Blythe had. Dad would never admit it, but it actually soothed him to have his mother around. Everybody could tell that her presence made him different, but in a good way. She could pursue him into doing stuff like no one else could. Sure, mom was really effective, but with grandma, it was like she worked some kind of magic on Dad that no one could explain.

Of course, there were uncle James and aunt Samantha with 10-year-old Hannah by their side. She liked them a lot. They came more often than the rest and they were her parents' best friends, so it was kind of natural that they all got along well. Hannah was Thomas's best friend, and she wanted to think they were going to get married one day and officially make them all family. She often had to remind herself that she had waaaaay too much time to think and make future scenarios in her head. Mom always said that she picked up on her father's creativity.

Diane and her husband sat next to each other, talking to uncle James and aunt Sam. They didn't come that often to California, but whenever dad and mom had some business in the East Coast, they made sure to meet them for lunch. Rachel was really amused that her dad would try so hard to keep in touch with someone, since he wasn't exactly the most sociable person ever. However, she did know that it all had to do with the time they'd lived in New York, and even though she had very little memory of that time, she remembered Diane well.

Dad sat on top of the table, opposite grandpa Jonah. Both seats next to him, on his left and on his right, were empty. Those were hers and mom's seats. Thomas was occupying the seat next to her and on the opposite side from Hannah, he was making little airplanes out of blue napkins their mom had so carefully picked out.

Rachel smiled as she saw her mom come in with the pot roast. The room was immediately bathed in a delicious smell, making water come out of the mouths of everyone present.

The content smile on her mother's face couldn't go unnoticed.

The only thing that was missing, the only one that was missing was Ella. Of course, she had a pretty good excuse not to be there- she was in the delivery room, with her husband John by her side, ready to pop out kid number three. They already had two year old twins, Mathew and Jane. They were the cutest things ever and were currently sleeping upstairs, in one of the guest bedrooms. Ella's mom wasn't going to make it that evening, she was going to take the first flight in the morning and be with her family, so naturally, mom had offered to take care of the twins. Dad was always the one to argue that she was this sucker for kids and that if it wasn't for him she would have probably opened a day care or something.

Mom always had a good come back for that, saying that he was the biggest baby of all and that he was a handful.

Sometimes Rachel wondered how on Earth they'd managed to stay married for ten years. She was glad that they had, though, and for some reason, the grown up part of the people occupying the room didn't find their marriage as strange as she did.

* * *

Cuddy sat down after placing the pot roast on the table and looked at the people surrounding her. Her heart filled with joy as she reminded herself how far she'd gone in the past … not ten, but twenty years. Her life had been turned upside down and it had turned out that it was meant to stay that way. She was always striving for perfection, chasing some poster life, but nobody could put it better than her daughter. If perfect really was for her, she would have never ended up where she was at that moment.

House got up slowly— the years hadn't really been too kind when it came to his leg. He felt good most of the time, but there were still days when he couldn't even get out of the bed and fought hard not to reach for that secret stash of Vicodin he still had. Old habits did die hard, but luckily in his environment, not all of them survived.

He was still not the employee of the month, even though he was the only employee in the practice. Maybe some things just weren't meant to be.

A few months later would mark eleven years since they'd moved to California and opened an independent practice. Cuddy ran Administration and took in patients. Practicing medicine seemed to be one thing that she hadn't known she missed in her life, but as soon as she'd started doing it, she'd realized that she should've gone back to it way before. However, Cuddy wouldn't be Cuddy if she didn't have too many things on her plate, so it was natural that she was still on the board of Princeton Plainsboro, going there once a month to check how everything was going. He wasn't so thrilled about it, but many times her visits to Princeton had ended with her finding him a weird and immensely interesting case to work on, which he'd gladly accepted, though she would never know as he'd torture her about it first and make her think that it had been the last thing he'd wanted to do.

When it came to their practice, it was kind of ironic how he had tried to run away from all the celebrities quitting his New York job, just to find himself overwhelmed by the amount of A list stars that turned up on their doorstep every month. The only good thing about it all was that he could actually pick which case he would take, though, some had had nothing to do with the mystery illnesses the stars had suffered. The gossip girl in him was still on the loose.

Moving all the way to the East Coast had really done them good. However, he would lie if he said that he didn't sometimes think about the life before the four of them. A life with Emily, a life without Cuddy, or life without any of them at all. A miserable life he never wanted to go back to.

"I'm not going to make a soapy introduction on how making speeches is not my thing..." he started. "But I guess I just did," he smirked, not really looking anywhere in particular. There was a low laughter coming from the rest. Even to someone that didn't know him, it would be obvious that he was a bit nervous. Which wasn't really normal for him, but then again, neither was making an anniversary speech.

"Anyway," he blew out a breath and raised his glass filled with the finest Scotch he could get his hands on and everyone followed him, raising theirs. "Here's to me surviving ten years married to the she-monster." He winked by Cuddy as everyone but her laughed at his words. Just as people were about to sip at their drinks he interrupted them. "Hold on, hold on," he held his hand up and turned to Cuddy, "and here's to you, letting me be who I am around you, without having to feel bad about it... most of the time."

Again, people laughed, but not Cuddy.

"And here's to Rachel and Thomas, hopefully, we didn't screw you two up completely. Cheers!" There was a massive 'Cheers' from the rest as they all finally sipped on their drinks and House lightly dropped back onto his chair. He caught Cuddy's stare and though his speech could have seemed like somewhat immature, they both knew it wasn't like that. He felt her hand on his under the table and he gladly laced his fingers with hers, squeezing her hand lightly, getting a reassuring squeeze back from her.

It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes.

It was them. That silent agreement, that acceptance of who they really were and what they meant to each other.

"Can we eat now?" Thomas asked getting a stare from his mom as he threw a paper airplane over at Hannah.

* * *

"Scram," Rachel mumbled, her eyes still screwed shut, as she tried to get her brother to leave her alone.

"Get up, Ella had a boy, dad and mom are going there now and you need to look after Matt and Jane!" Thomas sat on the end of her bed and jumped up and down in his seat trying to get her to get up.

"Great. A boy." She shifted on her side, trying to ignore Thomas. "You go look after them. I have to sleep."

"What, Peter stood you up or something?" he immediately picked up on his sister's lack of enthusiasm about the newcomer.

"No, Peter had a thing on the side the whole time we were dating," she said grumpily. "And how would you even know about him?" she finally realized what her brother was talking about and bolted up.

"Dad says you're lousy at hiding your diary," the boy laughed.

"I'm going to kill both of you as soon as I get enough energy to do it!" She let herself drop back on the bed.

"Rach, you really need to get up, I can't really deal with twins. At least help me."

"You better get used to that, I'm not going to be around to help you anymore," she yawned, her brother instantly picking up on it and yawning too.

Thomas pouted a bit. He was never a cry baby, but when it came to his sister, he wasn't afraid to show his emotions. They were really close and he was having a hard time thinking bout what his life was going to look like when she left for college.

She had always been there for him, ever since he'd been born she was there. And even though they argued a lot and got on each other's nerves most of the time, she was his best friend.

"Hey, buddy, you're going to be fine. With Mom and Dad working all day you're going to have this huge house all to yourself. And in a bit you're going to be chasing hot girls, and even more hot girls are going to chase you, you'll be glad that you have the pool all to yourself," she smiled tiredly. The truth was, she was going to miss him. He made her life so much more fun. Every time she had some sort of a crisis, some stupid school problem, or even more stupid boy problems, he was always there to cheer her up with his shenanigans.

"True, but I was counting on you to make us hot dogs and hamburgers," a huge grin covered his face.

"Chicks dig men that can prepare a decent meal, remember that." She stretched her arms over her head. "Just remember all the times Dad offered to make dinner and we lost sight of him and Mom for the rest of the evening."

"Don't remind me," he rubbed his hand over his face.

"Come here," she opened her arms and waited for him to hug her and come lie down next to her. She made room for him and soon they were both looking up to the ceiling, not saying anything.

"You really should go check on them now," Thomas was the first to speak.

"When they start crying, I'll get up."

Just as she said it, there was a cry coming down the hallway.

"They're really spoiled for three-year-olds." she grunted as she got up.

"Ella did the same thing for the two of us, though," she reminded herself and realized looking after the twins wasn't such a dreadful thing to do after all.

* * *

"You know, Dad, I could've just taken a plane" Rachel stared out of her window, nothing but fields of green and hay around them.

"And miss out on a six hour road trip with me?" House feigned hurt as Rachel just rolled her eyes at him. "We're almost there, an hour to go, you better enjoy it, who knows when you are going to have a chance to be in my awesome presence again" He half joked. The reason why he wanted to take her to college was because he was going to miss her. This, apart from the school trips and spring breaks, was the longest he was going to go without seeing her. Without having her next to him. He didn't have to shout it from the rooftops, but he really did love her and as much as it sounded cheesy to him, he couldn't imagine his life without her either. It was going to be hard for him, maybe even more than for Cuddy.

She was going to cry for days, probably, he was pretty sure the waterworks had started the moment they had left her eyesight. It was pretty much why he hadn't asked her to tag along with the two of them, they really didn't need to listen to silent sobbing for six hours.

Cuddy was going to cry, but it was going to help her. Unlike him who would probably store it somewhere in the back of his head until he snapped and took the first flight to Stanford and showed up in front of her room in the middle of the night, embarrassing her in front of the entire dorm.

"Dad, I'm going to be back for Thanksgiving, if not earlier, don't worry," and she actually knew him well, sometimes even better than her mother. He had to give her some credit for that.

"Don't be stupid and get pregnant." Just like she knew, he switched subjects after she said what she'd said.

"That isn't that bad actually, I hear they have really good benefits for the student moms," she decided to play his game. He knew that she was joking, but suddenly there seemed to be an alarm going off in his head making it hard to think of anything else but Rachel getting knocked up, so big- she was barely getting through the door to go to her classes.

"And don't bring home a Jew."

"Grandma Arlene would be so proud!" She turned in her seat and beamed at him.

"As I said, don't bring home a Jew."

They both burst into laughter.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Rachel spoke again.

"What if I totally suck? What if I won't be able to pick up on any of it and fail absolutely everything?" Unlike most of the time, her voice was really low and shy.

"You're not going to suck, you're a House. We don't suck, we rock. Failing is not our thing, even when you want to fail you can't fail." He tried to keep his eyes on the road, but it was hard not to look her way as he was talking. "I made numerous attempts to fail and still I ended up with your mom, you and your brother. Wait. Let's rewind that. When I think about it, maybe I did fail at life but just don't know it yet. Whatcha think?" He managed to steal a small smile from her.

"But I'm not really a House," her head dropped and she nervously started playing with her hair.

They were a little less than half an hour away from her college and House wondered how long she'd had that on her mind.

They had never kept it a secret from her that she had been adopted or that Cuddy wasn't Thomas' mother. He and Cuddy had both agreed that it was the best for them to be told the truth and not find out one day that their whole life had been a lie. House had adopted Rachel as soon as Cuddy and him had gotten married.

It had been one of the reasons he'd finally proposed to her too. He knew it was probably bad that it had taken him so long to find the courage to pop the question, but he'd promised himself that he'd do it when he'd felt for sure that it had been it. That she wasn't going anywhere, that she was there because she loved him, because she wanted to be with him. When she'd asked him if he'd wanted to make Rachel his daughter legally, he'd known that he'd waited long enough.

Cuddy had adopted Thomas as well. They'd changed Rachel's last name to House, so that she and Thomas would have the same last name and so that they would avoid any differences between the two of them. Cuddy had debated whether she should change her last name too, but House hadn't wanted her to. She was always going to be Lisa Cuddy for him, the strong and independent woman he had fallen in love with some distant 35 years before. She wouldn't really be that as Lisa House. She didn't need his last name for him to know that she was his. He felt like, even without being married, it would've been the same between the two of them. However, marriage had provided them with a sense of security they probably needed more than they thought. There was just something about the two of them and the way they had treated each other in the past that just had to be locked away somehow. What better way to do it than go to a court and have the state tell you you weren't going anywhere, well, at least not until you waste a shit load of money on expensive attorneys.

It was ironic to him how all of his problems seemed be solved the common way, the 'normal' way. He had spent his whole life running away from normalcy, just to find himself welcoming it, willingly or not.

"You've spent your whole life having the privilege of having me around, you're as House as you can get," he poked her on the shoulder, causing her to look up and snort.

"Yeah, privilege. I especially felt privileged the day after PTA meetings, when the head teacher would complain about you to me."

"That guy was a prick." House raised his right hand from the stirring wheel as he remembered some of the things the head teacher had said to him.

"That prick wrote the recommendation letter that got me into Stanford." Rachel cocked an eyebrow.  
"That's pretty much the only reason why he's breathing." said House, trying to look at the road but constantly failing.

After a short laughter, Rachel fell silent again.

"Look," House started, knowing she needed far more reassuring than what he'd given her "consider it a good thing that you don't have my genes. At least you can say that you aren't really related to that father of mine," the temperature in the car seemed to had gotten a lot lower.

"Your intelligence, your behavior, you in general, it doesn't all depend on your genes. Maybe less than fifty percent, and more maternal genes then paternal. Environment, the people that surround you and the mass media you're exposed to, that's what affects your personality in higher percentage. Nature versus nurture. That's science. And the House family, we love science, medicine especially."

"Dad, I'm not going to major in medicine," she knew him too well. He'd been pushing her into going to med school for a while, maybe push wasn't the right word, but you could say that he was highly promoting medicine to her. All. The. Time.

"Just saying." His eyes caught a speeding Ferrari coming the opposite way from them, passing them by in the blink of an eye. "God, I should get one of those."

"You've been saying that forever."

"Well, maybe now that you're gone for college your mom is going to let me have one. It was always her excuse that it wasn't a family car, and I'm pretty sure Thomas wouldn't mind squeezing his ass in the back." They were only some thirty miles away now.

"Mom really has you by your balls, dad," Rachel giggled as she fished for a bag of chips from the back seat. They packed so much food for the trip, it was enough to feed a small orphanage. Or the two of them. She had inherited House's love for food, amongst other things. Although she still thought about being adopted sometimes, she had to admit that she was her father's daughter. Sometimes even too much.

"Don't let her hear you, she'd think that I'm telling you bout what's going on between our sheets," he winked at her.

"Ew, dad!" Rachel wasn't feeling so crazy bout the chips anymore and she put them away, far, far away, as far as she could reach.

They were a few minutes away from the college when Rachel sounded again.

"Could you stop the car, please?"

"What's up?" House asked as soon as he found a place for them to stop. "Don't tell me you've changed your mind and wanna go back home, after this much driving, I'd at least want to see what the crazy ass college that accepted you looks like." She just rolled her eyes at him again.

"You want a pony?" A small smile played on his face, though, he was actually worried.

"I... want to thank you, Dad."

She caught him off guard, he was really confused.

He was about to say something, but she cut him off.

"I never … I could never ask for anything else. You've always been there for me... you gave me... you gave me a home," her voice was breaking, "You and Mom... you never made me feel like I didn't belong with you guys. You... accepted me, even though I wasn't really …" the tears started welling in her clear eyes. "...I wasn't really yours." Now she was going to make him cry too. But he wasn't going to cry. It just wasn't his thing, though on the inside he had to admit he was cotton candy soft, but he was just going to hold back, as he always did.

"You accepted me, Dad, someone else didn't want me, but you guys did... and now... I have this amazing life and I can't think … I can't think what would have happened if it wasn't for the two of you," her lower lip trembled.

"Technically, you should thank your mom because she was there from the beginning," he smirked again.

She put her hand on his and looked at him. Not letting him play any games anymore.

"Thank you," she voiced, "for letting me have the craziest, funniest Dad ever." her eyes drifted to one side and a smirk raised on her lips "Even though I regretted it a few times"

He couldn't do anything else but nod. So he did.

"Now, take me to Stanford, I have some tests to ace."

They both smirked, knowing she wasn't joking completely.

* * *

"Think she's okay? It's been three days, maybe I should call her." Cuddy bit the inside of her cheek as she wondered what was going on with her daughter.

"She's busy, leave the kid alone, she's fine," he grabbed her by her hand as she tried to reach for the phone that was on her nightstand. She just shot him a mean glare. "You'll thank me later," he grinned at her.

There was a knock on the door and Cuddy yelled "Why do you even knock?" before Thomas got in their bedroom, an obvious expression on his face.

"Because you two act like hormonal teenagers too often?" he shrugged his shoulders.

"Remind me to kill your father for making you end up with such a foul mouth," House just stuck his tongue at her and she rolled his eyes at him, reminding him Rachel got that move from her.

"What do you need?" House eyed Thomas suspiciously.

"I can't just come by my parents to say how much I love them?" He fluttered his long eyelashes at the two of them innocently.

"No." House and Cuddy said in unison.

"Fair enough." The twelve-year-old blurted out mostly to himself, "I saw this amazing go-kart online and I thought-"

"You thought why not go kill myself and tell Mom I want it?" House finished his son's sentence for him. "How many times do I need to tell you, you come to me first with those kind of things, and let me work mom round it." It was, theatrically, supposed to be said so that only Thomas could hear it, but only theatrically. "Because now, she can say-"

"Hell-to-the-no!" House threw his hand toward Cuddy as she started going on about how dangerous it was.

"I better go," Thomas pointed towards the door and slowly headed out.

"Better luck next time!" House yelled after him, as they watched him go.

"You do know that I'm probably going to get him one, right? Just so he could love me more than you," House turned the TV on, the one thing that she'd argued not to have in their bedroom but still it turned up on the wall opposite of the bed one day. There was just something about Gregory House, big, flat screen TVs and not listening to her.

"I guess that's what I signed up for," she raised her hand and looked at her wedding ring. She remembered the story House had told her some months after he'd popped the question. The story about the ring and how it had a mermaid's tear inside of it. A story about a girl that had risked so much to save it. The girl that had come all the way from Romania to America with only a dream and tales of her ancestors.

And in a way, she felt like that girl. She had left so much behind to find a better future, a better place for herself. She had risked so much, not knowing what was on her cards. And yet, she had ended up with more aces up her sleeve than she could imagine.

"Do you ever regret it?" he asked her, as he noticed her play with the ring in the corner of his eye.

"Should I lie?" she had a mysterious smile on her face.

"Do you need to lie?"

"Everybody lies," she loved using his own words against him.

"Shut up." his eyes rolled as he fought hard not to give his thoughts away by smirking.

"I don't regret it." she rubbed the ring lightly.

"Are you lying?"

"No." her eyes locked with his again.

"Are you lying now?" he eyed her suspiciously, just like he'd done with Thomas.

"Will you just stop it?" She started to laugh.

"Do I ever?"

"Don't make me start regretting it now," she grinned at him.

"You know, you never asked me if I regretted it," her grin was followed by his.

"Goodnight, House," she actually turned around and shifted her pillow towards her end of the bed.

"Goodnight, Cuddy," House put his hands to the back of his head, stretched himself out and turned his attention back to the TV.

"Are you going to turn it off?" her voice was kind of raspy, as if she had already slept for a few hours.

"I'm not tired yet."

"Oh, fuck me," she mumbled and put her pillow over her head.

"Well, if you're in the mood I'm turning off the TV this moment," he grinned again.

He found her ankle beneath the sheets and started shaking her, making her turn around to face him "Leave me aloooone" her was was shaky.

"You're the one that brought it up!" he shook her again.

"The research says that it's normal that once you get the TV in the bedroom, the amount of sex is cut in half. So, it's actually your fault," Cuddy put the pillow away from her head and used it to hit him on the chest, so he would let her go. It only resulted in House taking his pillow and hitting her back.

They started hitting each other and squealing in the process until Thomas happened to pass by their room and yell, "And you say you're not acting like teenagers!" causing them to burst out into laughter and fall back on the bed, trying to catch their breaths.

Cuddy turned to House and grabbing him by his T-shirt, brought him closer to herself.

"I thought the research says that it's normal for..."

She kissed him hard, cutting him off. "Screw research." She kissed him again. "We're far from normal anyway." He kissed her back.

And as he did, he thought about how glad he was that he wasn't afraid anymore. Glad that he had let her in his life, glad she had let him into hers. Glad that he was nothing his father had always said he'd become, glad that he'd been accepted by his family for every bit of his screwed up self he was.

And even though there had to be too many sacrifices made, too many lives lost and nights spent wide awake, he could see how it all hadn't been in vain.

Nothing made sense to him, and everything made sense to him.

Being the rational self he was, there was still one thing he couldn't grasp, but he had stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago.

He was glad that he'd realized that maybe, happiness wasn't really such a bad thing after all. (It was still a bit corny, though)

Mumbling in between kisses, Cuddy interrupted his thoughts.

"Are you going to turn off that TV or not?"

* * *

_For the last time, goodbye guys :) Hopefully, see you very soon. And thank you so much for sticking with me till the end!_


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